Chapter 13
Melody
D o you remember the commercial where an older woman was beckoning for help and there was a device that would reach out for help?
After Hound left, that’s what it felt like.
I already knew that something with him wouldn’t be realistic, but it was damn nice to feel wanted and desired. Hell, I thought the feeling was mutual.
The man brought me home and wanted me to kiss him. His sweet words of wanting to help me accomplish my dreams felt like bitter lies at this point.
He said the word “friend” and even “As much as I might want you, you shouldn’t want me. I can’t give you more than just this.” He said he was going to help me, but in the days I had been here, it was feeling like it was an empty promise.
This was nothing but a hot and cold treatment. I’d rather have been in my van and alone than being in this warm house and being alone.
I had called Sadie, I missed her voice and seeing her often. But I was afraid that with what I knew and gathered about Hound, I didn’t know how much of a risk it could be. I had videocalled her. Her beautiful face popped up, and her lively voice made me smile.
I told her as much as I could, telling her I was safe. Telling her that sleeping here was great until Hound would ignore me or make excuses to leave. I had told her that I hardly saw him. She pressed about the hot kiss and his treatment in the beginning.
“Both of you have it bad. A knight in shining chrome.” She giggled.
“I wouldn’t call him that, really,” I chewed on my lip.
Her eyes narrowed, she could tell I was more upset. “What’s wrong, gorgeous?”
I huffed, “I picked an argument with him before he left and I may have guilt tripped him. Honestly, he deserved it. He went from the full welcome and support to high tailing it anytime he sees me. I wasn’t expecting a relationship, fuck I don’t know what I expected. Then he told me that he couldn’t give me much more than “this”. And what the hell does “this” even mean?” I rambled on and on, causing anger to flow through me.
Sadie tried to interrupt me. “Jesus. Melody, take a breath. You're in deeper than I thought. I mean you’ve said you hardly know the guy and now you’re worried that he’s changed his mind on you. Damn, this is better than my damn romance novel.”
I could have left after that conversation, but the slight bleeding heart in me said to stay and hear him out.
I shook my head at her. “What the fuck am I to do? I feel like if I left, he’d find me and tell me to stay and possibly get back into the same habits he’s got now. But he makes it hard to stay and believe. I’m starting to regret it.”
She chuckled, “Damn, already got you dick-matized before he can even sink into you.” I made a face, and she laughed harder. “Sounds like you both need to air out what you’re both feeling and go from there. He’d be a damn fool not to listen to you and keep you, and who knows, maybe even fall in love with you.”
Hound Dog? Fall in love with me? The man that has pushed me away saying that I shouldn’t want him? Sure between this and the club, he has better priorities than to house a semi-homeless songwriter in his comforting home.
Internally, I needed to prepare myself for the possibility that someone changed their mind again and that it would be okay. I should have been more hesitant, not automatically taken his hand and said okay.
But there I was thinking about the man that had made it clear that while it was a moment of weakness and he was trying to be a nice person, nothing else was going to happen.
Just an intense friend or guardian or mentor? I didn’t know what to call him. We hadn’t worked on anything. You know they always say never take candy from a stranger. Well, I think I was looking for the whole damn Halloween bucket.
I sat there waiting for him, even when he said don’t wait up for him.
I kept myself busy. Between circling the house, sitting outside with the sun in my face, even lying on the couch and sleeping, my mind kept wandering back to him. I was tempted to go into his bedroom or anywhere to gain insight on the man that was my roommate.
Nothing was giving me details.
The home was not much of a home. Still an empty canvas when he brought me here. I started to think what if I randomly found things and made it home. Add something every day to see if he would notice. The more I thought about it the more I felt it would turn into a prank.
Finally, I went out to my van and grabbed my box labeled “personal” to find something that would help me feel like the home was more than an empty prison.
A photo frame with a picture of Aria, my sister, and myself. The picture was worth more than anything. A reminder that there was sunshine that was taken away too early in life.
I placed the photo near the hallway table near my bedroom. I touched the picture like I’d done a hundred times. But unfortunately, she wouldn’t sing anymore, she was gone for over eight years, taken away from me by a drunk driver one night. Her beautiful, smiling face calmed the nerves inside me. She had that effect when she was alive, and I missed her terribly.
After that, Dad stopped speaking to me, between his drunken rage and his “disappointment” in me.
I bided my time with cleaning my room, straightening up around me. I kept busy. Hours had passed since he left that morning. Night time was quickly approaching and I needed more distractions.
I couldn’t get out of my head of what to expect with Hound and what was expected of me. Did I keep acting like there wasn’t something between us? Did I keep acting like I was in his debt or waiting for him to tell me what we were doing? Did I heed his tone and warnings about not wanting him or that it was a one time ordeal?
