Chapter 35
PAUL
‘I don’t know how you’ve talked me into this!
’ Holly cried as she leaned against the café van while I shut up the hatch for the night.
Her cheeks were pink from the cold evening and she had wrapped a green scarf around her neck that made her eyes look even greener.
She smiled though and I knew that there wasn’t much I wouldn’t do to get her to smile.
‘I’ve let you get away with not skating for far too long, Holly Wynter,’ I replied.
‘I’ll be terrible,’ she said, biting her lip.
‘I told you – I won’t let you fall.’ I wondered if she knew I meant more than just ice skating.
‘There’s no one out here now. Just you and me.
’ In a lull earlier, I’d stepped over and talked to the guys running the rink.
I knew them vaguely through Elliot and Lewis and I’d asked them if I could skate for an hour after they left for the night, promising to cover everything up once I was done.
They agreed and I said I’d buy them a beer when we were next in the Birchbrook Arms together.
‘I think it went well today – Willow seemed happy but she was so tired that we didn’t get long to chat,’ Holly told me as we strolled over to the rink, me holding a pair of ice skates in each of my hands.
It meant I couldn’t take hold of her hand again like I wanted to.
The lights of the winter wonderland were still on.
‘I said she should go inside and relax with Dylan and his family, and we’d talk first thing tomorrow.
I said I’d shut up everything for the night after I met up with you. She was really grateful.’
I nodded. ‘You did the right thing. She takes on too much; she’s just so passionate about the farm.’
‘Like you are with your café,’ Holly said.
‘I’m getting there, yeah. And you with your business.’
‘If I still have one,’ Holly said then she shook her head. ‘I need to stay positive. How did your day go in the café van?’
Inside, I bristled about her old boss. I hated that man even though I’d never met him.
Trying it on with Holly then punishing her for turning him down – it was beyond low.
I knew she wanted to handle it herself but I wasn’t sure if I could keep myself away from the man when he made her look this defeated.
I tried to change the subject and show her how much she had achieved here in Birchbrook.
‘We made a good start serving things from the van; all the cakes sold out. The hot chocolate was especially popular. And the customers said they’d really enjoyed coming here today.
They will spread the word, I’m sure. Once schools break up for the holidays, things might get manic around here.
’ It had been a long day all round and I was tired but I knew this was the lull before it got crazy, so tonight was a good opportunity to have some time on my own with Holly before that happened.
Plus, every quiet moment had me thinking about our kiss under the mistletoe.
That hadn’t felt like a kiss between two people happy to just be friends.
But I also knew that the closer we got to Christmas, the closer we got to Holly leaving again.
‘But I guess you won’t be here then, will you? ’
‘The plan was to make sure things were running smoothly and then I would go back to the city,’ Holly replied slowly and quietly.
‘Willow asked me to stay on for a few days to make sure there are no teething problems. But I don’t know…
she mentioned there is the tree-lighting ceremony in town on Friday.
She’s closing up here early as so many people will be going to it. I hadn’t realised that still happened…’
I grinned. ‘No one in town would give that up or the Halloween lantern festival. People are so stuck with those traditions, it took a while for Willow to get people to come to her events but they’ve proved to be great additions to how we celebrate the seasons here.’
‘You celebrate the seasons?’ she asked with a sly look at me.
‘I’m forced to participate,’ I amended but I shrugged because as long as I had a relaxing beer afterwards, they weren’t too bad. ‘It brings the whole town together; you should be part of it this year.’
‘I never thought I’d be part of anything here again,’ she said, looking ahead with a wistful expression on her face. I longed to know if she was enjoying being part of it all or was counting down the days until she could get out of here.
‘You are,’ I said simply. I nodded to the ice rink ahead. ‘And now you’ll be part of the outside skaters at Christmas club.’
That made her smile, I was pleased to see. ‘That’s a mouthful.’
‘Yeah, let’s not put it on a T-shirt. Are you ready to get on the ice?’
‘You might regret this,’ Holly warned.
