Chapter Five
Five
The next day, I hear a horn blare from the road.
As per usual, I’m not as ready as I said I was, but it’s the adrenaline kick I need to get out the door.
I rush out of my room and into my small but clean kitchen space, grabbing my keys and a pink bobble hat from the table and squishing it down over my hair.
I step up to the full-length mirror by the door and check for eye bogeys.
I’m presentable, although I’m regretting my choice in jeans; these ones keep riding up a little high.
I do the weird squat thing to set them right, pull on my brown suede boots and grab my black puffer coat.
I’m excited. Sam went all out, booking the place we chose until New Year’s Day with late checkout to cater for hangovers.
I jog the short path from the flats to the long, black Volvo estate Sam’s borrowed from Freddie.
It’s a great car – we’ve used it several times, including this summer, right after my break-up with Adam, when Sam insisted on a Cornish kayaking trip to cheer me up.
And of course, the Harrisons own their own kayaks that can be attached to the roof of this estate.
The windows are blacked out so I can’t see his face as I slide my suitcase and the six bags of food into the huge boot, now full to the brim, before hopping into the front seat, which is always reserved for me since they’ve all been privy to my travel sickness horrors on our university road trips.
The only way to avoid my queasiness is to sit up front and stare ahead.
“Sorry, I had to sort these jeans out. They’re giving me a terrible wedgie.” I turn to give Sam a hug across the centre console, but I pause in surprise, the car suddenly feeling extremely warm. “Oh!” I say instead, when I find those sharp, green eyes looking back at me. “Freddie.”
“Hello, Hattie,” he says, his face impassive as if he didn’t hear what I just said. I swear my pulse beats in rhythm with the low timbre of his voice.
I twist in my seat, schooling my features into indifference to find Sam, Priya and Sara squished into the back seats. Sam does a stilted wave. “How’s your wedgie now?”
Fuck. Why on earth did I say that? I’m a bit breathless so I focus on calming my senses. “Oh yeah. Fine, thanks.”
Sam leans forward. “Freddie wanted to come so I’m making him drive.”
“I agreed to drive,” he corrects, his eyes unwavering from my face, as if he’s counting freckles. It gives me shivers – and not the bad kind. The kind where I feel the need to cross my legs and bite my knuckles.
Why is Freddie here? This is not part of the plan.
“Oh, ok. Are there enough rooms then?” I ask.
“Eh,” is Sam’s reply. “We’ll figure it out. Priya already said she doesn’t mind sharing with Sara.”
“I sort of wanted my own room…” Sara starts.
I spin round to get a read on her face. She’s been distant recently which is very out of character.
I almost want to shake her and demand she tell me what’s wrong, but she’s the kind of person who would shut down even quicker with the wrong kind of prompt, so I hold my tongue.
Maybe there’ll be time whilst we’re away.
“Hey,” I say softly to acknowledge my best friends. “I can share with Priya,” I offer.
“I’ll sleep on the floor if I have to,” Freddie chimes in.
I message Butt Chat discreetly whilst Freddie fiddles with the satnav.
Hattie
WTF Sam. Thought you hated spending time with Freddie?
Sam
He wants to be friends again
Hattie
Ok so?! You just decided to invite him?
Sam
Didn’t think you’d care tbh
Sara
Yeah, why do you care Hattie? xoxo
Oh, now she decides to chime in. Priya hasn’t looked at her phone so she’s oblivious. Freddie frowns, tapping on the car screen. “Sam, this doesn’t seem right.”
“What doesn’t?”
“The postcode you gave me.”
“It’s what it says on the information pack.”
“Yeah, but it’s four hours away.”
“It’s what?” I ask but immediately regret when Freddie turns his intense gaze back on me. I shift in my seat, overly aware of his proximity.
Sam leans forward to look. “Oh, yeah.” He sounds far too relaxed about this. “Well, it ticks all the boxes. Four bedrooms, hot tub and serial-killer-level rural.”
“Why am I already regretting coming with you?” Freddie mutters, leaning back in his chair with a sigh.
I want to point out that this was my idea, and I didn’t really invite him so he’s welcome to leave, but he makes me nervous. Especially around Sam, who’s always been very pointed about me not being nice to his brother. And because, more importantly, Sam is never very nice to him either.
The trip that I’d planned has already become weird.
Why is Freddie here? Sam wouldn’t normally invite him to anything.
What does Sam mean by him wanting to be friends again?
Again?! They were never friendly in the first place.
