Chapter 17
17
“Is a bit early for lunch, don’t you think?”
Courtney looked up from the chopping board where she was preparing cheese and pickle sandwiches, and clocked the puzzled expression on her cousin’s face. It was, after all, only eleven o’clock in the morning.
“I’m making a picnic to take to the park,” Courtney explained to Rosie. “I want to get everything ready and packed so I don’t forget anything.”
“Ah, I see.” Rosie looked more closely at the provisions laid out on the counter. “You didn’t go and buy new bread and cheese, did you?”
“Of course I did. I’m eating you out of house and home as it is. The least I can do is pop round to the shops and buy my own picnic items.”
Rosie rolled her eyes. “There was no need to do that.”
“I’m making extra sandwiches, so there was every need. It’s only a loaf from the bakery and some nice cheese from the deli. Plus, I bought a bag of fresh apples and a few other bits while I was out. A picnic should have nice stuff in it, don’t you think?”
“Is this all for you?” Rosie looked incredulous. “I know you’re hungry these days because of the baby, but maybe we need to feed you more at breakfast and dinner time if you need all this food at lunch to keep you going.”
Courtney laughed. “It’s not all for me. I thought I told you I was meeting Travis Stone today and sharing a picnic with him.”
Courtney saw the intrigued look that crossed her cousin’s face. “No, you didn’t mention it. A picnic, eh? That sounds cosy.”
“It’s just a gesture to thank him for making dinner for me the other night.”
Rosie’s eyebrows waggled. “You definitely didn’t mention you’d had dinner together. Is something going on between the two of you?”
“Of course not! Look at me!” Courtney patted her baby bump. “I look like a beached whale, for God’s sake. And Travis is my employer, well, my client, I suppose, considering I only work a few hours a week freelance for him, and when he offered to make dinner for me the other night, it was only because we’d bumped into one another on the high street and he’d just picked up pasta and what-not, and he was just being kind, and…”
Courtney trailed off, realising she was babbling, which made her look guilty, as if she had something to hide.
“First, you don’t look like a beached whale,” Rosie said mildly. “Second, guys usually don’t make dinner for women just to be kind . Maybe he likes you?”
Courtney laughed at that. “He probably just feels sorry for me. That’s all.”
“Sorry enough to meet you for a picnic, too?” Rosie said, a sly smile curving her lips.
“There’s nothing going on! I’m about to have a baby, and the father wants nothing to do with me or his child. Believe me, I’m completely inoculated against romance these days. And anyway, how completely inappropriate would it be to get involved with some guy I only just met when I’m weeks away from giving birth?”
Rosie gave her an odd look. “It wouldn’t be inappropriate at all if it was what you both wanted. There’s no judgement here, Courtney.”
Her cousin’s tone was soothing, and Courtney grunted out a frustrated apology. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to snap. There’s honestly nothing going on between Travis and me. He’s a nice guy and I’m glad to work for him, and I’ve enjoyed spending a little time with him since we met, but… that’s it.”
Courtney wondered who she was trying to fool. The last thing she wanted her sweet cousin to think was that she had any interest in some guy she’d just met, considering the mess her life was in and all the many challenges she had to deal with. She didn’t want to seem scatty or stupid or irresponsible, not when Rosie and the rest of the Austin family were being so supportive during her hour of need.
But the truth was she did feel something for Travis, even although she knew it was stupid and pointless and completely immature, considering the current predicaments she faced in life. In a matter of weeks, she’d be a single mother with a tiny baby to care for.
And yet, although her child was her focus and the only thing that mattered to her, her heart still clip-clopped whenever she thought of Travis Stone.
Which meant she should make everything simpler and just stop thinking about him.
So why, exactly, had she suggested he join her for a picnic in the park?
She had no answer to that question, at least none that she wanted to acknowledge.
I just like being in Travis’s company, she thought to herself. He makes me feel…
She shut off the thought before it could develop any further and turned to her cousin with as broad a smile as she could muster.
“Anyway,” Courtney said. “You’re welcome to join us in the park for our picnic. As you can see, I’ve made enough sandwiches to feed a small army.”
