15. TWELVE
TWELVE
C aitlin woke up to the feeling of someone peering at her. She blinked her eyes open, smiling, thinking it would be Isabelle wanting her to wake up and get her breakfast, but it wasn’t.
Jordan lay next to her, propped up on an elbow, an unreadable expression on his handsome face. She didn’t say anything, only let her eyes adjust, taking in his strong jaw, the brown eyes that could melt her with one look, and the lips that she loved watching curl into a smile only meant for her.
“You know, I used to watch you sleep all the time after we were first married.” Jordan reached out to smooth her bedhead hair.
“I know. It was cute at first, then it annoyed me.”
“It only annoyed you because it woke you up,” he said with a chuckle.
“Yeah, well, sleep is important.”
“So you keep telling me,” he said, then softened his tone. “Though it looks like you haven’t got enough of that in the last four years.”
“They haven’t been easy,” she said, clearing her throat and stretching. “Where’s our daughter?”
“I love it when you call her that,” Jordan said, groaning and sitting up against the bedstead. “She’s with Gammy cooking up some real breakfast, as she called it.”
“I’ve missed my mom’s cooking,” she said, pushing herself up to sit cross-legged across from him. “Do we really have to do this now?”
“I don’t think you understand what it feels like having a monster creeping and crawling and eating inside of you.”
She cocked her head. “Actually, that sounds a lot like pregnancy.”
Jordan contorted his face, then shook his head. “And you’re sure you don’t want to do that again.”
“Want isn’t a factor. I can’t…” She met his eyes. “They had to, uh, remove my parts…” She held her breath, watching as he processed what she said.
“Oh…I see…so no more babies…” Jordan swallowed, his eyes kind of glazing over.
She reached out to take his hand. “If that’s something you want…and you want me…” She bit her lip, trying to keep the emotions from swallowing her.
“I hadn’t really thought about it, but now knowing that we can’t…Well, we have Isabelle, and she’s a miracle.”
“She is.” Caitlin agreed. “Derrick adopted…”
“Yeah, he did. Do you want more children?” He slid a finger along the lines in her palm.
“I think there is a lot for us to discuss before we talk about more kids…but it’s a subject I’m open to…especially if you want to experience the whole baby thing.” She watched him closely, trying to decipher his thoughts.
“They seem like a lot of work…and not much fun. All Derrick’s baby does is spit up, cry, poop, spit up. Seems messy.”
Caitlin laughed. “It’s definitely messy.”
“Maybe…maybe the Big Guy upstairs knew what he was doing…maybe I would have been a horrible daddy to a baby.” He shrugged.
“I don’t know,” she said, her voice sounding as tiny as a mouse’s. She squeezed her palm around his finger. “What I do know is you're a great daddy now, and Isabelle needs you.”
“Thank you.” He laughed. “The funny thing is, I feel like I need her more than she needs me.”
“I know that feeling,” Caitlin said. “I need you to know that whatever happens…whatever you decide about us…I won’t take her from you. I’d get a place close by, and we would…we would do our best to co-parent.”
Jordan froze. Even his breathing stopped. She felt it and worried about what it would mean. Finally, his breath came along with his words. “Is that what you want?”
Caitlin’s throat tightened and tears stung her eyes. Fear lurched within her as she knew that what she wanted she didn’t have the right to ask for…but she couldn’t stop hoping on forgiveness. She had promised Derrick she would fight for her marriage. “No.”
“Do you want to return to the city?”
She screwed up her face and shook her head, doing her best to swallow the fear that kept building up, threatening to undo her resolve.
“What do you want, Caity?”
She blinked her welling eyes, cleared her throat. “What do you want?”
Jordan’s lips twitched into a smile. “Nope. We’re not playing that game. We’re sitting right here until you tell me.”
Several moments went past with Caitlin doing her best to regain control of her emotions. She blew out shaky breaths until her throat eased enough to let words pass through. “This. What we’ve had since…since I returned.”
Jordan cocked his head to the side. “You want to live like a family, but basically as roommates?”
Caitlin’s mouth fell open.
“Cause if that’s what you want, I’m not sure I’m a strong enough man to do that. I mean, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but you are h-o-t.” He smiled his charming, just for her, smile and her heart melted.
The laughter came slowly at first, but soon it bubbled forth, releasing all the pent up fear and emotions that had built up over the last four years. When her body finally stopped shaking and she caught her breath, she said, “I needed that.”
