Thirty-Eight
‘That’s it! I’m bankrupt! I no longer have a single fake pound to my name. I’m out.’
Matt sat back and grinned at Flora who was now sitting with all of his money on her pile.
‘I think you’re wasted doing graphic design, Flora, you should be a property mogul. Judging by the fact you now have all your dad’s money and most of mine, you’re certainly cut out for it.’
‘Nah! I think property on Park Lane and Mayfair is considerably more expensive in real life. Plus, there’s too many wheelers and dealers in that game – not for me at all. I’ll stick to the board game version and just be content to wipe the floor with my opponents.’
‘Matt, I think we’ve uncovered a ruthless streak in your daughter. You may need to do something about that.’
‘I reckon it’s too late, Sally, the beast has been unleashed and I doubt it’ll go back in its cage.’
‘Oh, you two! Behave! Are we done here?’
Matt looked at his watch and was surprised to see it was after eight o’clock.
‘Yes, I’d say we’re done. We’ve been playing for almost three hours.’
‘My, Dad, doesn’t time fly when you’re being forced to play a board game you didn’t want to play.’
Flora grinned cheekily across the table at him and he couldn’t help but grin back as he replied, ‘Anymore of your cheek, young lady, and I’ll be putting that box in the bin.’
‘Sure! Of course you will!’
Flora rolled her eyes while she packed the game up and Matt slid a glance at Sally, pleased to see her smiling at the daft chatter going on.
He pushed back his chair and stood, stretching his arms out as he did so. He wasn’t used to sitting in one place for so long and he felt cramped up.
‘Anyone for a brandy? Seeing as it’s Christmas and all…’
‘Not for me, thanks, Dad. I’m off upstairs to FaceTime some of my mates. I’ll see you both in the morning.’
‘Okay, sweetheart. Sleep well when you get there.’ He leant over to give her a kiss on her cheek.
‘Goodnight, Flora. Thank you for a truly lovely day. It was kind of you to invite me and I’ve had a great time.’
‘Sally, you are most welcome. It’s been a pleasure having you here.’
Matt watched the two women embrace and felt a warming glow to see Flora looking so happy. His conscience pricked him a little by making him question if he’d been right to stay single all these years. Maybe he should have considered remarrying, if only to give his daughter some female company and guidance.
‘Sally, can I tempt you with a brandy?’
When she smiled and accepted, he walked over to the drinks cupboard and told his conscience that marrying someone just to make his daughter happy was wrong and would not have been fair on the lady in question – whoever she may have been.
‘Shall we take these over to the sofa and put a film on?’
‘Sure, that sounds good.’
‘I also have a tin of chocolates hidden away so Flora didn’t find them. We can nibble on those.’
When they were settled on the sofa, Matt at one end and Sally at the other with the big tin of sweets in the middle, Sally turned to him and said, ‘This is just how Christmas would be at home, although without the board game.’
‘No board games? Why not?’
‘My dad and brother are too competitive and always take the fun out of them so Mum banned them when I was a teenager. She said Christmas was stressful enough without listening to them going at it.’
‘May I ask why you didn’t go home for Christmas this year?’
‘My brother and his fiancée recently moved into my old house and wanted to host Christmas dinner this year. However, the dining room is tiny and getting six people in there is an accomplishment. Seven would have been a step too far and that’s where I would have ended up eating – on the hall stairs!’
‘Your mum didn’t want you all together under her roof, then?’
‘I’m sure she’d have been delighted to have us all home but her cooking is never going to win any prizes unless they’re for who can desecrate a meal the best. Evaine, my sister-in-law to be, however, was desperate to celebrate Christmas in her new home and with her parents adding to the numbers, someone had to take a side step. I was happy to be the one.’
‘Fewer questions about what you’re doing down here?’
Sally smiled at him. ‘You’re very astute, Mr O’Brien, that’s exactly it.’
‘You’ll need to let them know what you’re doing at some point, surely. After all, your brother helped you move down here. Didn’t he ask any questions?’