‘I doubt it,’ I muttered. I wanted any excuse to be able to hold her, and this was perfect.
Even with her imminent departure, I still couldn’t stop myself from wanting to kiss her again.
Would I ever regret reconnecting with my old best friend in a way I thought would never be possible? Fuck, no. ‘Let’s get our skates on.’
She groaned. ‘That’s terrible.’
‘You love my puns,’ I replied with a wink. She giggled a little bit, proving me right. I held out the skates I’d brought for her before perching on the bench by the rink to put mine on.
‘How do you have these?’
‘I ordered them from , guessed your size,’ I said as I tied my boots.
‘Why?’
Glancing up, I saw Holly had frozen and was staring at me. ‘Because I wanted you to skate with me and these are better than the ones they rent out. Like mine.’
‘What if I’d said no?’
We locked eyes. I wanted to say something else but instead, I went with a lame joke. ‘I would have saved them for another woman to impress.’
She rolled her eyes. ‘No wonder you’re single.’
‘Takes one to know one!’
‘Yeah, who would put up with us?’ She looked at me again and this time, her cheeks flushed.
‘Good point,’ I replied, continuing the joke even though I was tempted to say we could easily put up with each other. ‘I snapped at Willow earlier; I bet she’s pissed off with me.’
‘She’s used to it,’ Holly said with a laugh.
I winced even though she was teasing. ‘I don’t want to be known as being rude to people…’ I stood up, adrenaline pumping at the thought of getting back on the rink but this time with Holly by my side, something I’d wanted for years.
‘You weren’t like that when we were younger,’ she remarked as she stood up too and wobbled.
‘Here.’ I held out a hand and she hesitated for a second, but then she closed her fingers around mine and we stepped gingerly over to the gap that formed the entrance, hovering by the ice, not quite ready to step on it yet.
‘Maybe I felt like life had screwed me over so I took it out on people around me. The thing is, I’m starting to realise I’m right where I am supposed to be. ’
‘You are?’
‘I’ve been fighting this life I’m living and I’m not sure why. I thought I should want more maybe, or maybe once I did want more, I don’t know. But I’m happy here now, Hols.’
She nodded. ‘I can see that,’ she said softly. ‘I think I always knew that you wouldn’t leave with me,’ she added, staring at the ice and not at me.
‘I felt like a failure when I didn’t get into university and I’ve been ungrateful ever since, acting like I got stuck here, but look around – who wouldn’t want to be stuck here?
I just wish I hadn’t lost you.’ I let go of her hand and stepped onto the ice, turning to face her.
I held both hands out. ‘Take my hand and let’s get you on the ice. ’
‘I wish I hadn’t lost you either,’ Holly said before she lifted her hands and gripped mine tightly.
Her words warmed me up from the inside out. ‘It’s pretty great we’ve had this second chance,’ I said, holding her tightly and giving her an encouraging nod as she gingerly shuffled forward to join me on the ice. Her legs trembled a little but I made sure I held up her upright.
Holly clung to me as she tried to straighten up. ‘This feels weird…’
‘I’ve got you,’ I promised. ‘Let’s try and move a little bit, okay?’
‘I’m scared,’ she blurted out.
‘Don’t be,’ I told her and I started to move backwards just a little bit, pulling her slowly along with me.
She gasped as we moved. ‘Like this,’ I said, showing her how to glide across the ice.
A chilly wind whipped around us but the dark sky above was clear.
The night was lit up by both the stars and the glow from the Christmas tree and fairy lights around us.
It was so quiet out here. Just the two of us.
A moment that I would have killed for when we were teenagers. I wanted to hold Holly all night.
I let go of one of her hands after we’d gone around the rink a couple of times.
‘Let’s try skating side by side.’
I moved around so we both faced the front and started skating slowly. Holly still clung to my hand and watched the ice but she was moving on her own more now. ‘How do you feel?’ I asked.
‘Still nervous and wobbly but I can’t believe I’m moving on the ice!’ She managed to glance at me and gave me a wide smile.
My heart gave a little lurch. ‘You’re doing great.’