“What, to be reminded that you’re hot? All you've got to do is watch the way men follow you with their eyes and…” Jordan winked, but she smacked him.
“No. I needed a good laugh.”
“Well, I’m good at that.”
“Yes, you are, always have been.”
“You know what else I always have been?” His smile faded, his eyes turning serious. “Crazy for you.”
Tears stung her eyes again, and she wondered when she had turned out to be so emotional. “Does that mean you will not give up on us…you’ll forgive me?”
“When those men took you…” He eyed her, and she knew he watched her to make sure mentioning that day didn’t upset her. “I realized that none of it mattered. I mean, does it hurt, yeah. Does it make it hard to trust, definitely. But it doesn’t matter. I can’t live without you, and I can’t live without our daughter. So, whatever it takes…even counseling, though I’d rather not see Megan. I’m in for the long haul, “til death do us part, remember?” His face lost color for a moment.
“I do. Thank you for your willingness.” She cocked her head. “Seeing Megan is a little too close to home, huh?”
“Yeah,” Jordan said, but the word sat heavy, like there was more to say, and as he met her gaze, she realized there was. “I don’t want you to get weird by it. Nothing happened. She found me out from the beginning.”
“What do you mean?” Caitlin’s heart hammered. “Oh…well, I mean, I just left…if you…you know, well, it would only be natural…” But it didn't feel natural; the thought of him with another woman hurt worse than almost any pain she had ever felt.
“No.” He took her hands. “Nothing happened. See, Megan is Chasity’s best friend, and Derrick tried to set us up…he was only trying to help me be happy. Megan knew right off the bat that I was still helplessly, hopelessly in love with you.”
Caitlin raised an eyebrow. “Oh, really?”
“Really, and Tyler came into town soon after, and I’m pretty sure it was love at first sight for them. They're a good match.” He nodded. “I mean…you can’t go to your friend’s wife for marital therapy. It’s just not cool.”
Caitlin laughed. “But you’re okay with me hanging out with her…and Chasity…to talk…?”
“About us?”
“About the things that happened to us. Chasity said she wants us to go for a walk and chat…to support each other.”
Jordan’s lips curled into a smile again. “You mean like you might have some girlfriends?”
“Friends that are girls,” she shrugged, “maybe?”
“I’d be stoked if you got along with them. I mean, we’ll be spending a lot of time with them, so it would be awkward if you didn’t.”
“You’re really okay…with this life? The life of a daddy…with us here…permanently? It’s going to be a big change.”
“It has been a big change, but you know what? The only thing I remember from the life before was lonely nights missing you. We’ll handle whatever comes at us, and we’ll handle them together. Can you promise me that? No more lies. No more secrets. Even if you assume what I will feel and how I will react…you don’t get to make that choice. I make that choice.”
Caitlin bit her lip and nodded. When he continued to stare at her with that heavy-laden look, she said, “I promise.”
“Oh, and one more thing…don’t let your parents get between us again.”
“Is…is that what you had words about with my dad?”
He shrugged. “He and I have some clearing to do, but I think we are on our way.”
“I put you both in that position…it’s my fault.”
“No, Caity. He made that choice himself. He could have told me like a man, like a father should have. It was his choice to continue the charade.” He shook his head. “That doesn’t matter right now. What matters is that when we go out there, we can tell them what we plan for our future.”
“Okay, so what is our plan?”
Jordan smirked. “Trying to put this on me again? Fine. Do you agree we do whatever it takes to make this…you and me and Isabelle, our marriage and our family work…just like we promised in our vows all those years ago?”
“I do,” she said, unable to keep a straight face, and feeling like a massive weight that had held her down for four years had lifted.
“Good,” he said and jumped out of the bed, turning back to give her a hand out as well. “I’m starving.”
He waited for her while she slipped into the bathroom to change, and as they walked down the hall, he intertwined his fingers with hers. “Be patient with me, okay?”
“I have nowhere else to be,” she said, tightening her fingers in his.
When they walked into the kitchen, a flour-covered Isabelle turned toward them. “Look, Mommy, Daddy! I help make breakfast!”
“Oh goodness,” Caitlin said, releasing Jordan’s hand to scoop her daughter up, heedless of the flour spreading onto her clothes. “I can see what a help you’ve been.”
