Chapter Thirteen
‘Which one do you prefer?’ Effie held up a blue floral and a pink striped dress to her laptop. Maddie was on the other end of a video call, eating a large tub of strawberry yoghurt and casting a critical eye over all the outfits Effie had chosen. ‘Or maybe I should just go for jeans?’
‘Uh-uh, nope.’ Maddie shook her head. ‘It’s a lovely spring day, it’s a birthday party in a church hall, you can’t rock up in jeans.’
Effie sank onto her bed. ‘Yes, I can. I have a nice top I can wear with them,’ she said half-heartedly.
She was embarrassed to admit to herself that she wanted to make an effort for Jake, show him she scrubbed up well.
The call he’d taken from his ex had been a reality check.
He dated influencers, not bookshop assistants.
Ugh. Why was she even thinking about dating him?
She shouldn’t be so easily won over by a charming smile and paintbrush-wielding expertise.
Effie reached for a pretty floral blouse with a lace collar. It was cute. It was more her style. The dresses had sat in her wardrobe since last spring. She’d packed them thinking they might be useful for the shop opening, not expecting a party invite.
‘I’d feel better in jeans,’ Effie said, more to convince herself than Maddie. ‘I don’t want to draw attention to myself.’
‘Any more than you already have with your morning swims, opening a new shop and getting one of the locals to help you decorate. Tell me, is this guy who’s been helping you going to the party?’
Effie’s face flamed. ‘Maybe, but it’s not like that. He’s just bored and likes decorating. What? Why are you shaking your head.’
‘You wouldn’t be ringing me for clothing advice if this guy meant nothing.’
Effie opened her mouth to protest but quickly closed it. Maybe she did fancy Jake a bit? The thought made her even more flustered. A glance at the clock revealed she had twenty minutes before they were meant to meet. ‘Shit, Maddie, I have to go, I’m running out of time. Have a good afternoon.’
Maddie peered at the time on her laptop. ‘Shucks, me too, lunchbreak nearly over. Wear the dress. I prefer the pink one. Love you.’
Effie watched as the screen went blank before flopping back against her pillows clutching the two dresses.
They were both really pretty but the only way she was going to feel comfortable was in her jeans and the blouse.
It felt far too early in the year for a cute summer dress.
Anyway, she was only planning on popping along for half an hour.
Parties, especially ones full of people she didn’t know, put the fear in her.
Once her makeup was done, her hair plaited in a coronet around her head, a few wispy tendrils escaping around her face, Effie pulled on her jeans and the blouse.
It looked cute. It felt safe. Her eyes strayed to the dresses.
No, it was too late to get changed and her nerves were already jangling.
Instead, Effie hung the dresses back up and checked the contents of her bag for the fourth time.
Lipstick, phone, purse, could she slip in a book?
No, that would be rude. Carrying a book with her had always been her comfort, so she compromised and tucked her Kindle inside.
After closing her bedroom door, Effie made her way into the living room, slipping her feet into a pair of bright yellow Converse.
Her heart raced as she thought about walking into the church hall, all the locals turning to stare at her, questions in their eyes.
Questions they’d no doubt find a way of asking.
In the bookshop she felt safe. If anyone turned up to see what was going on, they were on her turf.
They never lingered long either when they saw she was busy.
But a party, oh gosh, there’d be no way out.
People would try and twist her arm and get her to stay.
Panic began to rise in her chest at the thought of everyone turning to gawp at her as she stepped foot in the hall.
Effie tried to calm her breathing, but it felt as if her heart was trying to clamour its way out through her throat.
She froze as a battle raged inside her between picking up her bag and leaving the flat and just cancelling.
She could claim she was sick. The air around her was thick, suffocating, and somewhere through the smog of it, a loud knock came at the door.
It sounded again. Effie caught the time on the kitchen clock. Ten past three. The plan had been to meet Jake outside at three. Swallowing down her fear, she crossed over to the door and with shaking fingers unlocked it.
‘Effie, are you OK?’ Concern flashed across Jake’s face.