“Thanks for the invite, but I’m about to leave for work. I’m on the noon until eight shift today.”
“I’ll pack some of these sandwiches for your break later, if you like?”
“Yeah, that’d be nice, thanks.”
While Courtney wrapped sandwiches, Rosie hurried around the house, getting ready to go. Ten minutes later, she was grabbing the packed lunch Courtney made for her and rushing to the door.
“Have a nice time at the park enjoying your picnic,” Rosie said as she left the house. “And thanks for sharing your sandwiches.”
“You’re welcome. Have a nice shift at work.”
With a wave, Rosie hurtled up the garden path and onto the street before dashing off in the direction of the retail park where she worked. At a brisk pace, it was a thirty-minute walk away, and Courtney watched her cousin leave, wondering how much longer it would be before she, too, could walk that fast again.
Every day, her bump seemed to get bigger, and Courtney’s previously slim body felt more cumbersome by the hour, every movement taking far more effort than it ought to. Her back ached, her ankles were swollen, and the fatigue she felt was like nothing she’d ever experienced before, and no amount of sleep or rest seemed to make a dent in it.
Walking over to the high street earlier to stock up on picnic provisions had left her sweaty and tired and wondering how she’d make it to the park later, too. As she cleared up the kitchen counters and checked the picnic items she’d packed into a cool bag and popped into the fridge, Courtney wondered if she ought to ask Travis if he’d mind eating lunch in Rosie’s back garden instead, where they could sit at the patio table and save her the walk over to Peartree Park.
She dismissed the idea instantly. Suggesting they eat here in the back garden might seem too intimate, especially hot on the heels of the quiet dinner they’d shared at Travis’s house. She didn’t want him to think she’d got the wrong idea about the two of them, which was a distinct possibility considering what Rosie had assumed when they’d been chatting earlier.
The park was busy and filled with activity, and it was somewhere they both visited. It was neutral ground. Better that she hauled herself there to eat the cheese sandwiches she’d prepared, than risk an awkward lunch in her cousin’s back garden with nothing going on to distract them should the conversation flag.
Which it hadn’t when they’d had dinner together, to be fair. Nor when Travis had made them both lunch before then.
Still, inviting Travis here to her cousin’s house seemed a different proposition somehow compared to Travis asking her to join him at his temporary home for a bite to eat.
She was overthinking all of this, clearly. Neither her body nor her brain felt like they were under her control these days, ruled instead by raging pregnancy hormones and anxious thoughts that mixed together to leave her head spinning.
At noon, her phone pinged with a message from Travis. Are we still on for a picnic at the park?
She tapped out a reply. All set, sandwiches made and picnic packed. What time suits you?
How about half an hour? I’ll drop by your house on my way to the park.
Sounds good. See you soon.
With the arrangements settled, Courtney climbed the stairs to brush her hair and get ready to go. Contemplating the walk to the park in the warm spring sunshine, she slapped on some sunscreen and dug out her sunglasses.
By the time she was pulling the picnic bag from the fridge, the doorbell was ringing. For one brief moment, she paused before answering, wondering why she’d suggested this mad idea in the first place.
And wondering why Travis had said yes.
Probably he’s just being polite, she told herself. Probably he just feels sorry for me.
But when she opened the door, there were no signs of sympathy or forced politeness in Travis’s expression. Instead, she saw only the shy smile and warmth in his eyes that made her glad to be in his company.
“Ready to go?” he asked.
“Ready,” she smiled.
“Let me carry that,” he said, taking the picnic bag from her while she closed the door.
Grateful for his help, she offloaded the cool bag into his care and locked the door. As she turned to follow him to the gate, a low twinge in her abdomen made her pause and wince.
“Hey, are you okay?” Travis asked, concern flooding his face.
“I’m fine,” Courtney said and smiled.
The twinge had vanished as quickly as it had arrived. The midwife had told her to expect sensations such as these as her due date drew closer, reassuring her they were nothing to worry about and that it was just her body’s way of preparing for the baby coming.
