Briar
Isit across from Blake in our booth at the Mile High Diner, sipping my strawberry milkshake.
“How is it?” he asks.
“Yummy.”
“Want another one?”
I shake my head. “One giant milkshake is plenty for me.”
I look at his empty milkshake glass and the empty plate in front of him. A minute ago, there was a massive slice of apple pie on it, but Blake inhaled it after draining his milkshake.
“What’s it like living with a monster appetite? Does it ever get tiring being able to eat insane amounts of whatever you want?” I ask, unable to hide my smile.
His mouth slants up into a grin. “Agony. I should have become a competitive eater instead of a hockey player.”
I chuckle softly and take another sip of my milkshake. When I glance up, I notice he’s staring at me. Not in a creepy way. In a watchful way.
He looks at me like this when we’re at a party, and he’s checking in to make sure I’m doing okay.
A warm, soft feeling circles through my chest.
Blake’s been amazing. Beyond amazing.
I think back to this morning, when I told him the truth about what happened between me and my ex…The lies he spread about me after our breakup.
I think about the pained look on his face. How angry and protective he got.
How he said he’d kill Logan for hurting me.
That warm feeling spreads, flickering hotter.
I’ve never heard Blake’s voice like that before. So low and lethal.
I try not to think about how much I liked it.
Instead, I think about how he dropped everything and treated me to tacos at my favorite taco stand, then brought me here to the diner for milkshakes.
He’s been the most supportive friend I could ask for.
A pang of guilt lands square in my chest. “Are you sure you’re not mad?” I say to him.
His brow furrows in confusion. “Why would I be mad at you?”
“Because I didn’t tell you what Logan did.”
“Of course I’m not mad. I understand why you didn’t. You were going through a lot. You needed time to process everything.”
I nod. That’s exactly what I needed. Time to process and to be near my best friend again.
“You’re not obligated to tell me things, Briar.” He taps his tongue on his upper lip. “But thank you for telling me about what happened. I know it must have been hard.”
“It was. But I feel better now that you know.”
He reaches across the table and grabs my hand. I smile at the way his giant palm swallows up my hand.
Even though I’m disappointed that my attempt at flirting with Blake was derailed by my confession about my virginity and my breakup, I’m grateful that our friendship is intact. He’s my rock. I don’t know what I’d do without him.
“I feel really stupid for believing that Logan was such a good guy.”
“You shouldn’t. Some guys are like that. They put on a convincing front. And then, one day, they pull the mask away, and you see their true colors. And it’s not pretty.”
“That was definitely the case with Logan.”
He gives my hand a soft squeeze before pulling away and stacking our empty dishes on the table for the server.
“Logan said he was going to make sure my first time was special. He said he was going to get a hotel room and order my favorite flowers. I actually believed him.” A knot forms in my stomach. “Obviously, he lied. He never planned to do that.”
I look up at Blake. Anger flashes in his gaze. “Piece of shit,” he mutters softly. “He should have gone out of his way to make you feel safe and cherished, but instead…”
He trails off and shakes his head. He glances off to the side, glaring out the nearby window.
“Have you ever been with a girl for her first time?” I ask.
He looks at me. The anger in his gaze is gone. His brow raised, like he’s surprised I asked him. “Yeah. Once in high school and once in college.”
“What did you do for them?” I can’t help my curiosity. Blake is a sweet guy, so of course he’d be sweet if the girl he was dating never had sex before.
He lets out a flustered chuckle. “You really wanna know?”
“Yeah.” I lean back when I realize how invasive I’m being. “Unless this is making you uncomfortable. Is this weird? We tell each other everything, so I just thought it would be okay to ask you. But sorry, maybe it’s not okay.”
He shakes his head. “No, it’s fine.” His smile turns more relaxed, but his cheeks are a little red.
“I didn’t do anything amazing. No flowers, sorry to say.
I just tried my best to make them feel comfortable.
I went slow. I made sure we had plenty of lube.
And I checked in with them often. I asked what felt good, if they wanted a different position. ”
“Wow. That’s really wonderful.”
He runs a hand through his thick hair. “It’s not. It’s the bare minimum. I probably should have done more. Like, now that you mention it, getting a hotel room would have been a good idea. That would have been a lot more romantic than a dorm room.”
I shake my head. “No, what you did matters more. The setting doesn’t matter as much as the guy you’re with. All any girl wants to feel during her first time is safe and desired. It sounds like you went out of your way to do that.”
His smile is shy. “I tried to.”
We’re quiet for a moment as we look at each other. I fiddle with my spoon. “Honestly, that sounds like my dream first time.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. I’m relieved I’m not with Logan anymore. But honestly, when I think about someday losing my virginity, I get anxious. And really nervous.”
“How come?”
“I just feel like I’ll be insanely awkward.
I won’t know how to do anything, and I’ll just be too in my head.
I’ll be thinking about how I look, if what I’m doing is cute or sexy or weird.
I’ll be worried that I’m too noisy or too quiet.
” My cheeks flush as I look up at Blake.
“Part of me is scared too that something will happen to remind me of Logan trying to force himself onto me, and I’ll freak out and scare the guy away. ”
I exhale, my shoulders sinking. Just thinking about it stresses me out.
“If I could be with someone who I was one hundred percent comfortable with…a guy who knew me well and could talk me through it…who’s sweet and kind and…”
I trail off as the wildest idea pops into my brain.
I look at Blake and swallow.
“Are you okay?” he asks.
I nod, nerves firing off inside of me at what I’m thinking about asking Blake.
I can’t though. It’s too crazy.
But maybe it’s not…maybe it’s the perfect solution to my problem.
“I want to ask you something, Blake.”
“You can ask me anything.”
I swallow hard and blurt it out before I lose my nerve. “Will you teach me how to have sex?”