‘I can’t go,’ she said desperately, ‘I can’t do this.’
‘What?’
‘The party,’ her voice came out high pitched, panicked. ‘I can’t go and see all those people.’
Jake took her in, realised what was happening. ‘Effie, listen to me. Look at me.’ When she did, he placed his hands on her shoulders and calm instantly descended through her. He made her feel tethered. ‘Deep breath. In for four, hold, out for four. And again.’
Effie did as instructed. Jake matched her shaky breaths with his own smooth ones. His eyes never left hers. Slowly, she felt the panic in her limbs begin to dissipate, felt herself drawn back into the room, into the present.
‘What’s up, Effie?’
She squirmed slightly before admitting, ‘I don’t like big crowds or parties or clubbing.
I get anxious at social gatherings. I tend to avoid them.
I know that makes me sound boring.’ People had always called her boring at university and it had stuck, wedged itself in the gaps where her confidence had been chipped away. ‘I’m much happier with my books.’
‘Effie, that is perfectly OK, you don’t need to like parties. Or clubbing. I couldn’t say for sure, but I don’t think Alf is the clubbing type. Scruff, however . . .’
Effie laughed. It felt good. She felt . . . safe. Jake wasn’t judging her.
‘Just remember it’s a ninetieth birthday party in a church hall. You don’t have to stay for more than half an hour if you don’t want. You can leave at any time. I’ll bring you home. You don’t even need to make an excuse.’
‘Are you sure?’
Jake nodded firmly. ‘I’m sure and I promise, if you feel like you’ve had enough, I’ll walk you home. I’ve got you, Effie. You’ve got this.’
Effie thought her reaction would be to not believe him, but as she stood in her living room, Jake’s firm hands on her shoulders, holding her in place, she realised he really did have her back.
‘You ready?’ he asked gently.
Effie nodded. When he removed his hands, she felt as if she’d float away. ‘Let me grab my cardigan.’ Effie picked it up from the sofa. It was oversized, blue with daisies on it.
‘Very cute.’
‘I made it myself,’ she said proudly, giving him a twirl. When she stopped, he was looking at her as if trying to process something.
‘You look lovely,’ he managed, his voice thick as he shifted from foot to foot, his eyes suddenly darting around the room before falling back on her.
‘Thank you.’ A smile spread across her face.
A true smile because Jake had really seen her, in a way no one else had for a long time.
Jeans and a nice blouse, her social anxiety, he’d taken all this in and was still there, holding open the flat door for her.
A little bit of trust began to creep in.
Jake was a good guy. Maybe Maddie was right and there were some complicated, but also, extremely simple, feelings swirling around inside her for Jake.
Effie exhaled as she locked the door behind her.
Once they’d made their way down the steps, Jake paused and offered Effie his arm, like a gentleman in a Regency romance.
She tried not to swoon as she took it. Their eyes met.
Next to Jake, Effie felt safe, special. It was unusual, something that would take getting used to, but also, she knew not to get carried away.
Maybe he was just being friendly. She still had that question mark drawn over Tara after the call. Was she really just an ex?
‘You really made this yourself?’ He gave her sleeve a little tug as they walked along beside the beach.
‘Yes, knitting and books, it’s like I’m an old granny,’ she joked.
‘Not at all! It’s comforting to meet someone who knows what they enjoy. Most of the women I’ve met, well, for starters, they’re nothing like you. They want the flashy lifestyle. You’re gentler,’ Jake said, ‘it’s refreshing. I like it.’
His praise warmed her. ‘Thank you. When I was younger I always thought I was a bit boring. Old fashioned. It’s been easier to accept myself as I’ve got older and people have got more into crafting and quiet pursuits, but I always expect people to be judgy.’
‘You’re clearly not meeting the right people,’ Jake said. ‘I really don’t think anyone who plunges into the freezing cold sea every morning could possibly be called boring. I tried dipping my toe in and nope! That was enough.’