“Come on, let’s get moving,” she said. “I’m looking forward to our picnic lunch. As usual, I’m already starving.”
Reassured, Travis nodded and held the gate open for her. As they set off along Foxglove Street, she tried very hard not to waddle like a duck.
And quickly realised that would be a losing battle that wasn’t even worth fighting.
They arrived at the park just as the sun ducked behind clouds, and Courtney was grateful for some relief from the heat of the day. The deeper they got into April, the more the temperatures were rising, and it was already unseasonably warm.
“Our bench is empty,” Travis said as they reached the duck pond and he pointed to the wooden bench beneath the oak tree.
Our bench , Courtney echoed silently, liking how it sounded even as she blushed at the stupid way her mind had latched onto words that Travis had surely meant nothing by.
Once settled on the bench and cooling down beneath the graceful branches of the oak tree, Courtney unpacked the picnic lunch she’d prepared.
“I made cheese and pickle sandwiches,” she said, handing one of the greaseproof paper wrapped packages to Travis. “I hope that’s okay.”
“It’s perfect,” he said.
“And we’ve got apple juice or orange juice.” She held up the cartons so he could make a selection. “Also, I packed apples and grapes, and I also got some chocolate crispy cakes from the bakery, which I thought would be easier to eat outside and less likely to melt too quickly, considering how warm it is.”
“It’s a feast,” Travis said. “I’ll take the apple juice, unless you prefer it?”
“Orange is fine with me. I brought water bottles too, after learning my lesson the other week. Oh, and here are some napkins.”
“You thought of everything.”
They unwrapped sandwiches, stuck straws into juice cartons, and started eating.
“Great sandwich,” Travis said, peering at the filling. “What flavour is this pickle?”
“Actually, it’s more of a chutney than a pickle. It’s caramelised red onion.”
“It’s good.”
“I had a weird aversion to onions in my first trimester. It’s not unusual to go off things during the first few months, but I’m glad it passed, because I enjoy onion flavours.”
“What about cravings? Did you get any of those?”
“Chocolate,” she said, nodding to the chocolate-covered crispy cakes. “Although that might just be an excuse for greediness.”
He laughed at her quip. Courtney settled back onto the bench, enjoying the easy companionship of his company. As the ducks splashed and quacked in the pond, and children ran around in the play area, and people passed by on the path beside the bench, she was glad she hadn’t suggested eating their lunch in Rosie’s garden back at the house.
Being here in the park was nice. Sitting here on their bench was nice, sharing lunch and watching the world go by.
“How’s your new book coming along?” she asked between sandwich bites.
“Really well,” Travis said. “I think I might only have a couple more days of writing ahead and the book will be finished.”
“That’s fantastic. You must be thrilled.”
“I’ll be thrilled when I type The End on the page. Until then, I’m nothing more than quietly confident.”
Courtney smiled at his wry expression. “Any news about how your assistant, Ruth’s, recovery is going?”
“She’s on the mend. We spoke a couple of days ago, and although things are looking up, she needs more time to recover. Are you okay holding the fort for maybe another week?”
“I’m happy to do that. I’m still a couple of weeks away from my due date, so I doubt I’ll leave you in the lurch before Ruth can step in again.”
Travis gave her a look she couldn’t decipher. “Have you been enjoying the marketing assistant work you’ve done so far?”
“Actually, I have. I’ve enjoyed the challenge and enjoyed learning something new.” His odd look made her wonder why he was asking. “I hope I’ve taken care of the work the way you hoped I would and haven’t let anything fall by the wayside?”
“You’ve done a great job. The fans loved the book read-along posts over the past few weeks, and they’ve appreciated the interaction on their comments. It feels like there’s fresh energy on my social media profiles, thanks to you, and I’m not the only one who’s noticed, either.”
Courtney frowned. “What do you mean?”
