1. 1
J ewelry stores are the seventh circle of hell. Between the price tags and pressure, sweat is already starting to bead along my forehead despite the excessive air conditioning. The last time I was in a jewelry store, I was eighteen and had no money and the sales associate knew it. Embarrassment coursed through me as every ring I picked was above my price range.
My hands were shaking as I paid for the simple gold band.
But this trip is much different.
First, this store is not located in a mall. Second, I’m not the one buying a ring.
“Hello, how may I help you?” the sales associate asks kindly, her white hair tied in a demure knot at her neck .
“Good evening, I’m here to pick out a ring for my hopeful fiancée,” Alec, my best friend’s soon-to-be fiancé, says, a giant grin on his face.
I met Alec’s other half when we were costars on a reality TV show. The moment he decided to propose to Charlie, he called in reinforcements to make sure he bought her the perfect ring.
Unlike the guy who helped me, this woman does not sniff at his exclamation. Instead, her face softens as her thumb gently touches the ring decorating her left hand.
“I’d be happy to help you and your companions. And might I say, congratulations.” She directs this last bit to Courtney, Charlie’s best friend from childhood.
“Oh, no, I’m not her. I’m here to make sure he doesn’t fuck up,” she says with a large smile while I snort with laughter.
“Sorry, I should have been more clear. I’m Alec, and this is Courtney and Parker who are here for moral support,” Alec says, clapping me on the back.
“It’s nice to meet you all. Is there anything in particular you had in mind?” the woman behind the counter asks.
Alec and Courtney go over the various things they were hoping to see while I make my way around the cases. Diamonds are tucked into their soft, velvet beds. The light shines off the different jewels. I’m happy for Charlie and Alec and the love they’ve found. Yet, as I look at the rows and rows of rings, I’m almost angry.
All I see lining the cases are broken promises and all the days that were supposed to be lived with Brittany by my side. I don’t think about my ex-wife much anymore, but sometimes a memory makes its way from the ether and it’s like she’s left all over again .
“What’s your budget, Cowboy?” Courtney asks the ex-wrangler while eying one of the biggest diamonds I’ve seen in person.
On House of Deceit , our wranglers were a production assistant in charge of interviewing us for confessional footage and giving us a confidant to brainstorm strategy with. The hours Charlie and Alec spent together during filming led to an attraction neither of them could deny. And now here we are.
“Let me worry about that. You’re here to help me find the perfect ring.”
She leans over the glass with a critical eye while Alec looks at the two rings the woman has already pulled at his request. I make my way around the store, trying to tamp down my anger. Looking at slightly less traditional options, a particularly beautiful emerald ring with leaves twisting around the band catches my eye.
“What about this one?” I ask, pointing at it.
Courtney attempts to nudge me out of the way to see what I’m pointing to, her small stature no match for me once I set my feet just to annoy her.
“Move, you giant sequoia,” she says, putting her whole body weight against me.
“Make me, small fry,” I taunt, smiling down at her, my anger fading.
“Ugh, you are such an asshole ! I’m gonna tell Charlie on you.” She grunts, trying to push me, and my anger fades. Courtney is one of my favorite people who has come into my life over the past few years, all thanks to being on the show.
“You can’t or you’ll ruin the surprise. "
I consider moving away and letting her fall, something I know I’d pay for later once she came up with a suitable punishment, but I decide against it letting her edge me away from the display.
“Wow, that’s beautiful,” she says, squatting down to look at it from a different vantage point. “I’m not sure that’s the—” She sucks in a breath as her eyes snag on a ring slightly to the left. “Alec,” she whispers, calling him over.
She simply points to a ring as he squats next to her.
“Can I see this one?” he says, the associate following him around the store.
Unlocking the case, she reaches in and pulls it from its place and as she sets it on the black cushion for us to look at it, I know it’s the one.
The ring looks like a flower with a sapphire in the middle, the exact shade of Charlie’s eyes. The petals surrounding the stone are covered in diamonds that continue down the band.
