Chapter 2
TWO
With every step I take up to the third floor of the library, I know I'm making a mistake.
And yet I can't bring myself to turn around and go home.
If I'm going to stay at court, and despite my original plans to escape and find a mythical cure for vampirism, it seems that's what I plan to do, then I'm going to do it on my own terms. I can be friends with who I want to be.
I know I'm fooling myself, but I just can't help myself.
And in the back of my mind, there's still the echo of Lord Fallmartin's words about taking a lover and just being discreet about it.
I'm not sure how I feel about that, it's not something I ever expected to consider.
Then again, I always thought I'd marry for love, and the situation has changed.
I push the thought aside. Not only is it unfair to the Prince I don't know, it's also dangerous, and I'm not going to allow my feelings to get in the way of surviving, even if they kind of already have.
I get to the top of the stairs and disappointment sinks in as I realise Linc isn't here yet. A small part of me wonders if he's been the stronger of the two of us and hasn't shown up, but I don't think that's true.
I slip my hand into my pocket and touch the key he gave me, considering whether it would be right for me to go to the private room. We definitely shouldn't be alone there, but he hasn't said I can't go alone.
That's not a good idea, though. I know it deep down even if there's a part of me that's tempted.
Instead, I wander towards the bookshelves.
"Marcus?" I call out, not wanting to walk in on a private moment between him and Lord Luca again.
No one responds, which I assume means my cousin isn't hiding between the shelves today.
I run my hand along the books, looking at the titles and testing my ability to read them. I'm definitely better at it than I was, but some of the fancier scripts still slip me up.
Footsteps sound behind me and I spin around only to accidentally bump into Linc.
He reaches out to steady me, the warmth of his hand immediately burning through the fabric of my dress with how much I want his touch.
And how much I can't have it.
I look up and meet his gaze, regretting it almost immediately when I see the same desire I feel within me echo back.
"Linc..." My voice cracks.
"I know." He pulls his hand away and I immediately miss the touch.
"Why is this so hard?" I know the answer to that question. In an ideal world, we'd be able to choose one another, even if it's too soon to think about anything as serious as marriage, but this world has chosen differently for us.
He gives me a tight smile. "Because we were brought up in the human world," he responds. "I don't know about you, but I always thought I'd get to choose who I married."
I nod and bite my lip, accidentally drawing his attention to it.
He clears his throat and tries to put a little bit more distance between us.
"Maybe this was a bad idea," I say.
"Probably," he agrees. "But we can manage this. I don't want to go back to a life without you, Bea."
I swallow hard and meet his gaze, seeing a surprising amount of pain there.
"I..." He takes a deep breath. "I don't think I'll be able to resist without you."
I don't need him to explain what he means, his urge to drink more wine is going to take a while to go away, if it ever does. "You can," I whisper, reaching out to touch his arm. "But you don't have to," I promise.
Relief rushes over him. "Thank you. I know I shouldn't put it on you like that."
"It's all right to ask for help, Linc," I say softly. "And I promised I would when you said you wanted to stop, I'm not going to turn my back on you now."
"I don't know what I did to deserve you."
I laugh. "You shared your spot with me when I needed it on the Golden Moon," I remind him. "Though I'll admit that knowing you now, the fact that you refused to give me the wine unless I drank it too makes a lot more sense."
He grimaces. "I wish I could remember. I was probably awful to you."
"You weren't," I promise. "You helped, actually. I felt less alone knowing someone hated the feast as much as I did." A shiver runs through me at the memory.
"Ah, yes, the reason for the wine," he mutters.
"I was hurt and scared after seeing Bash kill that woman." Saying the words is harder than I expect it to be, like there's still a part of me in denial about what my brother did. "It's the first time I saw him like that."
"But not the last?" Linc puts an arm over my shoulder, leaning on the shelf behind me and making me realise how close we're still standing, but I can't bring myself to move away.
"He's changed since coming here," I admit. "At first, I thought it was because of the influence of our father, but I don't think so now. It's more complicated than that."
He raises an eyebrow. "You don't think it's your father?"
I shake my head. "I mean, I wish that he wasn't selling me off to the highest bidder, and he's definitely not warm or anything. But he's never actually been cruel to me since I got here. My brother though..."
"I'm sorry, Bea." He reaches out and touches my cheek.
My eyes close and I lean into his touch. I know I shouldn't take it, and that it would be better for me if I ignored the feelings I have building up inside, but I can't.
Linc leans in, and I do nothing to stop it, even when his breath brushes against my lips. It only makes me want him more.
Someone clears their throat and Linc jumps back, straightening out his jacket and trying to look as if we weren't just about to kiss.
"I didn't realise I was interrupting," the newcomer says.
I let out a small groan. Marcus.
"There's nothing to interrupt," Linc says quickly.
My cousin shrugs. "Linc, there's been a message from Agnes."
Linc's eyes widen. "Is everything all right?"
"No idea."
"I'm sorry, Bea, I need to go."
I nod and touch his arm without thinking. "I hope everything's all right with your sister."
"Me too. Same time tomorrow?"
I should say no. "Yes."
He lingers for a moment like he wants to say more, and then hurries off, leaving me alone with my cousin.
"There's nothing going on between us," I say to Marcus.
"What do I care if there is? It's not like you're doing anything wrong."
I frown. What a weird thing to say when I'm betrothed to his half-brother. "But the betrothal...."
"What about it?" Marcus responds.
"Your brother won't like this."
He gives me a strange look. "I can assure you, he's fine with it."
I stare at him for a moment, trying to figure out what he means by that. He knows the Prince better than I do, perhaps that means he doesn't care what I do. I suppose I'll find out when I finally discover who the Prince is.
"Are you meeting Lord Luca?" I ask, mostly to change the subject.
"No, I came to find Linc. I actually have a meeting to get to, will you be all right on your own?"
I nod. "I can take Pip for a walk."
Marcus smiles. "Give her a scratch from me. And between the two of us, I'm looking forward to her living in the royal apartments. I've always wanted a dog."
"I'm sure she's looking forward to it too," I respond. "But aren't you the crown prince? Can't you just get a dog if you want one?"
"You'd have thought, but Mother would never let me have one."
"Hopefully, she won't make me get rid of Pip."
"She won't have a say," Marcus replies. "She only gets a say in what I do because I'm her son. You won't have the same problem."
"I hope you're right about that."
"You'll just have my father to impress," he responds.
"So no pressure then."
Marcus chuckles. "You'll be fine."
I hope he's right. I don't want to go through with the betrothal to someone I don't know, but I also know that there's very little I can do to stop it.
Which means that I need to make sure I don't put myself in danger in the process.
And that means using my head to actually stay safe rather than letting my emotions guide me and get me killed.