Four
MALLORY
When he didn’t elaborate, I tried again. I still didn’t know what André did for a living––he had to be employed, right? But how did I not know his line of work? Well, besides dumping all my problems on him, I probably hadn’t given him a chance to tell me.
Even though I hated the “What do you do” question, after last night, I needed to know more about him. “So how long have you been in California?”
He ran his fingers through his shiny dark hair and considered. “Let’s see, about six years now?”
“Six years? So you stayed in Oregon for a while?”
He shook his head. “No, my best friend and I threw our stuff in the back of my old Jeep and drove down right after graduation.”
Graduation? My stomach dropped and I pressed one hand to my now churning gut. “College graduation?”
Maybe I’d misunderstood. Please, Universe, let me have misunderstood.
“Yeah, why? How long have you lived here?” He leaned against the counter, crossing one ankle over the other.
I cleared my throat and tried to respond but only managed a hoarse squawk.
He approached me and tilted my chin up to meet his gaze. “You okay?”
I ran my tongue around my teeth. “How old are you?” I held my breath.
“I’ll be 29 in October.”
This time I choked and doubled over. Ohmigod, yes, I had a history of picking inappropriate men which was why I was still single on the cusp of my 40th birthday. But this?
He patted me on the back. “Mallory, what’s wrong? What’s the big deal? Do you only date older men or something?”
“Date?” My thoughts were bouncing around my brain like a pack of wild monkeys.
His eyes narrowed, a glint of hurt in their depths, and he retreated a step. “I mean, yeah, I want to see you again unless this was just a hook-up for you?”
Crap, crap, crap. “Well, I…”
My phone buzzed and I took the opportunity to gather my composure.
Your VIP badge will be delivered to your place by noon. Remember to get to Hollywood Bowl early because it’s going to be a zoo. Get dropped off at VIP gate. Assistant will bring you backstage. Before 5! Baby B
Tonight was a huge benefit concert to rebuild the Palisades and Altadena libraries from the horrific L.A. fires earlier this year. My brother Ben played in one of the most popular rock bands in the world. Although I was more of a jazz and blues fan, I appreciated his talent. No way could I miss it.
Oh crap. André was the same age as my baby brother. I closed my eyes and exhaled a shaky breath.
“Mallory? Was that news from your friends in Africa?”
I set down the phone and struggled to pull it together. “No, no. Sorry, just a reminder I have a really busy day. Sorry about that.”
A neutral mask slipped over André’s chiseled features “Okay, maybe I read this all wrong. I’ll get out of your way.”
He turned and marched toward the bedroom.
I’d hurt his feelings but between our passion-filled night, the jet lag, and discovering his age, I couldn’t think straight.
“Andre, wait.” I hurried into my bedroom, where he was tucking his fitted black t-shirt into his jeans.
“Look, I get it. You were upset last night and I was convenient. Don’t worry about it.” He didn’t meet my gaze and strode past me.
I caught his powerful forearm. He paused, but his jaw was set and his gaze was guarded. No longer the warm, compassionate man I’d just spent the night with, but a remote stranger.
My throat tightened. “No, you weren’t just convenient. Will you listen to me please? André, I’m turning the big 4-0 in July. I could have been your babysitter, for god’s sake.” Oh my god, I totally could have been his babysitter.
His full lips twitched. “If I’d had a babysitter that looked like you, I would’ve been ruined for other women forever.”
“It’s not funny. I figured you were maybe a few years younger than me but we’re not even the same generation. I’m a Millennial for god’s sake. I’m in shock, okay?”
“Look, is it really the age difference? Age is just a number and doesn’t matter to me and I would hope it wouldn’t matter to you. Do I seem like a little boy to you?” His forehead creased.
I inhaled sharply. There was nothing little about him. “You don’t.”
“Well, I’d like to see you again. I’d like to spend time with you.”
How could he sound so confident? “You make it sound so simple. But I’m not sure––”
He drew me into his arms and gazed down at me. “Look, we can take it day by day. I’d love to take you out to dinner.”
My pulse kicked up and part of me screamed ‘Yes!’ but the practical part of me shouted louder. “Look, I just don’t see how this can work in the real world. I don’t even know what you do for work.”
His nostrils flared and he released me. Retreated a step. “I have a job. But I’m not going to beg you to go out with me.”
Regret filled me. “Last night was amazing but I think we should leave it at that. I’m sorry.” My life was too complicated right now.
“I guess that’s goodbye then.” He pivoted and walked out the door, closing it with a decisive click.
I sank onto one of the navy velvet bar stools and dropped my head into my hands. All the joy I’d been feeling evaporated and a sense of numbness set in. Last night had been perfect. In addition to our scorching chemistry, I really liked him.
But with our age difference, a future seemed impossible.
I was at a crossroads and needed to make major decisions. Was I remaining at UCLA? How would I support myself if I didn’t? Could I really write a book interesting enough to be published? Could I create enough balance in my life to balance career and love?
When I was working on my PhD and building my academic career, I’d prioritized work over romance.
After one bitter breakup, I’d fallen into a pattern of picking men who weren’t right for me.
I kept my affairs simple. Superficial, even.
Now, I did want a relationship, which was part of the motivation for coming home from Tanzania.
Even knowing André such a short time, I knew a relationship with him would never be superficial. Our connection was deep, undeniable.
But I needed to figure out my life and a relationship with a guy in his twenties seemed like too big a hurdle to cross.
Why did it feel like I’d made a huge mistake?