Chapter 32
Thirty-Two
ISABEL
I claim my seat between Chiara and Erin. Kieran sits across me, the barest hint of a smirk on his lips. My body burns with recognition at the sight of his swollen lips that kissed me all over a mere half hour ago. His ankles knock against mine. I tuck my feet under my seat to avoid any suspicion.
“Oh my God,” Ravina says, slapping the table. “Did you guys see who reactivated their Instagram?”
Natalia sips her wine at the head of the table, one brow raised. Jaime is lounging lazily on her left, while Luz claims her rightful place on Natalia’s other side.
“Spit it out,” Erin prompts.
“Araceli.”
Gasps. Erin chuckles as she leans forward in disbelief. “Shut the fuck up, really?”
“Really.” The smile on Ravina’s face tells me she’s proud of herself for being the one to break the news.
“How is she?” Kieran asks. I don’t consider myself a jealous girl; insecure in my own way—a lifetime of being overlooked does that to anyone—but not jealous. Still, I bristle. Why do you care? Who is she to you?
Ravina shrugs. “She posted a photo dump of what she’s been up to. I think she’s in California now.” A pause. “Working. Some retail store.”
The girls giggle. Chiara touches my wrist, sensing my confusion.
“An old friend,” she explains. “Never got to meet her.”
“Oh.”
“Consider yourself lucky,” Bo says. “She went fucking berserk on all of us.”
I hesitate, then ask, “What happened?”
“Long story short,” Natalia says, “she found out she wasn’t actually her father’s daughter. Her mom had an affair with one of their bodyguards, which is crazy. Obviously, she got cut off, left out of the will.”
“We tried to stay friends,” Erin adds. “Seriously. But she kept blowing us off. Then she started borrowing money and never paying it back.”
“That was the worst part,” Luz says. “She acted like money grew on trees.”
“She was always so spoiled,” Ravina adds. “It’s no surprise she turned out the way she did.”
“Anyway, Shug,” Natalia says, “toward the end, she went crazy. She called Cisco crying—”
“She and Cisco had a thing,” Chiara interjects.
“Yes, thank you for that unfortunate reminder, baby,” Cisco says.
“She was threatening to kill herself,” says Luz.
“No, no, she tried to. She called me from the hospital, remember?” Cisco corrects.
“She wanted us to help pay her bills,” Ravina says, giving me a look that said, can you believe that?
My heart races. I glance at Kieran, whose gaze has dropped to his lap.
“I went and paid for it, of course,” says Natalia. “I mean, the poor girl.”
“You’re such a good friend,” Ravina coos.
“But honestly, she was such a drag to be around after that,” Natalia says. “I mean, really. It was not our responsibility to fix her. That’s what her doctors are for. And I did my part.”
“You did more than enough.” Ravina reaches a hand over the table to pat Natalia’s. I’m sick to my stomach. I’ve lost all my appetite.
“Did you visit?” I ask Kieran. I know they’ll wonder why I singled him out, but at that moment, I don’t care.
His Adam’s apple bobs. He opens his mouth to speak, clamps it shut, and shakes his head.
“None of you went?” I ask.
“I visited,” Cisco says. “Once. It was really depressing, but I didn’t want to break up with her through text.”
Jesus. It’s not even funny how disgusted I am; how can anyone be such a caricature of self-absorption?
“I felt really free and relieved after,” Cisco admits. “The breakup, I mean. Just—I didn’t want to feel obligated. And you shouldn’t. Not to anyone. It felt like such a load off.”
“She’s not as bad as Bella, at least,” Luz chimes in.
“Who is Bella again?” Chiara asks.
“Social climber,” Ravina answers. “Status malnourished and therefore forever hungry for it.”
Natalia lifts her wine glass. “To Bella, and to Araceli,” she says, laughing. “The crazy bitches.”
I push from the table. “Sorry,” I say. “I—I don’t feel well. Excuse me.”
* * *
I lay in bed, curled up under the sheets, replaying their conversation over and over.
How can anyone say that about someone going through the worst time of their life?
Of course it isn’t anyone’s responsibility to fix someone.
I get that. But if you can’t empathize, can’t you at least extend a little sympathy?
To show a little love to someone you call a friend?
I can’t make sense of it. Is that what they’d think of me if they found out? Is that what Kieran thinks of me now?
