Chapter 46
Forty-Six
ISABEL
I sit on the couch with my legs crossed, staring once again at the blank page while Kieran stitches quietly next to me.
Mama taught him the basics of sewing, so he’s been practicing on scraps of fabric before he sets out to repair his paintings.
As for me, it’s too soon to start writing again, but still, I’m trying to get back into the flow of it.
I want something light and happy, something that will put a smile on people’s faces when they read it.
Inasmuch as there’s a need for heavy-hitting literature, there is so much value in books that bring us joy, that makes life easier to bear.
The doorbell rings. Mama’s not due home for at least another hour, and she always keeps a spare key in her bag.
“I’ll get it,” Kieran says. He sets his work aside and goes to the door.
“Uh, Sabs?”
I head over to the door. Standing on the other end is no other than Alvaro Aranaz, dressed for the gym instead of the office. It ruins my day.
“Mama’s not home,” I say, grabbing the door to shut it. Alvaro holds out a hand, stopping it.
“I’m not here for your mother,” he says. “I came to talk to you.” He pauses, then corrects himself. “I came here hoping to talk to you. Can we go for a walk?”
Kieran and I exchange glances. There’s no way in hell I’m inviting Alvaro inside.
“Do you want me to come with?” Kieran asks.
“I was hoping it would be just us,” Alvaro says.
My brain jumps to the worst-case scenario. His guards are gonna jump me and dispose of my body in a river. That’s one way of solving his Isabel Martinez problem.
“We can walk just around the block,” Alvaro says. “We won’t be long.”
The mental image of Alvaro walking the streets of my neighborhood is just as laughable as him inside the townhouse.
“Please,” Alvaro says.
I sigh exasperatedly. “Five minutes,” I tell him. Turning to Kieran, I say, “If I’m not back in five minutes, call my mom. Then the police.”
Alvaro looks like he wants to protest, to defend his honor. Instead, he clamps his mouth shut. I don’t trust him, and he knows it. Knows he deserves it, even.
I follow him down to the lobby. He holds a hand up to his security, who stays behind. But after we’re a few paces ahead, they start trailing us anyway.
“They’re just doing their jobs,” Alvaro says.
“Yeah, ‘cause you’re so important.” I know I’m being petulant, but I can’t help it. It’s hard to respect the guy whose fault it is that your life is as messed up as it is.
“I’m sorry, Isabel.”
Two simple words. My name. It’s more than I ever expected from him, but it’s still not enough.
“I bet you enjoyed it, playing benefactor, pulling the strings of my life behind the scenes like I’m some marionette.”
He grimaces, then chuckles. “Listen to you. If there was any doubt you were my daughter, it’s gone now. You’re an Aranaz, through and through.”
“I’m not. And I never will be,” I answer. Fuck this nature versus nurture bullshit. That ship has long sailed. At this point, he’s just a glorified sperm bank.
Passersby glance at us as we walk, no doubt trying to figure out why Alvaro looks familiar—or for the clueless, how someone in a cap, hoodie, running shorts, and sneakers could look so refined. I can’t lie; it is strange to see him dressed like this instead of in a suit.
“I haven’t made the best choices—”
“You didn’t make any choices. You rolled over and let my mom shoulder the consequences of your actions.
You let me, Natalia, and your wife carry that burden.
” I pause, then whirl around to face him.
“Do you know how difficult it was for me in school? And this summer? Natalia is ruthless. She’s relentless.
But I can’t even blame her. My whole life, I’ve wondered what she had against me. Now I know.”
Alvaro grimaces.
“You pit us against each other. It was never fair. I had no idea we were competing, and she couldn’t understand why.
We’re both hurt because you couldn’t own up to your mistakes, and you think wiring my mom money for my expenses makes it all better.
Like I’m a problem to pay off. A tax for not being able to keep it in your pants. ”
It’s a torrential downpour of heartache and anger. To his credit, Alvaro doesn’t say a thing. He stands there and takes it. That, I can respect. But only a little. It’s the least he can do.
