25. Kaz
I never thoughtof her as my mother. She was always just the woman who kept one of her children, and she kept Mattia. I don’t blame her for that mistake. We were twins. We were babies. How could she have possibly known that she was choosing the fucked-up one? The wife of Ermanno Benedetti cheated on her husband. She was forced to keep one of us and ship the other to Russia, to Alexei Mordvinov, a Bratva leader on the FBI’s top ten most wanted fugitives list, also known as my father. She never told him about Mattia. We found out about him after my father’s death when we looked closely at the Benedetti family. My father had no reason to look. Fiona had a one-night stand with him, trying to forget about her loveless marriage, even if for a couple of hours. He never loved her. He didn’t care about her. So he took me in and raised me as his only heir, and that was it. He took a paternity test—a story my uncle loves to tell when he’s drunk.
Fate was cruel to Fiona. Ermanno eventually found out that Mattia wasn’t his child. Years later, he came after my father and killed him in an explosion where he was lured to a business meeting. He started to abuse his wife, passing her around as a joke between his friends. He thinks killing her would be an act of mercy, so he makes her life a living hell. Mattia knows about what’s been happening to his mother, and instead of helping her, he adds to the abuse.
Tonight is the first night I will see Fiona. Ermanno said she’s been on a cruise for a couple of months. I’m still trying to figure out where he’s been hiding her, as I haven’t seen her anywhere since she came back. It takes all my willpower to stand in the same room as Ermanno without putting a bullet in his head, but I only have to do it for a little longer.
Tonight is the charity ball, and Mattia’s wife finally comes down the stairs, the sound of her heels notifying me of her presence. I turn slowly. All the air is being knocked off my lungs like I’ve been punched. She’s wearing a long, dark green dress with long sleeves that start from her shoulders, leaving her collarbone exposed, and a deep V-shaped cleavage that’s going to send me on a murder rampage if anyone will let their eyes falter lower than her eyes. There’s a split on the right side of the dress, exposing her leg with every step she takes. Caelia curled her fiery red hair and is wearing more makeup than I’m used to, but her eyes pin me on the spot. My weight has suddenly become too much for my bones to hold.
“Hello, husband.” She smiles awkwardly.
I don’t have a heart to break, but if I had one, she’d be the one I’d give this power to. Something shifted inside me when she confessed she could’ve loved me.
She could love me.
I focus on that.
I know that wasn’t a lie. She blurred the lines so much that she can’t distinguish between the truth and lies anymore and slips from time to time. I don’t know if she knows it or not.
Mattia will never lay a hand on this woman again. Hell, he won’t ever lay his eyes on her again. Because she’s fucking mine.
“You look?—”
потрясающий.
“Too much? Not enough?”
“Stunning.” I finally find the world I need in a language that won’t give me away.
“You don’t look so bad yourself.”
I’m wearing a black suit, with no drop of color on my body. She’s all the color I need. I stretch my hand for her to take when she gets to the last step, the touch sending a shiver down my spine. What I feel for her goes beyond obsession. Vanya and Sevastyan still think that this is a crush, like I’m a fucking teenager who doesn’t know what he wants. I don’t need their approval. Neither has a higher rank than I do, apart from Dedushka. It didn’t sit well with my uncle when I wanted to follow in my father’s footsteps and take what was rightfully mine, but he stepped away when my grandpa asked. He will always resent me for it.
“Stop biting your lip, Caelia. It takes all my willpower not to fuck you right here.”
She lets go of the bottom lip she’s been biting, her green eyes luring me. I’ve been attracted to women before, but it wore off quickly. Caelia awakened in me a need to protect her so fiercely, it’s engraved in my soul and bones. I’d do anything to keep her safe. She started giving me little pieces of her soul without even realizing it. I cherish all the moments in which she talks about her childhood, when her life was still worth living. I want to give her that again. A reason to enjoy life. By my side.
“It would be such a pity to ruin this dress.” She smiles, caressing my arm.
Her hand stops on the side of my neck. She leans in to kiss me, a chaste touch on my lips. Grabbing the back of her hair, I pull her closer, groaning displeased. I’m seriously considering not attending the charity ball, although I know it’s essential. Ermanno and all his men will be there to discuss business. I also don’t think I could explain my absence. Staying home to fuck my wife won’t be a reason good enough for Ermanno. I kiss her so profoundly that she needs to take a step back to breathe again. I can’t let go.