“She’s a doll. So good at mixing, aren’t you, sweetie?” her mom said, leaning her cheek out for Caitlin’s kiss.
“I am,” Isabelle said.
“Well, at least I know it’s not just failure on my part. She gets more flour on her regardless of who she helps make pancakes.” Jordan laughed.
“Well, the first batch is done, so let’s eat.” Her mom set down a stack of pancakes next to a plate of bacon, eggs, and sausage.
“I sure feel spoiled,” Caitlin said, breathing in the delicious aroma.
“Well, Jordan supplied the fixings. I only made them.”
Her dad put down the paper. “Morning, pumpkin. Did you guys get the chance to hash it out?”
Jordan glanced at her. “I don’t know, Caity, did we get any hashing done?”
Caitlin tightened her lips against the smile, meeting her dad’s gaze. “Yeah, we made some agreements.”
“Well?” he asked, and her mom’s fork froze and she watched her closely.
Caitlin looked at Jordan, giving him a nod, and he said, “We took our vows almost a decade ago now, and we’re going to do whatever it takes to uphold them.”
Her mom squealed and reached out to squeeze both of their hands. “I’m so happy to hear that!”
“Those vows were dissolved with the divorce,” her dad said, ever practical.
“Not for me.” Jordan leaned forward. “I never signed them.” He took a bite full of pancakes, shoving them in his mouth like that ended the conversation.
“I’m just saying that you’ll have to make things legal again, fill out another marriage license, and file it with—”
“Daddy?” Caitlin reached across the table to take his hand. “Give us time, okay?”
“Well, you’re already sleeping in his room,” he huffed.
“On separate sides of the bed, with Isabelle between us. When things got scary, we thought it would be safer to be all together…and now, well, I haven’t quite made it back to normal.” Caitlin rolled her shoulders.
“And, George,” her mom said softly, “it’s really none of our business.”
Jordan half swallowed the laugh he tried to hold back, and Caitlin glanced at her parents under lowered lids.
“Hmph,” her dad grunted, then attacked his breakfast like normal.
“Mommy?” Isabelle tugged on her sleeve. “What this all mean?”
Caitlin looked at Jordan, then kissed her daughter’s head. “It means that we are staying here with Daddy.”
“Forever?” Her eyes widened.
“For as long as God gives us,” Caitlin said, her heart warming at Jordan’s light touch on her shoulder.
“Can I get a horsie?”
The table erupted in laughter. Even Caitlin’s dad gave a small chuckle. Caitlin drew in a breath, filling her lungs with the love that surrounded her and feeling, finally, like life was exactly how it was supposed to be.
Jordan hummed as he drove into New Hope. He’d been in this larger town more than he ever had over the last month. They chose a marriage therapist here and went for intensive therapy…twice a week. Waiting wasn’t an option.
The time spent in therapy wasn’t what he called fun, but it cut through the issues, making them sit there and hash it out until they were past them. As the therapist said, the past would always be there, but how he thought about it, or didn’t think about it, was a choice.
Making decisions had never been a problem for him, and once he made up his mind, he acted on it. Which was why he came into New Hope today by himself. It felt strange not having Caitlin and Isabelle with him.
He stopped first at the jewelry store. Caitlin still had her engagement and wedding ring, as did he, but he wanted something special for her. The website for the store showed exactly what he wanted, a necklace with three rings united, signifying the three in their family.
The jeweler smiled at him as he picked it up. “Special gift for your wife?”
“Yeah,” he said. “My wife.”
He had never stopped seeing her as that, not even during the almost four years of her lack of presence. The ache still twanged inside of him, but he shifted his thoughts to the present–to her and their daughter waiting for him at home, for the life they led together.
His hands sweated even though winter started to close its noose around their mountain towns. He turned down the heater in his truck as he drove to the next place on the list. Finding a parking spot was easy, but he sat there for several moments before finally getting out.
He knew they had to fill the paperwork out together…but he wanted it there to hand to her before she could change her mind. The waiting room was large, and he nodded at several of the people he knew. The clerk glanced up at him over the rims of her glasses.
“Well, stranger. You decided to grace us with your presence rather than send one of your men, huh?”
“Hey, Bethany. I’ve, well, been busy.”
“Oh?” She set down the paperwork she had been looking at and took off her glasses to pierce him with a stare. “You gonna tell me?”
