Chapter 32
Nick
As part of his probie training, Tristan has to spend some shifts with other stations, seeing what it’s like to work with a different crew and respond to different emergencies.
While he’s gone, Charlie, who’s cross-trained as a paramedic, joins me in the ambulance for calls.
Charlie’s a good paramedic, but I miss Tristan when he’s gone, and not just because of my sexual interest in him. I’ve grown used to his presence in the ambulance with me, and I genuinely enjoy his company.
We’re becoming friends—real, good friends.
I resist the urge to text him throughout the shift.
I’m surprised by how much I want to tell him about the emergencies we respond to, how much I want to hear about how his day is going. Is he doing okay? Is he remembering to breathe and to center himself when he gets anxious?
I’m worried about him, and that’s new.
Normally, the only person I’m worried about is Abigail.
Thankfully, Raquel hasn’t tried to contact me again. I told my parents about her being in town, and we agreed not to tell Abigail, not yet.
We need to come up with a plan of some sort.
I know some good lawyers from my previous life, working in finance, and an old buddy of mine who works in family law has agreed to meet me for coffee soon to come up with a game plan.
We don’t know what Raquel has up her sleeve, but we want to be prepared, no matter what.
I spend my downtime during this shift sitting in my bunk room alone. I don’t quite meditate, but I allow my mind to clear.
When thoughts of Raquel and Abigail appear, I let them pass through.
When thoughts of the fire station arise, I acknowledge them and dismiss them.
When mental images of Tristan, gasping and begging, flash behind my eyes, I let them linger and then send them on their way.
I want him.
I need him.
But I will respect every boundary he has in place. I’ve gotten the sense that there is something more about his history I don’t know. It’s to be expected—we’ve barely known each other a month. It’s impossible to know someone fully after that small amount of time.
But I strongly suspect there’s something he isn’t telling me, very likely about his former partner.
He hasn’t gone into any details about his ex, except that they had a rather vanilla sex life. I could find out if I really wanted to. With the Internet, you can find out anything. But I know that would be a gross breach of Tristan’s privacy, and I won’t do that, as tempting as it is sometimes.
I want Tristan to trust me.
I need him to trust me, if what we’re going to do is going to work.
I meant it when I promised that I would always tell him the truth, and I know he meant the same.
But if there’s something he isn’t telling me at all, there’s nothing I can do about that. I’ll have to take him at his word.