Alec’s eyes brim with tears as he tells the woman it’s the one, while painful memories eat away at me.
The therapist’s office feels like I’m in the interview room with my wrangler from House of Deceit , once more.
Minus the camera.
As always, I make my way to the leather chair. I never sit on the couch. The couch makes this feel too personal. Plus, I never know if I’m supposed to lie down on it or not.
It took Charlie suggesting therapy a few times once we were back in the real world before I finally found myself here .
Sharon shuts the door behind her, setting her usual tea on the table next to her chair. The dark gold of her dress pops against her brown skin. Bracelets on her arm jingle as she readies her pen and crosses her legs. She’s a few decades my senior. Her nurturing air combined with her no-bullshit attitude reminds me of my mother in a way that makes me able to talk to her.
Some people would probably not like her delivery, but it’s exactly what I need. Someone who will tell me how it is, and call me on things, so I can be better.
“Alec picked out a ring for Charlie the other day. He asked me to help him. And Courtney, of course. He asked me and Courtney to help him,” I tell her without preamble.
We learned early on in our sessions together small talk just made me edgy and irritated.
“That’s wonderful,” she says noncommittally.
She knows there’s more to it, but she doesn’t push me. Sharon is happy to sit in complete silence for our entire hour, if that’s what it takes.
Our first session was a disaster, and I was sure as I stormed from her office she was going to fire me as a client. The questions were simple enough at first.
“Tell me about yourself.”
“What brings you here today?”
“How did your time on House of Deceit change you?”
But then they weren’t so easy.
“When’s the last time you dated someone?”
“What made you pick up and leave everything behind?”
“How does the leaving of your ex-wife continue to plague you? ”
It was the last one that made me mad, unable to articulate what the moment did to me. Six weeks passed before I made another appointment, but eventually I did, at Charlie’s insistence that growth is never comfortable.
“It is wonderful and I should be happy for them, but all I wanted to do was tell him how much marriage is a lie.” I push up from my chair and start pacing, a usual occurrence. Keeping my body still is almost impossible when I have to talk about my emotions.
“And how is marriage a lie, Parker?” she says, her face thoughtful.
The wall behind her is littered with all of her different degrees, magazine covers, and various awards she has won. I’m lucky she was willing to take me on as a client, but that doesn’t change the fact that I have no desire to rehash all the pain of my past.
“People say it’s forever, but how many even last a decade?”
“Every relationship is a leap of faith. You’re handing your heart over to someone. But even if it doesn’t last forever, does that really mean it’d be better if it never happened?” Sharon asks.
“I don’t know,” I say, but my body knows I’m lying. “Maybe,” I hedge, sitting back down in my chair.
With purposeful movements, she uncrosses her legs and leans forward, resting her arms on her knees as she makes direct eye contact with me.
“If you ever want to have a successful relationship, one day, very soon, you’re going to have to come to terms with your wife leaving you.”
“What makes you think I want a relationship?” I ask her, crossing my arms over my chest like a petulant teenager .
“Don’t you?” she asks, her tone all knowing. “Being in a relationship doesn’t just mean sexually. Meaningful friendships, for example.”
“I have Charlie, Alec, Courtney, and Mitchel. Those are meaningful, platonic friendships.”
“And who else?” she asks, but she already knows the answer, so I sit there in silence. “Maybe you should go on a date and just see how it feels? Didn’t Alec’s sister,” —she flips through her notes for a second—“Lorelei offer to set you up with one of her friends? The sister of one of her husband’s teammates or something? I think it could be good for you to just try .”
“And if it is awful?” I ask.
“Then obviously you should give up after one try and remain alone for the rest of your life,” she deadpans and I smile, trying to hide the fact that even the thought of going on a date makes my stomach hurt.
Mitchel snaps in front of my face, shaking me out of replaying my session with Sharon again over a week later.
“I would be offended you’re not listening to me, but I’m used to it. What’s the deal, man?”