“Well, let’s just say I need a marriage license.”
Her eyes opened wide. “I heard about the fiasco over in Hope Lake…I thought that meant that you and your wife were…well, on the mend.”
“We are. That’s why I need the license.”
She gave him a peculiar look, slipped her glasses back on, and typed away at her keyboard. “I’m a little confused here, Jordan, because I swear you two are still married.”
“She,” he cleared his throat and leaned in, lowering his voice, “filed for divorce several years ago.”
“Did you ever sign the papers?”
He stood up straight. “No, I didn’t. I didn’t agree with it.”
She hit one last key and then turned the screen toward him. “Well, in California, if one party doesn’t sign the papers and the other party doesn’t contest it, the papers are void.”
Jordan’s heart hammered. “So, we’re still married.”
“Yep.”
Deep laughter started in his belly and fled out his mouth, making him bend over the counter with its force. “Oh my…” he gasped. “Wait until she hears this. I’ve been right all along calling her my wife!”
Bethany sat back in her chair, her glasses on her desk again, and a wide smile transforming her wrinkled face. “It’s moments like this that make me keep putting off retirement.”
Jordan reached over the counter and cupped the older woman’s face. “You’re a doll, Bethany. We all love you!” He yipped, not caring that it made everyone turn toward him. “Is there any way you could print that out?”
“Sure thing, honey.” She clicked a few buttons and handed him the paper after it fed out through the printer. “Now, go claim that wife of yours.”
“Oh, I plan to. Thank you again!” Jordan practically danced out of the building and to his truck. He pulled out his phone, almost hitting Caitlin’s name to call her and tell her, then smiled and slipped his phone back into his pocket. There was no way he would ruin the surprise and not get to see her expression as he told her.
That afternoon, they took Isabelle to his parent’s house, like they did every Thursday afternoon when they went to therapy. Isabelle loved spending time with Poppy and Gamma as she called them.
When he and Caitlin climbed back into his truck without her, Caitlin sighed. “I know we’re doing this for a good cause, but I don’t think I will ever get used to leaving her…even with family.”
“I get it, and I think we are getting close to not having to do that…” He smiled at her as he turned down the road.
“Really? You’re feeling better about the situation?” Caitlin turned in her seat to meet his eyes.
“Yeah, aren’t you?”
“I feel like our relationship is pretty invincible right now.” She reached for his hand, and he grasped it until he needed it to turn up into their driveway.
That turn made her look back at their surroundings. “Did you forget something?” She glanced at the clock. “We might be late…”
He smiled at her ruefully. “I canceled the appointment.”
“You canceled it? Why?”
“I have a more important appointment to uphold.”
Her brow furrowed and lips quirked. “Okay…”
“Just play along with me,” he said with a wink before jumping out of the truck and racing to her side to help her out. “Remember when we first found this property?”
“Yeah, I mean, we came here as teens, hanging out, listening to music…it was the one place we could be without prying eyes.” Caitlin took his offered hand and let him lead her around the house.
“And the tree?”
Her cheeks bloomed in a beautiful blush. “Of course I remember that tree. You kissed me for the first time under it…and later proposed.”
He smiled as he walked her to the bench that he had placed under the tree when he built the house. Was he a glutton for punishment? Maybe, but maybe he was preparing for a future he only hoped would happen.
He had Caitlin sit down. “I’ve always loved this spot.” She met his eyes briefly from under her lashes, a taste of the shyness that she had back when they were young.
Jordan shook out his hands, then reached into his jeans to pull out the box with the necklace. Her intake of breath had him grinning as he lowered to one knee.
Caitlin covered her mouth, and her eyes glistened. He set the box next to his knee and took her hands gently from her mouth to hold them in his.
“Caity, there hasn’t been a moment I can remember that I didn’t love you. You were always part of my life, my best friend, my adventure buddy, my whole world.” He swallowed, and she whimpered slightly. “Our life didn’t turn out like we had envisioned it the first time I proposed to you here, but it brought us back together because we are meant to be one. We are one.”
Caitlin nodded, the tears falling unbidden down her cheeks. He put both her hands into one of his and wiped away her tears with his thumb.
“Caitlin Myers, would you make me the happiest man, again, devote your life to me, again, and finish this story of forever with me?”
“Yes.” She breathed out the word, falling to her knees in front of him. “Thank you. Thank you for forgiving me.”