Travis swallowed the last of his sandwich. “I got a phone call yesterday evening from someone I knew from a few years ago when I first signed with my publishing company. Jacquie Edmund was a junior marketing staffer, but left to start her own business providing marketing services to self-published authors and small independent publishers. Actually, I didn’t know that’s what she’d gone on to do until I heard from her yesterday. The reason she got in touch was to ask who was providing my marketing assistant work these days, because she’d noticed how well the recent posts were doing and how engaged my readers were on social media. She was especially impressed with the read-along posts you’ve been doing.”
“Wow,” Courtney said. “That’s nice to hear.”
“She wanted to know more about you and whether I thought you might be interested in working for her.”
Courtney just about managed to swallow the mouthful of sandwich she was eating without choking and spluttering. “ What? Are you serious?”
“Of course I’m serious. I’d never joke about something like that.” Travis looked amused. “Jacquie explained that she’s always on the lookout for new people to join her company who can add value for her clients. She assumed you’d been working in the virtual assistant business for a while, judging by what she saw of your work on my social media profiles.”
“Did you tell her I’ve only been doing this for a couple of weeks and that I’m basically winging it?”
“No, of course I didn’t. I told her you’d stepped in to cover the work because my regular assistant had an emergency, and that I’ve been very happy with what you’ve done. I figured if you decided to speak to her about a job, it would be up to you to tell her about your employment history and experience. I wasn’t about to divulge any personal information you wouldn’t be happy about.”
Courtney stared off across the park, still reeling in surprise because of what she’d just heard.
“For what it’s worth, I think you should talk to Jacquie and find out more,” Travis said. “You hit the ground running with the work you’ve done for me, and there’s no reason you can’t scale it up by working for someone else who specialises in this area. Jacquie told me that most of the assistants she hires work remotely, because it’s easier for everyone that way, and most of them keep their own hours too, rather than a rigid nine-to-five, which might not suit the responsive marketing needs of the clients, anyway. A flexible set-up like that might be perfect for you once the baby arrives.”
Courtney shook her head in wonder. “I’m speechless. You really think it might be worth a shot?”
“I do. What’s the worst that could happen? You decide it’s not for you, or Jacquie decides you’re not the best fit after all, and you move on. But I have a feeling this might be right up your street, Courtney. And Jacquie’s a decent and straight-forward person who, from what I can tell, is running a pretty great business. Actually, if I didn’t already have Ruth working for me, I would probably hire Jacquie’s company to deal with my assistant work, now that I know about her business and have heard more about how she operates.”
Courtney stuffed her sandwich wrapper into the lunch bag, unable to keep the huge smile off her face. “I’ll get in touch with her and find out more.”
“She’ll be thrilled to hear from you.” Travis pulled out his phone and scrolled on the screen. “Here’s her phone number. She said that if you were interested in chatting, you should feel free to call anytime.”
Courtney added the number to her phone, along with the website details for Jacquie’s company, so she could do some research before calling.
“I’m excited to talk to her, but she might not be so enthusiastic when she finds out I’ve only been doing this sort of work for a few weeks,” Courtney said.
“She’s looking for people who are organised, self-motivated, able to use their common sense, and who are personable enough to deal with the many tasks associated with virtual assistant work in the publishing industry,” Travis said. “It’s not about how long you’ve been doing it. It’s about having the basic skill sets in place. I think you have those. In fact, I know you have those. There will be lots to learn, but that’s true of any job.”
Courtney’s mind was already racing with thoughts about what this opportunity might mean if it all worked out. “I’ve really enjoyed doing this work for you, Travis. I’d love the chance to do more of it.”
“And that’s what you should tell Jacquie when you speak to her.”
“If there’s remote working, too, that would be perfect. I could work while looking after the baby. Do you think Jacquie would be interested in me only doing some part time hours once the baby comes?”
“You should ask her. She has kids of her own, so my guess is that she’ll understand your priorities. The way she talked on the phone, I got the impression that many of the virtual assistants in her business are part time because it suits them.”
Courtney felt excitement mount as another grin spread across her face. “If this works out, I’ll… scream with joy!”
Travis laughed.
“This is so amazing, Travis. I’m so glad I met you! First, you give me a temporary job. Now, you’re helping me find another job that might turn into something permanent. I can’t thank you enough.”