There’s a knock on the door. As if I’d conjured him, Kieran pokes his head in then slips into the room. I sit up as he locks the door shut behind him. “Sab—”
“You can’t be in here.”
“They’re drunk and playing hide-and-seek. They’ll think I’m just hiding.”
Despite myself, I’m annoyed that he didn’t go after me. “Then all the more reason they’ll come looking for you.”
“We agreed to only hide around the pavilion.”
That shuts me up. Kieran and I look at each other, waiting for the other to speak first. I cave.
“Why didn’t you visit her?” I ask.
“I was scared,” he admits. “Everyone agreed not to go. I didn’t—it’s fucked up, but I didn’t want to rock the boat.”
“Yeah, that’s fucked up, Kieran.”
“I know. I know, okay?”
“And you just sat there. And let them say all of that in front of me. You didn’t even speak up. That’s fucked up, too, Kieran.”
He bows his head in guilt. “I’m sorry.”
“Imagine how it felt, sitting there and listening to that. I told you what I went through. I told you, Kieran.” My voice breaks. “Is that what you think of me? That I’m depressing?”
“No! No, baby, no.” He steps forward to grip my arms. I’m weak; I let him pull me into his embrace. I let him cup my face and press kisses to my forehead. “Not at all, Sabs. Never.”
“They were so mean,” I cry. The tears free-fall and blur my vision.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry, baby, I should’ve spoken up. I should’ve called it out for what it was.” He holds me and lets me cry, stroking my hair. I let it all out; I sob and soak his breezy button-down with my tears.
“I’ll do better,” he whispers into my hair. “I promise. I’ll speak up more. I will.”
After a while, he pulls back and cups my face again.
“You’re not depressing,” he says. “You’re not crazy.
And even if you were, that wouldn’t change how I feel about you.
” A small smile, one that seeks reassurance that I understand him as he offers reassurance in return, stretches on his lips while his brows knit together.
“I love you, Isabel. I do. I know it’s probably too soon, but I know I do.
I know it the way I know how to breathe.
It’s instinct. And it feels right to say it, because I do. I love you.”
My stomach swoops. It’s as if the floor gives out from under me.
I don’t know what to say. When I don’t respond, he kisses me.
Gently. Chastely. I come alive. I deepen the kiss, pulling him closer.
He backs me onto the bed, breaking my fall and setting me down against the pillows gently.
I unbutton his shirt and he peels it off himself.
We continue kissing, and in between I strip from my dress.
My bra. My panties. I’ve never felt more ready for anything in my life.
“I love you,” I whisper. “I love you so much.” And it’s true. I’ve waited my whole life for someone like him. I never thought he would come, but here he is. Here we are.
Kieran slips out of his shorts and boxers. Our bodies know what to do on instinct. I help him position himself at my entrance. I need him. I’ve never needed anything or anyone more than in that moment.
“Are you sure?” he asks. I nod, cupping his nape and pulling him in for a kiss.
Kieran pushes into me. I grimace from the initial sting. He sinks in, inch by inch, until he’s buried to the hilt. My walls stretch to accommodate him. He throbs, and I feel every beat in my core.
“Is this okay?” He meets my gaze. I’m tender with love and affection.
“Y-Yeah,” I whisper. “Yeah, this is good.”
“Tell me when you want me to move.”
“Slow,” I whisper. “Start slow.”
Kieran does as he’s told, thrusting in and out of me at a snail’s pace. The more I adjust, the better it feels.
His groans mingle with my soft whimpers. It’s the single best piece of music I’ve ever heard.
I shiver as he picks up his pace. He drops down to kiss me, and I lose myself in the moment. Harder, faster; our bodies move in sync, as if becoming one. His kisses leave indelible marks on my soul. My toes curl as I reach my peak.
“Daddy,” I coo. “Daddy, I’m gonna come.”
“Come for Daddy, baby. Good girl. Let go, baby, I’m right here.”
I cry out, body jerking with my orgasm. His pants grow louder and faster.
“Fuck, baby, I’m close. Where do you—where do you want me?”
“Inside. Inside, Daddy,” I plead. It’s something I always fantasized about, to be filled up like that. The risk looms in the back of my head but I don’t care. It’s reckless and I know it and I’ll pay for it in a country like mine. But in that moment, all I’m focused on is his gratification.
