Chapter 10
“ T essa,” Amos’s voice came softly, near her ear. “Sweetheart, wake up. It’s getting close to sunrise.”
She blinked blearily, trying to get her bearings. Eventually, her brain came back online, and she sat up abruptly. “What—what time is it?” She scrubbed at her face, trying to get the sleep out of her eyes. “Oh, god, did I fall asleep on you? I’m so sorry, Amos.”
He tucked a stray curl behind her ear. “Don’t be sorry. I enjoyed it.”
Tessa felt herself flushing. She normally wasn’t a bashful, blushing sort of person. But something about Amos’s sweetness brought it out in her. “Oh. Um…”
He let his fingers trail gently along her jaw before he pulled back. “I don’t want to rush you, but if I’m going to see you safely home and then return to mine in time for the sunrise, we’ll need to leave soon.”
Less than an hour later, Tessa found herself standing in front of her mother’s house .
“Thank you for walking with me,” Tessa said, fishing in her pocket for her house key.
“Thank you for letting me,” Amos answered.
She nodded, hands stuffed in her pockets, weight shifting from heel to toe, heel to toe. “So… tomorrow…?”
“Ah.” In the soft glow cast by the streetlights, Amos’s pupils dilated to predatory darkness. “Yes. I’ve been thinking on that.”
A dark thrill shivered over Tessa’s skin.
“The sun sets at 7:21 tomorrow. Wait until 7:30 to leave your house.”
“Will you be waiting for me?”
Amos grinned, a sharp curl of his lips that was so unlike his usual mildness. “I will be—but you won’t see me.”
“Oh,” she breathed.
“You’ll leave your house and start walking.”
“Where?”
“Anywhere. There’s not a block in this city you couldn’t safely walk through when I’m watching you.”
The entirety of her body was made of butterflies.
“Dark alleys, empty parks, rail yards, the docks… you can go anywhere.” His voice deepened. “I’ll find you. Wherever you are.”
Tessa knew the answer, but she couldn’t help asking, “And then what?”
Amos’s grin sharpened. “And then you become prey.”
Her heart was already pounding. She was half tempted to turn on her heel and run, just to see what Amos would do. But, no, that had to wait for tomorrow. The sun would rise soon, and Amos needed to get to the light-proofed safety of his bedroom. For a moment, Tessa imagined herself curling up into his bed with him. How much better would she sleep if she were doing so beside Amos instead of in a rickety twin bed in her childhood bedroom? Just cuddling with him on a couch had given her the best sleep she’d had in months.
“Tessa?” Amos asked, his voice soft.
She blinked, realizing she’d zoned out for a second.
“Are you afraid? We don’t have to—”
“No, I want to. I was just thinking about… you. Us.”
“Oh.” His expression didn’t shift much, but somehow, pleasure radiated from him. “Well.”
Tessa fidgeted, uncharacteristically bashful again. What the hell was it about this man that turned her into a giddy teenager?
Amos glanced up at the sky, brow furrowing, before looking back to Tessa. “Before I leave you, we should establish safe boundaries for tomorrow.”
“Like what?”
“You want to be overpowered?” Amos asked.
Tessa nodded. She wanted that very much. “Yes.”
“You want to fight to get away?”
“Only if you won’t let me.”
Amos’s gaze darkened. “I won’t. And I won’t physically harm you to do it, either. I don’t need to, and I don’t want to.”
Tessa wasn’t into that either. She didn’t need pain. She just wanted to be overpowered. Have control stripped from her. Be allowed to struggle and fail, and have it be alright—praised even.
“But if something’s gone wrong,” Amos continued, “if it’s too much, I need a way for you to tell me that it’s not play anymore.”
“A safeword.”
“Yes. ”
She thought of the floral arrangements that Amos always had for her visits—a perfect symbol for the sweet, thoughtful man he was. “Flowers,” she said.
“Flowers,” he repeated. “And if you can’t speak?”
“I’ll… snap?”
“Can you snap easily?” Amos sounded doubtful.
Tessa held her hand out and demonstrated three quick, loud snaps.
His brows rose. “Huh. I’ve never been good at that.” He gave her a rueful smile. “Alright, snap three times if you can’t speak.”
She immediately envisioned Amos’s big hand pressed over her mouth while he grabbed her from behind. She couldn’t suppress the eager shiver that ran down her spine.
“Flowers or three snaps,” she confirmed.
“Good.” Amos suddenly stepped in close, wrapping an arm around Tessa’s waist and hauling her body against his. “Goodbye, Tessa.” He dipped his head and kissed her. It was sweet and soft and, despite that gentleness, it set Tessa on fire from head to toe. All too soon, he released her.
