Chapter 4
FOUR
It's only as I'm pulling out the key to Linc's private room that I start questioning whether this is really a good idea, especially as I have no idea if Pip is supposed to be in the library at all.
I should have asked someone at some point.
I just have to hope that Linc isn't too annoyed at me for bringing her when he does show up.
I fumble with the key and slide it into the lock, allowing me to push open the door and step inside.
"You need to be a good girl," I say to Pip as we step inside. I crouch down to undo her lead. "There's a fire, you'll be able to keep warm," I say.
"Beatrice?"
Pip is racing off to Linc in seconds. He looks at her with confusion on his face before leaning down to scratch her head, his face lighting up as he does.
"I-I didn't realise you were here," I say.
He looks up, a strange expression on his face. "But you wanted to come here?"
I bite my lip. "I didn't know where else to go," I admit, turning away. "My brother is angry about his betrothal and he's taking it out on everything."
"Are you not angry about yours?" Linc steps closer, but I don't dare face him.
"Yes," I whisper. "But I know that screaming and yelling at everyone isn't going to change it. If I'm going to find a way out of the betrothal, then I have to think rationally."
"But you want out?"
I turn around, facing him and realising how close he is. Close enough that if this had been a week ago, we would have kissed. But we can't do that.
I meet his gaze, seeing the pain I feel there.
"I want out," I whisper. "How can I not?"
He appears to be relieved, though it's hard to tell exactly what he's really thinking.
"I want a drink," he murmurs.
"You can't." I reach out to put a hand on his arm. "Don't let this get the better of you."
He gives me a weak smile. "It's only a matter of time, Bea. The idea of having to watch you get married to someone else is too much."
My breath catches in my throat at the implication that if I was marrying him things would be fine. Though he isn't wrong. If that was the case, then we would be fine, I just know it.
"If it happens, you just start again tomorrow," I remind him. "You're strong enough to do this."
"Sometimes I believe that." He moves away from me and I instantly regret the loss of proximity.
Pip lets out a whine.
"I should have checked I could bring her," I murmur.
"You're fine, Bea," Linc promises, leaning down to scratch my dog behind her ears. "I'm surprised you haven't brought her with you before."
"I wasn't sure if she was allowed in the library," I admit.
"Ah, I'm sorry, I should have thought to tell you it was fine."
"And I could have asked." I make my way over to the table where a set of teacups sits and pour myself some tea, only realising what I'm doing when I'm most of the way done. Have the two of us become so familiar with one another that it's now a shared space?
Linc returns to his seat and leans back, only for Pip to hurry over to him and look up with pleading eyes. He pats on his knee and she jumps up immediately to curl on his lip.
My breath catches in my throat and tears sting in my eyes. They look so perfect together, and I'm not allowed to have any of it for longer than this one stolen moment.
"Bea?" Linc asks.
"Sorry." I go to sit beside him, trying to get control over myself, but it's harder than I want it to be.
"What is it?"
"Just, everything," I admit. "I didn't realise how comfortable I was around you, and now it's only a matter of time before I'm not allowed to be comfortable around you.
Once we're both married, we're going to have to keep our distance.
And I mean, we already should be. Because what's really the difference between betrothed and married? "
"One could argue a few things," he responds.
"Well yes." I sigh. "I'm just conflicted about the whole thing. It's hard to feel loyalty to someone when I don't even know their name. Or what they look like. Everyone keeps telling me I know the person I'm betrothed to, but I don't."
"Are you sure?"
"I mean, I'm sure I've met him in passing, but I don't know him." I run a hand over my face. "And then there's what everyone else is telling me."
"Dare I ask?" Linc scratches Pip behind the ears and my dog lets out a satisfied sigh in response. She seems very happy sitting with him and I love it, even if it hurts.
"My cousin keeps warning me about not falling in love and says it's the worst thing imaginable to be in love with my husband."
"Bleak," he mutters.
"Mmm. And then when I was taken off-guard by my father announcing my betrothal, I said something about love and his suggestion was that I just take a lover if it bothers me. Discreetly."
Linc chuckles. "That is the common vampire way."
"So is going to the villages and siring more dhampirs," I mutter.
"Yes."
"Is that what you're going to do?" I shouldn't ask, especially as I'm not sure I want to hear the answer.
"No. I wouldn't want to put anyone through what I did," he responds, his words ringing true.
"Hmm, so nothing about being faithful to your wife."
He raises an eyebrow. "I don't know my wife," he points out. "Maybe she won't be interested in sharing a bed with me."
"Is that an option?" I try not to think about my own impending marriage.
"Depends on who you're married to, I suppose."
I want to ask him what he thinks the Prince will be like towards me, but I don't think I'm ready to hear the answer.
I let out a sigh and lean back in my chair.
"Is this going to be my future? A cold marriage and a husband who goes into the neighbouring villages to sire his heirs?
" My voice cracks without me meaning it to.
Linc moves instantly, getting an annoyed huff from Pip in response as she slips off his knee. He kneels down in front of me and takes my hand in his. "It's not going to be your future, Bea."
"You don't know that." Tears prick at the corners of my eyes. "I've been so busy focusing on wanting to survive at court that I forgot about what getting married is going to actually mean."
I wipe away one of the tears, frustrated with myself both for crying, and for showing weakness. I have to remember I'm better than that.
Concern shines through Linc's face. "It's all going to be all right."
I grimace. "That's easy for you to say. You get to choose. You can decide to give your wife a choice. What if my husband doesn't do the same? What if I'm trapped by someone who doesn't even see me as a person?"
"Anyone with any sense would know better than to try and trap you, Bea," he says softly. "And if it comes to it, I'll have a word with him."
I laugh without meaning to. "I don't need you to rescue me."
"I know you don't," he assures me. "But that doesn't mean I won't be there to do it if you need me to."
"I appreciate it, but you can't. I know everyone is encouraging me to take a lover if it bothers me so much, but I don't think I can. It would put us both in danger." I cup his face in my hand without thinking about it.
"I don't need to be your lover to want to help you, Bea," he promises. "I'll do it as your friend."
"Do you think we can be? Friends, I mean?"
He nods. "Of course."
I raise an eyebrow.
He chuckles. "I'm not saying it would be easy. But I'd rather have you in my life, so if friends are all we can be, then that's what we'll be."
I manage a tight smile, but all I can really think is that I'm not entirely sure we're going to be able to stick to that. But I dread to think what will happen if we can't.