Chapter Seven
Senior Year
S
enior year is depressing, plain and simple. The only thing I’m grateful for is the car. At least it gives me a place to sit during lunch without anyone bothering me.
My car is my little escape. My reminder that even if no one wants me around, I can get up and leave whenever I need to. Without it, I’d be stuck walking around this school with people I don’t even trust.
I do almost everything alone now. From lunch in my car, to hiding in Mrs. Hernandez’s classroom during senior pictures and other fake “senior activities” they try to force upon us. I refuse to stand shoulder-to-shoulder with people who lost the privilege of being in my presence.
Disappearing is easier than pretending—and by now, I’ve mastered it.
Everyone’s changed since the beginning of freshman year to now. And sure, I’ve changed too—but not like them. Their changes are about drifting apart, outgrowing each other and choosing new friend groups. While mine are about survival.
I’m not just trying to finish senior year—I’m preparing myself on how to survive after graduation alone.
If my sad little life has taught me anything, it’s that nothing good ever lasts. No matter how hard you love, you end up alone. I thought at least one of my old friends would try to reach out by now, but their silence says everything.
I try telling myself I’m used to rejection, but the truth is I’m not.
It still hurts every fucking time.
It’s been three weeks since I’ve spoken to any of them. I haven’t even seen them in the halls. I guess they’ve already found a new route to their classes just to avoid me.
And somehow, that hurts worse than the silence online. It’s one thing to be ignored through a screen—it’s another to watch the people who once swore they loved you pretend you don’t exist.
I continue to tell myself it’s fine, that I don’t need them, but I still catch myself scanning the hallways after every class half-expecting to see them waiting for me.
It’s pathetic, really, the way hope lingers even after you know better. They’ve moved on, and I’m alone—walking the same halls we used to walk together, halls that once felt like home but are now filled with people who don’t even want to see me.
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It’s a lunch time and like usual, I head for Miss Hernandez’s class. She’s the only sanity I get in this whole building. I don’t even bother trying to make new friends. And with it being senior year—It’s too late to start over anyway.
My girl Arina’s the only one who still feels real, but basketball eats up all her time—practices, meetups, even traveling for tournaments. She’s one of the best on their team. I already know she’s gonna be a beast in college. I just hope she doesn’t forget about me when she gets famous.
Walking out of the cafeteria, I see the popular girls clumped together. I swear it’s the same thing every day with them—snapping selfies, gossiping like they work for TMZ. They act like all this shit matters, like their cliques and captions will mean anything a year from now.
They won’t.
I’ve already learned the hard way that even forever friendships come with expiration dates.
As I walk past them, I pass a group of skater boys. I’ve seen them around, but never really paid them any attention until today. They’re the laid-back, stuck in their own world type. But today, two of them are definitely looking my way.
I recognize one of them right away—the tall one.
I ran smack into him leaving campus once, and he actually stopped to introduce himself.
Jacob— at least I think that’s what he said.
I seriously need to slow down on the smoking; my brain is barely holding on.
I was clearly too wrapped up in my own bullshit to even notice how gorgeous he is.
His smirk pulls me in like a fish on a hook. His eyes roam over my body, like he’s memorizing every inch, even from afar.
My heart stumbles over itself, but I force myself to hold his stare until he smiles, like he knows I’ll be replaying it in my head later.
His lips are the perfect shade of rosy pink, and even from a distance, they look so soft, I bet they taste like something sweet.
And God, If only I can find just have one lick.
Heat rises to my cheeks, and before I know it, I’m rushing past them—needing to get to my safe space, anywhere that isn’t here.
But my pulse won’t slow down.
It thunders in my chest, every beat reminding me that no matter how fast I move, I can’t outrun the way he looked at me—or the way it made me feel.
Relax, Jainey. It’s just a smile.
But deep down, somethings telling me it wasn’t just a smile. Plus he doesn’t look like the type of guy who’ll smile at someone for no reason.
Fuck, I should’ve smiled back.
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I sit in Miss Hernandez’s classroom, my lunch spread out in front of me—carrots with ranch, a barbecue sandwich, and an apple.
I pick at it while my head swarms with all the shit I try to bury a little deeper every day—my mom, my ex–fake friends, and everything else life’s managed to drain out of me.