“Goodbye,” she said breathlessly.
He stood on the sidewalk as she climbed the front steps. Her shoe scuffed over something small and oddly shaped and she paused, looking down—it was a little pewter keychain cast in the shape of a teddy bear. She bent to pick it up.
“Tessa?”
“I’m good,” she assured Amos. “I think the mail carrier lost a piece off their keychain, though.” She straightened, reaching for the door. “Goodbye, Amos.”
He watched silently while she let herself inside. She locked the door, and when she peered out the window to get one last glimpse of him, he was gone.
She snuck silently upstairs—something she hadn’t done since high school. It would be best if Ma didn’t know she’d spent the whole night with her “friend.” She was a grown-ass woman and she was entitled to spend the night anywhere she wanted with anybody she wanted. That didn’t mean she wanted her mother to know about it.
She crept past Ma’s bedroom, grateful to hear light snoring. Still asleep. But not for long. She scuttled to her room and quickly but silently changed into pajamas, then crept back downstairs.
Despite having totally opposite schedules, they had developed a routine of having breakfast together before Ma headed to work and Tessa went to bed. Tessa settled herself on the couch, trying to look like she’d been there for hours, and turned the TV on low.
Not even five minutes later, she heard the creak of the stairs as Ma came down. “Well, well,” she said from the living room doorway, voice still raspy with sleep. “When did you get back?”
“A while ago,” Tessa answered evasively. “Just watching TV. Do you want me to make breakfast?” It was a pointless question. Ma wouldn’t hear of letting anyone else cook in her kitchen. Even at her most catatonic after Dad passed, she’d still handled all the cooking.
“I’ll cook,” Ma answered immediately. “I’m off today and tomorrow—the office is closed for roof repairs. You want eggs?”
“Sure. Thanks.”
Tessa put the coffee on for Ma, then made herself a mug of chamomile tea and settled in at the kitchen table. Despite her long nap at Amos’s, she was ready for bed. This was her usual sleep time, and her body hadn’t forgotten that.
She listened sleepily as Ma shared work gossip about people Tessa had never met and didn’t care about. Ma worked in an insurance office as an administrative assistant, and she knew mortifying personal details about every single coworker.
“—but what did she expect from a guy like that?” Ma suddenly demanded.
“Oh my god, right?” Tessa put in, not totally sure what she was agreeing with. “So, then what?”
“Well, of course the poor girl’s heartbroken.”
“Of course.”
“So, I told her…”
Tessa tuned back out again, sipping her tea and staring out the window as the light rose. Amos would be in his lightproof bedroom, in his daysleep. Tessa imagined herself curled up next to him.
“And do you think she listened?” Ma’s voice suddenly cut into Tessa’s musing.
“No?” Tessa guessed.
“No, she did not,” Ma answered, gesturing emphatically with the spatula.
Her chatter went on throughout breakfast. Tessa finished off her eggs and toast in relative silence, putting in a word only when her participation was necessary for what was otherwise intended as a monologue. When she and Ma had both finished eating, Tessa cleaned up the breakfast mess while Ma’s chatter went on.
Standing at the sink, Tessa yawned loudly, interrupting Ma’s story about the payroll clerk’s secret desk stash of THC gummies .
“Well,” Ma said archly. “I see it was a late night.”
“They’re all late nights for me. This is my normal bedtime. You know that.”
“Don’t let me keep you, then,” Ma huffed.
“Alright, I won’t,” Tessa answered, unable to keep her impatience in check. Instantly a flash of guilt made her say, “Sorry. I’m tired.”
Ma regarded her with wounded dignity. “I know you are. Sleep tight, then.”
Upstairs, Tessa pulled her curtains shut and dropped gratefully into her bed.
“Tessa. Baby. Wake up, quick. Tessa. Honey. Teresa!”
Tessa jerked awake, bleary and alarmed. “What?” she asked urgently, sitting bolt upright.
Ma was sitting on the edge of her bed, phone held out to Tessa. “Look at this.”
“What? Why?” Tessa took the phone, brain still foggy, and looked down. It took her a second to realize what she was looking at—someone’s big toe, with an overgrown yellow nail and pretty obvious inflammation on one side of the nail bed.
“Aunt Stacia wants to know if that looks infected. Should she go to the doctor?”
Tessa rubbed at her eyes. “You woke me up to show me Aunt Stacia’s ingrown toenail?” She wasn’t awake enough to keep the aggravation out of her voice.
