Chapter 15
PAUL
Holly was quiet on the way back and I wanted to apologise for cutting our time together short but I didn’t know how to spend time with her without blurting out how hard I’d found it to chat about our past again.
To remember the fun we’d had together. It just brought back the hurt that had followed it all.
As we approached Birch Tree Farm, she turned to me. ‘I haven’t gone to see my mum yet; is that really shitty of me?’ She blurted it out like she’d been thinking about it since we’d got back in the car.
‘Why haven’t you seen Donna?’ I asked instead.
‘It’s often awkward between us. We never really got back on track after I left town.
And she didn’t like coming to the city to see me and couldn’t understand why I didn’t want to come home.
Now I’m back but still… the thought of walking into our cottage worries me.
I guess I feel like it became a symbol of everything I wanted to get away from. ’
I tried not to wince, thinking that I was also one of the things she had wanted to escape. ‘You could meet her somewhere neutral first; she comes into the café a lot. Why don’t you have coffee together and then you might feel better about it?’
‘I knew you’d have a good suggestion! I wish I was as close to her as you are with your parents.’
‘Hmm.’ I thought about how much I had taken my anger and frustration out on them through the years. Telling myself they were making me stay in my small town and work in the café. I knew deep down, they’d support me whatever I wanted to do, though. ‘I haven’t always been fair to them.’
‘Yeah, I know what you mean,’ she said as we pulled back onto the farm’s driveway.
Suddenly, I wished I’d taken a longer route back.
‘I think you’re right,’ Holly said. ‘I’ll meet Mum in town first and build up to going home.
Things are so busy anyway, this will be easier.
Thanks, Paul. Your ice rink contact has really saved the day.
Willow was freaking out that she wouldn’t be able to live up to her promises about the winter wonderland. This will help no end.’
I parked outside the farmhouse. ‘Willow can get carried away for sure.’ I smiled.
Although she often had too big dreams and could be bossy, I admired how she was so passionate about her family home and business, and she had been good to the café too.
‘She’s loyal, though,’ I added. I knew if anyone needed her, she’d be there. And that counted for a lot to me.
Holly looked away. ‘I can see that. Well, I’ll be in the café more this week, I’m sure.’
I nodded. ‘Yeah, see you.’
She just nodded, yanked open the door and jumped out.
I watched her go into the farmhouse and then I banged my fist hard once on the steering wheel before I started the car again and drove back towards home.
Being around Holly was making me feel things again.
And I didn’t like it. The problem was, the thought of stopping seeing her felt impossible.
* * *
It was Thursday and the weather outside was grim.
Rain came down in thick sheets outside the café.
It was late afternoon and the school rush was over so my parents had gone home as they wanted to do baking for tomorrow.
I’d told them I would be fine on my own for the last hour before closing.
The rain seemed to be putting people off.
The only table filled was close to the window, taken by Willow, her best friend Sabrina, and Willow’s cousin Daisy, who was a couple of years older than us.
‘Okay, so, you’re thinking that you want a holly archway,’ Daisy said. She worked with Mary, who owned the flower shop, creating floral displays for events.
I was trying not to listen to their conversation as I leaned on the counter to look at my phone, but my ears pricked up at the word ‘holly’. I wondered if they would mention her but I realised they were talking about winter foliage.
‘I think that would look great with fairy lights – one flower arch at the opening of each polytunnel,’ Willow said.
‘We’re going to decorate lots of Christmas trees, we thought we could fill a tunnel with them.
I’m still figuring out how to build a Santa’s grotto in another tunnel.
Holly suggested we use the old shed we have in our barn.
I’d also love to have a real Santa in there.
But finding someone in December at this short notice is like finding a needle in a haystack. ’
They all giggled at that.
‘I’m already working on the signs,’ Sabrina said. She’d helped her friend out at past events by making wooden signs with cool artwork on. ‘And it’s great news about the ice rink.’
‘Holly said it was all thanks to Paul,’ Willow said, turning in her chair and waving to me. ‘I told Holly it must be down to her. Paul wouldn’t go to so much trouble just for me,’ she said loudly so I could hear every word.
