Chapter Four
The blaring buzz of her alarm clock at 4:00 a.m. painted the walls with a glaring red light, startling her from her brief hour and a half of sleep. As she rubbed her bloodshot eyes, it dawned on her that she actually fell asleep and even stayed asleep for that short amount of time.
She sat up and contemplated death. Regret pulsed through her head, throbbing with the remnants of the last drink she hastily consumed the night before. She swung her legs over the edge of the bed and her stomach lurched at the sickly tequila sloshing within her. Inhaling sharply, she stretched her toes onto the cold hardwood. She looked at the darkness through the window–the streetlight still the only brightness.
It would take one hell of a strong cup of coffee to tackle the day, because today of all days was the one that Julia called a faculty meeting before school. Today of all days was when she decided to stay out all night like a teenager.
She couldn’t remember the last time when she felt so young and reckless, a feeling she didn’t know could be so good. The thought forced her to smile as she stood in the kitchen and poured her dark coffee into a stained white cup.
She shuffled over to the couch, still rubbing her eyes, and retrieved her laptop from the coffee table. After falling into the plush cushions, she began reviewing the notes for her meeting. She had just one hour to prepare and then be out that door to set up the conference room for faculty.
Her phone buzzed in the pocket of her suit, and she picked it up without looking. At this hour, it could only be one person.
“Tell me again,” Keegan groaned through the phone, “why this meeting is not in the afternoon like usual?”
“What do you think will happen when all of our teachers get a surprise visit today from a state contracted employee in their classrooms without notice?”
“That’s what emails are for,” she mocked. Julia couldn’t help but laugh at the tone of her voice. “You taught me that everything can be an email these days.”
“You have to introduce the new hires, and I have to explain what the McSellen Corporation will be doing in our building.” Julia didn’t want faculty being blindsided by a corporate ass hovering in the back of their classroom.
The board of education hired an outside company of specialists from the McSellen Corporation to evaluate the effectiveness of the academic and social-emotional support their faculty provides students, but she was told to spin it as an improvement opportunity. Julia tried to explain that it would go over like a lead weight, but of course the board knew best.
“Have fun making everyone feel like their performance is lacking,” Keegan teased.
“Hey!” Julia argued, “you know that is far from the truth! Since I’ve been Superintendent of Kleinton High, our scores have skyrocketed. Plus, student involvement in and outside of school has tripled with the utilization of all our new clubs.” The other end of the phone was quiet, and then she heard Keegan chuckle.
“Sir, yes, sir! I love hearing you defend Kleinton.”
Julia grinned to herself. “I need to stop falling for your set ups.”
“You can’t say one single good thing about yourself, but you can brag about Kleinton all day. I’ll never understand it!” Julia could feel Keegan’s smile through the phone. “So, if everyone has the data proving our current success, why did the board of education hire McSellen?”
“Because the latest rating came out and we’re still second in the state,” Julia sighed, squeezing the bridge of her nose.
She and the board had long-term aspirations: to be the leading school in progressive education. Obviously, they felt she couldn’t meet that goal on her own, so they hired a specialist to shadow teachers, assist in annual evaluations, and analyze various ways Kleinton could be even better.
“Their pretentiousness gets old.”
“That’s your alma mater you’re talking about.”
“Don’t remind me,” Keegan groaned. “Listen, I still have to get the kids up, so I’ll see you shortly.”
“See you soon.” Julia smiled into the phone before ending the call.
By 7:30 a.m. her podium was meticulously arranged with her speaking notes. She clutched her fourth cup of steaming coffee in her trembling hand–too precious of a jewel to put down. The breakfast table, resembling a bountiful charcuterie board, overflowed with snacks.
She started reviewing the pronunciation of the new hires when Keegan walked in with her notebook ready in hand. She was one of those rare morning people, and Julia loved her for that. Typically, there was nothing more uplifting than arriving at the office before seven in the morning and finding one of her closest friends already there, spinning around in her office chair while jamming out to Shania Twain. But that morning? She could’ve brought it down a notch.
“Good morning sunshi–” She began to beam in a high pitched-voice but stopped dead in her tracks, her pinned black hair coming to a halt behind her. “What happened to you?”
