Chapter 32
Callum
Igive Juniper a gentle shake in my arms.
Her head flops from side to side, but she doesn’t respond. She’s out cold. Her face is paler than when she opened the door to me seconds before, and she feels so light in my arms. Too light.
Fear is a leaden weight in my chest as I tuck her against my pounding heart and yank her door open. “Archer? Torin? Help. She needs the hospital.”
Our apartment door flies open, and Archer and Torin burst out, eyes wide. They slide gazes from me to Juniper, and Archer closes the door as Torin announces, “I’ll drive.”
And just like that, I’m taking the stairs two at a time with Juniper in my arms.
She regains consciousness in the back of the car. I have her tucked against my pounding heart, and she’s sitting crossways in my lap. Torin is driving much faster than he should, and Archer is half-twisted in the passenger seat, biting his lip as he peers down at Juniper.
“What happened?” she asks, voice slurred.
Wanting to comfort her, I rub my hand up and down her back. “You passed out. We’re on the way to the hospital.”
She leans against me in a way that doesn’t bring me comfort. She does it automatically. As if driven to. I’m her mate, and biology is kicking in, reminding her of something she needs to survive.
“They can’t help me,” she whispers against my neck.
My gaze connects with Archer’s over her right shoulder. His forehead furrows, and without a word, he turns around to face the front, his lips compressed into a flat line.
She knows this is bond sickness, and that it can, and most likely will kill her.
And she didn’t tell us.
As expected, the hospital can’t do anything.
They give her a checkup, a shot of adrenaline, and a saline drip to treat dehydration.
That’s it.
That’s all they can do for her.
Two hours later, Juniper is napping in my lap as we take her home. She’s dozing as I carry her back up to her apartment, and Archer slips into our unit four doors away while Torin heads to the house to check on Veronica.
I get her settled in her bed, covering her with a comforter and walking over to stand at her window with my hands in my pockets. An hour later, I’m watching the sun finish setting when fabric rustles behind me.
I turn.
She’s angled her head toward me. I switched on the lamp beside her bed, leaving the ceiling lights off so the bright light wouldn't disturb her. It’s quiet in her studio apartment, with the occasional burst of laughter and music coming from down the hall.
We study each other in silence.
Hoping I’m not doing the wrong thing, I walk over to her and sit on the edge of her bed to ask a question that’s tormented me for the last few hours. “Would you have told me you had bond sickness?”
She pulls her gaze from me with a soft exhalation. “Probably not.”
That hurts. Much more than I thought it would.
“Because you’d rather die than let us help you?” I ask, holding my breath as I wait for her answer.
“Because you’d use my bond sickness to make me go back to you.” She glares up at me as if daring me to try. “I won’t forgive you just because I’m sick.”
I stare down at her, shocked. Horrified. Angry. But not at her.
At me.
I gave her no reason to think she could trust me, and she doesn’t. My scent match has my bite on her throat, but she would trust a stranger on the street before she trusted me.
“I would never manipulate you like that, Juniper. There are no amends I could ever make for the way I treated you. If I could crawl across broken glass to show you how sorry I am, I would.”
“I don’t believe you,” she whispers, her tone almost vicious.
“I am begging for a second chance to make things right. I know I don’t deserve it, Juniper. No one is more aware of that than I am.”
She stares up at me, doubt filling beautiful, big, brown eyes.
“Do you have a glass?” I ask.
She blinks at me. “Yes. I—”
I stand up. She grips my hand, stopping me. “What are you doing?”
“Proving it to you.” I turn away.
Her hand tightens around my wrist, and she tugs me back onto the edge of the bed as she sits up in bed, exasperated. “Glasses are too expensive to break for no reason. Even the ones from Walmart.”
“Then I’ll go buy some,” I tell her.
She stares at me for a beat, and she barks out a laugh. When I don’t respond, her amusement fades and her eyes widen in shock. “My god, you’re serious, aren’t you?”
The golden strand of hair on her cheek is too tempting to ignore. I tuck it behind her ear, taking hope that she doesn’t lean away from my touch. “Yes, I am.”
I have never been more serious about anything in my life.
She stares at me for so long that I decide she’s waiting for me to do it.
When I stand, she lets out an exasperated sigh and pulls me back onto the bed.
“Don’t. I have no desire to have you bleed across my floors.