I steered into the kitchen, playing blues music as I rummaged through the cabinets trying to find ingredients for baked apples. Each song moved me, listening to the words and melodies that could transport any emotion into an abyss of stronger desires.
The kitchen was filled with the aromas of apple and cinnamon and my secret of nutmeg and brown sugar. Something about apples and home was enough to ease any painful memory.
The music shifted to another genre, bringing a song that was meant for a duet, about a couple clinging on to heartbreak and drinking their sorrows from a bottle and how angels sing them to sleep. I couldn’t help but harmonize with the male until the female lead came on. The song was full of heartache and sadness, I could feel it in my chest.
It talked about how the woman wanted to let go of the memory of him and she drank a bottle hoping it would wash it all away. I had closed my eyes only to chase away the harmful thoughts.
A tear threatened to drop down my cheek, as I took a ragged breath. The steam from the pan with the apples and ingredients burst in my face. I jolted as something else touched my cheek, wiping the sudden tear away.
My eyelashes bat open to see the rugged appearance of the blue-eyed, smirk filled face of Hound.
“You don’t need the bottle, honey,” he said, trying to comfort me, alluding to the fictional bottle in the previous song.
I jerked my head as I took the pan off the burner, turning away from him.
“Thought you weren’t going to be home,” I threw out.
His deep bass voice roared out, “I wasn’t, but my thing can finish in the morning.”
I grew curious. “Can I know what happened?”
I shouldn’t have asked, didn’t have a straight right to know. But something grabbed his attention early this morning enough to leave. He had a whole damn club to run, it was probably that.
“Better to not know right now,” he answered with his own truth.
I scooped the apples into two bowls. I had no intention of sharing, but when I turned back to face him, his face was showing how much this thing had taken a toll on him. I passed the bowl to him as our hands grazed each other. The touch made me freeze, his eyes captured mine. The heat grew between us and I didn’t know whether I was going to explode or shrink myself smaller.
He looked at his bowl, giving me a smile, before taking a spoonful of food and making a mouthwatering moan that wasn’t the food’s fault.
“Keep making food like this and I’ll never let you go,” he said, with the remnants of food left in his mouth. I shield away after that, knowing that it was about to be a conversation, but I didn’t know if I was ready for it.
I cleared my throat taking charge, needing to get the answers to know my next steps. Did I stay or did I go?
“You said that we weren’t done with a conversation, and now seems like the time to finish it,” I said, taking a bite into my own comfort food.
The spoon clanked into the bowl; he finished chewing the apples before looking back at me. “Right, straight to it.” He stretched his back, biding his time. “I think I need to apologize first.”
I cut him off, “Think or know,” I snapped.
His nostrils flared for a brief second, but calmed down before he continued, “I’m sorry, Melody.”
“Sorry for what?” I crossed my arms.
“I’m sorry I haven’t been myself and making you feel welcome. I can only imagine what you felt, and then having an idea that you weren’t wanted,” he said. It was only half of what I was feeling. But I wasn’t going to step in and correct him. It seemed he had more to say.
He gulped, the man was a nervous wreck, “You have been nothing short of being perfect.” I hid a snort at the word “perfect”. And I treated you like the plague and I thought I could push what I was feeling and what I did down.”
He started to step closer and my heart jumped into my throat, rendering me silent. I wanted to fight back but him being in close proximity, I didn’t know if I was going to bolt or not.
If I did, I’m certain he’d chase me.
“And what’s your honest truth?” I asked, waiting for his real feelings to shed some light on what was going on in that brain of his.
The closer he got, I resisted reaching out and doing something spontaneous. I forced myself to look up, seeing every detail of his face. The hard lines of his face, his full lips hidden behind his facial hair, the tiny red scar that went across the bridge of his nose.
“That there’s no way I’ve gotten it out of my system,” he said, as he grabbed my waist pulling to where there’s no space. “And I have a few promises that I have to make good.”
“Hound, you don’t need to say nice things just to settle this. I understand that it was a brash decision and I just went with it. If I can’t be here, then I’ll leave and we can forget about this. It was sweet at first, but I know when I’m not needed and wanted or even when people have second thoughts. It’s okay, we’re humans, we get confused on wanting what we actually need in life,” I started to ramble attempting to protect my heart. I threw everything at him that I could to not appear as the clinger people deem me to be.
Only after a period of time, I’ve come to do things on my own and never needed someone’s help. I had something to prove to myself.
He leaned down, “Do you always run your mouth only to tell yourself you’re not worthy.”
I just blinked at him, because how was I supposed to answer that?
Before I fight and tell him that it was alright to do just that, just let it go and go safely in opposite directions, he grabbed the back of my neck. “I realized I was a dick, And I’m going to prove that I’m not.”
I wanted to fight back, but when he pressed his lips onto mine, I was a goner. I couldn't hold back the moans that plagued me. It felt so good to let go at that moment. My hands gripped his arms, it was the closest thing I could grab. His kiss was like fire fueling my inside. It tasted of bourbon and sweetness.