“You’re so in for it when we get home, Wildfire.”
Her eyes snap to mine every time I call her that. I have felt her anger and hatred toward Mattia. I’m not questioning that. But she doesn’t hate me. She can’t.
“Are you wearing anything under that dress?” I lick my upper lip, smirking at her confused look.
“Yes. My husband warned me about walking around without underwear. I don’t want to drive him mad.”
I go down on one knee in front of her.
“He’s already mad, baby,” I say as I slip my hands under her silky dress.
She’s wearing a garter on her thigh. My woman is armed with my knife. I forgot about it when I threw it away, but she didn’t. She even stole the leather sheath without me noticing. Smirking, I drag her panties down her hips. They weren’t doing her much good, anyway. They’re black, lacy, and thin.
“What are you doing?”
“These are mine.” I sniff them before I pocket them, causing her to look horrified.
“Have you lost your mind? Give them back!”
I will remember to tell Mattia that he didn’t break her. Hell, he didn’t even bend her as much as I initially thought. I admire her for always standing up to me and for gathering the courage to sleep with me after all he did, without being afraid of me. He didn’t have to own her. Caelia is the kind of woman who willingly offers her strength to those she loves.
“You can have them back when we return home.”
“They won’t do me much good then, will they?”
“Be good for me, and I’ll use them to tie you up.”
She rolls her eyes, a spark of excitement twinkling in her eyes. I offer my arm and guide her toward the exit. My brother has many faults, but his taste on cars is not one of them. Domenico waits for us in front of the mansion, where the red Maserati is parked. Matteo is a flashy bastard.
“You’re driving?” Caelia tilts her head when I catch the keys Domenico throws my way. “You’re never driving.”
Maybe I was wrong. Mattia doesn’t have any redeeming qualities. What’s the point of having ten cars in the garage if someone else drives them for you?
“Do you want to drive?”
“What? No.”
“Do you know how to drive?” I tease her.
“Of course, I know how to drive.”
“You’ll have to take me for a ride one of these days.”
“Oh, don’t worry. I was planning to take you for a ride tonight,” she winks, getting in the car as I hold the door open for her.
“Brat.”
Domenico gives me a look that betrays everything he’s not saying out loud. I’m fucked. Monumentally. And I know it. He knows it but doesn’t dare to say it out loud. I lost my goddamn mind when he called me to say that Caelia took a car and made an appointment for an abortion. It took him a while to catch up with her, but my mind made up a thousand scenarios. Dread took over. Cold, frightening. I was afraid she was going to get rid of a child I didn’t think I wanted. But she lost one already. I know she’s on the pill, but if it happens, I want her to know she has options before making a decision. I wish she wouldn’t act like she is looking through her past. This situation is so messy. It would be much easier to tell her and put her mind at ease.
Maybe she will reconsider her escape plan if I tell her the truth.
Yeah, I figured that one out. She withdraws a weird amount of money but never seems to buy anything, so I guess she’s saving up. I’m intrigued by what she’s going to do next.
If my father was ever afraid, he didn’t let me see it. He was never cruel, like most men in our world are. He made my uncle frown at the way he raised me, making me a part of everything and refusing to let nannies and employees take my upbringing into their own hands. He married when he was eighteen and did it out of love. He didn’t need alliances to strengthen his business. She was the love of his life, and he worshipped his wife until the day he died.
“Do you have a good relationship with your mom, Wildfire?”
I’ve learned that Caelia’s voice has the fantastic power of distracting me from my thoughts.
“I wouldn’t call it a good relationship, no.”
“Do you want to talk about it?” I throw her a glance.
“Do you want to talk about it?” She doesn’t bother masking the surprise in her voice.
“If you want to, yeah.”
“All right.” She frowns. “Do you know how the younger child usually gets away with anything? It wasn’t like that at all. I’ve watched my mom lavish Cosima with her love and attention while I was overlooked. She always seemed out of reach to me—distant, unapproachable, no matter what I did. I’ve tried so hard for a while.”
“How old is your sister?”
“She’s turning thirty. I was twelve when she married. After she moved, I did my best in school. I tried to help around the house as much as possible, but my mother was never impressed. The only moments my mom is truly happy are when Cosima’s around. I will never gain her approval, and that’s okay.”
