Chapter 21
HOLLY
What a twenty-four hours. I hadn’t felt so much in such a short space of time for years.
When I walked into Birchbrook Café on Sunday morning, my eyes found Paul immediately.
He was lifting a piece of plasterboard from the floor while calling out instructions to his dad, who was carrying in a ladder.
He looked like he’d slept as badly as me with dark circles under his eyes.
He wore jeans and a jumper, his beard rough and his hair tousled out of its usual beanie.
He looked both younger but also older somehow.
Like the weight of the world was on his shoulders but also like he had a fire inside him to sort out what had happened.
He looked completely capable somehow, and I admired that about him because right then, I felt the utter opposite of that.
Willow had called out to me that Mary had phoned her about an emergency at the café.
She said that she and Dylan were heading over to help and I hadn’t hesitated; I’d jumped out of bed and joined them.
No matter what had happened between us last night, this café had been a sanctuary for me growing up and I had to help Paul if I could.
We all worked together to clear up the mess.
Paul and his dad with Dylan’s help patched up the hole in the ceiling with plywood, needing to call the insurance company for a more permanent fix.
That stopped the rainwater from coming in finally so then we cleaned up the café, getting rid of the rainwater and debris from the ceiling collapse as well as removing a broken table and chairs that the ceiling had landed on.
They then tried the electrics but a fuse had blown and the lights weren’t working so Paul went out the back to sort that out.
‘You should all take some food with you; we’ll have to shut for a few days and it’ll be ruined,’ Female Pat told us, and started to box things up. ‘I can’t thank you all enough for coming in to help us.’ She looked understandably frazzled. I’d always seen her so calm but this had clearly upset her.
‘You don’t need to thank us,’ Willow told her. ‘You’ve helped me at the farm so many times. Remember the storm we had a couple of years ago? We help each other out around here.’
I watched their interaction and realised that Birchbrook had changed.
It was a strong community and everyone was there for one another.
It was lovely to see. I didn’t even know my neighbours’ names in the city, unfortunately.
I watched Female Pat give Willow and Mary both a hug.
I suddenly wished that I’d leaned on people more when my dad left.
Instead, I had retreated into my shell, thinking that everyone was talking about us and not wanting to admit I was struggling to deal with it.
The only person I had confided in had been Paul. I’d even shut my mum out.
‘Exactly right,’ Male Pat said, putting an arm around his wife. ‘We’ll fix it all, don’t worry, darling.’
‘I hope so,’ his wife replied, biting her lip. She leaned against him for support and he dropped a kiss on her forehead.
My heart tugged and my feet seemed to move of their own accord as I walked out the back to find Paul holding a torch as he tried to fix the fuse box.
‘I’m sorry,’ I said, hoping that word might encompass everything that was going on.
Paul looked at me but then went back to the task at hand. ‘Definitely not what I wanted to wake up to.’
‘Yeah. But also for last night,’ I said as he clearly thought I just meant the café flooding.
I’d tossed and turned all night wondering why Paul’s lips on mine had caused me to lose my shit so spectacularly.
I leaned against the wall as he fixed the fuse, shut the box and reached for the switch, the room flooding with light. I squinted. ‘It was so unexpected.’
He let out a hollow laugh. ‘You can say that again.’ He wouldn’t look at me. ‘It’s fine, Holly. Like you said last night – it was a mistake.’ He was heading for the door, but before I could stop him, a man walked in.
‘What a shitshow, mate,’ the man said, not noticing me at first. He was much shorter than Paul, with long hair, and was wearing overalls. ‘Saw the commotion and came over from the shop.’
‘Craig runs the DIY shop,’ Paul said to me. ‘This is Holly; she’s working at Birch Tree Farm.’ Paul gestured between us. I tried not to wince at the introduction. Was that all I was to him now? ‘It’s going to take a few days to sort out.’
Craig nodded at me but then turned back to Paul.
‘Maybe this is a blessing in disguise,’ he said.
‘You’d have to knock the price down a bit but you guys could sell the place now, your parents could retire and you could get out the hell out of Birchbrook.