“You don’t have to thank me. And if it works out, I’ll be really happy for you.”
Even although all she had right now was the promise of a conversation with someone who might be interested in hiring her, Courtney couldn’t stop the excitement mounting, couldn’t stop the rush of happiness that flooded her thanks to this unexpected piece of news.
Perhaps it was that mix of excitement and happiness and sheer gratitude towards Travis, without whom this opportunity would never have arisen, that made Courtney forget herself for one mad moment and reach across the bench and pull him into a fierce hug.
“Thank you, Travis,” she whispered, not trusting her voice as emotions raced.
He froze for a long second, his body rigid, before his arms came around her loosely and he patted her back.
“You’re welcome,” he said. “I hope it works out.”
Sensing his discomfort at the sudden physical onslaught of the hug she’d subjected him to, Courtney let go, dropping her arms from around his shoulders. Shifting a little on the bench, she was about to apologise for the outburst and for grabbing him when her gaze caught his and she saw the look on his face.
It was a look filled with longing, his eyes dropping to her mouth and making her breath hitch.
The moment spun on, filled with magic and surprise and utter terror, as Travis looked up from her mouth and deep into her eyes.
The kiss lingered between them, waiting, and Courtney could almost taste it, could feel it flooding her senses and making her head spin, and she longed for his lips to touch hers.
With their gazes locked together, Travis’s head dipped and Courtney moved closer, aching for what was coming next.
And then something snapped in Travis’s eyes, as if he’d woken from a trance, and his expression filled with a mix of realisation and something that looked like horror.
“Uh…” His arms were still looped around her, and he gave her one final friendly pat on the back before pulling away and sliding across the bench. “Uh, er... ”
“Gosh, I’m sorry, I, um…”
They exchanged sheepish glances, neither one daring to look the other in the eye. Travis cleared his throat.
“Er, I hope you chat to Jacquie soon and things work out with the job she mentioned,” he said.
“Yes, me too.”
An awkward moment passed before Travis finally glanced at his watch. “I should probably get back to work.”
“Of course.”
“Thanks again for lunch.”
“I’m glad you enjoyed it.”
They hadn’t eaten the fruit or the bakery treats, but that didn’t matter. The picnic was well and truly over. As Courtney stuffed the leftover items back into the cool bag, she wondered what on earth had just happened.
She’d completely misread the situation; that’s what had happened. She’d hugged Travis and then conjured some mad illusion out of thin air that had made her think he wanted to kiss her. When she’d looked into his eyes, she’d imagined something that just wasn’t there. She’d imagined attraction where there was none.
Because if there had been any attraction, he would’ve kissed her, wouldn’t he? She’d practically shoved her mouth into his face and given him every opportunity to do it.
But he hadn’t. Of course , he hadn’t.
Quite what had possessed her to think Travis Stone would feel even a flicker of interest in or attraction towards her was a mystery. She was alone, homeless, broke, and more than eight months pregnant, for God’s sake.
She could barely even get up from the park bench! Awkwardly hauling herself to her feet with a breathless grunt only served to underline how completely improbable it was that anyone could find her anything other than pitiable.
And yet she thought Travis had wanted to kiss her?
She needed her head examined.
The walk back to Foxglove Street was punctuated with little more than polite conversation. Courtney could barely look Travis in the eye. It was too humiliating to meet his gaze after embarrassing herself so badly.
When they reached the front gate of Rosie’s house, Courtney fished her keys from her bag.
“Thanks again for the picnic,” Travis said, his voice filled with obviously false cheer.
“Thanks again for the job tip with your former colleague,” Courtney replied, determined to salvage things by sounding at least vaguely professional.
“If you decide to phone her for a chat, be sure to let me know how it goes.”
“Will do.”
Courtney smiled, even although it just about killed her to do it. Travis nodded along the street.
“I’d better get back to the writing,” he said. “See you soon.”
“Yes, see you soon.”