“What,” Julia choked on her coffee, “do you mean?”
Her hand instinctively reached towards her hair, flattening down stray hairs like that would help. She scrubbed every inch of her body that morning and tried to hide all of her tiredness deep down. She even took the extra time to accentuate the curls in her blonde hair, hoping it would pull attention from her puffy, sleepless eyes. Apparently, that didn’t work.
“You look like you pulled an all-nighter!” Keegan laughed, setting her things down on the table in a cluttered mess. She brushed the front of her lavender dress, starkly contrasting against the color of her hair, and then rested both hands on the table.
Julia could’ve lied. She could’ve said she was up all night reviewing the month’s budget reports. She could’ve said she was taking one last look over applications for their much-needed substitute positions. She could’ve said she didn’t sleep well and avoided giving one more thought to the woman who took her breath away, the woman she would never see again.
“I might have been out a little too long last night.” Julia nervously tried to catch her reflection in the window. “Lost track of time. Do I look that bad?”
“Julia Jenner,” she gasped, “you lose track of time? You stay out too long?”
“Oh, stop!”
“Who are you and what have you done with the esteemed Dr. Jenner? You know, the one born with a stick up her ass?”
“I’m so not that bad,” Julia retorted, but she couldn’t hold back her smile.
Keegan, finally noticing the breakfast table to her right, asked, “were you at least having fun?”
“I actually got caught up in a nice conversation with a complete stranger. It was so,” she paused, searching for the right words, “refreshingly comforting.”
Keegan just observed her for a moment, studying her expression. “You’re blushing!” She gaped, her brown eyes widening. “You’re freaking blushing!”
“What?” Julia jumped. She most certainly was not. She raised one hand to her cheek and could feel the heat radiating off of it before she even touched skin.
“Alright, you need to spill it!”
“There’s nothing to spill.” Julia turned to take another sip of her coffee in the most nonchalant way she could muster.
“The Julia Jenner I know does not blush!” Keegan playfully nudged her shoulder. “I haven’t seen you with a grin like that in…”
“A long time,” Julia spoke quietly, the empty air in the room growing somber.
Keegan’s smile faded as she walked over to Julia and gave her a gentle hug. Not many knew about her and Marin. She was still called Mrs. Jenner when she wasn’t called doctor. If anyone pieced it together, they didn’t mention it.
They used to attend all school events together: prom, fundraisers, theater productions, football games. As the last three years passed, it slowly whittled away. After so many excuses, so many times others inquired about her whereabouts, people stopped asking where her partner in crime was. Julia was relieved at that point. She almost began believing that Marin was actually busy at work or out of town. That was, until she came home to her asleep on the couch with a cold cup of tea on the table, the television blaring in the background.
Just thinking about Marin brought her back to her favorite event they attended together. It was the last prom Marin helped chaperone. As the lights dimmed, students rested their heads on taller shoulders. Marin turned to her from the wall they leaned against and asked her to dance. They swayed in the corner, hands cupped in the small of each other’s backs. They smiled and laughed, completely smitten with the puppy love of their own infatuation, even after all those years. It was like nothing else existed, not even the students surrounding them. That moment, that instance of pure happiness, was engraved into her memory like a necklace that hung over her heart; something she’d never take off.
She felt no need to bring her personal life into her work anymore. She’d pretend it was fine until she couldn’t, or until everyone forgot Marin existed. Whichever came first. She had time. She could wait it out.
“Alright,” Julia sighed and straightened her pale blue suit jacket.
She fluffed her curls, wiped beneath her eyes, and took a deep breath. She just needed to get through the hecticness of what that day would be, and then she could retreat to the sanctity of her office and reset. She just needed to make it through the hour.
“So,” Keegan continued in her usual business-like manner, always knowing when to drop a subject, “I’ll take care of the housekeeping and review the upcoming meetings for the month and remind everyone about the past due student evaluations for their intervention reports.”
“That would be great! My plan is to keep this as short and sweet as we can.”
Julia turned her attention back to the coffee in front of her. Keegan nodded with agreement as she stuffed a chocolate donut hole into her mouth.
