Stevie
thirty
I AM NOT weak.
I am not helpless.
I can take care of myself.
I’ve just let these limiting beliefs crowd my head for too long, and it’s time I combat them. I can admit it was easier to brush everything under the rug. It usually is. It’s human nature to pretend like if we just ignore something, it will magically go away.
I get it. I can’t even be too mad at myself about it.
But I also can’t go on like this anymore.
I haven’t talked to Hunter in two weeks.
He called and texted me a lot in the beginning, asking for my forgiveness, apologizing, asking to talk to me.
But I couldn’t bring myself to reply. It was so convenient to be angry at him, to place all the blame on him, because I didn’t want to look myself in the mirror. It still feels good to be angry at him.
A part of me wants to fling myself into his arms, feel them come around me, and never leave the safety of his embrace.
Another part of me wants to hurt him and make him feel as bad as I’ve felt for the past two weeks.
I know he probably didn’t go to the paper about us, but it almost doesn’t even matter.
I’m angry that he made me an offer I couldn’t refuse.
I’m angry at myself for signing the contract.
The truth is, I wanted it. I wanted him, and I wanted a man to take care of me. After Joe attacked me and I had to quit my job, and the universe decided I wasn’t going to find another job easily, it felt so comforting to have a strong, confident, independent man come to my rescue.
God, it felt incredible.
Growing up without a father, or even a father figure, is not fun.
I remember, as a child, watching my classmates’ fathers coming to pick them up from school, attending open houses to view their classwork, helping them with their projects.
I never had that.
When you’re that young, you don’t understand why others have something you don’t. And not just anything, but a fundamental thing. A father. A parent that takes care of you and your mother. A pillar of the family.
When you grow up like that, you become self-sufficient quickly.
I never cried or whined that I didn’t have a dad. Not in front of my mom, anyway.
I cried privately, in my room at night, especially if someone at school had made fun of me for it that day.
I never wanted my mother to feel bad.
I never blamed her.
I blamed my father.
But that little girl never stopped wanting him to come back.
I know now that he probably never will.
Having Hunter in my corner these past few months, a powerful man who could give me everything, was intoxicating. I got addicted to the drug of him.
I lost a part of myself in the process.
And now, because of my idiocy and weakness, I’ve had to dodge snide remarks and knowing glances and snubs and being called a slut on campus for weeks. I’m sick of it.
So tonight, I’m going to see the Ravens play Greenwood at the arena, and I’ve invited Derek to come with me.
I want Hunter to see me with another man.
I want to look sexy and hot and get under his skin.
I want to let Derek kiss me. Preferably in front of Hunter.
I’ll get my revenge on him, and then I’ll figure out how to get my revenge on Joe.
Enough is enough.
I knock on Becca’s bedroom door and let myself in. She’s on her bed, scrolling on her phone, and looks up when I enter. “What’s up?” she asks.
“Can I borrow your ‘Dump Him’ t-shirt?”
She grins. “What do you have planned?”
“I’m wearing it to tonight’s hockey game. And I’m inviting Derek. Remember him?”
“No.”
“The guy that was flirting with me the day you wore that shirt to Finnegan’s.”
“Okay, sure. Vaguely.”
I wave my hand. “Anyway, I’m gonna use him to make Hunter jealous. Or at least annoy him.” I bite my lip. “That’s the extent of the plan.”
“Good enough. It doesn’t take much to piss off men. They’re so emotional.” She puts her phone down. “I’d come with you, but I have an essay due tomorrow.”
“Is that why you’re scrolling on your phone instead of writing it?”
“Procrastination is my whole life philosophy.”
“Got it. So, the t-shirt?”
“Oh, right.” She gets off her bed and rummages in her closet. “Lucky for you I washed it just the other day.” Becca has the most organized closet I’ve ever seen, so it takes her only two seconds to retrieve the shirt. “Here you go!”
“Thanks. I owe you one.”
She scoffs. “Stop. No, you don’t. But I expect a full play-by-play of what happens tonight when you get back.”
“Obviously.”
She grins wickedly as I leave her room. I get dressed and make sure my makeup looks extra perfect. I smile at myself in the mirror, feeling more powerful and in control than I’ve felt all year.
I told Derek to meet me at the arena, and he’s already standing by the entrance when I get there. His eyes light up when he sees me. Then he laughs when I open my jacket to reveal my shirt.
