Chapter 9
Jack
I curl my fingers around the hot mug of coffee, take a slow sip, and stare out into the field stretching toward the tree line.
The grass is patchy and sun-bleached, dotted with wildflowers.
Cicadas buzz around, and a gentle breeze stirs in the cool morning air.
Life moves at such a different pace here, and everything feels so unhurried. This is exactly what my soul needs.
Last night was…incredible. I unleashed a side of myself I locked away when I quit performing.
I had to for the sake of preserving my mental health.
But it felt good to reconnect with that part of me.
It is who I am, just not all of who I am, an important distinction years of therapy and the passage of time have helped me reach.
Still, I can't help the nervous tingle troubling my belly. Zak and I will dissect what happened as soon as he wakes up.
Harvey, though? That's another story entirely. He was into it at the time, but PNC—post-nut clarity—is a real thing, and in the clear light of a new day, how will he feel this morning?
Will he even want to see us again?
What will he think of us?
Me?
The back door opens with a loud creak, and Zak slips out onto the porch, coffee cup in hand.
"Morning," he says, smiling coyly as he approaches. Then he hands me a loose bundle of wildflowers, daisies, pale peonies, and Queen Anne’s lace, the stems still warm from the sun. They carry a clean, earthy scent with a hint of fresh soil.
I sit up. "You got me flowers?"
"Nope. Harvey got us flowers. They were by the front door. He must've dropped them off earlier."
"Is there a note?"
"There is."
He dips the bouquet so I can reach the handwritten note tucked inside.
Thank you both for an incredible night I will never forget.
Harvey, x
I'm gobsmacked. "Wow."
"Right?" Zak drops the flowers onto the table and settles into the chair next to me. "Pretty incredible. And here you are in your head, worrying about his reaction, aren't you?"
"Am I that obvious?"
He smiles warmly. "Only to me."
"I've also been in my head about you and your reaction."
"Figured that, too."
I take him in, his easy confidence, his carefree energy, wishing so badly I could be more like him in that way. "Well…?"
"Well, what? I loved everything we did last night. But my favorite part would definitely have to be…"
"Yes?"
"You."
"Me?"
"Yeah. I saw a fire in your eyes again. I know performing took its toll on you, but it was great to see you so natural and free. That was the true magic of what we did. That's why so many newer performers may try to replicate our formula, but they'll never be able to recreate it."
I let that sink in for a minute. "It did feel really good."
He grins, lifting the cup to his lips. "I know. I was there, remember?"
"I didn't go…too far with you?"
"Oh, please. You may be more wild than me, but I can hold my own. And I always enjoy the ride."
I smile because he sure does. Taking a man's cum is intoxicating, a visual and emotional combination of degradation and empowerment unlike anything else.
Having someone who not only gets it but loves it as much as I do is so incredibly rare.
And then to have that someone be my best friend, well, talk about hitting the jackpot. I couldn't ask for anything more.
My eyes drift to the flowers. "And what about Harvey?"
"What about him?"
"What next? It's one thing to debrief with you, but I need to know he's okay with it."
"I think how into it he was last night and the flowers this morning indicate that he's very okay with it. When was the last time a guy bought either one of us any sort of gift?"
"True. I just hope he’s genuinely cool with everything."
"He's a grown man. If there's something he wants to say to us, we have to trust that he'll say it."
"When will we see him again? I don't want to wait until next Friday."
Before he left, and as we shared a hot three-way kiss on the front porch, we agreed on making Friday board game night. That's six long days away from today.
Zak tilts his head, a faint grin curving his lips. "Eager to see him again?"
"Of course I am." With a smile, I add, "Like you aren't."
"I can send him a text to say thank you for the flowers and see what he's up to today?"
When I look at him expectantly, Zak chuckles. "I meant after I had my coffee and enjoyed the peace and quiet for a few minutes, but okay, I'll do it now."