“She needs a professional medical opinion,” Ma answered defensively.
“Ma, it’s noon. It’s basically the middle of the night for me. ”
“It’s not the middle of the night.” Ma gestured at the bright light glowing around her closed curtains.
“No, it’s not,” Tessa agreed through gritted teeth. “Because in the actual middle of the night, I am usually working. So I sleep during the day. Ergo, noon is the equivalent of midnight for me. What if I woke you up at midnight to ask you for office administration advice? You’d bite my head off.”
Ma got up from the bed, wrapping her cardigan around herself with dignified affront. “Excuse me for asking you to spare two minutes for your aunt’s health.”
Tessa wanted to scream. She managed not to by curling her hands into fists until her knuckles ached. “If it throbs and it’s hot to the touch, tell Aunt Stacia to go to the walk-in clinic. They can remove the ingrown portion of the nail. She might need an antibiotic if it’s infected.”
“Thank you. Was that so hard?” Ma said as she left the room.
Tessa flopped back down on her bed, willing away the aggravation so that she could fall back asleep. She had just closed her eyes when the door swung open again.
“One more quick question,” Ma said, “And don’t bite my head off. Are you working on Saturday?”
“Saturday? Yes. Why?”
“There’s going to be a party for Uncle Leo’s birthday. He’s turning sixty. Aunt Debbie booked a hall—”
“Ma, why didn’t you tell me about this sooner? There’s no way I can get off work with this short of notice.”
“Can’t you trade shifts with somebody?”
“No. That’s not how it works.”
“You’re not even going to try?” Ma demanded.
Tessa pinched the bridge of her nose, unbearable pressure rising behind her eyes. “Try what? Ask to trade shifts with a coworker when it’s something that is not allowed at my workplace?”
“How do you know if you don’t ask?”
“Because there are established policies for time off and I can’t—” Tessa cut herself off. Why was she even bothering to explain? “You know what? No. That’s my answer: no. If the party starts early enough, I’ll pop in for a bit before my shift starts, but that’s the best I can do.”
“All you do is work and sleep,” Ma argued. “You need to get out and see people!”
“I was just seeing people last night and you were pissed at me for it!”
“Because you left your brother hanging for a ‘friend’! Don’t think I don’t know what that means. A friend . I wasn’t born yesterday, Teresa.”
Oh god . “So what if it was more than a friend? Would that be the worst thing? Or would you rather I spend the rest of my life alone so that I’m always available to babysit for Rob?”
Ma didn’t respond right away, and that hesitation spoke volumes.
With sickening clarity, Tessa realized very suddenly that her mother really didn’t want her to have her own life. She loved having Tessa here. Tessa handled the finances, dealt with the bill collectors, gave Ma somebody to cook for on a regular basis, and listened to her endless stories. Her presence in the house patched over several of the voids Dad had left when he passed.
She should never have moved in with her mother. It would’ve taken longer to get the debt squared, but at least she wouldn’t have bricked herself into this emotional prison .
Ma finally spluttered, “You’re not alone! You have me!”
“I’m tired,” Tessa said. It was all she could say.
Ma didn’t argue this time. She left without a word, pulling the door shut and plunging Tessa back into the dark.
She tried to go back to sleep. Her mind was racing, her emotions chaotic, but she tried to soothe herself with the comfort of the lump sum of her HemoMatch contract sitting in her bank account. That money was going to solve so many of her problems, including her mother’s dependency.
Try as she might, she couldn’t get back to sleep. After several minutes of tossing and turning, she sighed and got out of bed. If she couldn’t lull herself to sleep with happy thoughts about that pile of money, then she’d go use that pile of money to make the happy thoughts come true.
“Oh, now you’re up?” Ma asked irritably when Tessa came down the stairs.
“Yeah. I’ve got to take care of something. Be back later.”
Three hours later, Tessa walked out of the bank, signatory papers clutched in her hand, feeling so light she could float away. On the advice of the personal banker she’d met with, Tessa had moved the seventy-eight grand into an account that would accrue interest at a slightly higher rate than the mortgage. From there, regular payments would automatically transfer, easily keeping Ma’s head above water for the next several years.
Needing to share her relief, she dialed her brother up.
“Tessa?” Rob answered quickly. “What’s up? Everything okay with Ma?”
“Everything’s great, actually.” She explained the mortgage situation to him—skirting the details of where the money came from.
“Wow,” Rob said unenthusiastically, immediately deflating Tessa’s joy. “So, what does this mean for Ma?”
“It means the worst of the debt is taken care of, and we don’t have to worry about her being thrown out of her home.”