“Thank you for forgiving me.” He pulled up the box. “It’s not a ring, because you already have those, but I feel it’s a solid symbol of this second chapter of our life.”
He opened the box, and she gasped. “It’s perfect. Oh, I love it, and I love you.” She leaned over, her cool hand resting on his cheek. “I love you so much.”
“And I love you…forever…no matter what.” He closed the distance between them.
Their lips touching formed a familiar bond, but with a depth that hadn’t existed before. Nothing would stand in their way of happiness, nothing could threaten their love this time around. That knowing consumed him as a weight lifted from his shoulders, wrapping them together in a bond of forgiveness and love that went beyond earthly means.
When they finally pulled apart, their foreheads leaned together as they gasped for breath.
“Is it just me, or was that the best kiss we’ve ever had?” Caitlin let out a self-conscious giggle.
“Oh, definitely the best kiss we’ve ever had. Should we see if they keep getting better?”
She answered him by meeting his lips. The bond deepened with a love that wasn’t like the puppy love of first love, where everything was roses and laughter. It was a love that was fierce, a powerful love that would bond them together no matter the trials that came with life.
“Oh, yeah,” she panted as they separated. “It gets better.”
“Every day with you is going to be better than the last. Just wait and see.”
“I don’t plan to wait. I plan to live it.”
“Good.” He smiled down at her and he stood, helping her up to stand next to him. “We have a lot to plan. I think we should invite all the locals.”
“Invite all the locals?”
“They put their lives on the line to save yours. I think it’s fitting they should come to our renewal of vows, don’t you?”
“Restatement of vows…Jordan…we have to do it all over again. I mean, I could ask my dad to oversee the ceremony. He’s legally ordained, so we don’t have to get a preacher, but technically,” she swallowed, looking away, “we’re divorced.”
“You know how I’ve been calling you my wife this entire time?” He pulled out the folded paper in his back pocket.
“Yeah, but refusing to see something and the legality of it are two different things.”
“Well, it turns out I was right. I never signed the papers. You never contested, wife.” He leaned in to give her startled mouth a quick kiss.
“We were always married? This whole time?” She took the paper, her eyes scanning the document. A giggle bubbled until she covered her mouth, her eyes tearing as they met his. “We’re still married.”
“We are.”
She blinked…but why all this?” She motioned around them and to the necklace that still sat in the box.
“I had it all planned before I found out, and well, you deserve a good proposal.”
“Your first one was sweet,” she said.
“I was a kid who didn’t really understand the depth of love. I meant it, but now I really know what it means when you say for better or worse.” He took her hands, letting the paper flutter to the ground. “You see, Caity, that bond kept us true to each other. We may have spent time apart, but in our hearts, we were still married, and it turns out on paper, too. We got through the worse part…and now we’re on to the better.”
“And if another worse part comes, we know we can manage it, that our love is strong enough to get us through it.”
“Exactly.”
She threw her arms around his neck. “Oh, Jordan. I love you so much.”
“I know you do, and I love you even more.”
“Oh goodness…we’re not going to start that silly game again, are we?”
Jordan shrugged. “It was fun when we were sixteen…maybe it will be fun again.”
She dropped her arms, stooped to pick up the paper and the box and asked him to put her necklace on. “I really do love it. All three of us.”
“And there’s room for more. The jeweler showed me how they do it.”
“More?”
“In case we decide to adopt.” Jordan shrugged, heat traveling up his neck. “Later, you know.”
“Right. Later. Right now, we have to focus on the upcoming ski season. I think Isabelle is at the perfect age to learn.”
Jordan stepped back, completely caught off guard.
“What? You think I gave up on our adventurous life?”
“We have a child now…” Jordan shook his head, trying to see his lifestyle like it used to be, a life he had given up on…mostly.
“Yes, and she will love skiing.” Caitlin wrapped her arm around his as they walked back toward the house. “Maybe we should get her a bike for Christmas. I mean, it will take time to get her trail-ready, but it’s better to start sooner. Don’t you think?”
Jordan kissed the top of her head. “You’re incredible, you know that?”
“Only when I’m with you,” she said, nuzzling into him.
“This second chapter of our life together is going to be awesome,” Jordan said, his mind already going to the life they would build together. Who knew hoping on forgiveness could turn into something so deep and fulfilling?