Chapter Twelve
Darcy had not undressed. He had dismissed Burke with a grunt and his valet knew him well enough to understand when to retreat.
Now, his coat lay across the back of a chair and his cravat had been abandoned in a heap of crumpled linen.
He wandered the length of the chamber in his shirtsleeves, crossing from the fireplace to the window and back again without seeing the room around him.
No amount of pacing altered the fact he had kissed Miss Elizabeth Bennet. He had engaged his honour with a most unsuitable woman. But he could not bring himself to regret it—not fully.
He had been surprised by her apology, and relieved by it.
If they could part upon better terms, the remaining days at Chaffley Hall might pass in comfort rather than constant disagreement.
But then she had placed her hand in his.
She had been standing so close that he could see the fine strands of auburn hair the evening breeze had lifted about her face, and in the dim light her usually pale green eyes had deepened to something dark and sultry.
Before he understood what he was doing, he had drawn her towards him.
The desire to kiss her had come upon him so suddenly and with such force that every principle by which he had governed himself simply ceased to exist.
The memory of the kiss refused to fade. He could still feel the softness of her lips beneath his own, still remember the brief, almost hesitant pressure with which she had answered him.
It had lasted only a moment, no more than two heartbeats, yet in that fleeting instant every sensible consideration had disappeared. There had been only Elizabeth.
Then she had stiffened. Delight had given way to astonishment, astonishment to mortification. She had stepped back from him so quickly that the cool evening air rushed between them where a moment before there had been scarcely an inch.
'So it seems that both you and your cousin are rakes of the first order.'
He winced.
A discreet knock interrupted his thoughts. Before he could answer, the door opened a few inches and Colonel Fitzwilliam looked cautiously inside.
He took one glance at his cousin and pushed the door fully open. "Good God."
Darcy looked up. "You look," Richard continued, "as though somebody has just informed you that Pemberley has burnt to the ground."
"It has not."
"I am relieved."
Richard closed the door behind him and regarded Darcy with growing curiosity. "I had half expected to find you asleep after today's exertions."
He crossed the room without ceremony and settled himself in one of the armchairs near the fire. For a few moments he merely watched Darcy continue his restless progress across the carpet. At length he said quietly, "Something happened on that terrace."
Darcy stopped walking, his whole body stilling.
"I thought as much."
Darcy moved to lean upon the mantelpiece. The fire had sunk to glowing embers and their dull light threw uncertain shadows across the room. "I kissed her."
Richard stared at him. "I beg your pardon?"
"I kissed Miss Elizabeth." He broke off and shook his head. "God help me, Richard, I kissed her. I have taken a liberty no gentleman ought to take with an unmarried lady, and now I scarcely know what honour or responsibility requires of me."
The colonel continued looking at him, his customary levity disappearing altogether. He leaned back slowly in his chair, as though attempting to reconcile what he had just heard with the cousin he had known since childhood. "Tell me."
Darcy hesitated only briefly before doing so. He spoke of Elizabeth's request, of her apology for her own conduct and that of her companions, of the truce they had reached and the handshake that ought to have concluded the matter.
"I cannot explain why I did it," he finished quietly. "One moment we were merely standing together and the next..." He shook his head. "I had already crossed the line before reason had any opportunity to intervene."
Richard considered this for some time. "And Miss Elizabeth?"
"She returned the kiss." His voice softened almost imperceptibly. "For a moment."
"And afterwards?"
Darcy gave a humourless smile. "Afterwards she recovered her senses rather sooner than I recovered mine."
Richard's expression became thoughtful.
Darcy turned away towards the window. "I have behaved dishonourably."
Richard did not answer immediately.
"I keep asking myself what possessed me."
"And have you found an answer?"
"No."
Darcy looked across at the window. Outside, the moonlight lay across the lawns where only hours before the competitors had laughed and argued over the day's events.
"I believe," Richard continued, "that you are attempting to persuade yourself that this has something to do with impulse, when in truth it has rather more to do with inclination."
Darcy gave a short shake of his head. "No."
"No?"
"I have known Miss Bennet scarcely two days." Darcy resumed his slow pacing before stopping and appearing to come to a conclusion. "I shall leave tomorrow."