‘I wish I’d come on the ice with you sooner.’
‘Kind of surprised you agreed to it tonight.’
Holly was quiet for a couple of minutes and I thought she wasn’t going to reply but finally, she broke the silence.
‘I’m trying this new thing where I don’t just run away from what scares me or that I find difficult or challenging – especially in my personal life.
I started my own business and had to deal with all that shit with Grant and it’s been hard but I’ve also thrived on the challenge.
I was worried that I’d failed, that it was over before it had even properly started, but I got a second chance here with Willow and this winter wonderland, and I want to seize that opportunity.
I don’t want to say no to things like I used to.
Because look what happens when I say yes.
’ She gestured around us with her free hand but that made her lose her balance; she wobbled then stumbled on the ice.
I grabbed her around the waist and held her up.
‘Oh,’ Holly breathed out shakily as our eyes met.
‘Thank you,’ she said breathlessly. She put her hands on my shoulders to steady herself as I gripped her waist. I found myself swallowing hard and she tracked the motion.
Her eyes glanced at my lips then quickly back up to my eyes.
The light behind her gave a warm glow to the skin, which coupled with the cold wind and the skating, made her look pretty as hell.
She looked brighter than I’d seen her since she arrived in Birchbrook.
I realised then I’d missed the slow change that had happened while she was here – the dark circles under her eyes had eased and both her eyes and skin looked brighter.
She was dressed more casually and the tension in her shoulders had eased, along with how she’d found it hard to meet the gaze of people she was talking to. Now her head stood taller.
‘You didn’t let me fall,’ she whispered then.
‘I never will,’ I promised her wildly then as we still clung to each other.
‘You can’t promise me that,’ she said with sadness in her eyes and voice.
‘Of course I can,’ I snapped at her, unable to help myself. I was just so frustrated she couldn’t see what she meant to me.
I helped Holly skate to the side from where we stood in the middle of the ice. She leaned against the fence as I stood in front of her and held her steady by her waist as I spoke to her urgently.
‘Do you want to know why I kept stopping myself from leaving Birchbrook every time I told myself I should do something different with my life?’
‘You love it here,’ she said, her voice barely above a whisper.
She looked terrified, and I hated making her feel scared but I was scared too.
Taking a leap with anyone was scary and neither of us had done it yet but doing it together somehow made it feel less scary.
This was my best friend. Who better to do it with?
I shook my head and pulled her a little bit closer still as I gazed into her eyes, and realised that since she’d come to Birchbrook, I hadn’t even looked at another woman. I only wanted to see her. ‘I stayed because I’d always hoped one day, you’d come back.’
‘No.’ She let go of the side of the ice rink like she meant to move but then she wobbled and had to grab on to me harder. Which I didn’t mind in the slightest. ‘That’s not true, Paul.’
‘It is. I wanted to kiss you so many times before you left. And the day you left, I wanted to hold you and not let you go… I wanted to beg you to stay but that felt so selfish, I couldn’t do it.
You were so excited to go to the city. I never stopped thinking about you though, or hoping that one day you would find me again,’ I confessed.
She looked down like she didn’t want to have this conversation.
But I knew we needed to. ‘Did you ever think of me in the city?’ I demanded then.
She bit her lip, hesitating again.
‘Hols,’ I groaned, her silence giving me physical pain.
She looked over my shoulder then finally back at my eyes. ‘Yes.’
‘How long ago?’ I asked, letting myself hope just a little bit that she felt something similar to how I felt about her.
‘I thought about you last New Year’s Eve,’ she confessed in a rush. ‘I was in bed as the clock struck midnight and I wondered where you were and what you were doing and if you had someone… and I… I…’ She trailed off, unable to say it.
‘Holly,’ I whispered, saying her full name, hoping she’d finish her sentence.
‘I hoped you didn’t,’ she finished finally. ‘But—’
I carried away her ‘but’ by kissing her on the lips probably too hard, too passionately, too desperately but then she kissed me back just as frantically and the careful distance we’d been keeping from each other broke.