Chapter 24
Dustin touched several buttons of the security app on his phone. A second later, the exterior of the house was surrounded by the special magnetic field that could be used to detect movement and project an image.
“Well?” his dad asked from his recliner in the open family room.
Dustin swiped through a couple of screens on his phone, then allowed himself to exhale a breath of relief. “It’s working.”
“Good.” Dad smiled. “Then I guess that means I’ll be safe from here on out.”
Mom, in the chair beside him, chuckled. “You’re already safe with me here. You know I’d move a mountain for you if I could.” With her red hair pulled up into a ponytail and her brown eyes so soft and tender, Mom looked younger than her fifties.
Dad, on the other hand, had aged ten years over the long months of fighting cancer. His hair had turned decidedly more silver than dark brown. His brows were growing silver now too. And his face held a thin haggardness that told just how hard the cancer had been on his body.
Dustin hated seeing him this way, but after resigning from Killian and Associates, he was grateful he had more time to spend with Dad.
Three weeks ago, when Dustin had returned to San Diego, he’d put in his two-week notice. Once he’d completed that, he’d walked away with only his last paycheck and had refused the bonus that Silver had apparently insisted on giving the company.
He’d taken a day to pack up his apartment, then had driven home to the ranch, arriving a few days ago. He planned to spend as much time with his dad as possible while finishing up his current app project.
Before arriving home, he’d considered the possibility of having to get an investor or two to help with the launch.
When he’d explained the need for an investor to his dad, who’d been curious about the project, Dad had insisted that Healing Springs invest in the app.
Dustin hadn’t wanted to accept his dad’s charity and had turned down the offer.
Later, Ty had approached Dustin and asked him to launch the app at the ranch as a favor.
Since the night of Silver’s kidnapping, the ranch had been in the news for the incident and had been receiving negative publicity.
Ty had concluded that offering the security app was one of the best ways to restore the trust of their clients and assure everyone that the luxury vacation destination was still safe and trouble-free.
Since Dustin felt responsible for bringing the trouble to the ranch, he’d been working on installing it ever since with the goal of launching it today.
With such a tight timeline, he’d enlisted Isaac’s help in getting everything set up.
Even though Isaac was back in California and still employed with Killian, he’d eagerly taken the extra work while he was between protection jobs.
“So, what do you think?” Dad asked, studying Dustin at his spot by the sliding glass door that led to the large deck running along the front of the house.
“I think we’re in business.” His app was officially for sale. With Ty advertising the extra security measures the ranch was taking, word was already spreading about the app, and the purchases were rolling in.
“I thought you’d be happier about it.” Dad’s comment was soft but loaded with probing curiosity.
Dustin had never liked his dad’s meddling. He didn’t want to deal with it now either. Already, he’d had to fend off Ty’s questions about why he’d let Silver leave the night of the abduction.
His relationship with Silver—or lack of one—was none of anyone’s business.
His heart pinched hard at just the thought of her. He’d called Franklin on several occasions to ask how Silver was doing, to follow up as her EPA—or at least, that’s what he was telling himself.
The first time, he’d checked on how her visit with the physician had gone and learned that she hadn’t suffered any severe injuries from the fall. He’d been more than a little relieved to hear it.
The next couple of times, he’d needed to make arrangements for getting the security equipment they’d left at her ranch and had inquired how she was doing.
At first, Franklin had set a date with Dustin to come out to the ranch and disassemble everything they’d installed.
Dustin had planned to do it during his stay with his family.
Then the next time Dustin had called to confirm the visit, Franklin had said they wanted to leave the security measures in place and would purchase them from Killian and Associates.
Dustin suspected Silver had been the one to cancel having him there. She probably never wanted to see him again.
The problem was, the longer he was away from her, the more he wanted to see her. He hadn’t expected the reaction, had thought time would ease his need for her as it had when he’d been younger.
But the truth was, the more time that passed, the harder it was to live without her. He’d been glad for the app to occupy him, but even then, he hadn’t been sleeping well, didn’t have an appetite, and was distracted by thoughts of her.
The good thing that had come out of the sleepless nights was that he’d started working on one of his new app ideas—his high-intensity workout that was designed to prepare people for becoming an Army Ranger or an elite specialist in some other branch of the military.
Obviously, ordinary people could also use the app if they wanted a demanding workout.
But he was mostly gearing it toward those who wanted a better chance of succeeding in the military.
“Well?” Dad asked, raising his brows.
“Well what?” Dustin swiped at another screen on his phone, pulling up the perimeter of the house.
“You’re not happy.”
Was it that obvious? Dustin paused in fiddling around with the app.
From the moment he’d watched Silver ride away in the helicopter, a gaping, empty ache had formed in his chest that had never been there before. It was almost as if when she’d left, she’d taken his heart with her, and now he had nothing left.
“This has to do with Silver, doesn’t it?” Dad persisted.
Dustin pivoted so that he was facing the floor-to-ceiling windows and sliding glass doors.
“I’d rather not talk about it.” He tried to take in the view of the ranch, the distant fields, and even the western mountain range.
But all he could see was her face, so filled with hurt when he’d told her he wasn’t interested in having a relationship with her.
Her response had been rolling through his mind from the moment she’d first spoken it: I hope you find a woman who’s worth fighting for and loving in spite of all the obstacles. But I’ve realized I’m not that woman.
The truth was, he didn’t want to find another woman. There never had been and never would be anyone he loved like Silver. He knew it without a doubt after being with her again.
Why then did he feel like he was going crazy every time he was around her? Like he was losing all control? Even losing his mind?
From the corner of his eye, he saw Dad whisper something to Mom.
She nodded, kissed his cheek, then stood and left the room.
As soon as she was gone, Dad settled back into his recliner, his expression growing serious.