Not really. At least that’s how it’s seemed in the fifteen years I’ve known them.
They’ve had a transactional relationship these past few years.
The car, for example. But I haven’t seen them have a proper conversation since before their parents’ divorce and even then, it was fraught.
But you know what, no, I’m not going to pass up on an adventure with my best friends.
Besides, I can tell by the shadows under Priya’s eyes, and the messy mum bun she’s rocking, that she needs this more than anyone.
She recently told me she hadn’t slept for five days which took her towards the brink of a mental breakdown.
She looked me in the eye, during the worst of it, and said, “I googled whether you could die from sleep deprivation, Hattie. Do you know what it said? It said yes. Yes, I might die.” If I can release her from that for even a few days, then I will.
And what’s more, I need to find a way to get through to Sara. I have to understand what I’ve done to push her away.
In hindsight, I’m not sure we should’ve trusted Sam with booking a place. And Freddie being here is… I don’t even know what it is, but I’m trying to remember my rules. I’m taking back the final year of my twenties and nothing, including a four-hour drive, is going to stop me.
“You know you guys signed off on this property so you can’t blame me,” Sam tries to defend himself.
“That’s why you sent screenshots, isn’t it? You knew where it was,” Sara accuses.
“How dare you,” Sam says back, deadpan.
She tuts. “You knew. You just wanted to go to bed so you gave up.”
“In my defence…”
“I knew it.”
“…it was an impossible mission to book somewhere with all your requirements in our puny budget this close to the New Year. So you’ll excuse—”
“Does anyone want to bail?” I ask, interrupting.
“I need this,” Sara mumbles quietly. I thought she’d be the first to jump out the car. She’s not usually a fan of long drives.
Priya shakes her head, a grin taking up most of her cheery face. “Four hours to sleep in a big, comfy car? Count me in.”
I look at Sam. “I’d go anywhere with you, my mad hatter,” he says.
And without looking at Freddie, because I’m still squeezing my thighs too tight, I know he’s in because he turns the engine on and puts the car into first gear.
*
I’m scanning the information pack Sam printed off. Apparently, we’re going to a remote lodge in the Forest of Dean. I ignore the fact that it’s meant to be freezing this week.
Freddie opts to use the built-in satnav for the first part of the journey as it’s mainly motorways, but the instructions suggest we switch to Google Maps if we get lost nearer to our destination.
“You know, I can just connect my Google Maps now if that’s easier?” I suggest.
“I can use mine.”
“I’ve already got the postcode set up. It’s no bother. I’ll just connect the Bluetooth. Besides, then you’ll have to listen to my music.”
Freddie huffs a laugh. “Lucky me.”
The feminine, robotic voice confirms the connection then starts reeling off instructions until we hit the motorway and it’s pretty much ‘go straight’ for miles.
I fold the printed info pack and hand it back to Sam, only to discover he’s already dozed off, his head tipped back, with a lightly snoring Priya resting on his shoulder.
Sara has her state-of-the-art headphones on, drowning us all out.
Freddie turns the volume down so as not to disrupt the others. Unfortunately, this also means I can’t taunt him with some of my old-school emo classics.
I place the printout in the glovebox and check the time.
We’ve only been driving for an hour and it’s barely afternoon.
So, somehow, I find myself in a car with the only other person awake, and the one I wasn’t even expecting to be here.
I peek across at him concentrating on the road.
He’s wearing a green t-shirt, his forearms all long lines with a smattering of light-brown hair, as he flexes his sturdy, large fingers around the steering wheel.
I wonder what they’d feel like wrapped around…
Oh man.
I need to get a grip.
I look away quickly, leaning my elbow on the window. I fish my phone out of my pocket, texting Fliss.
SOS Freddie is driving and I’m in the passenger seat.
I twist my phone away subtly, so he can’t see what I’ve written. Fliss will know what to do. She’s sensible and switched on.
I slide my phone back in my pocket when I see she’s offline, not expecting an immediate response, and wonder what I’m meant to say to my friend’s brother whom I’m meant to hate. Do I ask him about himself or is that too friendly? Do I just ignore him? Will that make it awkward?
Has the silence already lingered on for too long? Is this weird?
Oh shit. I am not good at reading a social situation. I think it’s because I’ve always had Adam or Sam to fill in for me in those skills. Or is this a panic specific to Freddie? I chew on my tongue, contemplating.
A prompt pops up on the car screen. Freddie reaches across to press accept.
The feminine, robotic voice says, “The hot one? The one you had a wet dream about at uni?”