Four
LACI
How I wished it had been him. The entire time he stammered out his goodbye, I kept my gaze on anything but him.
My heart felt ten sizes too big, and my stomach roiled from constant nausea.
It was a memory I wish I didn’t have, and I’m not too proud to say I’ve thought about that moment over the years.
Typically after another blowout with Kevin and I would sink into regret that I hadn’t told Luke that night how I felt, how I wanted him to be my first.
A group of twenty-somethings exited the pub. Their laughter rang loud and merry. I envied their freedom, the ability to live life from one moment to the next. Well, I was here to do the same thing.
I got out of my car, locked it with my remote, and stopped short.
He was just inside the doorway, holding it open for me.
The look on his face, the crooked smile, slammed me right back to college and dreaming about that look after a night of tutoring.
But tonight, tonight was different. We were different.
We still had a connection, but we were seeing each other through different lenses with a lifetime behind us.
Well, at least I was. And this time, I wasn’t going home wishing I’d been honest with him. And I was all in.
I hope he was ready for the new Laci.
“Laci. I’m not ashamed to admit; I worried you wouldn’t come.” Luke held the door as I stepped past him. His scent drifted over me—a mixture of hops and man with a hint of sandalwood. I was on sensory overload as I took in another deep breath to even myself out.
“You said 1 a.m. was best, right?” Turning in a slow circle to take in the room and its few remaining customers, my gaze didn’t quite reach his as I realized he’d changed his clothes since I’d left earlier.
His hair was damp, and his shirt clung to his body, outlining his pecs and broad shoulders.
And his arms. Arms I’d fantasize about wrapped around me as we sat across from each other in the college library.
“Um, Laci. You okay?” Luke’s eyes shone with concern.
I held back a laugh and nodded. “I’m great. I, ah just had a quick thought I’d forgot to uh, lock my front door, but then I remembered I did, so…” Lame, so lame Laci.
“Front door huh, well, okay. If you say so.” Luke looked me up and down; his grin was a knowing one. Like knowing I’d been checking him out and got caught. “I’m glad you’re here. How about we sit in the back while we catch up and pray no one needs me for the hour.”
He led the way to a corner of the pub tucked behind a six-foot room divider made of rough-hewn wood and stained dark to match the flooring.
Padded booths in black leather with brass studs, arranged in a U shape, with three large tables filling the middle.
Short, fat candles were placed at various intervals, an amber glow giving the space a cozy and intimate feel.
“This is our VIP area. I thought we could hang out here uninterrupted and talk.” He swept out an arm indicating the far side, and another waft of his cologne hit me. It was addicting and comforting and sexy as hell. It, combined with the man, had me sitting anywhere he wanted me.
After asking what I’d like to drink, he excused himself for a moment and returned with his beer and my hard seltzer, as well as a glass of water. I knew my limits, and I wanted no doubts about anything I would say or do tonight to be in question or blamed on having over-imbibed.
“Thank you. This pub is fantastic, by the way. My friends don’t want to go anywhere else now for our girls' nights.” I took a small sip of my seltzer for fortification and looked over at Luke.
He was sitting sideways with his body toward me, an ankle over his leg and an arm resting on a knee.
So close, in fact, if I shifted to my left, I’d be snuggled right up to his thigh.
His body heat warmed me as I tried to focus on his responses, but all I could think about was I was hidden away with Luke.
I was free to say and do anything I wanted for the first time in way too long.
“I’m glad your friends like the place. But what about you. What do you think?” He took a drink and kept his gaze on mine as he swallowed. The move was so sexy I felt my body heat at the desire I found in his brown eyes.
Smiling, I didn’t want to tip off my excitement at being able to see him every other Friday night. “Well, who am I to argue? Majority rules and all.”
“Always the rule follower, weren’t you?” He laughed while I frowned. “No, no. Now don’t give me that look. I remember that look of disappointment whenever I tried to end our tutoring sessions early. And by the way, there’ll be no ducking out early for me tonight. I want to hear all about you.”
Luke’s voice had gone another notch lower on the word ‘you.’ I shivered at the emphasis and tried not to wish away all the years between then and now.
Things happened for a reason. Who knows, if we had hooked up back then, we were both so young there was no guarantee we’d have had any kind of lasting relationship.
