Chapter 23 #2
The baby had to come first. Her own feelings were irrelevant here.
Udeni’s too, maybe. Vidya thought about Caleb, the guy who had never known his father and carried around that lack of acknowledgement buried deep beneath his happy-go-lucky facade.
She thought of Leo, who was essentially abandoned by his parents and would be devastated, and furious, if he found out he had a child that he knew nothing about.
She thought of Udeni herself, who would valiantly raise a child the best way she could but would be shattered if the child resented her decision.
All this pointed to one thing. They had to tell Leo.
When they’d thought Caleb was the father, it had been almost excusable not to tell him.
Caleb was laid back and spontaneous. If he’d found out later, he would cope.
But Leo. No. This sort of secret would hurt Leo deeply.
Especially as other people knew and he didn’t.
And yes, it affected Vidya too. She would be one of the people who had deceived him. She cared for him too much to do that. Okay, he might be confused and upset about what happened the other night, but that would be nothing compared to the hurt of finding out he hadn’t been told he was a father.
‘I think that teabag’s been bashed enough.’ Angie smiled at her. She was holding two mugs of caffeinated tea for herself and Vidya. Angie’s expression was cautious, as though she expected Vidya to dissolve into tears at any moment.
In all honesty, Vidya wasn’t sure she wouldn’t. She extracted the teabag and threw it in the food waste bin.
In the bathroom, the toilet flushed again. Angie pulled a face. ‘Has she been throwing up again?’
When Vidya nodded, Angie said, ‘She’s been all over the place these past few days. Throwing up, not sleeping, crying. She was really upset when you two argued.’
Vidya pressed her lips together. They might be arguing again soon. Angie gave Vidya a long look, then put the mugs down and hugged her. ‘Whatever it is that’s going on, we will sort it out. Now we’re in the same place and talking to each other again.’
Udeni returned, looking a bit pale. ‘Thanks.’ She took a tentative sip of her peppermint tea. ‘So, what did you want to talk about?’
There was no point stretching this out, so Vidya took a deep breath, then said, ‘We were wrong. It isn’t Caleb.’
Both the other women said, ‘What?’
‘It’s Leo.’
They stared at her for a moment, then Angie said, ‘Oh, honey.’
Udeni was still staring at Vidya.
Vidya said, slowly, ‘The father of your baby … it’s Leo.’
‘You said it couldn’t be him. Because of my description. And you thought he left the party early.’
‘Well, you said he was tall, funny, sexy and a good dancer and he had a tattoo on his chest of a dragon taking flight. That was your description. The first four things obviously described Caleb.’
‘Or Piotr,’ said Angie.
‘But they describe Leo too, when you get to know him.’
‘That can’t be right,’ said Udeni. ‘You like Leo. Angie told me.’
‘Well, he has the tattoo on his shoulder.’ She held a forefinger and thumb above her own left breast. ‘About here.’
‘And you found this out … how?’ said Angie, quietly.
Vidya had a sudden memory of looking up at Leo’s toned body, reaching out to touch him, and then, the tattoo coming into view.
Her chin wobbled. She cleared her throat to try and pull herself together.
‘He took his shirt off and … there it was.’ Her voice cracked and tears came. She dabbed her eyes.
‘Oh, Vid. That must have been such a shock.’ Angie rushed over to hug her.
Vidya tried to say that she was fine, but the words just wouldn’t come out.
‘Oh, no.’ Udeni shook her head, her eyes huge. ‘That’s awful. I’m so sorry, Akka.’
Vidya sniffed. ‘Not your fault.’
‘If I’d remembered more about him …’ said Udeni.
There was no arguing with that. Vidya sniffed again. So did Udeni. So did Angie.
‘Why are you crying?’ Vidya asked Angie.
‘You’re both hurting and I love you guys. This is awful.’ Angie let go of Vidya and fetched the kitchen roll, which she put in the middle of the table. She tore off a sheet and dabbed her eyes. ‘What a mess.’
It took a few moments for them all to get their composure back.
‘So, what do we do?’ said Angie. ‘You,’ she said, pointing at Vidya, ‘are in love with the guy that you,’ she pointed at Udeni, ‘can’t remember sleeping with but got pregnant by. This is so messed up.’
‘Well,’ said Vidya. ‘I think that we have to tell him.’
‘What? No,’ said Udeni. ‘I told you. I can do this alone. I don’t need—’
Vidya raised a hand. ‘I know what you said, but it’s not just about you. You have to think about this baby. You’re going to need financial help to start with. The baby … at some point, is also going to become a child who will want to know who their father is.’
‘But—’
‘And Leo would be devastated if he found out that he had a child and hadn’t been involved.
’ Vidya leaned forward and took Udeni’s hand.
‘He’s a good man, Nangi. Kind and gentle and caring.
He will be a great dad. He would want to be involved.
I know he didn’t intend for this to happen.
Neither of you did, but I think you owe it to him to tell him. ’
Udeni narrowed her eyes. ‘But if he knows, he’ll be around all the time. You’ll have to see him and it’ll upset you. Do you want to keep seeing him?’
Vidya closed her eyes, counted to five, then opened them again.
‘I don’t want to keep seeing him. It hurts me to see him.
I want to put all this behind me and never think about it again, but I can’t.