He devoured me like I was the only one for him. He pulled back only to let out a pleasurable growl. I didn’t say a word when he hoisted me on the kitchen counter where he didn’t have to bend down to kiss me. I soon wrapped my legs around him, caught up in a lustful haze. He wrapped my hair in his hands to pull me to the side, he nipped and kissed my neck.
My hips bucked as he hit that one spot that made my knees weak. I didn’t want him to stop but something nagged at me to stop him before I completely gave myself over to him. We needed to talk more about our situation and what was going to be expected.
All that was pushed down as our hands teased and taunted, itching to have what we wanted. For that moment, I wanted nothing more than him. Lust easily wiped away thoughts and power.
No wonder it was a deadly sin.
One of his hands traveled at the edge of my shirt, fiddling around until my body gave him his answer to do more. His hands were a mix between rough and satisfying, grazing over my skin until he found the lining of my sports bra. His rushed hand slid over the tender flesh as I let out a whimper.
“Hound,” I breathed.
“Does this feel “out of our systems”, little songbird?” he asked, his finger tracing over my sensitive, hard nipple.
“No,” I answered as he kept teasing me. It had been so long since someone like him wanted to touch me, tease me. I was almost ready to combust.
He kept nipping at my neck. Every tease or twist of my nipple, I was close. My back arched, meeting his hips. The ache was growing stronger in me.
“Can you come with just me playing with your beautiful nipples with only just my hands?” He made it sound like it was the goal.
I didn’t know if it was possible. “Please, please,” I begged.
He did just that, playing me like his favorite toy and when I was ready to combust, it felt like notes that were unattainable were achievable.
Soon, I found myself flooded with bliss, every tingling feeling from my feet to my fingertips. He just held me there, allowing my body to revel in this new found feeling. If I could come with just him playing with my nipples, goodness knew what else he could do to me.
I bet it would feel freeing, vulnerable, or even an entirely new wave of emotion.
Maybe even belongingness.
My body writhed with pleasure, and he let go, adjusting my bra like a gentleman. He kept holding me like I was going to float away or something. I could still feel something hard pressing against him and I almost felt guilty that he didn’t have the same release as me.
Well, he proved me wrong. It was definitely a possibility.
But then again, I was mad at him still, and we had gotten nowhere in our previous conversation. I started to unhook my legs from his waist until he stopped me.
“Hound, I can’t stay like this all night,” I protested. He just gave me a look, like he was still in charge. “I’m serious, and just because one orgasm was given doesn’t mean we’re finished here.”
His darkened expression sent a chill down my spine with such dominance. “One will never be enough.”
“Hound,” I warned.
“I know, honey. Come here,” he said, scooping me into his arms and carrying me over to the couch. He settled us into the plush cushions. This man didn’t seem like a cuddler but what he was giving wasn’t cuddling it was a brief reassurance. Reassurance that answers would be given.
He sat there in silence. I wanted to know what he was thinking, what was going on in that head of his. I also wanted to crawl off his lap with the tension between us, but I knew that wasn’t going to happen.
“Hound,” I started, more like I wanted him to carry on a conversation.
“Here’s what’s going to happen. Tomorrow night I’m taking you to a place where your lessons will begin,” he started. I went to open my mouth, but he shook his head.
Yes, sir.
I didn’t know where that came from, but it felt almost natural.
“I made a promise and I make good on my promises,” he said.
“Then some,” I whispered.
He squeezed my thighs in the most playful way. Who would have thought this gruff man had a softness to him?
“So, you don’t want me to leave then?” I asked.
“Only if you want me to come find you,” he said.
“Then what are we, Hound, because you tell me to stay away and then don’t. It’s college bullshit all over. I’m too old for games.” I stood my ground. For once, I raised my voice for something that was going to affect my life."I can leave, and try to pretend that this didn't happen. As much as I wish I won't have to, but that's what it is."
He sighed, “Would you accept the answer of “I don’t know?”
I shook my head, “Then I would say that you don’t need me in your lap, or you can’t be kissing me or making comments about orgasms. I wasn’t expecting a ring or anything, but I expected at least this.” I gestured between the two of us.
“How about “I don’t know” because I’ve never felt a strong connection with someone until you, so I don’t know what to call it. With the amount of blood on my hands, there isn’t a chance for a happily ever after,” Hound admitted.
For once, I saw a hint of a truth.
“Fine, for now I can accept that.” That was my truth. “You want to tell me what happened today?”
“I saw something that gave me a second thought,” he said before kissing my cheek and bringing me close to his chest.
I had hoped that he meant what he said, because with this back and forth, I knew I wasn’t going to stick around any longer if it meant that my heart was at war. But then again, what did I expect from a man of the club life?