“Next time, can you get some of those ones with the cream on the inside?” she asked, her mouth overfull and open.
“The ones with Bavarian cream?”
“Yeah, those ones!”
“You do know you can pick them up anytime yourself?” Julia grinned. “You live right next to the bakery.”
“They taste better when someone else buys them,” she snorted, picking up another danish.
Julia flipped through her papers once more as chatter filled the room. Coffee mugs clinked on tables and chairs screeched across the freshly waxed floor. A gentle, chaotic hum floated through the air as they readied their space and grabbed snacks for their seats.
“Julia!” Jonathan yelled from the doorway, his arms brushing his red tie as he flung them in the air. “I got it! I got the grant! I didn’t think they’d give it to a new teacher, but they did!”
“What?” Julia exclaimed. “That’s absolutely phenomenal! For the entire high school?”
“Yes!” He beamed. “9th through 12th grade will now have the honor of seeing a Broadway show in New York City. I couldn’t have done it without the dozens of phone calls you made to the grant committee.”
“The students are lucky to have you, Mr. Brycen.”
“Thank you, truly, for all of your support, Mrs. Jenner.”
He took his seat as the rest of the faculty strolled in. She stepped to the side to finish discussing last-minute change with Keegan. Once everyone had their breakfast, Keegan got right to business.
“And with that little tidbit about the missing cookies from the cafeteria,” Keegan finished the last information on her agenda, “Dr. Jenner will catch everyone up on the more important items today.”
Julia took the podium and began her spiel. She congratulated those who held everything together during their staff shortage and welcomed the new teachers while praising their previous accolades. She promised more substitutes in the Spring–that little note sending an applause through the crowd.
Then it was to the point she dreaded. She watched numerous eyes roll and almost inaudible sighs permeate the room as she described the purpose and intentions behind the board’s choice. She could tell all they heard was an outsider would be invading their space and scrutinizing their teaching.
“This could really inform our instruction,” Julia’s speaking voice was loud and commanding as she projected to the near hundred educators before her, “and as we strive for excellence here at Kleinton, we should continue to be open to constructive criticism as we always have been. I know you will welcome whomever arrives later today and reach out to them with any questions you may have on ways we can better serve our students. You will also see their face in some of your classrooms as we share the responsibilities of each of your annual evaluations. I’ll be sending out the name of the McSellen representative as soon as I have that information, along with a schedule of available time for you to work with them one-on-one.”
There was always something about the way she spoke. She could convince a group of apes to work together if she had to. She knew how to talk, to spin words in such a way that people felt responsible for the outcome. That’s what made her such a good administrator. People looked up to her, trusted her, and knew she would fight any battle she had to for them.
Julia was about to wrap up with a note about the Broadway grant as well as an appreciative thank you for their consistent hard work as she did every meeting, when she caught the eye of someone leaning against the doorway.
Her white heels perfectly matched her blouse. Black pants hugged her hips, stopping just above her ankles. A silver diamond-wrapped pearl hung between her cleavage, drawing Julia’s eyes. A navy blazer hung effortlessly off her shoulders, caressing her in all the right places. She stood so confidently, one hip leaning on the door frame with her arms crossed in front of body. Gleaming brown hair caught the light, just like last night.
Imposing. Dominant. Alluring. Completely unavoidable.
They locked eyes and Erin pursed her lips, fighting what looked like a grin. Julia pulled her gaze away, but all she could think about was how it felt when they melted together–the fireworks that exploded in every nerve of her body.
Julia forgot to breathe. Her mind spun in a million different ways and it all landed on one thought: what is she doing here? She coughed lightly as she took a sip of her coffee. The flush that started in her chest began to creep to her cheeks. She wouldn’t have been as flustered any other time, but this was her work and that was the woman who sauntered into her very short dreams last night.
“As always,” Julia rushed to continue, holding onto whatever composure she had left, “thank you for your time today and every day. What you do here matters, and it’s seen. Please take some snacks on your way out!”
Everyone applauded–not for her motivational speech, but more for the food–as they gathered to grab another donut or pastry before heading out to the start of their classes. Julia attended to the concerns and questions of those who caught her attention on their way out. Her presence was a revolving door of I’m still working on that, I will add that to the schedule, of course we can move that meeting to Thursday, and so on.
