Chapter 18
T essa stepped outside when she saw Amos through the sidelight, waiting to escort her to his place where they could spend time together before she had to work. When she stepped onto the porch, something crunched under her foot. She pulled back and found a dirty, weathered packet of candy smushed against the top step, squished chocolates oozing out where her foot had landed.
Who kept leaving trash on the doorstep? Was this some kind of new prank? Was it happening to the neighbors? Annoyed, she kicked the candy to the ground and trotted down the steps to greet Amos.
He seemed distracted, gazing suspiciously at the gaps between neighboring houses, head tilted as if he were listening to something only he could hear. When Tessa reached him, he broke his hyper-alert stance long enough to pull her in for a kiss.
“Have any strangers knocked on your door lately?”
Tessa frowned. “I don’t think so.”
“Nobody angling to get you to invite them inside? ”
Fear snaked down her spine. “Not as far as I know. Why?”
Amos let out a sigh. “I don’t like that the thrall keeps hanging around here.”
“You said he’s trying to be by you.”
Amos was quiet for a moment. “I’m worried it’s you,” he finally said.
Tessa’s blood ran cold. “What?”
“Don’t be afraid. I won’t let anything happen to you.” He put his arm around her shoulders, pulling her into stride with him.
Tessa relaxed against him, accepting his promise. Of course he wouldn’t let anything happen to her. Hadn’t he always lived up to his word?
Later that night at work, Tessa was halfway through pushing IV medication for a patient when a sudden realization struck her. She froze, the syringe plunger halfway depressed, as the garbage she’d been finding on the front steps flashed through her mind—jewelry, flowers, candy.
Gifts . They were all gifts—the sort a man gave to a woman he was interested in.
A beep from the infusion pump jarred her back into the present, and she resumed pushing the medication into the port line. She forced her mind back to her work, shunting the thrall and his gifts into a dark corner of her brain where he could be ignored for now.
When she got the time for a lunch break, she texted Amos. By the time she’d changed into her street shoes and walked to the staff entrance, Amos was already waiting at the door, his broad-shouldered silhouette visible through the frosted glass window.
She pushed through the door and threw herself into his arms, fastening her mouth to his in an urgent kiss. Amos held onto her, returning her kiss, but after a moment, he gently coaxed her back.
“What’s wrong?” he asked in a low voice. Whose tongue do I have to rip out? was the underlying implication, but Tessa was too wound up to care.
“I’m hungry. Can I tell you over food?”
“Of course.”
Amos took her to a cafe that wasn’t vampire-owned, but was frequented by human bloodmates due to its late hours. Over a muffuletta panini and a hazelnut mocha, Tessa explained her theory about the thrall and the objects left on her porch. Amos listened intently, his expression growing grimmer with each word.
“What are you thinking?” Tessa asked nervously after Amos sat silently, staring in stormy contemplation out the window behind her.
“I’m thinking…” He sighed. “I’m thinking you’re right. He’s fixated on you, and he’s leaving gifts as a courting impulse.”
“Is that bad?”
“It’s not good.”
Tessa set her sandwich down, appetite lost. Amos urged her to eat more, and she tried to, but it was hard to force food down on a churning stomach—especially when all Amos did was glower out the window like a man with a very personal vendetta.
When she’d stomached all she could, Amos walked her back to the hospice. At the staff door, he kissed her like he always did, but this time there was a slightly desperate edge to it.
“Tessa,” he spoke softly, his lips brushing over hers. “I want you to accept my claim.”
Her eyes flew wide. He was finally asking! “Now?” she asked breathlessly. She had to get back to work, and by the time her shift ended, the sun would be up.
“As soon as possible. With this thrall fixated on you, another vampire’s claim is your strongest protection. Even a rogue thrall wouldn’t pursue a claimed bloodmate.”
A wary edge cut into her excitement. “You want to claim me to protect me?”
“Of course,” he said urgently.
All her happiness instantly fizzled, replaced by hurt. She pulled away from him. “No.”
Amos stared at her, jaw clenched, expression stark. “No… forever?”