‘It’s really not that bad once you get in,’ she said, ‘and then when you get out you feel like you could conquer the world. Did you not swim when you were a kid here?’
‘Of course! But not in the winter. I’ll go in in the summer when it’s warmer.’
‘Cold water is so invigorating though! Can’t I convince you to give it a go?
Jake gave it a few seconds thought. ‘Maybe. But only up to my knees. Start me off slowly.’
Effie shook her head. ‘Far better to take a full plunge, get it over with.’
Jake shuddered. ‘I’ll need some convincing on that. I admire you, Effie, not just the mad sea swimming but coming here alone, organising setting up the shop, which your boss should have done. You should give yourself more credit. Not everyone could do this.’
‘Thanks, it was my choice though. I could’ve said no. I’ve always wanted to run my own bookshop though, it was my childhood dream. Well, still is my dream. This was the best way of achieving it.’
‘That’s so cool, Eff!’
She beamed at him. ‘Thanks, that’s why I want to prove to myself I can do it. If it was my own shop, I wouldn’t have any help. Not that I’m not grateful for you, you’ve been a lifesaver.’
Jake shrugged this off. ‘It’s nothing, honestly. So, what was life back home like?’
‘Really cosy. I lived with my parents, but we got on really well. You know how hard it is with property prices. I’ve worked in the shop since I came home from uni.
I loved it. I had no plans to leave but when Clive offered this to me, suddenly I was curious about what was over the horizon.
I did go away to university. Hated it. Bad experience.
I was so unhappy. Swore I’d never leave.
But, Polcarrow isn’t far from home and it’s small and safe. ’
‘There you go. Where did you go to uni?’
‘London. It was a big dream. I thought I’d be intellectually stimulated, that I’d find the place I’d thrive in, but no, if anything it crushed me so I was even smaller than I already felt.
I never told my parents until after I graduated.
How silly was I to think London was everything when I have this on my doorstep? ’ Effie signalled to the sea.
Jake regarded the rolling waves thoughtfully.
‘I’ve been all over the world but since I’ve come back to Polcarrow I’ve realised home is actually a lot more beautiful, with a lot more to discover than I originally thought.
It’s making it hard to decide what to do next.
’ Before Effie could ask him about this, he changed the subject back to her.
‘I’m sorry university wasn’t a good experience.
I think there’s way too much pressure put on it being the best time of our lives.
How do you feel about it now, looking back? ’
‘Still not good.’ Effie turned to him. ‘I try really hard to put it to the back of my mind. Really hard. But I feel like that failure is tied up in who I am today, like it’s shaped me.’
‘Do you still feel like a failure?’
Effie cast her mind back to the moments in her flat before Jake knocked on the door, the desperation to cancel. She knew if she had done so then she would’ve felt like she’d let everyone down. Most importantly, she’d have let herself down.
‘Not right now I don’t,’ she admitted, giving him a shy smile.
‘Good.’ He patted her hand. ‘I think we better get going. We’re way past three o’clock.’
If going to a party was hard enough, the thought of walking into one late was even worse.
Effie allowed Jake to lead her away from the seafront and up the narrow streets that closed around them like a secret, towards the church and its hall.
Effie could hear music and there were balloons swaying in the breeze.
She batted one away, giggling as it swung back towards her.
When she caught Jake’s eye, she realised he was watching her as if he’d never seen anything quite like her before.
‘What? I like balloons,’ She explained with a shrug. ‘They’re so joyful and remind me of being a child.’
‘I’ll see if I can get you one to take home.’
‘Oi! Don’t laugh at me!’ Effie was giggling herself.
‘I’m not. It’s adorable,’ Jake managed as he reached for the door handle, pushing it open slightly. ‘Shall we?’
Effie froze. This was it. Her eyes skittered over the door before resting on him. Jake waited patiently for her cue. Effie took a deep breath, plastered a fake-it-until-you-make-it smile across her face and nodded.
‘You first.’ Her stomach clenched slightly as she watched Jake confidently step into the hall. Taking a deep breath, eyes half closed, she followed him in.