Epilogue
RIVER
AFTER
This evening was surprisingly fun once my grandmother showed me around.
Dad usually visits my grandparents once a year around Christmas, but this is the first time he’s brought me and Mom with him.
It was exciting to put on a pretty dress and sparkly sandals, and seeing all the different gowns the women were wearing when we arrived was mesmerizing.
Chiffon, silk, glittering diamonds, it was like they were all ready for a performance on Broadway.
I know my dad and his parents don’t get along and I get it. From everything I’ve been told over the years, this life doesn’t suit him. Living in our own little bubble is what makes them happy and most days it’s what I prefer as well.
Tonight, however, I saw a different life. One where I could pretend I’m someone else before going back to the simple life. While I was alone with grandma, she hinted at the tension with Dad but mostly, she just wanted to know who I am, what I do.
“Are you ready for college, River?”
“Yes, I think so. I’m not going far though. I want to stay close to my family.” My words are sure, confident, and as I lock eyes with my grandmother, I’m filled with warmth at the pride I find in her features.
“Family is important. In fact, family should be absolutely everything.” I nod because I agree with my whole heart.
I know I’m not supposed to talk about Everest—although I have no idea why, to be honest—but I want to tell her that he’s amazing and I would really hate being separated from him for too long.
Leading me by my arm, she takes me to the balcony as we both turn our backs to the party and stare out at the New York City skyline. The heated lamps keep us from freezing out here and I’m glad because the view is simply breathtaking.
“My mother, your great-grandmother, loved telling me the story of how she named me.” My interest piqued—I know I got my middle name from her—I turn to face this woman I barely know and stare at her profile.
“Roses not only come in different shapes and colors, but each of those colors hold a different meaning. A different identity, if you will. This life we are born into, River, well…it makes us chameleons. Pink roses, red roses, black roses…they all mean something different. Friendship, love, death.”
There’s another brief pause before she turns to face me, close enough that only I can hear her next words.
“Blue roses are the rarest of all. The chameleon’s favorite because they symbolize mystery, secrecy…
pride.” As she turns to look at all the people just a few dozen feet away, she nods at them, calling them out with the tipping of her chin.
“This world is toxic, with its secrets and age-old codes.” I don’t dare look away because I know in this very moment, the next words will be as important as any history quiz my mom ever gave me.
“River, darling, your father’s choice to leave it all behind was the bravest, most honest thing any man in this family has ever done.” She leans in closer, her hands squeezing mine. “Follow in his footsteps.”
My parents are holding hands and humming along to Pink Floyd in the front of the car as Dad drives and it makes me smile how they are so carefree with each other.
I turn my head to look out the window, listening to them as I watch the light snowflakes speckle across the glass, the only light coming from other cars as we speed by.
The moon is barely visible in the night sky with it being so cloudy, but it’s still a pretty evening and the frost on the trees almost glows.
“…too close.”
“Wha—”
Everything happens in slow motion. The sudden jolt forward causes my head to hit the back of the seat, then the side window as the world outside begins to spin.
The screaming. The tires screeching and the sound of metal scraping against the asphalt.
I blink but I can’t see anything except the spinning, spinning, spinning.
The car dances in circles across the road, Dad trying desperately to maintain control as Mom grips her seat. My body tenses up as I brace for something more to happen. Dad puts his arm out to hold Mom back in her seat and Mom does the same to him, looking back at me with fear in her eyes.
I realize the screeching is coming from me as the car crashes against something bigger, harder, making my entire body thrust forward, held back only by the seat belt.
I think I pass out for a second or two because when I come to, all I see are bright headlights sitting low on the road, like a sports car or something.
I want to scream for help, wave my hands in the air so whoever it is can help us, but I’m completely helpless, trapped by…
something. I don’t know. No, not trapped.
I’m upside down, my hair hanging in a tangled mess, almost touching the glass and debris and… snow. So much snow.
My head hurts, it’s pounding, my vision a little blurry with unshed tears, but I can hear a seatbelt being undone, then a thud.
