Chapter 28
Nick
My phone pings with a message, but I don’t check it. I’m too busy staring at the person on my doorstep.
“She’s not here,” I repeat. My ears are ringing, my head spinning, with terrible surprise.
My ex-girlfriend, Raquel, the mother of my daughter, stares back at me. “Where is she?”
“I’m not telling you that.”
My heart beats fast in my chest. I try to control it, to control my breathing, to get a grip, but the shock of the moment makes that too hard.
Abbie is with my mother right now. Thank god.
She has the day off from school, and they’re out shopping. I don’t want to tell Raquel that, because I don’t want her to go out looking for them.
But I also want to get rid of her because I don’t know when Abbie and my mom will be back, and I do not want them to see Raquel.
“You need to go,” I say firmly.
“I just got here.”
“Yep. And you need to go.”
She frowns. “I don’t want this to be difficult, Nicolas.”
The laugh that comes out of me is bitter.
“Difficult, Raquel? What was difficult was how you abandoned our daughter completely when we were twenty-two years old. What was difficult was explaining to her that, yeah, her mother is out there, and that it’s not her fault that you didn’t want to be a part of her life.
That was difficult. This? This is wrong. ”
I was enjoying the house to myself, watching a documentary, drinking my coffee, when I heard the doorbell ring. I did not, in any way, expect it to be Raquel on the steps.
She’s changed since the last time I saw her, but she’s still Raquel. Same sleek dark hair. Same sharp features—Abbie really favors her.
“Can I at least come in so that I’m not standing out here in the rain?”
“No.”
She huffs. “Same old Nicolas.”
I square my shoulders. “I’ve changed.”
“Sure.”
“Really, Raquel, what are you doing here?”
She frowns. “I want to see our daughter.”
I snort. “Really? Eight years in, and you decide you want to be part of her life?”
She meets my gaze defiantly. “I’ve changed.”
I purse my lips together.
“Sure.”
If she’s going to parrot me, I can parrot her.
“I don’t want you to see her, Raquel. I don’t think it would be good for her. And I get to make those decisions. I have sole custody. We agreed to that. You surrendered your rights.”
“That was a mistake.”
My stomach flashes cold.
“How do you know what’s best for her?” Raquel continues. “A girl needs her mother.”
“You should’ve thought of that eight years ago.”
“Eight years ago, I wasn’t ready.”
I shake my head.
“Neither was I, but I made it work. That’s what parents do.”
She raises her perfectly plucked eyebrows.
“You made it work, huh? Quitting your high-paying job in finance and becoming a firefighter is making it work? Taking that huge pay cut and working one of the most dangerous jobs is making it work? How scared is she every night that you won’t come home, huh?”
“At least I do come home. I’ve always come home.”
Raquel recoils as if stung by my words.
I know they were harsh, maybe too harsh, but I stand by them.
I don’t owe Raquel anything, and she has no right to be here. I can’t imagine how hurt and confused Abbie would be if she saw her mother right now.
Finally, Raquel sighs, her shoulders slumped, like she feels utterly defeated.
“I just want to be part of her life again. I want to do this the easy way.”
I raise my eyebrows. “Is there another way?”
Her jaw clenches. “I don’t want to sue for shared custody, but I will if I have to.”
“Sue? Are you fucking kidding me? Raquel, what’s going on?”
Her lower lip trembles.
“If you try to keep me from my daughter, I’ll do it. I’m back in the city now, and I’ve got a good job. A great job. It probably pays more than what you make. And I’m in a stable relationship.”
I snort. “Is he gay, too?”
Her eyes narrow. “No, and he doesn’t spend his days off going to seedy clubs and having perverted sex.”
“How dare you?” I hiss.
“I wonder what a judge would think of that, hm? I wonder if they would think that’s a good environment to raise a daughter in.”
I take several deep breaths, trying to regain my composure. Even when we were together, Raquel could get under my skin like no one else.
“I’m a great father. My sexual interests, one, are not perverted, and two, have nothing to do with my ability to parent our daughter.”
“Oh yeah? Do you still have those toys in your closet?”
I frown.
“What if she finds them, huh?”
“That has nothing to do with this.”
An awful smile spreads across Raquel’s red lips.
“If you say so.” She turns up the collar on her coat. “As I said, I wanted to do this the easy way. But if that’s not what you want to do, fine. You’ll be hearing from my lawyers.”
She marches back to her car, leaving me standing in my doorway, furious and confused.
After she drives away, I remember the text I got just when I opened my door and saw her.
I pull my phone out of the pocket of my joggers and glance at the screen.
I almost drop my phone in surprise. The message is simple. Just one line.
TRISTAN: I want to try. With you.
My stomach flutters in immediate anticipation, the desire stoked by that message competing with the anxiousness I feel because of Raquel’s surprise visit. An hour ago, the only reservations I had about having sex with Tristan were his own hesitation and the fact that we work together.
He’s just proven that he has put aside his hesitation, and we can talk about our working relationship.
But now there’s another complication.
Raquel.
I shake my head to myself. I stand by what I said to Raquel.
My sexual interests are not perverse, and they have no impact on my ability to be a good father for Abbie. I always have, and always will, put her first. I would never let anything, anything, hurt her. I would sacrifice every need, desire, and want of mine to make her happy.
But I might not need to make those sacrifices.
With slow, deliberate fingers, I type out one word.
NICK: Good.