But now. Older and wiser, and all of that could equal a chance at something better.
We spent the next hour talking about my girls, the decision to stay in town, how Kevin and I drifted apart, then only stayed married for the kids and our inevitable divorce.
I kept the fact that by the end of the marriage, we were in separate rooms a secret or the fact that I was terrified of turning into a shriveled-up divorcee before I turned forty.
He told me about being drafted by the Washington Sentinels, his career-ending injury, and how he turned his love of small-batch brewing into his award-winning Hart’s Pass IPA and building the brewery back here in our hometown.
Before I’d found the courage to let him know about the fateful night I’d given my virginity to Kevin and not him as I’d hoped, the lead bartender interrupted us.
“Hey, boss. The till’s taken care of, the place is cleared of patrons, and all the servers are clocked out.
You want me to set the alarm or…” The young tattooed employee looked between us and waited for direction.
He looked a bit uncomfortable, and it made me wonder if this situation happened often.
Were the rumors true? Was this back area used as Luke’s typical end-of-night hook-up?
And why did I care? After all, that’s why I came back so late. I was totally out of my comfort zone, but I was also determined. I sat up a bit straighter. “Oh, I’d really like to keep talking. That is if you don’t have anywhere else to be?”
In all our time tonight, the mention of a girlfriend had never come up, but I’d made it plain to him that I was single. I crossed my fingers under the table and waited for his response.
He nodded at his employee, “Go ahead. I’ve got it tonight,” his gaze quickly returned to mine as we both seemed to hold our breath waiting to hear the back door close, ensuring we were truly alone.
His eyes were now hooded as he looked back at me. He didn’t move closer, but I felt a shift occur in each of us as a possible scenario played out in my mind.
It seemed like forever before he spoke again. “You’re so beautiful, Laci. More so now than the shy but determined girl you once were. And don’t get me wrong, you were pretty then, but you were off-limits to me. You know that, right?”
My head swam at his words. Off-limits? What in the world was he talking about? Had Kevin warned him off?
Luke leaned toward me and caught a wayward curl of mine in his hands.
His fingers brushed my chest as he rubbed the hair between his finger and thumb.
“Coach threatened me with my scholarship if I started anything with you. He said the team had had too many players ‘defiling’ tutors in the past, and he’d be damned if I fell out of the program and possibly lost my chances with the NFL if I so much as kissed you on the cheek. ”
I remained frozen at the news. Was this his way of telling me he’d been attracted to me in college? That some stupid football coach had blocked my chances with Luke?
“You were so sweet and untouchable, Laci. And those damn tight jeans you wore. I don’t mind telling you now…since we’re all grown up, but jeez, you were so hot I’d have to rub one out in the shower after our sessions and—”
The sound of breaking glass interrupted Luke. We both looked over to the bar where the noise had seemed to come from. It was the bartender. He was back, and his face was beet red. He looked like he was going to bolt.
“Shit. I thought you’d left.” Luke strode over and helped his employee clean up the mess. “I forgot my sweatshirt. I’d left it under the bar, and there must have been a forgotten glass under there, so when I pulled it…I’m so sorry, boss.”
The guy looked at me, “Sorry, ma’am. I didn’t mean to wreck your…I mean the moment between you two—”
Luke growled. “That’s enough. You’ve got most of it. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
I’ve never seen a person disappear as quickly as I did the poor bartender.
I stood up to help Luke with the remaining mess.
I had a hard time not laughing at the situation.
The guy couldn’t have picked the worst time.
“I hope you’re not too mad at him. It seems like an honest accident.
Wait, can an accident be honest? Well, whatever. Let me help you before I go.”
I stepped up on the brass foot railing and peeked over the bar top to see Luke sweeping up the last of the glass into a dustpan.
“You’re leaving?” He didn’t sound very happy about it.
“Um, maybe…it’s late and…”
“Hold on. Don’t leave. Let me take care of this.” Luke disappeared into the back.
Standing alone in a darkened pub wanting to climb Luke like a tree even though I still hadn’t told him my truth was an unusual place to be.
How could I get the intimate vibe going again?
Because after him telling me about jerking off because he couldn’t touch me back then, well, that was the type of news a girl didn’t walk away from.