“Not like this, Amos. Never like this.” She drew further away from him, reaching for her employee keycard as she turned towards the door.
Amos caught her by the shoulder, forcing her back around to face him. “What do you mean ‘like this’?”
She took a breath, bracing herself for the deepening hurt that came with laying her feelings out to be trampled. “Like I’m some kind of obligation you have to look after. I want to be wanted. I deserve to be wanted.” It wasn’t entirely Amos’s fault, but those feelings had been building for a long time. She was sick of how her family treated her and exhausted by keeping her mother afloat—she wanted to be beloved and cherished, not a burden.
She pulled out of his grasp, reaching for the door.
“Tessa, wait. I— ”
“I have to get back to work, Amos. I’ll see you on Wednesday.” She needed space before she could face him again. One day apart might not be enough, but at least it was something. She slipped inside, letting the door fall shut on his objection.
When her shift ended, the sun had risen. Back at home, Ma was sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee.
“Kettle’s still hot,” Ma said as Tessa slumped into a chair across from her. “Rough day?”
“Yeah.” Tessa dragged herself back onto her feet to make a cup of mint tea.
Ma got up to rummage in the fridge. “I’ve got an open pack of bacon. You want bacon and eggs?”
“Sure,” she said, trying not to sound too listless. “Thanks, Ma.”
Tessa ate in silence, turning her conversation with Amos over and over in her mind. Had she overreacted? Hadn’t she been waiting for him to ask? Shouldn’t she be glad he wanted to protect her?
Ma slid a plate of scrambled eggs and fried bacon in front of Tessa, jerking her out of her looping doubts. “There you go.”
“Thanks.”
Ma settled back in her seat, picking up her coffee and her iPad. “So I was talking to Robbie, and he thinks since the mortgage is back under control, I should consider getting a better car.”
Tessa paused, bacon halfway to her mouth. “What’s wrong with your current car?”
Ma shrugged. “Nothing’s wrong with it. It’s just old. ”
“It’s not even ten years old.”
“That’s old for a car. And Robbie said loan rates are really good now, so if I trade in the Civic, I could probably…”
Tessa stared at her mother, not even comprehending the words coming out of her mouth. The mortgage was only under control because Tessa had fixed it. All that time and money, all the sacrifices she’d made, all the things she’d given, just so Ma could shrug it off and go car shopping? Was she just going to wrack up more debt and expect Tessa to be there to bail her out again?
You’re going to kill me , Tessa thought bitterly. Her whole family. They were going to use her up until they couldn’t wring another drop of blood or sweat out of her, and they would never thank her for it. Never return the favor. But they would keep expecting her to be there.
They were a burden. She hated feeling that way, but they were. And it made it hard to love them.
Resolved, she pushed away from the table.
“What are you doing?” Ma asked, looking annoyed. “Did you hear anything I said?”
Tessa put her plate in the dishwasher and turned to face her mother. “Do whatever you want, Ma. I think it’s a terrible idea, but I’m not your keeper. If you end up upside-down on that car loan, though, I’m not doing a thing about it.”
“Robbie thinks it’s a good idea,” Ma said defensively.
“Oh, does he? Robbie, the financial genius who did literally nothing about all Dad’s medical bills?”
“You understand all that medical stuff better than he does.”
“I’m a nurse , Ma! I don’t work in billing! I don’t know any better than anyone else who’s ever had medical debt! But I fucking figured it out, while Rob did dick, so by all means, take his expert financial advice!”
“Robbie put new tires on the car last winter! And he paid for that busted pipe and all the water damage in the basement!”
Tessa swallowed back all the helpless rage. She nodded erratically. “Okay. Fine. Figure it out with Rob. I’m going to sleep.”
“Teresa, don’t take that tone with me!” Ma called sharply.
“I wasn’t taking a tone. I’m just going to sleep,” she called back. “Have a good day at work.”
Up in her room, the blue dress from the Council presentation was still hung over her closet door, adding a fresh layer of pain to the situation. She turned away from it and got into bed. Adrenaline raced through her body, keeping her from falling asleep. She lay with her eyes closed, willing unconsciousness to give her brief reprieve from all the anger and hurt and frustration that wanted to boil out of her.
