Chapter 27 #2
He went on to explain, calm and collected as ever, and what he had to say would have brought me to my knees had I not already been lying with some of his weight on top of me.
“See, I realized something the other night when I was talkin’ to Hardin.
It’s something I’ve been feelin’ for a long time now, and, I know it’s cliché to say I’ve been waiting for the right time, however it’s also the truth.
But after what went down today, whether it’s the right time or not, you need to know. ”
“Know what?” I whispered past the lump suddenly forming in my throat.
His hazel eyes had grown darker as he stared down at me, but now they were alight as he studied my face, flitting over every inch like he was trying to memorize every single detail. “Do you have any idea how much you mean to me?”
God, every time he asked me that, I felt those butterflies come back. “Yeah, Leo.”
“How much?”
My head jerked back into the pillow it was resting on. “How much what?”
“You say you know how much you mean to me, so tell me. How much, sweetness?”
“Um . . . well, I know you enjoy spending time with me,” I started carefully.
One corner of his mouth quirked up in a smirk. “Yeah, I do. And?”
“And, uh, I’m pretty sure . . . well, you’ve said I make you happy.”
“Hmm. I see.”
I waited for him to give me more. “See what?” I finally asked when he said nothing else after that ominous statement.
“I see that you think you know how much you mean to me, but you don’t actually get the whole picture, so I’ll lay it out for you. You do make me happy, Danika, and for a guy like me, a guy who hasn’t had a lot of that from the women in his life, it means fuckin’ everything that you do.”
Oh God. “Leo—”
“I had a mom who took off when I was just a kid. After that, I hooked up with a few girls, but none of them really meant all that much until I tied myself to Whitney. I thought I loved her, at least at the beginnin’, but it didn’t take me long to realize it was more hormones than anything else, anything important.
“I didn’t stay with her because she made me happy, I stayed ’cause she was familiar. By the time I realized I’d made a mistake and tried to get myself out of a bad situation, it was too late.”
My heart was beating frantically against my ribs as I asked, “H-how was it too late?”
“She was already pregnant with Hardin. Now, I don’t have actual proof, but I’m not an idiot. I wore a condom with her, always. I took every precaution to make sure that wasn’t somethin’ that would ever happen with us. She felt me pullin’ away. Saw I wanted out, and then she turned up pregnant.”
I sucked in an audible gasp. “No.”
“She knew I’d never abandon my kid the way my mom had abandoned me. For me, there was no other choice, so I married her. That marriage was misery from day one, and it stayed bad. A few years later, I started thinkin’ of getting out, and she turned up pregnant again.”
Holy shit! What kind of woman would do something like that?
“Only happiness I had in the shitstorm that was my life were my babies. They were my whole world. Just lookin’ at them made all the bad go away.
While I was with her, and even after I finally got out, I thought nothin’ would change that.
I’d fucked up. I’d picked the wrong woman, so my kids would be the only happiness I’d ever have.
“Then I met you. You lit up my world. You made me happy, baby. I fucked up, and I almost lost that. When I got you back, I swore to myself I’d never do a thing to mess up what we have, because it was better than anything I’ve ever experienced aside from the love I got from my kids.”
“Honey—” I tried, but he wasn’t finished.
“I knew for a long time, long before I ever divorced her that I didn’t love Whitney. But even if I hadn’t realized it then, it would’ve become crystal clear when I met you, because what I feel for you is so much more than I’ve ever felt for another woman.”
I reached up and dragged my fingers across his stubble as I battled back the tears that wanted to fall.
“I love you, Danika. You’re it for me. And I mean that in a way that I know, to my very bones, is forever.
Whitney never had that from me. None of the girls that came before her did, and certainly none of the women that came after.
You’re the only one who’ll ever get that from me.
So, that said, I need you to tell me whether or not you want kids. ”
My mouth opened and closed several times, struggling to find my words as my thoughts tumbled around inside my head. “I—yes. One day.”
“One day,” he repeated. “Meanin’ not now or in the very near future?”
“Well, um . . . I feel the need to point out that, until just a few minutes ago, I hadn’t really been in a position to give it much thought. I’m not really prepared to answer that question at the moment.”
“All right, honey. I can see that. But just so you know where I am while your takin’ the time you need to think it over, I already have two kids.
That doesn’t mean I’m not done with that journey if it’s the path you feel like takin’.
I’ve always wanted kids. Wanted a whole hell of a lot of them.
Only got two because I’d be damned if I gave Whitney more.
That said, with the right woman—that bein’ you—I’d like to keep going.
If that time’s now because of what just happened, then so be it.
If not, then I’m good to wait as long as you need. ”
He was good to wait as long as I needed.
Because he loved me.
Because I was it for him.
And he wanted to have kids with me.
I was still speechless when Leo alighted from the bed and moved into the bathroom, I remained that way when he came back and as he spread my legs, using a damp washcloth to clean the remnants of himself from my skin.
He tossed the rag toward the hamper, grabbed my—his—tee off the floor and handed it to me. “Love the feel of your skin pressed against mine, sweetness, but with Hardin in the house . . .”
He didn’t need to finish. “Of course.” I quickly donned the shirt and bent to snatch up my panties, pulling them back on as he killed the lights.
I watched him move through the shadows and climbed back into the bed, then I lost sight of him when he wrapped his arms around me and pulled, gathering me to him as he yanked the covers up and over us.
It was minutes later when, staring off into the darkness, feeling his strong body pressed against my back and all around me, that I finally found my words. “Leo?”
“Mmm?”
“Just so you know, I love you. You’re it for me too, honey.”
His arms clenched, squeezing me tighter. “Already knew that, baby. But thanks for sayin’ it anyway.”
I tried to shift around to face him, but he held me firm. “What do you mean you already knew?”
His chest shook with a soft chuckle. “You’ve loved me since you were seven years old,” he said, repeating those words I’d said to him all those weeks ago. He’d remembered.
“But just to say, doesn’t mean I don’t love hearin’ them come directly from your mouth.”
Well. Okay then.
“Get some sleep.”
“All right, Leo,” I whispered. “See you in the morning.”
“That you will, sweetness.”
And just because I couldn’t help myself, I added a soft, “Love you.”
That earned me another squeeze, and a mumbled, “Love you too.”
Then I fell asleep, and I did it with a smile on my face.