‘Chris takes discreteness to a whole new level. While we may have had our fair share of sibling quarrels over the years, the one thing he has never done is tell tales to our mother. He knows about the farm, obviously, but I can trust him not to say anything to the parents. There’s also the small threat of booting him out of my old house if he did, which I mentioned to you previously. Of course, I’d never do that and he knows it.’
‘Wasn’t he even a bit curious?’
‘He probably was but he’ll wait for me to divulge everything when I’m ready. He’s not one for probing into other folks’ business.’
‘He sounds like a decent brother.’
‘He is. I’ve been lucky. What about you – do you have siblings?’
‘No, I’m an only child. Apparently, I was such a painful birth – Mum was in labour for over thirty hours – that she vowed never again.’
‘Blooming heck! I can’t say I blame the woman!’
‘I agree although there’s been many times when I wished I’d had them, if only so Flora could have had some cousins to play with while growing up. I think she found it rather lonely at times although I did my best by allowing lots of sleepovers with her friends.’
‘Not quite the same though, is it, as having family.’
‘No, sadly not.’
‘And her Uncle Craig – no nieces or nephews there?’
Matt felt his chest tighten at the mention of his wife’s brother.
‘No, he married late and it was a short-lived affair. No time for kids and, even if he’d had any, they’d have been too young for Flora.’
‘You really don’t like Craig, do you?’
‘What makes you ask that?’
‘Your face changes, almost like disgust, when his name comes up. When we spoke before, I didn’t fully notice it – my mind was full of B&B stuff – but there, just now, it was really obvious.’
Matt felt himself squirm under her gaze. Sally had twisted round so her shoulder was against the back of the sofa and she was facing him. The film on the television had been completely forgotten so he picked up the remote to turn down the volume before mirroring Sally’s actions to look back at her.
‘It’s… it’s difficult.’
‘Look, you don’t need to explain anything to me. I was just observing.’
‘I know. But you’re going to be working with Craig and you’ll inevitably wonder what the problem is.’
‘Probably but that still doesn’t make it any of my business.’
Matt felt something topple inside him, a sensation like bricks tumbling down. He’d always been aware that he’d built a wall to hold in his pain and anger but now it was ready to be set free and he instinctively knew Sally was the right person to share it with. She’d had to deal with her own pain and loss – she would understand.
‘Flora, my wife, was close to her family and by default, so were we. Gerald, as Craig was known back then, and his father Archie were central to our lives. Archie developed bad arthritis quite young and it fell mostly on Craig – I’ll just call him that to avoid confusion – to care for him. Their mother left when they were both young so the three of them had become a close-knit unit. As far as I know, the communication between the family and their mother – also called Flora due to the tradition thing I previously mentioned – was sparse but they did maintain contact.
‘Anyway, not long after our baby Flora was born, my wife received an invitation to visit her mother in Scotland, where she now lives.’
‘Have you met her, your mother-in-law?’
‘Only twice. The first time was at our wedding. It was a bit weird, to be honest.’
‘Why?’
‘Because she was the spitting image of my wife! I mean, you expect there to be similarities but they looked like twins. And my daughter is the same. She is the absolute spit of her mother and grandmother.’
‘Are you sure that’s not just how you see her because of your memories?’
Matt stood and walked over to the corner dresser and returned with the photograph which adorned the top shelf. He handed it to Sally.
‘You tell me…’
‘Bloody hell! I take it back. I have never seen such a familial likeness before.’
While Sally looked at the photograph in her hand, he guessed at what she would be thinking – how the woman being held tightly in his embrace could easily have been his daughter. Her gold wedding dress set off her beautiful vibrant auburn hair which although longer than young Flora’s current style, was still the same dazzling colour and the pale blue, almost silver, eyes gazed back, shining with joy and happiness.
‘As you can see, it’s our wedding day so my wife was a few years older than Flora is now but the resemblance is off the scale.’
‘That must be difficult for you.’
‘It is and it isn’t, if you know what I mean.’
‘Yeah, I do.’
‘Anyway, my wife got this invite to go to Scotland but she declined, saying she wasn’t ready to travel that far with a baby and she wasn’t leaving her behind.’
‘Were you not included in the invite?’
