Chapter 31
Ella
Thursday
My roommates were out, and I was dancing in our room, listening to music while dressing myself up. I pulled on my boots and took a look in the mirror.
I had curled the ends of my hair and applied some of Philia’s make-up. Philia had an entire collection of similar eyeliners and dissimilar lipsticks, and I still used my finger as an eyeshadow brush.
“Where is this hot blondie going?!” Philia and Cara opened our dorm room door and found me slinging my purse over my shoulder, ready to go.
“It’s the concert! At the Sunset Fields Festival,” Cara answered Philia’s question before I could.
“Yeah, what do you think?” I smiled at them and twirled my outfit around in a sort of delicate ballerina way.
“I think you’re too gorgeous to go to this thing alone,” Philia declared. “This should be a date. An official one. There should be a young lucky man waiting for you downstairs, with flowers in hand, completely blown away as you arrive.”
Cara chuckled. “And we’re sorry we’re not going with you either,” she said, sitting at the desk. “But I really couldn’t, I’m so behind on that neuropsychology report.”
“If you need, I can help you review it tomorrow!” I offered and Cara squeezed me into a fast but tight hug, as physical touch was her main love-language. “Don’t worry, girls! I’m going by myself and it’s going to be a blast,” I assured them, and myself at the same time.
“But now, serious question: Is there a part of you that believes you’ll find that guy at the concert tonight?” Philia sat down as she asked me the question, looking deep into my eyes. I couldn’t lie to her.
I had told them everything. About Miles, about my family, about Evermere.
All during our endless late-night conversations in our shared dorm room, each of us lying in our individual beds, sharing our individual life stories from before we met.
Being with Philia and Cara was like… being with myself.
I was real, with all my imperfections. They were the kind of friends who liked me not in spite of my flaws, but with them, just as I got to know theirs and loved them exactly for who they were.
Because now we all knew that no one is perfect.
Fate had brought us together in that dorm room, and we had quickly created our safe space. No judgment, no masks.
“It’s been more than two years,” I said.
“Was he like my teenage best friend? Yeah, we did get along really well during that year. Have I felt angry that he left without letting me say goodbye? Yes. Am I still angry? No, not anymore. Do I miss him? I don’t know, probably.
Do I think about him? Yes, sometimes, not as often now, but when I first got here, so many things reminded me of him, of something we did together, or talked about.
But I’ll keep our memories. You know…” I looked at my friends, sitting there, letting me ask and answer my own questions out loud.
“I mean, some people are not meant to be in your life forever. They’re just meant to pass by. ”
“But you’ll forever be a hopeless romantic,” Philia added, “so you thought about the possibility of him going too, because of that band.”
I stopped my racing thoughts. “I don’t want to go because of him.
And we were never a romantic thing,” I stated, as firmly as I could.
“Though we had talked about this band and this festival, and it would be such a fun coincidence…” My face must have shown them traces of hope.
“But so extremely unlikely to happen.” My brain snapped back to reality.
“But you would so love if that coincidence actually happened.” Cara smiled, teasing me. They knew I couldn’t fool them, and I knew I couldn’t fool them, even if I tried really hard.
I smiled. I wasn’t sure if there was a part of me that wanted to go because of Miles, or if I was still somehow upset with him, or if I even thought about seeing him again. Maybe my friends already knew me better than I knew myself.
“Well, you girls have a good night!” My enthusiastic self was out the door, ready to go, sing, dance, and come back completely exhausted from joy.
College was going great. I was studying interesting subjects.
My roommates were my best friends. Friends for life.
And I went home many times, though my family also came to the city, or to campus, or to my dorm room even, because…
well, it’s my family, there was no better explanation.
Mom, dad, siblings, aunts and uncles, cousins and grandparents, I’ve seen them all over the last year, some more frequently than others, but no one forgot to come visit.
As I reached the entrance line of the festival, my printed ticket in one hand and my long light blue coat in the other, ready to cover my little white dress as soon as the night grew darker and cooler, thoughts about the possibility of seeing Miles after two years began to fill my head.
I had bought my ticket instantly as soon as they’d opened sales and revealed the artist lineup.
Switcheroo. I was sure that Philia and Cara would buy their tickets too and come with me.
But, as it turned out, neither of them could make it.
Philia had her one-year anniversary with her boyfriend, and Cara had bought her ticket after me but ended up selling it because she was determined to raise her grade in neuropsychology.
I was going by myself. And it was fine. More than fine.
It was a great night. The concerts were amazing, the artists had a captivating presence, and everyone was enjoying the moment. The food trucks were lifesavers, and the campus was decorated and alive.
I didn’t find Miles.
My eyes looked for him, sometimes. My heart sped up at the idea of a guy turning around and being him, with a longer haircut and a 20’s beard.
It was a small festival, around 3000 people. The chances of him being one of those 3000 people were undeniably slim.
My brain told my heart that.
I did meet a guy, who recognized me from campus.
Philia and Cara would love for me to come back with a story to tell.
This guy was from my university, but we were from different colleges.
We started chatting in the queue at the waffle stand, and he was kind enough to introduce me to his group and include me for the rest of the evening, astonished that I was there alone.
The seven of them were from our university too, and they’d all gotten tickets at the last minute because the father of one of the girls was working on the festival, organizing and setting up the stages.
They were great company for part of the event. The rest, I still enjoyed being alone.
The moment this guy touched my shoulder, I had a fraction of a second when I thought it could be Miles recognizing me. Because he would still recognize me. Right?
Bill was a nice guy, and I liked his group of friends, but I wasn’t there for that. Neither to meet boys nor to find Miles.
I convinced myself of the latter. Not so easily.