CHAPTER FIFTEEN
L uke had made up his mind. He was going to ask Bella to stay. And if she didn’t want to, then he was going to ask her if they could do long distance for a while. He was finally ready for a relationship. As long as it was with her. If ever there was a woman for him, it was Bella.
As he pulled into his driveway, though, his newfound calmness disappeared and panic set in. Bella’s car was next to his, the trunk wide open as she hauled bags inside. Her bags. It didn’t take a genius to work out that she was leaving.
Without delay, he was out of his car and stamping stone. Unable to keep his cool. “What the hell is going on?”
The boot of Bella’s car slammed shut as her head shot up. But she didn’t meet his gaze as she rounded the car. “Um, hey.” Why was she not looking at him? “So, I know I was supposed to leave in two days, but something came up.”
What the fuck?
“Something came up?” he repeated in a no doubt incredulous tone.
“Yeah.” She nodded, mostly at the ground. “A work thing, so, yeah, I’ve got to get back.”
The coldness in Bella’s voice was making his chest ache. What on earth had happened between him kissing her goodbye this morning to her packing up her stuff two days early? And why the hell wasn’t she looking him in the eye?
Severely lacking patience, he decided to ask just that. But first he needed her eyes. “Angel, look at me?” When she didn’t, he tried again. “Please, angel, look at me.”
Slowly, silver lifted to meet him. But he didn’t recognize what he saw. They were blank. Devoid of any emotion. And it reminded him so much of himself, it scared the shit out of him.
“What happened, where’d you go?” he asked, keeping his tone gentle.
Her stare was still blank. “Look, Luke, it’s not a big deal. This thing between us was only ever gonna end one way, anyway. It just needs to end two days early, that’s all.”
It’s not a big deal. Only ever gonna end one way. Was it all in his head? He was so sure she felt it too. He felt sick. Who even was this woman before him; where had Bella gone?
Maybe this was her all along?
That couldn’t be true, could it? He wanted to shake her. Find out what she’d done with the woman he’d fallen for. But he didn’t get a chance. This Bella was done. And she was climbing into the driver’s seat without a second look.
He had to stop her. Which is what he tried to do next as he clung onto the door she was trying to shut.
“What the fuck, Bella?”
Another look he’d never seen before hit him full force in the stomach. “Luke, please. I need to get on the road, it’s a long drive.”
That was her main concern? Driving times.
Now he was really pissed.
“Fine. By all means, get on the road . But before you do, you mind telling me why you were about to leave without saying goodbye? Or maybe you wanna tell me why whatever it is that has come up can’t wait another two days?”
“Why do you care?”
More frost hit his veins.
“What?” He just didn’t get it.
“I said, why do you care? This thing between us was temporary, remember? That’s the only reason you let it go this far, right, ’cause I’m leaving?” She didn’t wait for a reply. “So it ended two days early, so fucking what? I’m sure some more nameless sex will help you forget pretty damn quickly. Why don’t you get on that?”
Bella tried to tug at the car door again, but he kept his grip firm as he tried to process her words.
“What’s going on with you? Where’s the Bella I left this morning ... in my bed?”
“She’s right here. Saying goodbye.” He searched her for clues. Signs. Anything that would help him decide what to do, what to say. But just like him, when she wanted her expression blanked, she knew exactly how to do it.
Fight for her. Make her stay.
But he couldn’t. Because what was the point? She was right. They had an agreement. This thing between them had an end date. And it was the only reason he had opened up to her in the first place. Even if something had happened that had made her want to leave, she’d made up her mind. And God knows he’d been through this enough to know how things went from here. She was just one of a long line of people that didn’t want him.
He didn’t bother hiding how he felt this time though. He let her see it all. Anger. Pain. Hurt. But it was the disappointment that stung the most as he slammed her car door shut and walked away.
How could I have been so fucking stupid?
***
I t had been two days since Bella left. Ironically, today was the day she originally intended on leaving. Which was probably why his phone was blowing up. He might not have told anyone that Bella was gone. Anyone being his friends and their women. He also might not have shown up at work these past few days.
For someone who was pretty damn used to abandonment, he was taking this latest rejection particularly badly. As in, he was surprised he hadn’t needed his stomach pumped.
There’s still time.
A heavy bang on his front door had him groaning as his head began to throb again. He’d ignored the doorbell for the past five minutes, so what made whoever it was outside think he was about to get his ass off the couch now, he didn’t know.
The phone on his trunk table started ringing out, which only made him groan again as he threw his head back into the cushion.
Why? Just leave me alone for fucks sake.
More bangs and more ringing went on for a good few minutes until he heard something even more disturbing. His front door opening and closing.
What the fuck?
Hunter, his gigantic friend, strolled into his living room seconds later. Not saying a word, a nonchalant expression on that big ugly face as he sat himself down on one of Luke’s leather couches. His friend shot him an expectant look, as if he was the one who owed him answers.
The goddamn cheek.
“How the fuck did you get in here?”
“Keys,” Hunter grunted. “Why haven’t you been at work?”