"Off you go," I say, smiling over the rim of my cup.
Later that day, all three of us are floating in a shallow section of the lake. Harvey responded to Zak's text saying he was helping the old lady who lives opposite us, Sutton, with some household chores, but that he was free in the afternoon, so here we all are.
This section of the lake is completely secluded, so we decided to strip off and go au naturel.
"Man," Harvey says, slicking his hair back with both hands, which makes his massive biceps flex like crazy. "Can't believe I've lived here for all these years and have never swum in the lake."
"It's a little chilly," I admit, glancing around, which might explain the lack of swimmers.
"Not looking forward to getting out," Zak adds. "You know, shrinkage and all. Actually…" His eyes light up. "Don't think that's a problem for some."
Harvey lets out a deep, rusty chuckle, and I'm so relieved that there's no weirdness between us. He greeted us both with a hug when he came to pick us up, and the conversation has flowed naturally the entire time. Just like it did last night over cards.
But something has shifted. An electric current pulses whenever the three of us are close. I'm pretty sure they both feel it, too.
"I, uh, didn't hurt you last night, did I?" he asks me.
"Not at all." I swim a little closer to him. "I love a good throat bashing."
A small grin lifts his cheeks. "Would it be super cheesy if I said that I like that you're more comfortable and talking so openly like this?"
"Not at all. Because you're right. I do feel comfortable around you. And I'm glad you're…cool with everything."
A slight frown. "Everything?"
"Yeah, you know. Us. Our love of cum. Our careers in porn. All of it."
"Why wouldn't I be?"
Zak drifts nearer. "We, but Jack more than me, have unfortunately had some less-than-pleasant encounters with people who have a big problem with what we do and who aren't shy about expressing it to our faces."
"Fucking people," Harvey mutters, shaking his head.
"It barely happens these days, but when we were performing, it happened frequently enough to inflict some damage."
I take over the sad story. "After a few years of performing and dealing with people's range of reactions to it, the psychological impact added up.
Chronic dissociation, emotional numbing, heightened anxiety.
I experienced it all in what felt like one giant rush.
I was so burned out the lines between performance and self blurred until I didn't know where one ended and the other began.
I learned to compartmentalize intimacy as a survival skill, but that same mechanism later resulted in trust and intimacy issues. "
I smile sadly. "Therapy talk, but it's all true. There weren't any resources available to help me at the time. Sadly, there aren't all that many today, either. In addition to advocacy work, mental health support for adult content creators is something I’m actively working on as well."
Harvey's forehead has three deep creases on it. "And are you okay now?" he asks, taking my hand in his.
"Oh, for sure. It just means I'm a little guarded around new people and hesitant to tell them I work in porn."
"That makes total sense. I'm so sorry you went through that. I hope I've never said or done anything to make you feel bad."
"No. You've been wonderful. You are wonderful," I clarify.
A smile lifts the frown from his face. "You're pretty wonderful yourself. You both are."
Zak slides his palms around Harvey's lower back, and he stiffens.
"You're the most beautiful man we've ever met," I say to appease any self-consciousness he may be feeling. "And I see why they call them love handles because I—"
"We," Zak correctly interrupts.
"Sorry, we love them. We love your whole body, Harvey. It's perfect."
"And your cum tastes delicious, too," Zak adds, rubbing his hand along Harvey's lower back. "In case you were interested."
He makes a grunting sound of approval, and then just like last night on the front porch, he places his giant mitts at the back of our heads and draws us into a three-way kiss, beards scraping, breath mingling, cocks hardening.
"How about we continue this at my place?" Harvey rumbles.
"No chance we'll make it that far," Zak says solemnly. "We're going to have to blow you on the beach."
Harvey's eyes dart between me and Zak, and I for sure think he's going to shoot the wild idea down.
"On one condition," he mutters.
"Yeah?" I say.
"I get to glaze your beautiful faces with my load again."
"Deal!" we blurt out together.