Chapter 47
HOLLY
I rested my head on one of Paul’s pillows with him beside me.
My leg was draped over him and his arm was tucked around me as we looked at one another.
Naked under the covers, we were quiet after we’d had our best sex to date, which was saying something as it had already been the best of my life so far.
Paul’s free hand was stroking my arm and we kept dropping soft kisses on one another.
Cosy under the covers in his cloud-like bed, I felt contented and sleepy but I wanted to tell him everything now.
‘I don’t think I ever would have faced everything I needed to if it hadn’t been for you,’ I told him softly.
‘Not true. I didn’t do anything. You did it all yourself.’
‘But being with you made me want to face things finally because I didn’t want to lose you. I didn’t want to run from this,’ I said. ‘Again,’ I added with a rueful smile.
‘I do have a question… You said you had also wanted more than friendship when we were teenagers but why did you still leave back then? Just to get away from the town and try something new?’ he asked me gently. His fingertips brushed down my arm leaving goosebumps in their wake.
‘Because I was scared to want you. I thought it would keep me in Birchbrook. That I’d end up like my mum.
You’d leave like my dad and I’d be unhappy and miserable without having made any of my dreams come true.
’ I shook my head. ‘I had it all wrong. My dad was an unhappy man who wouldn’t be satisfied anywhere or with anyone.
It wasn’t Birchbrook or me or my mum that pushed him away.
He took himself away. And Mum loves it here.
She was upset, of course, but she rebuilt her life and she said this town was the reason she could do it.
And I was wrong about you. Because you’d always want me to make my dreams come true.
’ I sighed. ‘And when I came back and we kissed, I started to worry that I would be the one to break your heart. That I’d be like my dad and I’d leave and you would hate me.
But when I was away, all I wanted to do was to come back to you.
Nothing is guaranteed in life, not everything lasts forever, but I can’t go into things thinking that they will end.
And wreck them before they even start. And then my dad made me see…
’ I trailed off as this was hard to admit.
‘It’s okay,’ Paul said, leaning in to give me a sweet kiss.
‘…that I deserve to love and be loved. I thought maybe I wasn’t lovable when he left and I thought everyone here hated me.
But tonight, I realised I am surrounded by people who want me here and who I can rely on, and hopefully, they can rely on me too.
I want to be part of something again, instead of running and hiding.
And I wasn’t to blame for what happened in the past. It was crap but I got through it.
I can get through hard stuff if I have the right people around me. ’
‘You can get through anything,’ Paul said.
‘I wanted you to come back so badly but I understand if you can’t be happy here.
I wouldn’t want you to stay unless you really wanted to.
Lying here with you is like a dream come true for me but it’s okay if it isn’t your dream too.
We can work things out long-distance or something.
’ His eyes turned a bit sad though at the idea.
‘I don’t know what the future holds for us yet but I want a future with you. I want to let myself have it this time around.’
Paul smiled and pulled me in for a long, lingering kiss that lit another fire inside my belly.
‘I have been trying to become the man you deserve. Maybe like you, I wasn’t sure I deserved your love.
Someone as special as you… but maybe it’s more that we had to part to become the people we were meant to be so then we did deserve each other.
Then we were ready for each other. We were so young back then and we’ve had to work hard to discover what we want from life. I know what I want now.’
I nodded. ‘Me too.’
‘God, I hope it’s me!’ He winked, making me giggle.
‘It is.’ I moved so I could lie on his chest again and he held me tightly against him, dropping a kiss on my forehead. I told him then everything that happened with Grant Rivers and my dad. When I’d finished, it was late. I yawned as I snuggled in closer to Paul.
‘You need to rest now, sweetheart.’ He leaned over and turned off the bedside light. There was a beat before he spoke again. ‘Are you really staying for Christmas?’
‘Yes,’ I replied sleepily.
‘That’s the best present I’ve ever had,’ he said as I drifted off to sleep, feeling like I’d never be cold again.
* * *
When I woke up, I was still snuggled against Paul. He opened his eyes and gave me a kiss. ‘Morning,’ I said as he smiled happily.
‘You’re still here,’ he said, kissing me again. ‘And you look too good for the morning.’ He rolled over and I raised an eyebrow.
‘You can’t be horny after last night,’ I teased as I felt him hard against me.
‘It’s not my fault there’s a gorgeous woman in my bed who I’ve been dreaming about waking up beside,’ he replied. He kissed me again and this time, our kiss turned hungry, leaving me breathless and just as eager as he was. ‘Can I do what I was dreaming about?’
‘Yes,’ I managed to gasp out. He disappeared under the covers and when I realised what he’d been dreaming about doing, I sighed happily. This definitely beat waking up alone in my city apartment to the sound of my piercing alarm and traffic outside.
It was another hour before we finally let go of each other and shuffled into the kitchen.
As Paul started frying bacon, I sat at his small kitchen table enjoying the coffee he’d made for me and the view of him making breakfast in his boxers.
I was wrapped in his soft, oversized dressing gown at his insistence.
‘A girl could get used to this,’ I warned him as I checked my phone.
‘Good,’ he replied shortly.
I grinned at his back. ‘Willow sent me a message first thing,’ I said as I read it now, my phone having been on silent.
‘She asked if I’ll come back to the farm once I can tear myself from you.
Taylor wants to talk to me and Willow has a proposal, apparently.
Plus her dad has offered to be Santa for the final week of opening and she needs my help in organising that.
’ I looked up. ‘I wonder what they want to talk to me about.’
‘Who knows what Willow and our mayor are plotting. But this should help fuel you up to hear them out.’ Paul carried over two plates and came to join me at the table.
‘Oh, wow,’ I said as I looked at the stack of pancakes topped with bacon and maple syrup. ‘This is five-star treatment.’
‘You’re a five-star woman,’ he replied with a shrug. He gave my thigh a rub before taking a gulp of his coffee then digging in.
I watched him for a moment thinking how crazy life was that we had ended up here together.
But the best kind of crazy. I took a bite and moaned.
‘How can you make things like this?!’ I cried, shaking my head.
‘Thank God you were so grumpy that the women of Birchbrook steered clear otherwise one of them would have had a ring on your finger by now!’
‘Does that mean you want to put a ring on my finger, Holly Wynter?’ he teased back.
I rolled my eyes but there was a little skip of my heart at the idea.
When I was a teenager, I had often dreamed of a life with Paul and everything that might entail and now we were joking about the possibility.
That teenage girl wanted to grab hold of it, but the woman in me was far more sensible – no, I didn’t want to run from it any more but I was still cautious; it was who I was.
As if he could read my mind, Paul took my hand in his strong, warm one. ‘We can take things as slowly as you want or need, Hols. One step at a time. Let’s just enjoy Christmas together, yeah?’ He picked my hand up and kissed the back of it.
I smiled gratefully at him. He had waited ten years for me to come back but he was in no rush still.
‘That sounds perfect,’ I said but something didn’t feel quite right. I ignored it and carried on eating, wondering why this conversation had left me feeling so weirdly… unsatisfied.