Chapter 25 #2
I inhaled sharply, willing myself not to cry.
Knox had carved wooden animal figurines for Rosie every year since she was born.
He had told me how she would play with them for hours, inventing elaborate stories for them as she arranged them in her dollhouse.
Once, when she was five, she had accompanied Leroy and Isobel on a trip to Tanzania, where she became enamored with giraffes.
Knox stayed up all night carving her a family of the animals so they’d be ready when she got home.
Isobel found her sleeping with them on her pillow that next night.
I knew what those figurines meant to her.
Oliver reached down, helping Rosie to her feet. “That is such a thoughtful gift, but are you sure? Those are so special to you; maybe you should keep them for your future family?”
Rosie shrugged. “I did think about that. But then I realized that if I ever do decide to have kids, yours will be long grown and I can always ask for them back. I saved one for Xavier’s baby, but I want your kids to have the rest.”
“I suppose there’s more than one way to call us old.” Oliver grinned at his sister. “But you’re not wrong. As long as Adelaide and I don’t have any surprises like someone here”—he tugged on the end of her braid—“we should be done by the time it’s your turn.”
My stomach churned. I kept my mouth shut tight, afraid that if I opened it, I might be sick all over the floor.
Rosie smiled at Oliver as he pulled her into a side hug. “Well,” she said, “since we’re all here, you might as well go ahead and open the present I have for you, Adelaide. I was going to save it for your birthday next week, but…”
She reached forward, grabbed a box from the dresser, and handed it to me. The pale pink gift box was tied with a gold ribbon and adorned with a gift tag addressed to me. I untied the perfectly knotted bow and slid off the lid. Inside, wrapped in a velvet cloth, was a wooden dolphin.
I swallowed thickly. “This is beautiful,” I whispered.
“I knew when Oliver started this whole courting thing that I wanted to give that one to whoever he chose. I have always wanted a sister. Dolphins represent friendship and loyalty, so I thought it would be a good way to start out our new relationship as sisters.”
Tears stung my eyes. “I didn’t know that, Rosie. This is such a thoughtful gift. Thank you.”
“I hope that we become good friends, Adelaide,” she said, her voice wavering.
“Me, too.” I smiled at her and opened my arms wide. Rosie took the invitation, wrapping her arms around my waist and squeezing tight.
I felt a tear slide down my cheek as I hugged her back.
What Rosie didn’t know is that I too had always wanted a sibling, especially a sister.
And here I was, that chance finally in front of me, and I wasn’t sure if it could happen.
I should never have agreed to this arrangement with Oliver; there were so many people who stood to be hurt in this. I couldn’t do this anymore.
Oliver clapped a hand to Rosie’s shoulder as she pulled back. “Rosie, you’re the best, you know that?” He looked at me, his gaze turning from proud to worried in less than a second. He quickly pivoted back to Rosie. “Hey, don’t you have poker lessons with Gram soon?”
Rosie glanced at her watch. “Oh, shoot! I do!” She darted toward the door, skidding to a halt just before going through it. “And you know that if Mum or Dad ever ask, we don’t do poker lessons. We discuss classic literature.”
“Yeah, yeah, off you go,” Oliver chuckled, waving her off. Once she was gone, Oliver calmly closed the door, spun back toward me, and hit me with his intense steely gaze.
“Laidie, what’s wrong?” His voice was gentle, but his tone was clear: we were going to talk about whatever was going on.
The dam broke and tears poured down my face. I sobbed and sputtered, trying to form words but unable to get them out.
Oliver reached me in just a few strides, wrapping me in his arms and running a large, soothing hand up and down my spine.
“Hey, shhh. I’m here, I’m not going anywhere. Take your time,” he whispered.
I coughed, finally calming down enough to take in a shuddering breath. “I can’t do this,” I sobbed into his chest. “I can’t do this anymore, Oliver. We have to end it.”
His hand froze on my back. After a moment, he pulled back slightly, his head angled so he could see my face. “What? Why?”
Another wave of tears crested. “Because you deserve more. More than me.” I stepped out of his embrace and gestured vaguely at my body.
Oliver stepped forward, trying to close the space between us. “What are you talking about, Adelaide? I love you. You’re everything I’ve ever wanted and more.”
I mirrored his movements, stepping back to keep my distance from him.
“No, I’m not. Oliver…” I choked on my tears again.
“I can’t marry you because I can’t be the queen.
I can’t…I can’t have children. I can’t give you what you need, produce royal heirs.
My body is broken and I can’t do the one thing women have been doing since the beginning of time. I’m broken.”