“Mrs. Jenner, I’ll meet you back at the office!”
By the time Keegan’s voice traveled to her, she was halfway down the hallway with two teachers following. She looked up to see Keegan’s back as she walked away, accidentally catching Erin’s eyes before turning back to the last teacher in front of her. That wasn’t noticeable, right?
Erin’s eyes seemed to turn downward, her smile running from her face. She moved towards the back of the room, her heels tapping on the floor–isolated in Julia’s head like the tick of a clock in an empty room. Erin waited for the last of those who were still picking at pastries from the table to leave.
Julia couldn’t focus. She nodded, agreed, and offered appointments to those who needed more of her time, but after they left, she couldn’t remember for what or who. She said anything to get the rest of them out of that room, out of the view of how her eyes landed on Erin no matter where she moved. The only thing she could focus on was the heat in her cheeks, the sweat pooling in her palms, and the thought of Erin’s eyes on her.
It was supposed to be one last kiss. One last kiss for her to look back and think about how she could have, should have, made the choice to not leave. Not one last kiss for that woman to be standing before her, torn between wanting to do it all over again and jumping out the second floor escape window to avoid the inevitable conversation coming next.
As the last teacher walked out, Julia desperately rushed her papers into a pile without ever looking up. She heard Erin’s heels tap closer on the floor behind her, slowly approaching the podium she hid behind. This could not be happening. It can’t be her, and it most certainly can’t be here.
“You can’t be here,” Julia whispered under her breath.
Erin remained silent, confusion and amusement tingeing her face. Julia returned to her futile attempt at organizing the scattered papers before her, avoiding eye contact at all costs.
“Good Morning, Mrs. Jenner,“ her voice rang. “My name is Erin Calanis.” She sounded as unsteady as Julia’s hands. “I’m the lead evaluator of the McSellen Corporation for Education Reform.”
Julia’s jaw dropped, and not in the metaphorical sense. She stood there dumbfounded, her mouth agape, unable to form a coherent response. She turned her body to see Erin’s hand outstretched, her calm face not matching the shake heard from her voice. Even at that moment when she wished she had a hole to crawl into–a deep dark place to hide until she forgot what Erin’s lips tasted like–she didn’t want to be looking at anyone else.
“Hello.” Julia took her hand and gently shook it, goosebumps forming under her jacket from the softness of her familiar skin. “I’m Dr. Julia Jenner, Superintendent of Kleinton High.”
Her voice was strong, fighting to the death to hide any hesitance. She had nothing to be embarrassed about. She was a grown woman, and it didn’t matter with who or where she spent her time, even if it was a stranger. As long as they could move past everything, forget they ever met before, it would be fine. Right?
“So, management, huh?” Erin’s grin reappeared, her green eyes twinkling with amusement.
Julia glanced around, aware that a few teachers still lingered in the hallway. She leaned closer and whispered, “do you think we could have this conversation at another point?”
Erin’s face flushed before she quickly attempted to redirect the discussion. “Oh, of course. I apologize for eavesdropping. Whenever I’m at a new school, I like to attend the first meeting to observe the staff’s reactions. It helps me anticipate any potential pushback during the process.”
“That’s completely understandable.”
“I just didn’t expect it to be so early.”
Erin made every attempt to lighten up the situation, but Julia couldn’t do it. She couldn’t stand there and banter like she hadn’t been thinking about tearing her clothes off just last night.
“I know we have a meeting planned for this morning,” Julia spoke cautiously, “but I just had an appointment come up.”
Erin’s expression shifted, a hint of disappointment crossing her features. “Oh.”
“If it is okay with you,” Julia said slowly, calculating all possible reactions, “can we push it to tomorrow morning instead? You could use the time to get a layout of the school and meet some of the other staff.”
“Of course,” Erin responded quickly. Too quickly. “I’ll touch base with your secretary about your availability.”
And just like that, she was gone. The sound of her heels tapped down the hallway and Julia had to tell herself to look away. How did she look so perfect after having the same amount of sleep when she felt and looked like death rolled over on a humid June day?
