Chapter 7
Chapter
Seven
GERIATRIC PORNSTAR
Neve
“Look, you’re going to have to get up eventually.
Pearl is ringing around the clock asking when you will be coming back into work.
I know what that bastard did was shit, like really fucking shit but you’re shot of him now.
You need to put on your giant girl panties and get on with your life,” Bella orders.
I lift the cover from over my head and frown at her. “Giant girl panties? I think you mean big girl panties.”
“No roomie, I’ve seen your suck-it-all-in panties and believe, me they are giant. Now get your arse out of bed and go to work before your crazy pensioner of a boss turns up here,” she says before grabbing my cover and pulling it off me.
“God I hate you!” I yell at her, throwing my pillow. She just walks out of my room flipping me off. I know she’s right, of course I do but I feel like shit. I don’t want to get out of bed. I just want to sleep, eat Chinese takeaway and wallow in my own self-pity.
I begrudgingly get up. I don’t bother showering or putting on any make-up. I chuck on whatever clothes are nearest to me and get the bus to work.
Walking into the laundrette, I shuffle my way to the back of the shop and put on my apron. “Bloody hell, you look like you’ve been hit by a car and then dragged through the whole of London,” Pearl ever so kindly states.
“Thanks Pearl, appreciate it,” I mutter.
“Well, I mean this is why I don’t let men get close to me. I’ve never loved a man. Of course they’ve loved me, I mean they would beg for me. That is how I liked it, I was never exclusive to one man. I told them this. I had some wonderful dates and holidays.” She sighs wistfully.
“Didn’t you ever feel lonely or miss that feeling of being in love?”
“Nope, you know what they say, don’t miss what you’ve never had. I had –” She pauses and leans in. “And still do have the most wonderful sex. I mean just the other day I had a three-way with two men!” she exclaims excitedly.
My jaw drops. “Pearl!” I gasp.
“I know and the beauty of it is they are fifteen years younger than me. I swear sweetie, it was phenomenal. Now if you need hooking up, you know just to help get you back to it, you just let me know,” she says.
Pulling out a little black book, she flicks through the pages and I notice she has stars marked next to some names.
“What’s the stars for?” I ask.
“Oh, they’re ratings, see? Rating for kissing, oral, foreplay and sex.” She points to each one.
“What’s the A stand for?” I ask.
“Anal,” she blurts. I choke on my coffee.
She pats my back. “Sweetie, easy. Invest in a decent lube and keep it regular, it can be very pleasurable. Now if you look to say William, he has the letters B, D, O. Those stand for bondage, dogging and orgies. I like to write them down so whatever I’m in the mood for I know who to call. ” She smiles happily.
“Jesus Christ, it’s like you’re a geriatric pornstar,” I mutter.
“Oh god is it still online? I swear it was the swinging 60s and it was just a bit of fun.” She winks.
I swallow down the urge to vomit at the thought of Pearl in a porno. Christ it was probably called Pearl does Paris.
Throughout the day I feel drained. I’m hungry but can’t decide what to eat. I’m just flat out exhausted.
“Here, drink this.” Pearl hands me a brown drink that smells like country air and not the lovely fresh country air, the smell when the farmers are mucking their fields.
I gag. “Er, no thanks.”
“Drink it, it is full of vitamins and will make you feel better, trust me,” she insists.
I curl my lip in disgust and take a sip. “Hhhm, that’s actually not bad. What is it?”
She smiles. “Ginger tea, with a little twist. It’s good for nausea and morning sickness.”
I pause, the cup midway to my mouth. My mind swirls with dates, desperately trying to remember when my last period was. I look up to Pearl, my eyes wide. She smiles. “Congratulations,” she cheers.
Fuuuuuuuck!
“Give me another one,” I demand, holding out my hand to Bella.
“But you’ve done five.” Bella sighs while sitting on the bathroom floor.
“Just pass me another one,” I growl.
She rolls her eyes and hands me another test. I snatch and rip the packet open and hold the stick ready for me to pee on. I squeeze my eyes shut and try to force myself to pee.
“You’re dry, you’ve peed on five pregnancy tests. Your bladder is currently drier than the Sahara right now,” she points out.
“Pass me the bottle of water,” I say while pointing.
She hands it to me. “Look, I know we’ve shared a lot of moments together, and you know this is one that I shall remember forever but for the love of god, my arse hurts from being sat on our bathroom floor while you’re sat there with your knickers around your ankles peeing on sticks.”
I drink the water and throw the bottle on the floor, ignoring her. I close my eyes and finally manage to pee a little, sighing. “Last one I promise, I need to make sure I’m thorough.”
I hand Bella the stick when I’m done and she places them with the others in the middle of the bath behind the shower curtain. I didn’t want to look yet, wanting to make sure I have different brands to compare my results.
After I have washed my hands I stand with Bella, facing our bathtub. “So, are you going to look or was the last thirty minutes just a fun activity for you?” Bella asks sarcastically.
“What if I am pregnant Bella? I have no way of contacting Dylan, if that even is his name. I work in a laundrette with I’m pretty certain a geriatric pornstar. I can’t afford my own place, let alone afford a baby. I know nothing about parenting, then there’s my parents –” I rant.
Bella sighs and yanks the shower curtain back. I suck in a breath as my eyes land on the tests. Bella grabs my hand in hers and squeezes it. “Well, I think that there’s a chance you’re a teeny tiny bit pregnant.”
I nod, not being able to form any words as I stare down at the six very positive pregnancy tests.
“So, what now?” Bella asks.
I don’t answer right away. As I try and process it I look to Bella. “How do you feel about having another teeny, tiny roommate?” I ask smiling softly.
Bella shrugs. “I’m sure we can squeeze a little one in here, but I’m telling you now, if it shits on me, we will be having words.”