“I’ve been haunted by the idea of who I could’ve been, the life I could’ve led, if I knew from the start.
” I scoff. “But you know what? I’m glad I didn’t know.
I’m glad I never had to grow up with you weighing on me.
I see what it’s done to Natalia. I see what it’s done to Mama.
To your wife.” I shake my head. “It’s despicable. ”
I storm off. Alvaro jogs to catch up with me.
“You’re right,” he says. “There’s no making up for the harm I’ve caused. The most I can do now is to do better. To be better.” He touches my elbow and stops walking. I jerk my arm away.
“I would appreciate it if you’d give me the chance, Isabel. You don’t know how much it hurt me, when your mother called to tell me you tried to take your own life.”
“Why the fuck should I care how you felt? Do you know what it’s like to sink so low that suicide feels like the only option left?
And now—” My voice breaks. “Now I’m learning it didn’t have to be that way.
I never had to despair. I had a fucking security net, and nobody thought to tell me.
Can you imagine if I were successful? I would’ve died for nothing.
I just—I needed help and you were fine to let me suffer until things grew dire enough. ”
“I didn’t know!” he exclaims. “Your mother—”
“Don’t pin this on her!” I yell. “My mother has done nothing but her best for me.”
Alvaro’s shoulders relax. He rubs his chin, then nods. I cross my arms. We resume walking, circling at the end of the block and heading back where we came from.
“I need you to believe me when I say you’re precious to me, Isabel. As much as the rest of my children.”
I scoff.
“I know we can’t start over. But give me a chance, hija. I would do anything for you. Please.”
I could ask for a million dollars. I can ask him to put Natalia in her place. But I’m so tired, so, so tired of the Aranazes. Of their old money and new drama. Of Alvaro thinking love means giving me whatever I want.
I just want to go home.
“I don’t want anything from you,” I say.
“My whole world is at your disposal, Isabel. Anything you want.”
“You don’t get to bribe your way into being my father.”
He sighs. We reach the doors of the compound.
I’m just about ready to say goodbye, when I see Mama approaching, looking harried from her commute home.
I think of her at my age, falling in love with a man who promised her the world and couldn’t give it to her.
He’s not going to fool a Martinez girl a second time.
It might not be Godly, but damn if I’m not going to milk this man for all he’s worth.
“Fund Mama’s business,” I say. “Help her so she can leave her job and pursue her dream. She wants to design clothes. If she has to go to school, you pay for that, too. You shoulder the cost of everything.”
Alvaro swipes his hand in the air. “Done.”
“And you give Kieran connections to your museum. If he wants it. And if he wants to, you’ll host his show. You’ll invite your friends, and make sure he sells out.”
“Your boyfriend,” Alvaro says.
“My boyfriend,” I affirm.
Alvaro nods. “And you? I heard you’re writing a book. I have some friends sitting on the selection committees of writer’s residencies—”
“I’m fine,” I snap. If I’m going to make it in this world, I’m going to make it on my own terms. I trust in God’s will.
“In exchange—”
I hold up a hand. “This isn’t a negotiation. Do this for me, and I’ll consider us even.”
The hint of a smile pulls at the corners of Alvaro’s lips. As much as I hate it, I do see hints of him in myself.
“Don’t even think about it,” I say, already knowing what’s on his mind. “I’m a Martinez through and through.”
Mama reaches us, a confused look on her face. “Alvaro,” she greets.
“Hi, Mama.” I kiss her cheek. “He was just leaving.”
Alvaro is chuckling and shaking his head. “I’ll talk to you later, Vanessa,” he says. “You’ve raised her well. You should be very proud.”
I glare at Alvaro as he slides into his sleek SUV, followed by his security men. I don’t stop until the car disappears around the bend.
“What was that about?”
I usher her inside. “Don’t even worry about it.”