She closed the door of the meeting room, shutting out the tapping of heels, as she stripped off the suit jacket that steamed her up from the inside out. Panic gripped her, running her hands through her hair until not a curl was left.
It wasn’t that she regretted that kiss; it made her feel more alive in that short hour than she did in years. It was about her reputation. She was a model to not only her students, but her faculty too. What message would she send if someone found out she was at a bar, on a weekday, with another woman, when almost everyone still thought she was married to Marin?
That’s when the root of it hit her: she was still legally married to Marin. That envelope with the divorce papers still sat at her bedside; untouched, unsigned. What if she had gone home with Erin? What if she let her feelings take over and explode from her pores like a tsunami? She would’ve been a married woman sleeping with a stranger, and that settled worse in her stomach than anything else.
She looked up to the ceiling where fluorescent bulbs shone on her face, and she found herself wishing there was a twirling fan to take her mind away.
“This isn’t that bad,” she muttered, pressing her hands against the podium. “Marin has been gone for 366 days,” not that she was counting, “and at this point, it’s practically a legal separation!”
She plopped back down in the chair, slouching like one of her 9th graders in study hall. The word “separation” tasted like dry soap bubbles. She never spoke those words aloud before. And now, here she was talking to herself. Now she’s one of those people.
She knew logistically it could be considered a separation, but it wasn’t to her. Every time she looked down at her left hand and saw the tan line where her ring used to lay–a small white line screaming at her between years of sun-soaked skin–she knew she was still married. She felt that she would always be Marin’s–a permanent imprint of her fingertips on every inch of her skin, worn perfectly to fit her body.
When she made it back to her office, her jacket slung across her arm, Keegan looked at her with concern, but she just brushed it off with a smile and a wave. She realized once she closed the door and caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror, how ridiculous she actually looked.
Her long blond hair was unflatteringly pulled behind her ears, her suit already wrinkling, and at some point, she rubbed off the foundation that hid her tired eyes. She gathered her long strands and hastily twisted them into a messy bun, securing it with a few stray bobby pins. Glancing at the mirror, she reapplied her concealer, trying to mask obvious signs of exhaustion.
She was determined to make it through this godforsaken day, even if it killed her. Well, with her track record so far, it might.
She kept her jacket off, slightly mortified that she walked through the halls with nothing covering her chest or shoulder. The amount of damage control necessary after today would be insurmountable. She let out a sigh as she settled into her chair, feeling a wave of frustration wash over her.
“Pull yourself together,” she groaned, wondering when she became the crazy lady who talked to herself, when she got to the point where there was no one to listen to her misguided excuses but the echo in her head.
To her left, piles of evaluations sat waiting for her attention, while her right was filled with a calendar brimming with tasks and meetings. In front of her was her opened computer, the bright number fourteen identifying her unread emails in the short one hour since she checked them last.
Right when she began mentally prioritizing what to tackle first, her door opened with a knock. Keegan entered, closing the door behind her as she stepped inside, her flowing purple dress rustling with the movement.
“You don’t have to knock if you’re going to open the door anyway.” Julia smirked, picking up some random papers off her desk in a desperate attempt to look busy.
Concern etched Keegan’s face as she took a seat in front of Julia. “Are you okay?”
“Me?” Julia tried so desperately to laugh it off. “Of course! The usual business for mid-year. I’ll get it all together today, though. You’ll have those evaluations to process by Monday. How’s the sabbatical grant applications going?”
Keegan arched her eyebrows as she settled in. She didn’t buy it. If Erin wasn’t somewhere within that building, she would have been able to sit there and tell Keegan everything. With her there, her mind chaotically hurdled towards a game of 52 pickup and she didn’t even like cards.
“At least you look better. Oh, what nice shoulders and cleavage we’re showing today, Dr. Jenner.”
Julia looked down to see that she was, in fact, right. Quickly, she pulled at the fabric, making sure her chest was fully covered, and then reached for the jacket hanging by her side. She put it back on, shooting a frustrated glare at Keegan. What a fucking mess!
“It got hot for a moment.”
