66. Caelia
It’s temporary.
I love how my heart skips a beat in his presence or when I think about him, how I can sense his proximity before laying eyes on him, and how I find solace in falling asleep in his arms, feeling safe.
But it’s temporary.
It has to be.
Spending time with his sister has been nice, even if only for a few minutes. She’s been asleep for the past few hours, and I don’t think we’ll see her again until tomorrow. It’s also been a pleasant change to communicate without struggling to understand each other. I’m doing my best to learn Russian, but progress is slow. It doesn’t help that Kaz always manages to distract me whenever he offers to help. Either he’s a terrible teacher, or I’m a horrible student. I still haven’t met the rest of his family, except for Vanya, whom I haven’t seen recently. We’ve had dinner and taken a shower, and now I’m applying lotion on my legs when the door opens. Kaz smirks instantly.
“Don’t stop on my account,” he says, stepping in and closing the door behind him.
“I wasn’t going to. But please do it,” I tease.
He takes off his jacket and sits on the bed.
“Come here,” he says, grabbing the body lotion from my hand and wrapping his fingers around my ankle.
I place my heel on his knee. Kaz rolls up his sleeves and pours some lotion into his palms. We should resume selling this marriage only outside the bedroom, but it’s impossible.
“Katarina is still out,” he says. “Dedushka stopped by my aunt’s for the night. They’ll arrive first thing in the morning, and Anya will be here around noon.”
“So, you’re mine for the night?”
“I’m always yours, solnyshko.”
God, his words. They either make my body ache or make my heart race. He massages the lotion into my skin.
“Why are you calling me ‘little sun’?”
It was the first thing I looked up once I no longer felt like a prisoner.
“It’s what my father used to call us when we were kids. And he called Anya that her entire life. There’s something else, but I think you might freak out if I tell you.”
“I’ll try not to.”
He motions for me to give him my other leg. I oblige as he contemplates whether his secret is worth sharing.
“I’ve promised no more lies, and you’ve asked why I’m doing all of this, so maybe you should know.”
“I should know what?”
His fingers move up and down my thigh—too slow, too careful.
“You got me through all the dark nights while I was in prison.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I went to prison when I was twenty-five. I was twenty-one when Sevastyan told me that Ermanno had killed my father. Anyway, he came up with this plan for revenge. I was supposed to study Mattia and learn to become him. And I did, but right before I was ready to go to New York, I got arrested. We’ve been monitoring Mattia. Everything he did was reported back to me. I still had one more year to serve when you married him.”
He had mentioned the plan to impersonate Mattia while I was in the hospital, but he never went into so much detail.
“You knew about our marriage?”
“Yes and no.” I raise an eyebrow. “I knew you married him, but Sevastyan was looking into it, and he never told me about the abuse. I thought you were happily married.” I let out a bitter laugh. “I know.” He takes a deep breath. “I should have looked into it.”
“None of it was your fault, Kaz. You can’t possibly think that.”
“I could’ve stopped it sooner, but I took another year to observe Mattia to make sure I was fully prepared to become him. But I could have been there a year earlier.”
I try not to think about how much pain and violence that year could have spared me.
“You did what you had to do.”
“Knowing this doesn’t make it any better, though. I was still in prison when the reports mentioned you, his new wife. That’s when you became mine, solnyshko. Not when I entered your house. Not when we started pretending. Not even when I first fucked you.”
You refuse to see what’s right in front of you, and that’s why I don’t particularly like you. He wants you here.
Vanya’s words make more sense now. Kaz decided that I was his long before we ever met. I never stood a chance.
“I feel like I should be freaked out.”
“But?” he prompts.
He stops massaging my leg. Placing the lotion on the bed, he grabs my waist and pulls me onto his lap. I run a hand through his dark hair. That day in the garden, when I signed the marriage license, I decided I had nothing to lose except my heart. And my heart is a treacherous thing that betrayed me months ago.
“Remind me that you have no use for my heart,” I whisper. “Tell me you don’t care and that I’m here on a whim. Tell me I’m here because you’re possessive and decided to torment me by making me come back with you. Tell me I’m not here because you care.” The silence is deafening. His gray eyes burn into my soul. “Please, Kaz. Lie to me if you have to.”
“No, moya solnyshko. No more lies.”
“Just this once,” I plead.
“No.”
Any lie would be better than this truth. It’s not a whim. He’s not trying to make my life a living hell. And he might not let me go.
“I’ll guard your heart with my life, whether it belongs to me or not.”
At least now I understand why. He decided that I was his even before I knew he existed. I should be scared. Terrified.
“This is a lot to take in, Kaz.”
“I know. I’m not asking you to say anything. You asked, and I wanted you to know. This is why I came back. I couldn’t leave without you. That night when you ran away, my plane was already waiting. I told you we were going to take a trip.”