Oliver froze, staring at me in silence. I could practically see the wheels turning in his head, processing my nearly incoherent rambling. His face seemed to be made of stone, not moving a centimeter.
I continued, “I should have been honest with you from the start, and I’m so sorry I wasn’t.
I honestly didn’t think things would…I didn’t think I would fall in love with you.
I should have told you the truth on Christmas so you could have changed your plans and chosen someone else.
I was diagnosed with polycystic ovary syndrome last fall, but I’ve been dealing with it for years.
We…my doctor and I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to have kids.
And now that you’re king, you’re supposed to marry someone who can give you heirs, and I don’t know if that will ever be me.
” I buried my face in my hands, speaking the next words through my fingers.
“I shouldn’t have waited so long to tell you, but my feelings got in the way and the next thing I knew, I’d fallen in love, not just with you but also with your family. ”
Oliver’s voice was a cracked whisper. “So…you do love me?”
I raised my head, a laugh shuddering out of me at the goofy look on his face.
“Yes. God, I love you so much, which is why this is so much harder. I want to give you the entire world. I want to be the best version of myself so that you can be the best version of yourself. I’ve pictured an entire life with you—what it would look like to run this country together, to travel the world together, to simply do life together.
I’ve pictured holidays and birthdays and all the in between.
I fucking love you.” I inhaled deeply. “But you’re not just a normal guy and I’m not a normal woman and this is not a normal situation.
We can’t keep going as though it’s anything but what it is: a big, fucking disaster waiting to happen. ”
“Adelaide…” He ran his hands through his thick blond hair.
I let my arms fall limply to my sides. “What?”
“I love you, too.”
I pressed the heels of my hands into my eyes, wondering if there was a limit to how many tears a single human being could produce in the span of a few minutes. Surely I had reached that quota by now. “You’re not making this any easier.”
I loved this man, and I did want to spend the rest of my life with him. Pulling away from him and then eventually having to walk out of these doors would be the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. But I would do it for him. I would do it for his family. I would do it for this country.
Oliver stepped forward, finally closing the gap between us. He wrapped his warm, callused fingers around my wrists and gently pulled my hands away from my face. “Darling, you’re not hearing me. I love you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want you by my side for all of it.”
His thumb wiped a tear from my cheek.
“I’m so sorry about your diagnosis and that you’ve been carrying this big, heavy thing all by yourself. I want to hear more about that when you’re ready to tell me, but if you think that’s a reason why we can’t or shouldn’t be together, you are greatly mistaken.
“If you can honestly tell me that you don’t want to marry me—that you don’t wish to be queen and you’d rather go back to teaching and not be together, I will respect that.
But this? I don’t need children to be happy, Adelaide.
Yes, I’ve pictured a future with them, but if I had to choose between a future with you or a future with kids but without you, I would choose you in every lifetime. ”
My mouth fell open, unable to process what he was saying.
He continued, “For all the laws we have around here about a ruler’s personal life, there is no law that requires me to have children just because I’m king.
If kids are something you want, I’m all in on exploring how to make that happen.
But this isn’t a deal breaker for me, Adelaide.
I want you—as my wife and as my partner.
Kids or no kids. You’re it for me. Just you. ”
I stared at him, his words sinking in. He wanted me, regardless of what I did or did not bring to the table. I had known that he loved me, but for him to now know everything and still choose me?
“Are you sure?”
He let out a relieved laugh and pulled me into him.
“I am absolutely sure. I’m so sorry you have been worrying about this and that you thought it meant we couldn’t be together.”
“What do you think your family will say? Do you think they’ll be disappointed? Do you think they will still support our marriage?”
“I don’t think they will be disappointed. Clearly my brother has the grandkid front covered. But I know that my family loves you, and if they had the choice, they would pick you, too. Adelaide, look at me.”
He pulled back and bracketed my face in his hands, placing a kiss on my lips.
My eyes began watering again, this time for a very different reason.
I had always considered myself a confident woman.
I had fought tooth and nail for my home and career.
I made sure those around me knew how loved and supported they were.
I dedicated my time and energy to those in need and used my privilege for those who couldn’t be heard.
But deep down, there had been a sliver of belief that I was less than because my body didn’t work like it was supposed to.
I had felt betrayed by my own body and hormones.
But now this man in front of me, the man I loved more than anyone in the world, saw everything and still thought I was worthy.
“Adelaide, you are not broken. I need you to believe me when I say that.”
His love and unwavering conviction finally made me willing to believe it, too.
“I’m not broken.”