Eventually, she managed to drift off.
When she woke that evening, Ma was back from work. Tessa got dressed and warily made her way downstairs. She was tired of fighting, but she was also tired of making nice. Ma clicked the coffeemaker on as Tessa stepped into the kitchen.
“How was work?” Tessa asked, a safely neutral topic.
“Work was work,” Ma answered with a shrug. A stilted silence lapsed. The coffeemaker beeped as coffee began to drip into the carafe. Ma finally spoke again. “I talked to Uncle Martin about the car, and he didn’t think it was a good idea, so I’ll probably hold off on that for a while.”
Oh, well, if Uncle Martin says so, Tessa thought bitterly. She managed to keep the thought to herself. “Uncle Martin knows about that kind of stuff,” she said instead, the most oblique way of saying I told you so that she could come up with. Uncle Martin was a retired appliance salesman who had more than a passing familiarity with how people got suckered in with too-good-to-be-true lending offers.
Ma nodded, turning her attention to the coffeemaker, busying herself with pulling out creamer and sugar. “Aren’t you heading out soon?” Ma asked. “You usually leave around this time.”
To see Amos. But she’d told him she wouldn’t see him until Wednesday. She regretted it, but she wouldn’t take it back. She already missed him, but this morning’s argument with Ma had only cemented how much she could never accept love given out of obligation. She refused to be a burden he had no choice but to care for.
Her eyes burned suddenly. She blinked hard before tears could well, swallowing past the tightness in her throat. “Uh, no, not tonight.”
“No plans with any friends ?”
“No.”
“Hmm.”
Before Tessa could interpret that, the doorbell rang. Ma glanced down the hallway, squinting at the side window.
“You expecting someone?” she asked Tessa.
“No. Nobody.”
Ma moved down the hall to the door. Tessa opened the cupboard, started to reach for a mug when she suddenly remembered—the thrall! Amos had warned her that he would be angling to get inside the house.
“Shit, Ma! Stop!”
But it was too late. Tessa heard the chuff of the security door swinging open as she sprinted into the hall. She nearly slipped on the rug as she suddenly drew up short. That wasn’t a ragged, crazed stranger standing at the door.
It was Amos.
“Hello, Tessa,” he said softly. He stood framed in the doorway, looking like her sweet, undead farm boy with his wheat-blond hair and his broad shoulders and his square jaw clenched with tension. Her throat tightened and she swallowed hard. Even though seeing him refreshed the hurt of their last conversation, the urge to throw herself at him and just give in was overwhelming.
She managed to restrain herself. “Hi, Amos.”
Ma had stepped aside for him but he hesitated at the threshold, unable to cross it.
“Well, come in,” Ma said, gesturing impatiently. “The heat’s getting out.”
Giving her an apologetic smile, he stepped inside. “I’m sorry to come by with no warning. I hope I didn’t interrupt your dinner.”
“Not yet,” Ma said, giving Amos a frosty once-over.
“I’ll be quick then.” He turned his attention to Tessa. “Could we talk?”
Tessa doubted she wanted her mother to overhear any part of this conversation. “Sure. Let’s go for a walk.” She grabbed her coat off the hook and stepped into the crushed sneakers she wore for taking the trash out or checking the mail.
She moved past Amos, unable to quite meet his gaze, and stepped outside. Amos followed closely. Ma stood in the doorway, watching, so Tessa walked in silence until they were out of sight of the house.
At the end of the block, Tessa stopped beneath a pool of orangey streetlight and turned to face Amos. She hadn’t prepared herself for the intensity of his gaze. Caught off guard, she almost looked away.
He stood at a distance, just out of arm’s reach. “Tessa, I lied to you.”
Her brows rose. “You… what?”
“I lied. Because I’m a coward. I’ve wanted you since… I don’t even know. Probably the first time we met. But I promised you a proper courtship, and I swore to be patient. But the more I know you, the more I want you. And when I realized the thrall had fixated on you—when it crossed my mind that a claim could protect you—I took advantage of that fact to get what I wanted.”