‘I know what you’re like when you don’t get your own way,’ I said curtly, wishing they would stop looking at me like they knew something I didn’t.
Willow shrugged. ‘Holly reminded me that you didn’t used to be so antisocial so I’m going to ignore that little dig,’ she said airily.
I waited a beat but couldn’t stand it. ‘What did she say?’ I called over.
‘She was surprised by your grumpy reputation as you used to be fun,’ Willow said, her lips twitching like she was trying not to laugh.
I straightened up. ‘Hey, I’m still fun.’
‘I heard you muttering under your breath at the pumpkin patch that you wished the pumpkins would explode over everyone!’ Sabrina pointed out.
Daisy snorted. ‘And what about the night of the Halloween lantern walk? You complained we were all walking too slowly, and you took the shortcut to the pub!’
‘All valid points,’ I said. ‘People at the pumpkin patch were being too demanding about how fast I could make a pumpkin spiced latte and the walking was too slow, it was freezing and I wanted a beer.’
‘Well, I don’t know went wrong from school, but you definitely can be cranky now,’ Willow said with a chuckle. ‘Still, I can’t fault how much you’ve helped the farm over the past couple of years and you knowing about the ice rink hire company was a stroke of brilliant luck.’
‘The ice rink is like my second home,’ I said with a shrug but it was nice to be appreciated even if they did think I could be grumpy. I had to admit to myself I had played up that part of my persona. Maybe to keep people at arm’s length.
‘You’re a contradiction,’ Daisy said then, looking over at me. ‘Antisocial but helpful, complaining about the town but loyal to us all around here. Saying you hate being stuck here but never leaving.’
‘Can you not try to be my therapist, please?’ I said, turning away from them, annoyed that they were getting under my skin. I didn’t like the fact she was right – I didn’t seem to be able to leave this place. Holly must have thought I was such a loser for staying in Birchbrook.
‘He could be cute too,’ Sabrina added then.
The other two giggled. ‘I’m telling Bradley,’ Willow said, referencing Sabrina’s husband.
‘I’m just saying, Paul…’ Sabrina added in a louder voice. Reluctantly, I glanced back at them. ‘Some women don’t love a scruffy bread.’
‘Oh yeah, I heard Holly telling you that,’ Willow agreed.
‘I like Blake’s stubble,’ Daisy piped up, talking about her husband. ‘But you’re right, a full-on beard has never been my thing.’
‘I wonder what Paul would look like without one…’ Sabrina said then.
The three of them studied me.
‘Jesus, stop staring at me,’ I said, shaking my head. ‘I need to close up.’
‘We have half an hour yet!’ Willow cried. She tilted her head. ‘I remember what you were like when you were younger. I think you’d look good without it. Younger maybe.’
‘Great, you’re saying I look old now.’ I scratched at my beard, wondering why I was even paying them any attention.
‘And your hair is a bit long,’ Daisy added. ‘Do you have to always wear a beanie?’
‘He can’t not wear a beanie,’ Sabrina told her, shocked. ‘He always does!’
‘What if Paul got a makeover and became a heart-throb?’ Willow joked, dropping me a wink.
‘I’m telling Dylan,’ Daisy said, laughing.
‘Not for me but I know a few single ladies in town,’ Willow replied, laughing along with her.
‘Enough,’ I snapped.
‘Sorry, Paul,’ Sabrina said as they all stopped laughing finally. ‘Holly just got us thinking, that’s all. About what you were like at school and about your beard. Don’t mind us. You know we love you!’
I rolled my eyes. ‘Right, I’m going to clean up,’ I said, walking out to get the mop.
‘Wait, I wanted to ask you about decorating the café van for Christmas when you come to the winter wonderland…’ Willow called after me but I ignored that. I was most definitely not decorating the café van in tinsel or whatever she had in mind. Serving festive food and drink would have to be enough.
I passed by the mirror in the customer toilet. I tried not to think about what they had said about my potential to become a heart-throb. Someone single ladies might like.
And I especially tried not to wonder if one woman in particular could think of me that way.