He comes not long after, bottoming out inside of me with a groan. He collapses on my chest, cheek squished against my skin. I stroke his curls, still trying to catch my breath.
Kieran lifts his head and kisses me. “I love you,” he whispers.
“I love you, too.”
He rolls off of me and pulls me into his side. We lay like that for a while, his finger tracing lazy circles on my arm. How am I going to ask Rocío to buy me Plan B? I can’t blame my ignorance on our lack of sex ed at this point—this recklessness was all me. All us.
“I want the whole collection to be about you,” he says, pulling me out of my thoughts. “Is that—will that be okay with you?”
I sit up. “Really?”
“Really.”
I lean in to kiss him. “Okay. Yeah. I’d love that.”
He kisses me again. I laugh and push him back. “You should go back out there before they start thinking you drowned.”
“I don’t want to leave.”
“Well, I’m kicking you out.”
He gasps in feigned surprise. “You’re humping and dumping?”
I grin. “I’m humping and dumping.” I gather our clothes and hand him his as I get dressed again. My legs are aching, but it’s a good kind of ache. The best kind.
“I love you,” Kieran says again as he stands in the doorway, half in and half out.
“I love you, too,” I say, pecking his lips. “Now go. Shoo!”
He blows me a kiss and disappears into the night.
* * *
I hear Erin and Chiara return after I finish getting ready for bed. I’ve changed the sheets and cleaned up any evidence of our lovemaking, because that’s what I would’ve wanted if Cisco and Chiara ever had sex on our shared bed.
“They were so touchy all night,” Erin says, locking the sliding door behind her.
“Who?” I ask, standing in the bedroom doorway and startling both of them.
“Jesus,” Erin says. “You scared me.”
“Who was touchy all night?”
Chiara’s eyes sparkle with excitement. “Nat.” For a split second, my heart plummets. “And Jaime.”
Oh, thank God.
“You think they’re getting back together?” Chiara asks Erin.
“Ugh, no way. They get so toxic when they do. Nat’s probably just horny. Jaime’s always game to—” She falters and looks at me.
“Oh. It’s okay,” I say. “I don’t care. Really. I don’t like him like that.”
Erin still looks hesitant. “But yeah. Natalia probably didn’t expect Kieran to hold out this long, so. She has to get her rocks off somehow.”
Chiara smiles at me and squeezes my arm. “We missed you. You missed hide-and-seek. Are you feeling better now?”
I nod. “Yeah, sorry. I just—Vertigo.”
“Ugh, I hate that. I used to get that all the time,” Erin says.
There’s a knock on the door. Chiara unlocks it to let Luz through.
“Hey, Shug. Can I speak to you? Outside?”
That nickname again.
My roommates exchange looks. I’m just as confused as they are.
I nod at Luz and follow her outside.
“What’s up?”
“Do you mind if I borrow your book when you finish reading?”
I wasn’t expecting that. Although I guess I shouldn’t have been so surprised, considering Luz loves yoga the most out of everyone. She does it every day, an hour after breakfast. I’ve come to expect the sight of her on her mat by the pool, in a downward-facing dog or a child’s pose.
“Yeah, of course. It’s Rocío’s though, so I’ll need it back by the end of the summer.”
“I won’t take long,” she says. “Just—I’ve been wanting to get back in touch with my spiritual side again, you know? My faith.”
“I completely get it.”
“And I was looking the book up, and it seemed... I don’t know, perfect? Divine timing or whatever.”
“Of course.”
“I just think—I know Natalia thinks it’s all woo-woo, but I just think faith is such a beautiful thing, you know? Whichever way it works for you. Faith in the universe, faith in God regardless of religion. Faith in yourself! Diba?”
I’ve never seen her look so excited about anything. “Yeah,” I say, smiling. She returns my smile.
“Okay, cool. I’d buy my own copy, but Natalia will probably find it. I just don’t want to get into it with her. She can be so…” So…? Luz never finishes her sentence.
“I get it. It’s fine,” I say.
“Thank you,” she says, squeezing my elbow. “You’re really cool, Sabs. Cooler than I expected.”
I watch her leave, feeling like maybe—just maybe—Luz Dy is now my friend.