“Mhm,” she grinned mischievously. “Menopause already?”
“You are so funny! You can shoot me when that happens.”
“Not if I don’t beat you to it first.” She winked. “Okay, I’m done teasing.” Keegan began to stand but froze mid-step. “You just seem off today and I wanted to see if I could do anything.”
“I appreciate that,” Julia said honestly, a smile on her lips but a sigh escaping her mouth. “But I am okay.” She looked down at the disarray of papers on her desk, searching for any opportunity to change the topic. “Are you still coming over this weekend?”
Keegan’s face instantly lit up. “I wouldn’t miss a football game and your ridiculously upscaled snacks for anything. Oh! And the wine is a bonus, too.” She turned towards the door and then stopped. “Ah! I almost forgot: Ms. Calanis is waiting for you outside. She has a few questions about the plan for Monday.”
Julia’s heart skipped a beat. At that point she was fully composed, but it felt like the window was open and all of it was floating out with the winter wind. She still hadn’t considered what she was going to say to Erin, how she was going to explain it all. She didn’t know what she could do to convince her to not tell McSellen or the board any of it.
“Please send her in.” Her voice was as steady as Roman marble, but she refused to check whether her chest was as red as it felt.
“Ms. Calanis, Mrs. Jenner is available for you now,” Keegan’s voice drifted from a distance.
In the span of a breath Erin was standing in front of the door, motioning to see if it was okay for her to close it. Julia nodded as she set down the pen and planner she picked up just seconds before Keegan turned to leave.
“Please have a seat, Ms. Calanis. We are so happy that you’re here.”
Julia watched Erin take a seat, her smile remaining intact. She couldn’t help but admire the way Erin carried herself, so confident and composed, while Julia’s own emotions were a tangled mess.
“Mrs. Jenner,“ she emphasized the first word, making Julia’s stomach drop, “you can call me Erin.”
“Erin,” Julia corrected herself, trying to seem as casual as she could, as if she didn’t hear the enunciation of Mrs. just seconds before.
She hadn’t even considered what a title of Mrs. would mean to Erin. She probably thought she was this awful person: almost middle-aged, promiscuously married, irresponsibly educating young minds, and an alcoholic to boot. Even worse, one that hangs out in bars late on school nights. One that lies about there not being someone else in her life.
She was not that person. Not in the least. Her life was messy enough without adding anything to it, without a woman sitting in front of her at work who looked even younger in daylight. Without that woman being someone she had kissed and so badly, even at that point of embarrassment, wanted to do it again.
“I know you suggested meeting tomorrow,” she began, “but as I walked around the school outside, I realized that ‘tomorrow’ is actually Saturday.”
Julia couldn’t help but notice that her brown freckles scattered like stars on her olive-colored skin. Even though they were in her office, Erin’s presence held herself above all else. How could she stay so level-headed when Julia had to remind herself to breathe?
“Oh, I’m sorry. That was definitely an oversight on my part. Of course we can’t meet tomorrow–there’s no school.” But she knew she would if it meant she could listen to her voice just a little longer. “Did you say you were walking around the school outside? It’s freezing.”
“I needed a breath of fresh air.” Erin’s cheeks took on a pink hue. So, she wasn’t all composure.
Julia watched as that wrapped pearl necklace heaved with her chest. Maybe Erin was flowing through the same roller coaster of emotions.
“I know you will probably suggest meeting Monday, but I planned on starting my rounds with the Social Studies Department Monday morning.” Erin paused, as if contemplating whether or not she could really ask the next question with fear of rejection creeping up in the back of her throat. “Would you be open to me treating you to dinner tonight instead?”
Julia immediately and very visibly tensed as she shifted her weight in her chair. Erin smoothed out her already straight blazer and squeezed her eyes closed. Julia couldn’t believe the words that just came out of her mouth. She couldn’t possibly. Not now. Not with the implications of their employers.
“As colleagues,” Erin interjected, too aware of the way Julia’s cheeks began to change color, “to discuss our schedule of events.”
“Ms. Calanis–”
Julia purposefully used her last name to keep a distance between them. She needed distance. She needed to be far away from their situation. She wanted to forget anything ever happened. But deep down, did she really?