“You don’t need her approval.”
“Maybe that’s true now, but I needed it while I was growing up. Cosima is nothing like her. She stepped in when my mother didn’t. She always took care of me.”
“As long as you are true to yourself, you should never fear the opinion of others,” I repeat what my father told me countless times.
“I like that.” She smiles. “Why are you asking me about my mom?”
I’m about to meet mine for the first time in my life while I’m wearing the mask of the child she kept.
“I was just curious.”
“Are you close with your mom?”
“We get by.” I shrug.
She chose Mattia, and he failed to protect her like he was unable to protect his wife.
“Oh, so it’s just me sharing. Fine.”
“I didn’t mean it like that. There’s just not much I can tell you about our relationship.”
I’m saved when we arrive at Ermanno’s mansion. I’ve already lied so much to Caelia, and I’d rather avoid it if I can. If there’s something I hate, it’s the media. And, of course, Ermanno wants his charity ball to hit the press.
“It’s just a night,” Caelia whispers as I stop the car in front of the mansion.
“What?”
“You look stressed.” She takes my hand in hers and rubs my skin with her thumb. “I’m sure it won’t be that bad. Try to look at the bright side. You’re still wearing underwear.”
She makes me laugh without trying too hard. It’s concerning that she can say something is wrong just by looking at me. I lean in and kiss her.
“Whatever you do, don’t leave my side.”
She nods, licking her lips. I step out of the car and open the door for her, remaining expressionless as flashes go off left and right. I smirk when she looks up at me, though. The valet takes the car away, and we make our way up the grand steps to the front door, where we’re being met by two footmen dressed in black suits. As we step into the hall, my stomach recoils. Rich tapestries hang from the walls, and marble statues of ancient gods and goddesses line the corridors. Everything is illuminated with a soft light from the intricate chandeliers. Everyone is smiling and chatting, with glasses of champagne being delivered by staff in crisp white shirts and black trousers.
With Caelia’s arm wrapped around mine, we make our way through the crowd toward the ballroom, where a live orchestra is playing classical music. It is quite a sight. It makes me sick. The room is filled with couples walking around the floor, their movements lit by the many candles that line the walls. A large table at the end of the room is set up with food and drinks.
“Mattia, my son!”
Without even thinking, I place my hand on top of Caelia’s and squeeze her lightly. I see her smile before I turn toward Fiona. She’s wearing a long black dress with her dark hair braided back. My jaw clenches, my hand wraps itself into a fist, and I feel like lightning struck me. I’ve heard stories about her. I had to gather information, but this is the first time I”ve laid eyes on her. I’m not nervous. I’m not excited. There’s no anticipation or dread. I’m grateful to her in a way she will never understand. In a way that no one will ever understand. This is not the family I wanted. Alexei wasn’t flawless, but he was a good father. She’s one step away when she smiles. Caelia drops her arm when Fiona wraps her hands around me, kissing my cheeks.
“I’ve missed you.” Her voice trembles.
I nod, touching her lightly on her back. I feel a surge of emotion I can’t quite place. She looks too tired for her age. She tried to hide the dark circles with makeup, and I wonder how many bruises she’s hiding under that dress that only lets her face and hands be seen.
“Mother,” I nod.
The word tastes bitter on the tip of my tongue. It doesn’t belong there. This is not a joyful reunion. I don’t ask her if she ever thinks about me or offer her my forgiveness. I would have helped her had she ever asked for my help. Alexei would have. But for some reason, she decided to comply. Caelia is ten thousand times stronger, fighting Mattia every chance she gets and planning to escape, although she knows that might bring her death. She’s more afraid of living with Mattia than she is of dying. I resent Fiona for that. For not even trying to get out. For not even trying to get help.
She speaks with Caelia, but I don’t hear a word they’re saying. There’s so much noise in the background that I struggle to keep myself steady. I see Ermanno talking with someone in the room’s corner.
I turn toward Caelia, ignoring Fiona. Mattia would. He would ignore both of them.
“Can I have this dance, Caelia?”
“Only if you don’t care about your feet.” She briefly smiles at Fiona and turns toward me.
I didn’t care much about my nose, knees, or groin until now. We’re still training, and so far, I didn’t have to drag her out of bed. This morning, she was in the gym before I was, excited and ready to kick my ass.
I stretch my hand for her to take.