Richard frowned. "Leave?"
"It is plainly the only sensible course.
Every hour I remain beneath this roof increases the possibility of further embarrassment.
Miss Elizabeth has already been made uncomfortable enough through my thoughtlessness.
My departure will spare her any further awkwardness.
And though her expectations may be… disappointed, it is for the best."
The colonel regarded him in genuine astonishment. "My dear Darcy," he said at last, "that is the least Darcy-like course of action I have ever heard."
Richard rose from his chair and wandered towards the window, clasping his hands behind his back. "You have always been the steadiest man I know. When difficulties arise, you meet them. You do not run from them."
"What else am I to do?"
"Remain."
"Remain?" He let out a short, incredulous laugh. "Richard, I have taken a liberty with an unmarried lady. I have placed myself under an obligation from which there is only one honourable escape."
Richard regarded him steadily. "Is that truly what you believe?"
"What else can I believe?" Darcy replied. "Had any other gentleman confessed such conduct to me, I should have expected him to make an offer at once. Am I to hold myself to a lower standard merely because I happen to be the offender?"
Richard was silent.
"And yet the notion is absurd." Darcy began pacing once more.
"I have known Miss Elizabeth scarcely two days.
We disagree on almost every subject. Only yesterday she could scarcely endure the sight of me, and this evening she has every reason to think me a scoundrel.
Am I now to conclude that because I forgot myself for one reckless moment, I ought to ask her to become my wife? "
He stopped before the fire. "It would be madness."
Richard watched him quietly. "Would it?"
Darcy looked at him in disbelief.
"Surely you cannot be serious."
"Entirely. I have watched you since we arrived at Chaffley Hall, Fitz," he said, reverting to Darcy’s childhood nickname. "And I have seen something I never expected to witness."
Darcy said nothing.
"Do you know how many ladies have attempted to engage your attention over the years?"
"Far too many."
"Quite. Most of them succeeded only in persuading you to scowl and retreat to another part of the room." A faint smile touched his lips. "Miss Harrington could scarcely breathe in your direction without Burke embarking on a rescue mission."
Despite himself, Darcy's mouth twitched.
"And yet Miss Elizabeth..." He let the sentence hang for a moment. "You watch for her."
Darcy's expression altered, almost imperceptibly.
"When she enters a room, your eyes find her before they find anyone else.
During Lady Hortensia's speeches you were supposed to be listening to our hostess, yet you scarcely looked away from Miss Elizabeth.
At dinner, every time another gentleman addressed her, you forgot whatever conversation you yourself had been having.
Even this evening, before the two of you disappeared onto the terrace, you had spent the better part of twenty minutes looking in her direction whenever you imagined nobody was observing you. "
Richard smiled gently and continued, "You speak as though Miss Elizabeth were an impossible choice. Who is she? The daughter of a gentleman of unquestionable respectability, possessed of more wit and sense than half the company assembled beneath this roof."
"The Earl. Our aunt. Your mother—"
"My mother would tell you that Miss Elizabeth is a gentleman's daughter." He held Darcy's gaze. "And you are a gentleman. So far ," Richard continued, "you stand upon equal ground."
He crossed the room and laid a hand upon his cousin's shoulder.
"If you truly believe you have wronged her, then behave as the gentleman I know you to be.
Treat her with every consideration. Offer her no further liberty unless she invites it.
Conduct yourself so that, when this house party ends, she has no reason to think ill of your character. "
Darcy stood for a long time after his cousin had finished speaking. At length he reached into his waistcoat pocket and withdrew his father's watch, turning the worn gold case slowly between his fingers.
"I shall keep myself under better regulation."
Richard looked at him with amused affection. "I have no doubt you shall attempt it."
???
Elizabeth had slept very little and, when she did, she dreamt of Darcy. How could she think of him as Mr Darcy now that he had kissed her so?
In her dreams he stood upon the terrace exactly as he had the evening before, the moonlight catching the dark planes of his face, his eyes fixed upon her with an intensity that made her heart beat painfully fast. She reached for him, but each time her fingers were almost upon his sleeve he vanished into the darkness, leaving only empty air.