“Yeah, that’s great. But what about you and Ma? Are you still going to stay with her?”
Tessa didn’t answer right away, confused by the question. “What? No. Why would I stay with her? She doesn’t need the help anymore.”
“She’s getting older, Tessie.”
“We’re all getting older, Rob. She’s only fifty-six and perfectly healthy. She doesn’t need an in-home caretaker.”
Rob sighed. “I just don’t like the thought of her being alone.”
“Then have her move in with you,” Tessa said flatly.
Even through the phone, Tessa could sense the sudden alarm in his demeanor. “Me? I don’t have any room for Ma. And I’ve got my own family to take care of. I can’t exactly take on the extra expense.”
“What are you talking about? You just finished your basement last year with a guest suite. That would be perfect for Ma,” Tessa answered, keeping her voice calm even though her temper was urging her to scream at him.
“You expect me to stick Ma in the basement?” Rob countered weakly.
“It’s a pretty fuckin’ nice basement, Robbie. And you don’t even have to worry about the costs. The credit cards are paid off, the mortgage is no longer in arrears, and if Ma sold the house, she’d walk away with a little nest egg, plus she can start collecting Dad’s social security next year. Hell, moving Ma in would bring more money for you! And as a bonus, you’d always have somebody around to look after the kids instead of bothering to take care of them yourself!” She rattled off her argument with steadily increasing volume. It wasn’t until someone passing on the sidewalk gave her a nasty look that she realized she was shouting into her phone. Cringing, she pressed her lips together.
Rob spluttered some more nonsense about how “it’s not that simple” and “there’s more to consider than just money” and how Tessa’s “lifestyle” was more flexible for looking after their mother. With each weak rebuttal, Tessa’s anger shifted into helpless exhaustion. There was nothing she could do or say to make her family understand or care about what she wanted.
“I need my own life,” she said tiredly when Rob finally paused for breath.
“Your ‘own life’ doesn’t involve your mother?”
Her temper flashed to life again. “Fuck you, Rob.” She hung up.
So much for happy thoughts. The relief she’d been floating on just a few minutes ago had been replaced by guilt and anger and exhaustion. She stared up at the sky, annoyed to see the sun so far above the horizon. Why wasn’t it night yet? She wanted to be with Amos. He’d be happy for her. He’d celebrate with her. And he’d give her an outlet for all that helpless rage.
In preparation for her night with Amos, Tessa went home, necked two Benadryl, and went back to bed for a few hours. There was no way she was going to be falling asleep on him again.
At 7:25, she came downstairs, dressed and ready to go. Ma was at the kitchen table with Tía Carolina, Dad’s eldest and crabbiest sister, drinking coffees that they would never admit had RumChata instead of creamer.
“Hi, Tía,” Tessa said, bending for a kiss. “How are you?”
“Fine, fine,” she answered, flicking a critical look up and down Tessa’s body. “And where are you going, then?”
“To meet a friend,” Tessa answered.
“A friend ,” Tía repeated skeptically, gaze settling on the tight fit of Tessa’s sweater dress and the knee-high boots and thigh-high socks she’d paired with it.
Tessa buttoned her coat up. “Yes. We’re going out for drinks.” Well, one of them would be drinking, anyway.
“On a Thursday?”
“That’s what I’m asking!” Ma chimed in, throwing out an emphatic hand.
“I have a weird work schedule. I have to find time where I can,” Tessa said defensively, even though she knew better than to engage with the criticism. She couldn’t seem to help herself.
“She can make time for her friend , but not for her Uncle’s sixtieth birthday,” Ma said to Tía.
Both of them raised their eyebrows at Tessa.
Tessa swallowed a sigh. “It was nice seeing you, Tía. I have to get going though. Bye. Ma, don’t forget to lock up tonight. I’ll be home later.”
“ Later , huh?” Ma sniped.
“Yep, bye,” Tessa said quickly.
Outside, she paused at the top of the steps, exhaling a growling sigh. If it had been any other tía visiting—Martina, Cecilia, or Luz—the unexpected run-in would have been pleasant. But there was a reason Ma and Tía Carolina got on so well, and it wasn’t because of their understanding, supportive natures. They both saw themselves as the guardians of their families and felt it was their God-given right to be critical and controlling. And when the two of them got together, they amplified each other to a stressful degree. The easiest thing to do was to pay obeisance and then flee.
While she breathed through the stress, Tessa became aware of an unsettling, prickling feeling on the back of her neck. She lifted her head, glancing up and down the street, but it was quiet and empty and dark. Even so, that watched feeling wouldn’t fade. Her heart sped up and a small smile slowly tugged at her lips.