He walked off, his pace brisk as he departed. For one long, aching moment, Courtney watched him go, wishing she could take back the last half hour, wishing she could turn back time and not misread his response to the hug she’d inflicted on him, wishing she could go back and keep her hands to herself in the first place so none of this would’ve happened.
Travis had been good enough to give her paid work when he had no obligation to, had been good enough to put her in touch with someone who might have a proper job to give her, and had been kind enough to become her friend, too.
But after their botched hug and disastrous non-kiss in the park, not to mention the awkward walk home they’d just endured, Courtney couldn’t escape the feeling that whatever friendship had been growing between the two of them, she’d just completely blown it.
Travis had practically run off, hadn’t he? He couldn’t wait to get away from her. Courtney couldn’t blame him. She’d crossed a line, and although they’d pretended nothing had actually happened back there on the park bench, they both knew differently.
Courtney unlocked the door to Rosie’s house and stepped inside the cool hallway, grateful to be out of the afternoon heat. After unpacking the picnic waste, popping the uneaten fruit into the fridge and storing the crispy cakes in the tin in the cupboard, she filled a glass with water and went upstairs to the guest room.
Sinking into the bed, she sighed with relief as her body relaxed into the soft mattress. The walk to the park in the spring sunshine had wiped her out, and the cringing embarrassment she felt after her botched hug with Travis made her toes curl with humiliation. All she wanted was to lie in the sweet coolness of the guest room and let her body rest while she tried to erase the memory of the mess she’d just made.
How could she have got things so badly wrong? How could she have misread the look on Travis’s face and made such a cataclysmic error?
Maybe you’re just really awful when it comes to judging men and their romantic intentions, whispered a nasty little voice inside her head. After all, you ended up pregnant by a man who turned his back on you the moment he found out a baby was on the way. Compared to that, almost kissing a man who isn’t remotely interested in you that way is just par for the course where you’re concerned, isn’t it?
The nasty voice inside her head was hurtful, but it wasn’t wrong. Courtney wondered if she just had some fundamental flaw that made it impossible for her to get things right when it came to matters of the heart.
A dull ache settled in her lower back, adding to the pain in her swollen ankles and sore hips following the walk to the park and back. She should’ve known better than to push things, and now she was paying the price.
In more ways than one.
As she dozed off to sleep, the baby kicked. Courtney laid a hand across her bump and thought of her child. Only a few more weeks to go until she met her tiny baby.
With that comforting thought pushing out all the other anxious musings and regrets that were threatening to keep her awake, Courtney drifted off, grateful for the escape from her swirling thoughts.
As sleep tugged her under, she dreamt she was walking along Foxglove Street in the sunshine, pushing a gorgeous pink-trimmed pram in which her beautiful baby lay, looking up at her with bright eyes the colour of cornflowers. Courtney’s heart swelled with love for her child, her joy overflowing.
But when she looked up from her baby’s sweet face, she realised she was all alone on the silent street. She looked around for her cousin Rosie, but couldn’t see her anywhere, nor Zara, nor her aunt and uncle. She looked around for her mother, and then felt the sharp stab of loss when she remembered she had died and was gone forever. Tears welled, hot and salty, rolling down Courtney’s cheeks like rivers.
A sudden flicker of movement in the distance caught her eye, where the street curved around a corner, and there she saw someone hurrying off in the other direction.
Travis.
In her dream, Courtney called out to him, waved her hands in the air. But Travis didn’t turn around, didn’t stop, didn’t slow down. He just kept walking off into the distance until he vanished from sight. Watching him disappear filled her with sadness and terrible longing like a homesickness for which there was no cure.
The baby started crying, and Courtney lifted her from the pram, tried to comfort her, but nothing she did soothed her child’s upset, and she only cried all the louder.
You’re a terrible mother and you’re a failure, bellowed a disembodied voice inside the dream, a voice that sounded like her own transmitted through some ancient analogue radio set. You’ve ruined everything and you deserve to be alone.
Fast asleep on the bed, Courtney twitched as the dream morphed into a nightmare and she sobbed incoherent words of desperation, words she’d know nothing about once she woke and the dream scattered to the winds.