Dad is out of his seat, his face covered in blood as he looks across to Mom, slumped and only hanging on by her own seatbelt.
Her neck is at a funny angle, but her eyes are wide open and staring straight at me.
“Ladybug, sweetheart, look at me. Are you okay? Can…” Slowly, I look over at my dad, trying my best to ignore what my brain is pushing me to realize about mom.
She’s dead.
No. No, no, no. It can’t be. Dad’s wet cough reminds me that he’s asked me a question. What did he ask? Right. I’m okay.
“I’m okay.” This time I say it out loud but my voice is barely audible, like my subconscious mind is telling my physical body to stay quiet, to respect the…dead.
Gods, no.
“Can you move…” He coughs again and this time I’m looking at him as blood spurts from his mouth and my entire world starts spinning again but only in my mind, I think. “Your legs? Or arms?”
I nod but I don’t think he can see me so I speak again. “Y-y-yes.”
“Lisa, baby. Are you okay?” Nothing.
Oh, Gods.
“Lisa?” His arm reaches out, blood covers it from the tips of his fingers to his now-exposed elbow where his tuxedo was ripped wide open.
“Lisa, please, answer me.” He coughs again, blood covering his lips like he’s been drinking it from a cup.
An image of Interview with the Vampire flashes in my mind.
I watched it on All Hallow’s Eve with Freya, but this right here scares me a thousand times more than the movie did.
When Dad touches Mom, she doesn’t move. She doesn’t lean into him like she always does. She doesn’t even sigh with contentment.
The knowledge is like a heavy weight in my chest as I try to remember how to breathe.
Tears are streaming down my face in a silent cry when a roar of suffering like no other brings my attention back to Dad.
I can barely whimper, my body is in shock, unable to process the pain and what’s happening around me.
All I know is our world is about to completely change and I’ve never been more thankful that Ev isn’t here with us.
I almost choke on my sobs as my dad, broken and hanging on by a thread, cups my mom’s face so their eyes are locked one last time before he closes hers with the very tips of his fingers.
The dam that, until now, kept my overwhelming emotions at bay, disintegrates completely.
My temporary paralysis ends as pain ricochets through me for so many reasons.
“Dad…” I don’t recognize my own panicked voice as I tentatively try to get my dad’s attention. He’ll save us. He’ll get us out of this. He always does.
He turns, his hand trembling as he reaches out for me. All I see is blood and dirt and pieces of glass stuck to his skin. I want to wipe them clean, pick each and every piece off his fingers. In all the destruction, I can’t understand why I’m so focused on those details.
With the way the car is crushed, he can’t easily get to me without help.
We don’t speak as his green eyes, identical to mine, glass over like Lake Ontario when even the wind stills on those perfect days.
When his jaw tightens and the crinkles at the corners of his eyes bunch up, I know he’s in pain.
I can almost feel it in my very soul and I hate it.
I hate it so much because I want to be selfish, force him to come save me even if it hurts him.
But I don’t. I just reach out to him as far as I possibly can so our fingertips touch the tiniest bit.
“Dad, please. Don’t leave us.” My voice is barely audible, cracking on the last word.
“Riv…” His tongue darts out, licking up the blood that rests on his bottom lip.
He slowly closes his eyes before opening them once more, the effort obviously straining him.
“You are strong, Ladybug. So strong.” He takes another deep breath, blinking slowly, then pierces me with a look that demands my attention. “Take care of your brother. Always.”
When his fingers fall away, his arm lands awkwardly along his side just as his eyes roll into the back of his head. I scream out to him, begging him to come back because I’m only seventeen. How am I supposed to take care of my little brother? How am I supposed to keep this promise to my father?
But it’s too late. The silence is overwhelming as my screams die out, swallowed whole by the falling snow.
He’s gone.
They both are and I suppose that’s the only comfort I can take away. The Universe couldn't fathom separating them and now I have to pick up the pieces of our lives.
The pounding in my skull increases and I manage to make a final vow to my parents before the whole world turns black.
“I promise I’ll survive. I’ll give Everest the life you would’ve given him. I’ll take care of us. I love you.”