“Nice,” he says as I approach and give him a quick hug.
“Thanks.”
“Why do I have a feeling you’re trying to make trouble tonight?”
“’Cause I am. I’ll be honest, you’re kind of part of my plan to make Hunter Cruise jealous.”
He arches an eyebrow, eyes sparkling. “The captain of the team? Hell yeah, I’m in. Just tell me what to do.”
We smile at each other. “This is gonna be fun,” I say.
He puts his arm around my shoulders as we walk into the arena. Some people stare at my shirt, and some of them, mostly the men, look annoyed. It’s hilarious. Why should a dumb shirt trigger anyone? And yet it does.
I splurged and bought tickets close to the action, guaranteeing Hunter sees me as soon as he skates onto the ice.
My stomach is in knots and I feel hot all over as we take our seats.
Derek bought some popcorn and soda. He looks like a kid in a candy store, and I’m so glad he’s down to cause a little chaos tonight.
I sip on my Sprite and wait for the players to arrive.
“So, what’s the deal with you and Cruise?” Derek asks.
I wonder how much he knows. God, I’m sure he knows everything. There’s no way he hasn’t heard all the rumors. I face the rink and shake my head. “It’s a mess,” I tell him.
“Are-are the rumors true? You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. I just, you know, have been hearing weird stuff the past two weeks or whatever.”
I blow out a breath. “The rumors have been really hard to deal with.”
From the corner of my eye, I see him nodding. “Shit’s been crazy.”
“Yeah, it really has. I’m just waiting for it all to die down.”
“Mhm. But you’re here tonight stirring the pot a little bit.”
I roll my eyes and grin. “I’m trying to take back some power, I guess.”
“Understandable.”
“It really sucks being notorious. People have been really mean to me. This one guy tried to proposition me, as if I’m a sex worker.
He wouldn’t leave me alone for days. He kept showing up randomly wherever I was.
” I take a deep breath, hating the feelings that rise up when I think about the insanity of the last two weeks. “It’s been so awful.”
“I’m sorry, Stevie.”
“Thanks. I appreciate that.”
The Ravens players finally hit the ice for warm-ups and I hold my breath.
This is it. There’s no backing down now.
I spot Hunter right away. I love watching him.
The way he moves with so much control and confidence is extremely impressive.
No wonder I surrendered myself to him. Who wouldn’t?
He’s commanding and powerful. He’s the captain of the team for a reason, after all.
When he sees me a few minutes later, apprehension and fear zing through me, like I’m in over my head. He stops in the middle of the ice for a few seconds and our gazes clash. Then he goes back to shooting the puck at the goalie with his teammates.
“This is gonna be intense,” Derek says. He rubs his hands together and grins.
I’m a little less excited about it now, but I’m not about to back down.
The players from both teams leave the ice after warm-ups, and I try to ignore the nerves in my belly.
Grabbing some popcorn from Derek, I stuff my mouth and chew as if it’ll calm me down.
The game officially starts with Hunter and the captain of the other team facing off for the puck drop.
Hunter wins the face-off and passes the puck to another player.
Even though I’m mad at him and here for revenge, it’s so fun to watch him play and I get caught up in the excitement of the game.
But this game is not like the others I’ve been to; it’s a lot more…
violent. Both teams have more penalties in the first period than I’ve seen the Ravens get in entire games before.
Belatedly, I remember Greenwood is the same team with that one player, Axel Bauer, that Hunter absolutely despises.
“Is it just me or are they extra aggressive tonight?” Derek asks after a Greenwood player slams a Ravens player into the boards right in front of us.
“It’s not just you.”
“Wonder why.”
Hunter and Axel are often battling it out for the puck, and I remember how last time they almost got into a fight. The way things are going, another fight might be imminent. The crowd isn’t helping calm things down, either. People are shouting and cheering every time things get physical.
I’ve been sitting with my black puffer jacket zipped up this whole time, but as soon as second period starts, I decide to unzip it. I hope my ‘Dump Him’ shirt will be like waving a red flag in front of a bull. The bull being Hunter.
Derek laughs as I shrug out of my jacket completely.
I smirk, even though a rush of heat goes through me.
Am I going to regret this? A minute later, Hunter skates past our section and slams his stick against the glass in front of us with a big bang.