“I know talking isn’t something you’re keen on.
But I reckon it’ll do you some good to get it all out. ”
The hurt inside Dustin’s chest pulsed harder so that he could barely breathe through the pain.
He stumbled to the closest chair, lowered himself, and bent his head, heat welling up in the backs of his eyes.
He wasn’t a crying man, couldn’t remember the last time he’d shed tears.
But a part of him wanted to bawl like a baby.
He pressed his thumbs into his eye sockets and warred against the emotion. He’d been given a second chance with Silver, and he’d thrown it away. For what? So he could feel more manly? Be better at a job he’d quit?
He met Dad’s gaze squarely. “I don’t know what to say.”
Dad’s eyes held warmth, welcome, and wisdom. “Let’s start with what we do know, and it’s clear as daylight you love Silver. She always has been and always will be your one special woman.”
Was Dad right? That she was the McQuaid-legacy-of-love woman? The only woman for him? His fast, furious, and forever love?
Maybe he’d always known it but just lived in denial.
“It’s also clear as daylight that you’re scared—”
“I’m never scared.”
That wasn’t entirely true. While he’d been racing to find her the night she’d been abducted, he’d been out-of-his-mind scared. He’d felt helpless, powerless, even gutted for every second she’d been gone. The terror had lived with him for days afterward, maybe even still did.
Maybe he was also scared he’d made such a mess of things that he’d never find a way to be with her.
His dad leveled a stern look at him.
Dustin sighed. “Okay, I was—am—scared.”
“A good and honest man will admit that real love is challenging.”
“I don’t mind challenging love. It’s the love that drives me crazy and out of control that I can’t handle.”
Dad chuckled.
“I feel like I’m a different man when I’m with Silver.” Now that Dustin had started talking about her, more words pressed for release. “I can’t think straight. I can’t work well. I can’t concentrate. I can’t do anything but think about her.”
Dad laughed outright this time.
Dustin scowled. “It’s not funny.”
“I’m sorry.” Dad cut off his laughter and tried to make a serious expression. “But you’re describing exactly how I feel about your mom.”
“I am?”
“Yep. She drives me crazy and has since the day I met her.”
“Really?” Dustin wasn’t sure why the news surprised him. He’d watched his parents interact for years and saw the deep and abiding love Dad showered on Mom. “Do you ever feel like it makes you weak?”
“All the time.”
“Well, shoot.” Dustin sat up straighter.
“The thing I’ve learned is that this kind of weakness makes me a better husband. I can give up my own needs easier, put her welfare above my own, and be more patient and tender.”
“I can see that.” He’d witnessed his dad do that time and time again, and he’d never considered his dad a pathetic man. Instead, he’d always admired him for the way he treated Mom.
“The truth is, more women need men who are willing to be humble and gentle and sweet with them. If that’s weakness, then I’m okay with it. I’d rather be seen as pathetic than as demanding and tough and hard-nosed.”
Dustin had never thought about love like that.
“It takes a lot more strength to sacrifice your needs and desires,” Dad continued, “than to be arrogant and think only of your own interests.”
“Agreed.” Silver had something similar: Maybe someday you’ll realize that loving someone actually takes courage and strength.
“Then I guess it’s time to stop letting your needs get in the way of loving her.”
“My needs?”
“You’ve always had the need to be in control of the situation, to be in control of yourself. There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s helped you succeed in the Army and in your EPA job. But it’s interfering with your relationship with Silver.”
Dustin stood and paced to the sliding glass doors at the mountain range. She’d told him she loved him, and he’d pushed her away. To protect himself. He’d only been thinking about himself, because he’d been selfish and stubborn.
How could he have been so stupid?
He’d thought he was cursed when it came to true love. But maybe the real curse was that he was so selfish and he’d let his selfishness sabotage love.
A sudden wave of sorrow hit him, nearly drowning him. What had he done? He’d ruined the most beautiful relationship that had ever come into his life in order to protect himself. He’d ruined a future with Silver to keep himself safe. Not just once but now twice.
He really was a fool. Just not in the way he’d thought. No, he was the world’s biggest fool for not only pushing her away but letting her walk out of his life.
He leaned his head against the glass and tried to draw in a breath. But every function in his body seemed to have stopped working. All he wanted to do was drop down and cease to exist. He didn’t want to go on in life without her.
“I think it’s time to let yourself lose control over Silver and to learn to like it.” His dad’s voice was firm and decisive.
“I can’t.” He managed the words past his tight throat.
“Why not?”
“She hates me.”
Dad scoffed. “C’mon, son. I didn’t raise you to give up when the horse throws you off. Thought I taught you to dust yourself off and get back on.”
“This is different.”
“Nope. This is when it counts most.”
Dustin tried to drag in a breath past the ache. “You don’t understand—”
“What I understand is that sometimes a man has to go apologize to the woman he loves and then prove to her that he’ll do whatever it takes to be with her and love her and cherish her for the rest of his life.”
“But she doesn’t want me—”
“Then make her want you again.”
“I don’t deserve her.”
“Tell her that. Humble yourself. Then win her back.”
“How?” Dustin lifted his head from the glass and rotated to face his dad again. Was there even the slightest chance he could beg her for forgiveness and still have a future with her? If there was a chance, no matter how small, he had to do something.
“You know what I always say.” Dad grinned. “Go big or go home.”
A million thoughts began to race through Dustin’s head. Was there anything at all he could do to show her he was sorry? That he’d been an idiot? That he wanted to change? That he wanted to spend his life being a better man for her?
Dad was right. It was time to go big.
What would prove to her that he was serious about them?
There were a lot of things he could do. But in the end, he suspected one thing would matter the most to her. And that’s what he would give her.