“ Keys? ” Luke repeated sarcastically. “And where the hell did you get my fucking keys? ”
Hunter ignored Luke’s question and repeated his own. It went on like that for a while. Luke had almost forgotten how stubborn his friend was. Too bad he was more stubborn. Which is why they ended up sitting in silence. For a really long time.
In that time, much to Luke’s annoyance, Hunter had gotten up, gone to the kitchen, and made himself a sandwich. His friend really was taking the piss today.
“You gonna sit there all day?” Luke snarled as he reached for the half-empty whiskey bottle decorating his coffee table.
“Depends. You gonna tell me what’s going on?”
Luke was done. The sooner Hunter got the hell out, the better. So after a rather large swig of his drink, he announced, “She’s gone.”
Hunter calmly nodded and threw in a “Yup.”
Fucking hell.
“What do you mean yup ? You’ve been waiting all day for me to tell you what my problem is, and now I’ve said it, you’re not interested? What the fuck, man?”
His friend had the audacity to tut at him. “I know she’s gone. She was always gonna go, right? I’m more interested in finding out what the fuck you’re gonna do about it?”
“What are you talking about?” Luke’s eyes narrowed on the big man.
“You know what I’m talking about. But fine, I’ll play ball. Why don’t you go on ahead and tell me the reason you’re skipping work and drowning your sorrows?”
Luke didn’t answer, he simply glared.
“’Cause she’s gone, right?” His ex-friend continued, “I told you weeks ago not to be one of those guys who forgets to pull his head outta his ass, didn’t I? Right. So what the hell is it still doing up there, dumbass?”
The last thing Luke needed was a roasting. And he definitely didn’t need to pull his head out of his ass. He was the injured party here. Not Bella. Him. She rejected him. So his friend really needed to stop giving him shit. Right now.
“Enough.” Luke scowled as he saw Hunter readying to run his mouth again. “Bella ended it. I was on my way home to tell her I was all in, but she wasn’t interested. She left me .”
They both fell into silence after that. What else was there to say? Luke decided to go back to his whiskey. He wasn’t nearly as numb as he wanted to be yet.
“Did you tell her?” Hunter asked, a while later.
“What?” Luke didn’t bother hiding the impatience in his voice. He was so ready to drink in peace.
“That you were all in, did you tell her that? How did that conversation play out?”
Again with the questions.
What does this man want from me, a fucking recording of me getting my heart ripped out?
Luke slammed his bottle against the table as he twisted to face Hunter. He wanted his friend to see everything, starting with how much he was pissing him off.
“She told me something came up . That she had to leave early. If I hadn’t come home when I did, she would’ve left without a word,” he said through gritted teeth. “When I tried to talk to her, she set me straight, told me that we had an agreement. It was always gonna end like this. Her leaving two days early didn’t make a difference.” Saying the words out loud brought back the gut wrench.
Hunter hummed. “So, you didn’t tell her how you feel?”
“Are you not fucking listening to me? She was gonna fucking leave without saying goodbye!” His voice was rising, but he couldn’t control it, didn’t want to. “She basically told me that everything that happened between us happened ’cause there was an end date and that I should go fuck someone else.” His leg was bouncing now, anger and pain rolling off him in waves as he fought to reign himself in. “I fucking love her,” he roared. “I let her in. See all of me. Told her shit I’ve never even said out loud before. And what does she do? I’ll tell you what she does, she does what everyone fucking does ... she left.”
He didn’t need a therapist to know that he had abandonment issues, he was all too aware. But unlike his past rejection, he didn’t know how he was supposed to recover from this.
“Luke, not everyone leaves—” Hunter’s voice had gentled, but he didn’t have a chance to get much more out before Luke’s humorless laugh filled the room.
“This is why I don’t bother. This is why it’s easier to keep people at arm’s length. I promised myself I’d never let anyone do this to me again. I fucking promised.” His head fell into his hands, despair now seeping out of every pore. “I’m such a fucking idiot.”
Luke went quiet after that. Taking comfort in the darkness as his hands continued to cup his face. He didn’t know how much time passed, but it was long enough to forget he had an audience. It was only when his friend sucked in a deep breath that he remembered he was there.
Already preparing himself for his next lecture, Luke was surprised when one didn’t come. He waited. Then waited some more. But, still, nothing. When he finally lifted his head, Hunter’s usual gruff exterior had softened. And something a bit like understanding creased his face.
“What?” Luke asked. “Why are you looking at me like that? Just say what you need to say.”
Luke watched as Hunter slowly leaned forward, his elbows coming to his knees. “You need to tell her.”
It wouldn’t make a difference.
Almost as if he’d heard him, Hunter spoke again. “You need to lay it all out for her. She could be making her decision based on fear ... so give her some facts. You owe it to her, and yourself.”
Luke wanted to protest. Tell Hunter he was talking out of his ass. But Luke couldn’t. Annoyingly, his friend was making sense. Luke hadn’t actually told her how he felt. Not that he planned on declaring his love the night she left. But the fact remained that he did love her. And she should know.
Don’t let her be another regret.
No more regrets. Life was too short.
You’re really going to do this?
The decision had already been made. If he was going to get his heart ripped out, then he was going to do it properly.