Looking at the plans he has in front of me, I double check the numbers for the tile order before signing off and sliding the papers back toward my friend and right-hand man.
When I came home from House of Deceit and sold my business and almost everything I owned, all he asked was where we were going. Could I have built another business without him? Yes. But I didn’t want to. The fact he was willing to uproot his entire life at the whim of a friend was more than I’ve ever expected since Brittany walked out the door.
“Do you think I should date?” I ask him.
He straightens the papers, making sure they go back in the appropriate folder in his stack. We have thirteen custom houses in the works and management of all the different details is a full-time job, plus some. I make a mental note to hire Mitchel an assistant, someone he can train up and make into his protégé the same way I did with him.
“I don’t think it’d hurt you to get laid,” he says with a smirk, causing me to roll my eyes.
“I’m not asking about sex, dude.”
He straightens his tie, the result of him having a meeting with some clients later today.
“Listen,” he starts, leaning back in his chair, “far be it for me to talk about anyone’s healing process, but just because you left everything behind doesn’t mean you turned in to a brand-new person.”
“Thanks, Yoda."
“It’s been over a decade since she left. You haven’t heard from her. You had to divorce her in absentia. I know you thought she was your soul mate. I can’t even think about how hard it was after she left. But eventually you have to move on.” Sometimes, it sucks having a friend that’s known you since high school.
I lay my head back on my chair, looking at the ceiling. “That’s what Sharon said, too.”
“Sounds like I need to up my hourly rate, then.”
“I don’t think that’s what I said,” I joke. My phone vibrates in my pocket and I see it’s a text from Charlie asking me to stop by the house on my way home. “Do you need me for the last meeting of the day?” I ask, knowing I’m not going to be any help to him with my head so distracted.
“No, go. I’ve got this. But you owe me.”
“Put it on my tab,” I say, texting Charlie I’ll be there in about an hour, then grabbing my keys from my desk drawer.
“Your tab is getting long,” he says, shuffling all the folders into his arms, breaking off to his office as we make our way down the hall.
I make my way out to my car, the last conversation I had with Alec playing through my mind. He offered to put my name forward for the dating show that’s owned by the same network as House of Deceit . Although he never worked on the show himself, he knows plenty of people on the production team.
Every year, I vehemently reject the offer.
But maybe Sharon is right.
Maybe I should go on some dates.
I roll my windows down and throw my hair into a knot to avoid it blowing in my face before reversing out of my spot. I make my way in the snarling, snaking traffic toward the hillside where Alec and Charlie had me build their sprawling mid-century modern house. Looking out at the ocean, I sing along to the radio.
The land was a perfect choice, and owned by Alec’s family from when they had first moved to the region back in the 1800s. They could have sold it for an astronomical price, but it was passed down from generation to generation. Upon the death of his mother, it was held in trust for both him and Lorelei. Married to a professional football player who makes millions a year, she gave her brother her share of the land with the express purpose of building the house he wanted to make into a home for Charlie .
“Knock, knock!” I call out, letting myself into the richly painted foyer with the key they gave me.
They have only been living here for a few weeks. Boxes are still scattered in a few places, but they’ve made fantastic progress.
“Back here,” Charlie calls, from what I believe to be the vicinity of the library she uses as her office.
She stretches to put a book away, her shirt riding up to show a small sliver of skin above the yoga pants she is fond of wearing when she writes, claiming no good ideas can come if she’s wearing uncomfortable clothes. Considering the success of her book, I decide to believe her.
Her red hair is streaked with blonde from being out on her pool deck every day. She turns and gives me a smile that draws one from me, no matter my mood. The sister I never had, we bonded in a way only people who went through an experience no one else could understand would be able to.
“Hey, thanks for stopping by,” she says, padding over to me in her bare feet. I wrap her in a bear hug as she lays a quick kiss on my cheek.
There was a time I was attracted to this woman, but in the same way someone is attracted to a painting or a symphony. The beauty of the art draws you in and drowns you as it pulls emotion from the well of your being, but you know it’s not something you can ever own. Only experience. That was Charlie for me.
