Thirty-Five
‘Right, lady, I think it’s about time you spilled some beans! What on EARTH have you been getting up to since I last saw you?’
Sally looked at Karen, whose arms were buried in the soapy water which filled the sink, and tried to gauge if she was annoyed or not. The sound of water swishing around in the dishwasher prevented the room from being completely silent.
‘Where would you like me to start?’
‘I suppose from the beginning. Chronological order works best for me.’
‘Would that be your inner barrister perhaps?’
‘I am a barrister, Sal, and we never have a day off. Stop prevaricating and get on with it before I end up clunking you with one of these pots! And, being a very nice solid copper, they’d clunk you rather well.’
As Karen washed the pots and roasting pans which had cooked the finger food for the buffet, Sally brought her up to speed on all that had occurred since they’d last met.
‘Why didn’t you tell me? All those phone calls and you never even hinted at any of this. I thought you were just being evasive after I gave you the third degree on your birthday and figured you didn’t want to see me in case I did it again.’
Sally placed the tea towel on the rail to dry and wiped down the island worktop before taking two wine glasses from the cupboard and splitting the remains of a bottle between them as she tried to find the words to explain.
‘No, I can assure you, it wasn’t that, not at all. It’s just… I don’t know, honestly, I don’t. I was trying to explain this to Matt earlier – I wasn’t intentionally keeping it a secret; I simply didn’t want to tell anyone. Does that make any sense?’
‘I suppose it does, in a way. It would have been nice to share it with you, though.’
‘I understand but that’s the thing – I didn’t want to share it. For a while, it belonged to me and only me. No one else. And I liked how that felt.’
Karen stared at her but said nothing.
‘What? Why are you staring at me?’
‘What about Matt? Where is he fitting into all this? You talk about him as a friend, you’ve told me how helpful he’s been but that kiss I interrupted was not the sort of kiss friends give each other. Heck, you and I have known each other since school and we’ve never kissed like that!’
‘I didn’t think you’d want us to kiss like that but if you insist…’
She puckered up and leant over the island towards her friend who swatted her away amidst a spurt of laughter.
‘Get away with you, ya daft moo! You know what I mean and stop trying to evade the question. What gives with you and Matt?’
‘Tell me, Karen, are you a good barrister?’
‘Damn right I am, what gave it away?’
‘The fact you’re currently like a dog with a bone over Matt.’
‘I just wanna know what’s happening to my bestie’s heart. Is the little icicle beginning to thaw? Is it starting to feel love again? After all, it has been a while. And yes, I do appreciate the circumstances made it difficult but after nearly four years, you are long overdue having someone special in your life once more.’
‘Then, to answer your question, nothing “gives” with Matt and I! Apparently, he had a crush on me at school—’
‘Whoa! Back it up… he knew you at school? I don’t remember him.’
‘He was a couple of years above us. I don’t remember him either but he remembers me. He was going to ask me to the end-of-term dance but we moved away before he had the chance.’
‘Damn! He could have asked me, then I wouldn’t have been stuck with snotty-nosed Tommy Haxton.’
‘That was your own fault! You kept knocking back all the lads who asked you because you were waiting for Philip Vickers to request the pleasure of your company. Except he’d already asked Katya Middleton which left you high and dry. No one to blame but yourself there, girlfriend.’
‘Humph! Your sympathy is underwhelming! Anyway, stop changing the damn subject – we’re talking about you and Matt here.’
‘There is no “me and Matt” to talk about. We’re good friends and he’s been an amazing help with getting this place all sorted out but I’ve paid him for that. It’s amazing how friendly folks are when you’re paying their wages.’
‘Look, I know what I saw tonight and there were no “wages” involved there.’
Karen took a swig of her wine and as she set the glass back on the worktop, she pinned Sally down with a firm expression on her face.
‘Okay, I’m going to drop this for now, Sal, because I don’t want to make you uncomfortable but do me a favour – have a good think on how you feel about Matt and where you would like this to go. Be totally honest with yourself because he seems like a good bloke.’
‘He is.’
‘Then don’t risk losing him, love. The good guys are few and far between.’
‘I’ll drink to that!’
They clinked their glasses before emptying them.
‘And on that note, my little chickadee, I’m off to catch some winks in that glorious bedroom you’ve put me in. I’ll see you in the morning.’
‘Goodnight, Karen, and thank you for understanding.’
‘No worries. Goodnight.’
Karen walked over to the door but then stopped and turned back.
‘Sal, I just want to say one last thing – when I arrived earlier, the first thing I noticed was how fantastic you look. You are positively glowing! I don’t think I have ever seen you look so vibrant and happy. You’ve smiled and laughed all night long. I know you were happy with Steve and I don’t want to undermine what you had with him but this…’ she pointed her finger at Sally and moved it up and down, ‘this is way beyond that. I think you’ve finally grown into your own skin and it’s looking mighty fine!’
She gave her a smile and walked into the hallway.
Sally listened to the footsteps going up the stairs and pondered on what Karen had said as she placed the glasses on the worktop by the sink, switched off the light and made her way along to her own bedroom. Herbert was already curled up in the middle of the bed and as she twisted her body to fit around him, Karen’s words kept repeating themselves in her head.
Two hours later, after much tossing and turning which was so bad, Herbie had growled at one point, Sally got up and padded down her spiral staircase to the kitchen. Maybe a glass of milk might help her to sleep but she knew she was clutching at straws. The truth was, Karen’s words had struck deeper than she’d expected and she was now questioning herself in ways she hadn’t done before.
Was she really now finding herself? She’d always thought of herself as being a fairly complete person and when she’d married Steve, her belief was that they’d enhanced each other. She’d never been a woman who felt a man was required to make her “whole” – Steve had merely been the icing on the cake of her happy existence.
She stopped dead, the carton of milk half-tilted in her hand, and took heed of her thought process. “Happy existence!” Those very words summed it up and she had been completely unaware. She had been “existing” – not in a bad way although the years after Steve’s death were in a different league entirely. But Karen was right – nothing about her life had made her feel fulfilled. She’d left school with okay grades, got a job as a secretary, and worked up to being a PA and then met and married Steve. Nothing about any of that was exceptional.
The microwave pinged and she took the cup of warm milk over to the sofa where she sat in the dark and looked out into the courtyard.
Maybe if they’d had children, she’d feel differently about her life. She knew from friends that children changed everything about your perspective and your place within the universe but she’d never had the urge to be a mother and Steve hadn’t fancied being a father, citing his own poor example of one as being enough to put anyone off the idea.
Suddenly, one of the courtyard security lights came on and Sally found herself looking into the eyes of a beautiful, red-furred fox. It stood still, clearly startled by the light and was looking right in Sally’s direction although she knew it wouldn’t be able to see her sitting inside in the dark.
She watched as the fox sniffed the air and the ground before slowly moving across the cobbles and through the gate on the other side.
A sense of fulfilment flowed through Sally then – seeing such a glorious creature in its natural environment brought home to her how much of a privilege it was to be living in this place.
A few minutes went by as she finished her drink and thought some more about where she now was in her life. Matt also crossed her mind but she pushed him to one side – there was only so much soul-searching she was prepared to do at silly o’clock in the morning.
Finally, after placing the mug in the dishwasher, she wandered back up to bed and as she slipped between the sheets again, she concluded that while her good monetary fortune had led her to this house and new episode in her life, she now also had an overwhelming sense of peace and that was something which money could never buy.