Chapter 2
HOLLY
Ten Years Ago
‘Were you just going to leave?’ Paul skidded to a halt beside my car as I loaded the boot with my things.
I winced. I’d deliberately packed up my car at dawn to avoid any awkward goodbyes. Behind me, my mum remained inside our cottage, refusing to come out to see me off.
‘I thought it was better this way,’ I told him as I closed the boot and reluctantly faced the disappointed expression on his face.
‘You’re acting like we’ll never see each other again,’ he said, shaking his head.
Even though I was tall, Paul still was taller.
He was slim too, willowy and unable to grow any facial hair, which he hated.
He had dark, floppy hair that was always over his dark eyes, and he lived in beanie hats even when it wasn’t quite cold enough to need one.
‘You’ll be back in the holidays, right?’ There was hope in his voice.
I put my hands in my pockets to stop me reaching out to him. ‘I don’t know; I’ll have to see how it goes. I’m going pretty far away and it’s not like anyone will want to see me.’ I hated the bitterness in my voice but the last two years had been hard going.
‘I will, Hols,’ Paul said then, adjusting his beanie, a sign that he was nervous, I knew.
‘I’m sorry. You know I need to get away.’ I glanced back at the cottage I’d lived in for my whole life. ‘Things are so rubbish with my family, everyone talking about us… and besides, this was always my plan. It was yours too at one point.’
‘Yeah, I know.’ He looked away. ‘Maybe I’m not as brave as you.’
‘Maybe you’re braver, actually,’ I replied.
I wasn’t sure if I was heading for new opportunities or just running away.
‘We’ll keep in touch,’ I promised wildly, unsure if I meant it or not but a lump was rising in my throat at the thought of never seeing him again.
For as long as I could remember, Paul had been part of my life.
Paul nodded. ‘Of course we will. Shall we?’ He held out an arm awkwardly and I slipped into his embrace. It was quick and tight and afterwards, Paul wouldn’t meet my gaze. We didn’t hug much. Something that was both hard but also a relief. ‘I’ll see you, Holly.’
He walked away then, not looking back.
He missed the tear rolling down my cheek. ‘Bye, Paul,’ I whispered into the breeze.
I glanced back at my cottage and saw the curtains flicker.
My mum had been watching. We’d had so many rows about me leaving over the past few months.
I knew she didn’t want me to go, just like Paul didn’t.
But I couldn’t let myself stay. If I didn’t leave now, I never would and I wasn’t going to end up like my mother.
I climbed into my car and I looked back once at Birchbrook before I drove away, knowing I wouldn’t be returning anytime soon.