The experience of feeling my heart beat again.
It never bothered me she went for Alec. I knew I wouldn’t be able to offer her everything she deserved.
But feeling something again. Even if it was just a flicker.
Made me remember I’m still alive .
I put her back down on her feet and make a decision. Or really let an impulsive thought take over.
“Is Alec around here?” I ask.
“He’s taking a nap. They had a day of reshoots at two in the morning and then wrapped about an hour ago. He mumbled something about making a daytime thriller next time as he tumbled into bed. Dinner is in an hour and he’ll be up by then for sure,” she says, smiling up at me, the freckles on her nose having grown in number. “You’re welcome to join us. I think Lorelei is stopping by.”
“Next time. What did you need me to come by for?”
“Let me show you,” she says, wrapping her arm around my bicep and leading me out to the pool.
They have the wall of window doors pushed open, allowing the outside and inside to meld together. That was Charlie’s request and has been increasingly popular with every build Mitchel and I have done. Moving toward the left side, I see the daybed she had me custom build slanting slightly to one side.
“So, Alec and I might have been a little acrobatic the other night and I don’t know what happened, but all of a sudden it just dropped on one side.”
I get down on my knees and look around. If she needs to me to fix something, that’s what will happen. Pushing pieces this way and that, I find the problem.
“It looks like you guys shifted it off the base just enough to drop it. It’ll be easy to fix and I’ll stop by this weekend with better tools and anchor it so it doesn’t happen again.” I straighten up and jostle her with my elbow, teasing, “I wasn’t expecting Cirque de Soleil, but I see that was an oversight.”
Her blush is pretty as she smacks my arm .
“I see you brought in the best to fix the bed,” Alec says as he saunters out, kissing Charlie firmly.
His hair is tousled and there are bags under his eyes, but he seems happy. The movie he’s finishing up has a lot of potential and Charlie and I can’t wait to see it.
He sticks his hand out for me to shake, which I do, as he settles his arm around her. I remember when Brittany used to lean into my side as Charlie is doing right now and it strengthens my resolve once more.
Without any buildup, I jump in. “Hey. Are they still looking for a lead on House of Desire ?”
Charlie’s mouth drops open in utter shock. A fair reaction.
“Um, what?” she asks, but I ignore her.
He looks at me, almost a bit skeptically. “It’s funny you ask. They were going to reach out to their choice for lead this week. I could give my old boss a call. I know they’d jump on this chance, so you need to be positive.”
“If it’s not too much trouble,” I say, rubbing my quickly reddening face.
My legs itch to run from the scrutiny with which he looks at me until finally he says okay, and begins dialing a number. Ringing immediately sounds from the speakerphone as we wait.
“What, Alec?” The woman’s voice is harsh with the demand the second the call connects. I immediately note the difference in his body language. His spine is straighter, his face more closed off. He’s wrangler Alec right now.
“Parker is interested in being the lead for House of Desire ,” he says simply .
“Are you shitting me?” the woman asks. “Last time we asked, I believe he said ‘I’d rather stand in the middle of I-5 naked’.”
“I want to do it,” I say, cutting in. “Can you make it happen?”
“I’ll make the call. They’d rather you than this other guy, anyway.”
She hangs up abruptly and I turn toward Charlie.
“What brought this on?” Charlie asks, her hand touching mine, her brow wrinkling.
“Sharon told me I should get back out there, so that’s what I’m doing,” I tell her.
“I doubt she meant in a dating competition show with twenty contestants all fighting for your heart, Park.”
“Why wade in the kiddie pool when I can jump in the deep end?” I joke, trying to hide the apprehension and regret I’m already feeling. But it’s too late. The water is already covering my head and now there’s nothing left to do but push off the bottom and swim for the surface.
Alec’s phone vibrates and he reads the message. His gray eyes lock with mine. “Congratulations, you’re in.”