He was here.
Ducking her head to hide her smile, Tessa started walking.
She’d spent so much time imagining the endgame, but she’d failed to plan anything before that. Amos had told her to go wherever she pleased, but the only place she wanted to be was trapped in his unbreakable grip.
After a moment’s hesitation, she started towards Douglas Park. It was a long walk, through areas she wouldn’t normally traverse by herself at night. And while she would never believe that a woman’s clothing justified assault against her, she was well aware that too many men felt differently, and she had purposely dressed provocatively tonight—short, tight dress, tall boots, even taller stockings. So, while her conscious mind was unafraid because she believed Amos would keep her safe even as he hunted her, her subconscious rebelled against what she was doing.
She made her way through increasingly narrow, less-trafficked, dimly-lit residential blocks, her pulse beginning to accelerate. Her instincts were screaming at her not to be stupid, to go back to the well-lit main streets—or better yet, back to the safety of her home.
But she didn’t listen.
As she picked her way down a narrow alley behind a row of dilapidated tenements, boots scuffing through several inches of gray, half-melted slush, a shadow passed overhead. She froze for a second, listening. There was nothing to hear, except the distant rumble of an oncoming train and the general city clamor of car horns and sirens and a couple having a screaming fight in one of the apartments nearby. You stopped hearing those things when you lived around them all the time, to the point that any out-of-place noise, even a very quiet one, stood out like a thunderclap.
Tessa started walking again. She had nearly reached the end of the alley when a soft dragging sound came from behind her. It was the proverbial thunderclap. She spun around to face the noise. But the alley was empty. Silent. Tessa could see the trail of her footsteps in the slush, illuminated by weak orange security lights. Ten feet away, a second pair of larger footprints joined hers, seemingly out of nowhere. They dogged her steps all the way up to where she currently stood.
She instinctively looked up. The air above her was crisscrossed with power lines that bobbed as the passing train rumbled by. Beyond them, the tenement roofs were crowded with satellite dishes and antennas. Tessa scanned along the roofline, seeking a shadowed figure, but there was nothing.
The train passed, and the ensuing silence felt wooly and thick. Tessa turned back around—
Her scream was immediately stifled by a big hand pressed over her mouth. He moved so fast, she had no time to react. One second she was staring into the dark eyes of a stalking predator, and the next her back was pressed flat against icy cold bricks. His broad body pinned her there, his hand still pressed over her mouth.
For a second, she was so stunned, it didn’t even occur to her to struggle. But then the anticipation and adrenaline and excitement hit her all at once and she surged against him like an enraged wolverine. She fought like her life was at stake. She fought with all the bottled rage that had been simmering at a near-boil for years .
But no matter how hard she fought, there was no escaping his strength and his speed. He caught her wrists and pinned them together above her head. The hand that covered her mouth gripped the entire lower half of her face. He tipped her head to the side, baring her neck. His lips brushed her ear, a sinister chuckle overlaying the sound of her labored breaths.
“Keep fighting,” he taunted. “It only gets me harder.”
Tessa hauled in a sharp breath, her whole body going taut with a lightning bolt of arousal. But even as she was overwhelmed with the urge to fuck, she kept playing at resistance. She twisted helplessly in his unbreakable hold, making angry, objecting noises behind the muzzle formed by his big hand, putting all her strength into trying to break away from him.
“Don’t want to play nice?” His voice dipped into a growl. He laughed ominously. “Then I’ll give you something to scream about.”
He sank his fangs into her neck with savage speed. At the first hard suck, her knees went weak, her objections dying on a strangled gasp. She tried to keep fighting, but the movements became weak and clumsy. His venom spread, warming her with tingling pleasure that condensed and exploded outward into a relentless, never-ending, mind-obliterating orgasm. Powerful, drugging euphoria washed over her. She forgot the cold bricks at her back and the gray slush freezing her feet and the noise of the city and all of her stress and anxiety and frustration. There was only Amos, his strength and his will and the incomparable pleasure that came from surrendering to him.
When the pleasure receded and the surrounding world bled back in, she was clutched in Amos’s arms, trembling and gasping. The orgasm she’d just had would have been enough to knock out a reasonable woman. But Tessa wasn’t feeling anything close to reasonable. Her blood thrummed through her veins with the steady beat of a war drum. She looked up at Amos, meeting his black gaze, both of them still hot with blood lust.
She grabbed his face and pulled him in for a desperate, vicious kiss. “Take me home,” she breathed before capturing his mouth again.