Tessa’s heart lifted. A helpless smile pulled at her mouth. “You want—”
“ You , Tessa,” he said roughly. “I want to put my claim mark on you. I want it so badly it’s making me crazy. Every time I see you I get closer to breaking down and begging.”
She didn’t know how to put into words what she was feeling. Her chest constricted pleasantly, robbing her of breath.
“By your standards, I’m an old man. But that just means I’ve been around long enough to know exactly what I want. To know what love is when I feel it.”
“Love?” Tessa repeated, almost in disbelief.
“You’re thoughtful and clever and playful. You make my dull life exciting just by existing, and every minute you spend away from me feels like an eternity. I would do anything it took to make you happy. I want you tied to me, body and soul, forever, because I’m desperately in love with you, Tessa.”
“Amos…” His name came out on the faintest of breaths, an d she gave in to the urge to throw herself into his arms. “I love you, too,” she rasped, burying her face against his chest.
He tightened one arm around her, holding her close, and tilted her chin up with his other hand. His mouth met hers in a brutal kiss in which nothing was withheld. All the want, all the desire, all the bottled-up emotion between them came pouring out in a physical explosion. Amos’s fangs scraped against her lower lip, drawing blood. He tasted it immediately and they both groaned as he sucked on her lip, drawing out that faint thread before the wound closed.
But his venom was in her mouth, too, sinking into that little wound. A glowing warmth radiated from the spot, spreading through her body. It wasn’t as potent or intense as when he fed fully from her, but a little orgasm suddenly seized her, making her gasp. Amos caught her as her knees gave out, holding her close as the delicious tremors chased through her. When it passed, she clung weakly to him, breathing raggedly.
“Are you alright?” he asked gently, his words underscored by the purr rumbling in his chest.
Tessa laughed. “Well, I’d prefer that hadn’t happened in the street, but I’m definitely alright .” She gazed up at him, tightening her hold on him. “I know you wanted a proper courtship, but if I’m going to accept your claim, I want… more than that. Like, I want to have sex with you. Is that—”
Amos ducked suddenly, throwing Tessa over his shoulder in a fireman’s carry.
Tessa shrieked, laughing as she pounded on his back. “What are you doing?”
“Taking you to my house. Right now.”
Still laughing, she pleaded, “Wait, Amos. Put me down.”
With obvious reluctance, he set her back on her feet .
“I can’t tonight,” she said, still breathless from being thrown around so easily. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to tease you. I just wanted to know if it was on the table.”
“Yes, sweetheart, it’s on the table. And the bed. And the floor. Hell, we can do it on the roof if you want. Let’s go. Call in sick.”
She groaned. “I can’t. I wish I could, but I just can’t. We’re really short-staffed right now, and I can’t make it worse if I don’t have to.”
Amos sighed, shoving his hands into his pockets. “I made it this long. I’ll last a few more days, I suppose.”
Tessa smiled wolfishly. “You only have to last for one more. I’m not working tomorrow night. I can be with you all night.”
Amos’s pupils dilated wide. He stepped into Tessa’s space, big hand cupping the back of her head as he kissed her. He broke this kiss, still gripping the back of her neck, his forehead pressed against hers. “Tomorrow night,” he growled, “You’ll accept my claim?”
Tessa nodded, nearly dizzy with desire and excitement. “Yes.”
“Do you understand what you’re giving up to be with me?” he asked, sounding pained. “You’ll outlive all of your family. You’ll never have children of your own.”
Outliving her family would be painful—especially her niece and nephew—but she was done planning her own life around her family. And not having children… she’d always envisioned herself getting married and having children, in a vague, compulsory sort of way. But, with the option taken off the table, she felt no sense of loss.
“I’m okay with that,” she said, “if it means I get to be with you. ”
Amos cupped her face, thumbs stroking along her cheekbones. “It’s probably for the best that we need to wait a day. It gives you time to think. If you change your mind, I won’t hold it against you.”
She wouldn’t change her mind. “I’ll see you tomorrow, then?”
He nodded. “Let me walk you to work.”