When it’s silent like this, it’s easier for me to try and bury my thoughts.
Miss Hernandez always goes to the bathroom soon after I sit down, leaving me here by myself. She’s usually gone most of lunch, and I don’t mind it. I think it’s because she needs a break—and because she trusts me enough to let me stay.
Sometimes kids wander in asking if she’s around, and I just tell them no.
If I wanted to deal with people, I’d be outside like everyone else. On occasion she has to lock me in because technically, I’m not supposed to be here alone—but that’s never stopped her, thankfully. So, it actually gives me the perfect space to clear my head and daydream in peace.
It’s usually the same dream—a rich, gorgeous man appearing right after I graduate, pulling up to the school in a white Bentley, a huge bouquet of red roses already sitting in the passenger seat.
Everyone would lose their minds.
A girl can dream. I’d keep the flowers forever. I’ve always thought dead roses were more beautiful than living ones.
I also read; I love romance and happy endings, probably because I see so few of them in real life. I even watch Netflix on my phone—on my own account. It’s one of the few luxuries I’ve earned for myself.
Having a job might drain me, but at least it buys me little escapes like this.
But today, the only thing heavy on my mind is Jacob. God I hope that’s even his name, but all I have to go off of is my fried memory.
Even from several feet away, I could see he had about four, maybe five inches on me. I’ve always been a little insecure about my height—five-seven, sounds fine until you’re constantly around a bunch of boys who only want pocket-sized girlfriends they can toss around.
Most of the guys I’ve been with weren’t even from this school, but at least they cleared me by an inch or two. Jacob’s tall enough that I could wear heels and still look up to him.
Which honestly, might be every tall girl’s dream.
He definitely looks better than the most of the guys here.
And the worst part is I know he knows it too.
With his dark brown hair slicked back—polished but still rebellious, like he walked straight out of The Outsiders.
The mole that sits right above his soft lips, a subtle detail to everyone else but impossible for me to miss.
My eyes couldn’t help but notice his sharp lines of his jaw and the warm glow of his skin.
God, I can’t wait to touch it. Golden, like the sun itself decided to stake a claim. He isn’t just gorgeous; he’s the kind of guy your body responds to before your brain can catch up.
It feels reckless to say it, but for a split second, it really did feel like love at first sight.
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Once I get home, I can’t get Jacob out of my head. It’s like his face got stuck there, looping on repeat no matter what I do. The way he looked at me earlier—it’s ridiculous how clear it still is. That half-smirk, his stare—it felt like he belonged to me for a second.
On the way home, every song that played somehow points back to him. It’s like everything feels like some kind of sign.
I know it’s just coincidence, but still… it feels like the universe is teasing me.
Before I even realize it, I’m already stalking every social I have, determined to find him. My fingers hover over the search bar, with my heart racing like it knows something I don’t.
Problem is, I barely know his first name—let alone his last.
But I’ll find him.
I’m not about to message him first, but he’ll know I noticed him. And that I’m not just another girl at school. That smile wasn’t nothing, and he’s not pretending otherwise if I can help it.
I’m still annoyed at myself for not smiling back.
The guys I used to entertain at parties are nothing but background noise compared to him—and that’s saying a lot, considering I’ve barely spoken to the guy.
Those guys were all just temporary fixes to numb whatever emptiness I didn’t want to feel for the night.
But Jacob… he seems different.
After all the rejection and loneliness I’ve swallowed—at home and at school—even the idea of him feels like the oxygen I didn’t realize I’ve been gasping for.
Then that familiar whisper in my head creeps in; It’ll just end up the same way—me loving too hard, giving my everything, while still not being enough. Maybe the voice is right.
But I’d rather risk it than fade back into being invisible.
I scroll for hours, every guy named Jacob with dark brown hair making my pulse spike.
Then—jackpot.
The slicked-back hair, the tiny beauty mark just above his lip—it’s him.
Without hesitation, I hit follow and like just one picture—him at the skatepark, holding his board while one friend tries to balance his on his head and another points laughing at him.
He’s only got five posts on his page, each one making me want to know him a little more than I probably should. I scroll through every single one, stopping myself before I like another.
That would look desperate.
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