In fact, maybe I’d be interested; it would be better to be able to live above my shop. ’
‘They wouldn’t sell the café,’ I burst out indignantly. Then I looked at Paul, my confidence faltering as I remembered Willow and Dylan saying Paul acted like he hated the town and wanted to leave. ‘Would you?’
‘You always talk about moving on, mate,’ Craig said. ‘I’d give you a fair price.’
‘Love…’ Paul’s mum came in then. ‘Well done on getting the lights back on. Oh, hi, Craig. Holly. I’ve made teas and coffees for everyone. This is probably all we can do for now,’ she said, oblivious to the tension in the room.
‘Yeah, let’s leave it for now,’ Paul agreed.
‘We’ll be out in a sec, Mum.’ He waited for her to go back into the café before turning to his friend.
‘I’ll have a think about it, mate. And talk to my parents.
Thanks for coming over. I’m sure I’ll be coming into your shop tomorrow to fix all this, after I’ve called the insurance company. ’
‘Good plan. I’ll head off. Nice to meet you,’ Craig added to me before leaving too.
‘You’re thinking about it?’ I asked Paul in surprise.
He finally looked at me. ‘I thought you hated Birchbrook and were shocked I was still here.’ He shook his head. ‘I can’t win. You made me feel crap for not moving to the city too and now you’re looking like I’m crazy for entertaining the idea of us selling the café.’
My mouth opened in surprise. He felt crap for being in Birchbrook?
I hadn’t meant him to feel like that at all.
Maybe I had pressed the point that he had talked about leaving with me but that was only half the reason I had broken off contact with him.
‘Maybe I was surprised to find you still here but now I’ve been back for a week, it makes complete sense.
Seeing you out there with everyone – you’re part of this community. You belong here.’
‘That feels like a criticism from you. You love living in the city. You’ve made this great new life for yourself there.’
I flinched. I hadn’t been honest with him and that didn’t feel good.
‘It’s not all great, Paul. There’s a lot going on right now that I’m trying to deal with.
Things aren’t working out exactly like I hoped they would,’ I admitted, uncomfortable with him believing I was a big success.
I sighed. ‘My company isn’t doing that well.
In fact, that’s why I came here. I had to take Willow up on her offer to work here otherwise I would have lost my business. And probably my apartment as well.’
Paul’s eyes widened. ‘Seriously?’
‘Yeah. It hasn’t been a dream come true leaving Birchbrook; I don’t want you thinking that it has been. Paul, I’m sorry about how I ran off last night; it was just such a shock. And it brought up a lot of things for me that I’m not sure I can handle right now.’
He nodded. ‘It’s fine. We don’t need to talk about it any more. I’m sorry about your business. I hope things work out with the winter wonderland, I really do.’
I hated that there was suddenly this awkwardness between us again. I had loved reconnecting with him last night. And that kiss kept replaying in my mind, it was that good. But now I’d put a barrier up and I had no idea how to lower it again. ‘I want us to be friends,’ I said lamely.
‘Sure.’ He moved to the door. ‘I need to go back out there. I’ll see you around.’
He left me and I let out a puff of air. I had a feeling I’d messed that conversation up big time.
But I didn’t know what to say or how to change it because I couldn’t kiss him again.
It scared me how good it had felt to finally kiss.
His lips seemed to fit mine perfectly. Teenage Holly had screamed with joy inside me.
But adult Holly had overthought the whole bloody moment and ran away like she always did.
I trailed after Paul. Everyone was huddled around hot drinks while the rain had finally eased outside and the new day was starting with bright light. I wished it was a symbol that there might be calm after the storm but it felt like the storm had only just started.
‘Shall we head back to the farm?’ Willow asked me.
I looked at Paul. He was sipping a coffee, staring outside, deep in thought.
He’d called our kiss a mistake but he had seemed just as into it as I had been.
I wondered briefly what might have happened if I hadn’t broken it off.
But it was better this way. I was only in Birchbrook for a few weeks and we had been apart for ten years.
We would be fine keeping our distance while I was here.
We had to be.
‘Yeah, let’s go,’ I told Willow, looking away from Paul. I needed to focus on building her a winter wonderland that would save my business and make her farm the talk of the town, and then I’d go back to the city and forget all about Paul.
That felt like the only plan that made any sense, so why did it feel so wrong?