He has enough power to take what he wants. It was easy to remind myself why I fell in love with him in the first place. It was easy to resume the fall. I’m not a prisoner in his house. I’m living as close to a normal life as I can. He’s not trying to cage me. Kaz encourages me to go to therapy. He lets me do whatever I want and makes time for me. I’ve often thought he would be the perfect husband if this were real. I wrap my hands around his neck, resting my chin on his shoulder.
“Are you all right?”
“Weirdly enough, yes.” I laugh.
He envelops me in his arms, holding me close. Kaz suddenly remembers something and retrieves his discarded jacket from the bed.
“I have something for you.”
I lean back as he takes a small black box from the inside pocket and hands it to me. I open it, remembering his mention of rings earlier. Inside, there’s an engagement ring and a wedding band. This doesn’t feel temporary at all. The engagement ring is adorned with tiny white stones, with a large dark blue diamond in the center. The wedding band features a trail of velvety blue sapphires set between two rows of brilliant diamonds. He takes them out of the box and extends his palm toward me.
“If you don’t like them, I’ll take you shopping once my family is gone.”
“I love them. What’s engraved on the wedding band?” I glimpse something written on the inside as he slides it onto my finger.
“It will end in blood.”
“Wasn’t that engraved on your knife?”
“It’s the Mordvinov family motto.”
“How fitting,” I say, holding back a smile.
As he places both rings on my finger, I notice the wedding band on his. It’s entirely matte black. He briefly removes it, revealing the exact engraved words on the inside. He slides it back on before I can get another look.
“Thank you.”
I want to joke about how hard it’ll be for me to part with the rings when our time is up or how I hope his next wife will love them as much as I do, but I bite my tongue and remain silent.
“I should have thought of this sooner. What did you do with your old rings?”
“I sold them when I left.”
“I still have the wedding band I took from Mattia.”
“Why do you still have it?”
“It was the only reminder of my marriage to you when I didn’t know where you were. I couldn’t bring myself to take it off.”
He can’t be real. My nightmares have been replaced by dreams in which I have a perfect man as my husband, and I fall so deeply for him that there’s no coming back. But it feels like a dream, and I’m bound to wake up sooner or later.
“There was something else I wanted to discuss with you.”
“I’m at your service, husband.”
His dick twitches between my thighs. I raise my eyebrow, pursing my lips.
“Keep calling me that and see what happens.”
“Keep calling you what? Husband?”
It happens again. I’m interrupted mid-laugh as his possessive mouth takes control of mine. There’s no urgency in his kiss. He does it like he has all the time in the world.
“What do you want to talk about, husband?” I say it just for the sake of it.
“You’ll pay for this, solnyshko.”
“And I can’t wait for it. Are you going to bend me over your knees and spank me?”
“For fuck’s sake,” he mumbles. “Is this what you want, Mrs. Mordvinova? Do you want me to punish you for that smart mouth of yours?”
“Yes, please.” I flutter my eyelashes. “But first, tell me what you want to talk about.”
“I need someone to look over my business.”
“All right?” I’m not sure where this is going.
“I need someone I can trust. I oversee everything, but someone else looks after contracts, accounts, and taxes.”
“I’m not sure if I understand.”
His eyes light up as he grins.
“I want you to work with me.”
“Are you serious?” I laugh. “I don’t have a degree. I didn’t go to university.”
“To hell with degrees, Caelia. You’re the smartest woman I know. If anyone can learn something new, it’s you.”
“I appreciate the vote of confidence, Kaz. I really do. But is this what you want, or are you doing me a favor because you think I need something to occupy my time?”
“I trust you, Caelia. I wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t what I wanted. Please work with me. I don’t need an answer now.”
“What would my role be?”
“You’ll focus on overseeing the legal staff,” he assures me. “My team will teach you whatever you need to know. I don’t know half of it, so I’m not the best person to ask.”
“So, I’d be your employee?”
“You’re my wife. You’ll work with me, not for me.”
History has never heard this from a Benedetti. They would rather die than involve their wives in their businesses. But Kaz is a Mordvinov, and he does things differently.
“I’ll need time to think about this. I have something I wanted to ask you too.”
“Anything,” he says, even before I ask.
“Could we resume the training sessions? I understand if you’re too busy. Maybe someone else can take over?” His eyes narrow. He places his hands on my ass, slowly rolling my hips against his erection. “Not that kind of training.” I laugh.
“No one else trains my wife but me. I’ll cut off the hands of anyone who dares to touch you, Caelia, and then I’ll feed them their fingers, one by one. Remember that.”
I don’t think he’s bluffing.
“I’ll remember. I hope you remember that you promised me a spanking.” I wink.
“You’ll be the death of me.”
We’ll be the death of each other.