Derek and I and some other people in our section jump back.
Welp, I guess it was like waving a red flag.
“Oh shit,” Derek says. “You’ve done it now.”
“Whatever. He’s a big boy. He can handle it.”
“Um, I’m not so sure about that.”
First period was scoreless, but second period gets exciting as both teams score within minutes of each other.
But then Greenwood scores twice more in rapid succession.
That’s when all hell seems to break loose.
During another face-off, Hunter suddenly takes his gloves off and lunges at Axel.
It seems to come out of absolutely nowhere.
A loud gasp goes up in the arena followed by shouts and cheers.
Hunter rips Axel’s helmet off and punches him in the nose.
Blood gushes all over his jersey and onto the ice.
Everyone around me is out of their seats while I stay rooted in mine with my hands over my mouth. My heart is pounding out of my chest.
The refs separate the two players and Hunter is sent off the ice.
“He’s so fucked,” Derek says, sitting back down. “They’re going to suspend him.”
“They are?”
“Oh yeah, he’s definitely out for the rest of the game.”
One of the officials steps out onto the ice after conferring with the Ravens coach and announces that Hunter Cruise will not be returning to the ice. A feeling of dread wraps itself around my chest.
“Told ya,” Derek says.
“Damn.” I grab my phone out of my purse and tap into the messages app.
Hunter’s messages pleading with me to talk to him are still all there.
Even though I haven’t replied to any of them, I like reading them sometimes.
My fingers hover over the keys and I suddenly want to text him, ask if he’s okay, but I quickly decide against it and put my phone away.
The final score is 4-2. The Ravens lose.
Tonight went…better than I could’ve ever dreamed, from a revenge perspective anyway. But there’s this hollow feeling in my chest. Watching Hunter get into a fight and his team lose their winning streak didn’t make me happy at all.
“You’re a badass,” Derek says as we exit the arena. “Remind me to never get on your bad side. Ever.”
I give him a teasing smile. “I will remind you often.”
He stops suddenly, looking at something past me, and his mood changes instantly. “Oh, shit,” he says.
I look where he’s looking and my heart drops. Hunter is leaning against his car in the parking lot, arms crossed. He’s staring at me, jaw clenched. My heart starts going a mile a minute.
“Fuck,” I mutter. Hunter’s looking at me like he’s going to kill me.
“Let’s go,” Derek says, taking my arm. “Come on, I’m walking you to your car.”
The problem is we have to pass right by Hunter to get to my car.
Some people walking out of the arena notice Hunter too, but they give him a wide berth.
The way he’s looking, I don’t think anybody wants to mess with him, least of all me, but it’s me he has a problem with.
I take a deep breath. I’m not going to cower.
Squaring my shoulders, I walk to my car, Derek at my side.
“Stevie.” Hunter’s voice is an icicle.
“Keep walking,” Derek tells me in a low voice.
“Don’t fucking walk away from me, Stevie.”
I stop in my tracks. Derek stares at me like I’ve lost my mind. “It’s okay,” I tell him. “I got this.”
“I’m staying right here,” he says.
I nod and turn toward Hunter. “What?”
“Come here.”
My stomach clenches. He’s never used that tone with me. I should tell him to fuck off. I should turn and walk away. I walk toward him and stop a few feet in front of him. Lifting my chin, I silently dare him to do his worst. “I’m here. What do you want?”
His gaze pointedly drops to the ‘Dump Him’ on my shirt and he laughs sardonically. “Cute. Very cute. You fucked up our winning streak and I’m suspended from the next two games, so we’ll probably lose those too. Are you happy now?”
I swallow and force myself to look into his eyes. “Yes.”
“Hmm.” He pushes off his car and comes to stand toe to toe with me. It takes a considerable amount of strength on my part not to take a step back. I hate that I have to crane my neck to look up at him though.
Hunter grabs the side of my waist. It doesn’t quite hurt, but it’s an uncomfortable feeling.
Derek takes a step toward us. Hunter’s blue eyes are glittering with rage and I have no idea what he’s going to do next.
His gaze sweeps over my face for too many seconds.
The hollow feeling in my chest grows. He looks really hurt.
It’s not just rage in those eyes, it’s pain too.
I open my mouth to say something when Hunter abruptly lets go of my waist and steps back. “Bye, Stevie,” he says, and I think my heart cracks.