Because actions, your actions, have consequences.
There will be a baby and that baby deserves to have a father.
Especially when that father will love them. ’
Udeni blinked at Vidya with her big doe eyes.
Vidya lowered her voice. ‘I hurt him and humiliated him. I owe him an explanation. It won’t make things okay and I know that he and I can’t ever be anything now, but …
I owe him an explanation as to why I ran away when I saw his tattoo.
He has … some past trauma and I think this has dug it up.
’ Her voice wobbled and another tear ran down her face. ‘I can’t do that to him.’
Her sister looked down at her mug for a long time. When Udeni finally looked up, she said, ‘You really like him, huh?’
‘That’s not relevant anymore, is it?’ As much as it hurt to admit it, the needs of Udeni and the baby were bigger than her own. She would get over Leo. She had to. ‘You have to tell him.’
‘Why do you feel so strongly about this now? You were happy to go along with it before.’
‘Because I met them. Both Leo and Caleb. I’ve seen what can happen when a child grows up abandoned by one or both parents. I would hate for my niece or nephew to have to deal with that.’
The other two looked puzzled, so Vidya explained about Caleb’s absent dad and Leo’s irresponsible parents. ‘So, if Leo ever works out that he was a father and didn’t get to be a part of raising that child all along, he’s going to be devastated,’ she said.
Angie said quietly, ‘She has a point, Udeni.’
Udeni rested her forehead on the table. ‘Let me think about this,’ she said. ‘It’s all so hard.’
That was probably the best outcome Vidya could hope for. Udeni was impetuous and stubborn, but she wasn’t so headstrong that she couldn’t be persuaded. She would come to the right conclusion eventually.
Vidya finished her tea. Angie gave a huge sigh. ‘I’m so sorry, Vid,’ she said. ‘I wish there was something more we could do.’
Udeni looked up. ‘We could tell him and then see what he wants to do. If he likes Vidya as much as she likes him, maybe he’d still want to be with her anyway.’
‘But he’s having a baby with my sister. Udeni, that’s just weird.’
‘Sure. But that doesn’t mean it’s impossible. If you want him and he wants you – you can make it work.’ Udeni gestured between them. ‘We can make it work.’
Vidya didn’t know how to respond to that. Could they make it work? ‘It’s just so … weird and embarrassing.’
Udeni shrugged. ‘Like I said before. I don’t need him to acknowledge that he’s the baby’s dad. No one needs to know.’
‘The baby does.’
Her sister waved a hand. ‘Not for years. They could just be a fatherless child who has a really lovely uncle as a father figure …’
‘No.’
Udeni sighed. ‘You are very stubborn.’
That was rich coming from her.
‘I’ve never seen you upset like that,’ Udeni carried on. ‘If you’re that sad – you must really care about him. That’s important too.’
Did she care about him? More than just physical attraction?
Vidya thought about how comfortable she was when she was with Leo.
The warmth of him. The way he had asked ‘who takes care of you’, while he was taking care of her.
Almost as though she deserved to be taken care of, and he was offended that no one was already doing it.
Leo was a very private person, who didn’t let many people near him.
When she saw him smile, free and unguarded, she knew him well enough to recognise what a gift it was.
‘I do care about him,’ she said. ‘But I still don’t think it’ll work.’
‘But … how about you tell him and see what happens?’ said Angie.
‘Yes. I think that’s a plan. Do you agree, Udeni?’
Udeni nodded.
For a moment, there was silence. Then Angie said, ‘Now that we’ve got that sorted, I’m going to go have a shower. You two should probably talk about the other stuff that happened this week.’
Once she’d left, the two sisters didn’t speak for a few minutes.
‘I’m sorry,’ Udeni said. ‘I was … It was wrong of me to lash out like that. I was feeling rotten and I took it out on you. You were only trying to help.’
Vidya nodded. ‘I’m sorry too. You’re right. I do judge. And I tend to try and swoop in and help whether you want it or not. I’ll try not to do that.’
‘I love you, you know that, right?’
Vidya hadn’t been expecting that. ‘Oh.’
‘I know I’m a bit rash sometimes and I say things without thinking them through. I don’t do that with everyone, mostly just you. Because you’ve always understood and been there and … well, sisters argue, right? It’s normal.’
‘I guess so. You know I’m always here for you though. Whenever you need me.’
‘I know.’ Udeni frowned. ‘So … is this us making up?’
Vidya smiled, weakly. ‘Uhuh. If you’ll have me.’
This was the problem with having a little sister you loved. You loved them even when they annoyed you. Or took you for granted. Or leaned on you too heavily. You still loved them. It was time to stand up for herself though. She opened her mouth to speak, but Udeni beat her to it.
‘I did take you for granted. I’m sorry. I know you’ll always help me. I know you don’t have to, but you will. And I do appreciate it. I just … sometimes it’s hard being the failure of the family, you know.’
‘You’re not a failure. Don’t be ridiculous. You made a mistake. It’s not the end of the world. We’ll deal with it.’
Udeni looked down at her hands. ‘I’m scared,’ she said, suddenly. ‘I don’t know anything about raising a child and I’m scared I’ll do it wrong.’
A hundred different answers swarmed around Vidya’s head, but none of them were the right one. Finally, she said, ‘I think all you can do is your best.’