Erin’s shoulders slumped as if the formality cut through her hope like a blade.
“Listen–” Erin pulled her chair closer to Julia’s, the movement sending perfume sailing toward her in seductive waves.
Without even thinking, Julia could feel her arm gravitating towards her. How could she work with her for months when she couldn’t even be in the same room without thinking about what it would feel like to touch her skin again?
“I understand that this situation is uncomfortable for both of us,” Erin continued, her voice filled with sincerity, “but considering the upcoming months of this evaluation, we’ll be working closely together.”
Julia couldn’t help but latch onto the word “close.”
“You’re right,” she admitted. “I’m sorry. We obviously have a lot to talk about, both personally and professionally.”
Distance, she minded herself. They needed distance.
“And I have a feeling this may not be where you want to have some of those conversations, Mrs. Jenner.”
It seemed like a tease, but once again, the word Mrs. throbbed like a fresh bee sting. Erin’s face was caught between a sly smile and sincere hurt.
“That’s not what it sounds like. I mean, it is, but it isn’t. I’m not…” Julia trailed off, not able to finish a single thought. How could she explain that she really wasn’t married when those papers still sat untouched? How could she defend her actions?
“So, there is someone else…” Erin’s voice carried a hint of hope, but how could she? There’s a professional obligation, responsibilities, and their reputation on the line.
“No,” Julia sighed, sounding defeated. “There’s no one romantically in my life.”
She wanted to make it clear. She was not a cheater, and even though nothing could happen between them, she couldn’t bear the thought of Erin perceiving her that way.
Erin’s expression lifted, her body straightening. “Well, that’s a start.”
It was the type of smile that made Julia’s lips part as she pulled her hands to her lap. It felt like when all the lights on a stage dim and only one spotlight remained. It was impossible for a stranger’s presence to feel that familiar, to feel that warm.
“Yes,” Julia replied, and she smiled too. “It is a start, and yes, we can talk everything over at dinner.”
This is a very bad idea. But they had to at least try to be acquaintances, even for a few short months. She could do it. She could fix whatever their situation was.
“You mean, I can take you to dinner,” Erin corrected.
“No. Don’t push your luck! I’m paying. Consider it a welcome to the area dinner.”
“I feel like I was welcomed pretty well.” Erin winked.
Julia genuinely laughed with a hand held over her mouth, and so did Erin. Out of all the people that McSellen could send, she was happy it was someone so easy to open up to. Deep down, she was actually relieved. She felt so nervous for the possibility of a hardass coming in and misconstruing the work they do. For some reason, without even knowing her, she trusted Erin.
“I’m pretty sure you did all the welcoming,” Julia teased.
“I’ll pick the place. I can pick you up at seven?”
“You pick the place? You’re the one new to the area! And pick me up? This is a work meeting, not a date. I can meet you there at seven.”
“But I’m the explorer, remember? I have the perfect place in mind.” She turned, one hand on the doorknob. “Do you not like surprises?”
“In my defense, surprises in my line of work are never good.”
“Right.” Erin grinned again, her freckles stretching upward to her eyes. “I hear management is tough.”
Zinger.
“Well, how can I meet you there if I don’t know where we are meeting?”
Erin approached, positioning herself even closer than before. Leaning over Julia’s desk, she jotted something down on a piece of paper. That silver necklace dangled in front of Julia’s face, and she had to tell herself not to look past it.
Erin’s hair smelled of magnolias on a dewy morning–the scent of early spring kissing Earth–and it took everything in Julia to not watch her as she wrote, to not catch her eyes as she stood. It felt like there was an energy between them, vibrating every particle until it would leave no option other than them touching.
“Here’s my number.” Erin held out the paper. “Text me yours and I’ll reply with the address.”
“Text? You do realize you could just tell me now.”
Their hands grazed each other as Julia took the paper, their fingers lingering just a second longer than accidental before letting go.
“But, then I wouldn’t have your number, and I’m sure down the road there’ll be something important I’ll have to get a hold of you for.” Erin tried to hold back her grin as she walked towards the door. “For work, of course,” she added, just before disappearing down the hallway.