‘I was but Flora didn’t want to go so she used my work as an excuse. Time passed, the invites kept coming and became more frequent until, eventually, Flora gave in and said she’d go. By this time, little Flora was three years old and could have gone with her mum but for some reason, I really don’t know why or what, my wife decided she would go on her own. Little Flora and I waved her off one sunny, spring morning and never saw her alive again.’
‘Oh, Matt…’ He looked down to see Sally’s hand resting on top of his and became aware that they were now sitting next to each other. He must have closed the gap when he sat back down from bringing over the photograph.
‘She arrived safely at her mum’s place in the middle of nowhere and called to tell me that things were okay. She was planning to stay for a week but suddenly, on the third night, I got a call from Flora saying she was on her way home. She was crying and sobbing but I couldn’t get out of her what had caused this upset. She just kept saying she’d tell me when she got home. I tried to talk her out of travelling at night but she was adamant that she had to leave immediately.’
Matt drew in a deep breath to help him face the next few sentences, one of which he’d never shared with another human being.
‘That was the last time we spoke. What she didn’t tell me was that a storm had broken over the area and the rain was coming down in sheets. Her car was found crashed into trees by the side of the road. She was still alive at the time but due to the remoteness of the location, the ambulance arrived too late. The police believe the car aquaplaned because the road was more like a river and she was found just past a sharp bend.’
The pressure on his hand increased as Sally gave it a gentle squeeze and Matt found the gesture comforting.
‘What no one knows, and what I have never shared with anyone until now, is that Flora was pregnant. Eleven weeks. She hadn’t shared the news with me yet. That was the last straw for me. I could have accepted the loss of one life but the loss of two… well, I’m sure you can imagine.’
‘Oh, Matt, I don’t think I can. That is just… there are no words.’
‘Her mother came down for the funeral – that was the second time I met her – and I asked her why Flora had been so distraught, what had occurred that would have made her want to leave immediately and not wait till the morning or until the storm had passed. To this day, I still don’t know. Her mother clammed up and said she was unable to say and her father did likewise. I just know there’s more to it all but no one will give me any answers. I’ve asked Craig but he’s saying nothing either.’
‘Do you think he knows?’
‘I’m honestly not sure. Anyway, after the funeral, I broke all contact with that side of the family. It was only when little Flora became a teenager, and wasn’t so little anymore, that some contact was re-established but it was purely for her benefit. She was asking questions and wanted to know more about her mother. As you know, she’s developed a good relationship with her grandfather and uncle but I always tended to keep my distance as much as was possible. Once a year at Christmas was about as much as I could stomach. There was a sort of truce for a few years when I found out that Archie and Craig didn’t have much to do with Flora Senior but then Craig re-established communication and that was it. Back to how it used to be.’
‘What about your mother-in-law? Is there any contact there?’
‘No, there isn’t. This was the agreement I made with Flora – I was okay for her to be involved with her grandfather and uncle but her grandmother was a no-go area. Until the woman tells me what happened that night, I want nothing to do with her and the same for Flora.’
‘Flora was okay with that?’
‘She accepted the compromise. She knows why I feel the way I do and respects that. She’s never made any mention since of wanting to know more, or meet her grandmother so I have to take it as read that she’s still okay with things as they are.’
Matt leant forward, picked his brandy balloon off the coffee table, and drained what was left in it.
‘I think I need another one of these. You?’
‘Yes, I think so too.’
‘Sorry for off-loading all that on you.’
Sally held onto his hand and pulled him closer to her.
‘Matt, don’t apologise. There’s no need. I’m pleased you felt you could share this with me.’ She gently placed her other hand on his cheek. ‘You’ve carried this pain for so long, it’s time to get it out there. I hope speaking about it eases some of the burden for you.’
He looked into her eyes which were looking at him with such caring concern and unable to stop himself, moved forward just enough to let his lips make contact with hers. Once again, he felt the electrical frisson when their mouths met and wondered if Sally felt it too. He waited for her to pull away but she didn’t, she merely moved closer and the hand which had been on his cheek slipped around the back of his neck and pressed him against her. In that moment, he felt the greatest surge of freedom. By telling Sally of his pain, he’d set it free and its release meant he now had space in his heart to fall in love again.
And he knew exactly who he wanted to fill it.