” She releases my wrist and settles her back against the headboard, legs straight.
“Normal people don’t do insane things like that. ”
“Normal people don’t treat their scent matches the way I did.” I study her, trying to read her. Ever since we hurt her, she keeps her expression shuttered when she’s around us. I get why she does it, but I miss when she was an open book. “Would it help you to hurt me back?”
She sighs and looks away. “Not really. I tried that with Torin. It didn’t make me feel as good as I thought it would.”
“Is there anything I can do that will help?” I ask her quietly.
She says nothing for the longest time. I wait, ready to give her whatever she needs.
“You made me feel ashamed,” she says, her voice almost a whisper but slowly gaining strength.
“Like I had been the one who failed you. And you humiliated me. You made me think you were cheating with the girl you were talking to at the hotel and then with Lottie. I don’t know if I can trust someone who could make me feel that way. ”
“I’m not asking you to forgive me because you have bond sickness, or even to trust me, but can you see yourself taking what you need from me, maybe just until we get you through your next heat and we can find another better solution?”
Her brow furrows. “I don’t understand.”
“Whatever you need, can you take it from me, or should I get Archer or Torin? Nothing we give you or you take has any strings. Just take what you need, and I will leave. You won’t even need to ask me to.”
She stares at me. “You’re asking me to use you?”
I meet her gaze steadily, needing her to know this isn’t an attempt to manipulate her or take more from her than she’s willing to give.
“Yes. I’m telling you to use my body. If you need my knot, it’s yours.
If you don’t want me to knot you, then I won’t.
Take what you need from me, and after, I’ll leave your apartment. ”
She looks down into her lap, twisting her fingers together. “I can’t do that.”
I take both her hands, raising one to brush a kiss across her knuckles. Her breath catches, and I see the faintest stirrings of arousal in her gaze when she lifts her eyes to mine.
"I want to give you all the things I should have been giving you all along,” I say, fighting to control my need as her sweet blueberry and brown sugar scent merges with the headiness of female arousal. “An alpha cares for his omega. I wasn’t doing that before. None of us were.”
Her expression is impossible to read. “Why did you buy this building?”
I don’t bother denying it. “You deserved better.” Her mouth opens, but I keep talking. “And so did the people who live here.”
“Will you charge me rent?”
“One change I’m making is to the rent. And not just yours. It’s too high for a building this old and with this many issues. If you want to pay it, then pay it. I’m not demanding that you do, and I don’t want you to think that my help requires anything from you. Including your forgiveness.”
She lifts her chin. “And if I meet someone and decide he will live here with me?”
When I imagine her taking another man to her bed, I want to rage and keep her for myself. She’s my omega. No one else’s. Mine.
Then I imagine something worse: Juniper dead from bond sickness because I failed her again.
I cradle the nape of her neck, my fingers hot against the sensitive skin.
I dip my head a bit. Not to kiss her, but to hold her gaze.
“Your happiness is the only thing that matters. If that’s with someone else, then it’s with someone else.
” I hold still, letting her look for whatever truth she needs to find.
“Alphas are too possessive,” she eventually says, to my relief, not pulling away.
“Take what you need from me, Juniper,” I whisper. “Live long enough to have what makes you happy, even if you can’t be happy with me. That is all I want.”
“You don’t mean it,” she whispers even as her eyes dart to my mouth.
“Kiss me. Touch me. Do whatever you want to me. I won’t put one hand on you if you don’t want me to. I failed you before. I will never fail you again.”
Her eyes linger on my mouth, and she licks her lips. My stomach tightens in response.
“I don’t forgive you,” she whispers.
“Trust and forgiveness take time to grow. This is about making you well.”
She’s breathing faster. The sweet scent of her arousal tickles my nose, and I want to crush her against me, hold her there, but this isn’t about me.
None of this is about me anymore.
Just her.
Her eyes lift to mine, and the need I see there stops my heart. “Can I kiss you, Juniper? Is that something you might need?”
Two seconds stretch out for eternity.
“Yes.”
My fingers clench in the silken strands of her hair, and I groan as she touches her mouth to mine. Her lips are plush and so soft. Her breath smells of sweet mint, and her kiss is everything I have ever wanted and needed.
“This doesn’t mean anything,” she whispers so quietly I know she’s speaking to herself.
“It means everything to me.”