Chapter 23 #3
“I think Mercy was trying to keep Harmony from leaving her. I think she tried to cast a spell, like with her brother. And I think it went all wrong.” It is what makes the most sense.
She was lonely. She was afraid she was losing her best friend.
I know how hard it is to let go of someone you care about.
If I hadn’t met Arden and Theo, I could be Mercy right now, desperate not to lose Taylor from my life because she’s all I have.
Theo scratches at his tattoo for a second. “So you don’t think they were at the well? You think she did the spell at home? That it accidentally killed her and her family?”
“It makes sense, doesn’t it? She and Harmony were playing with forces they didn’t fully understand.”
He peers at me. His brow is deeply furrowed, so its lines parallel the frown on his face. “You know no one was actually doing witchcraft back then…” Though he doesn’t say it, I hear it in his voice: You’re supposed to be a history buff.
“I know most of the people accused weren’t. But what if Mercy and Harmony accidentally found something real?”
“Amity.” He says my name slowly, pausing over each syllable. “Witchcraft doesn’t exist. Magic isn’t real.”
My mouth drops open, and my eyes widen until they almost hurt. “Are you serious?” I fall back so I’m lying on the bed, staring at the ceiling. I throw my hands up. “You believe in ghosts but you don’t believe in witches or magic?”
I feel the mattress bounce beneath me as he drops down next to me.
“Magic is like…” He waves his hand in the air like he has a wand.
“Bibbidi-bobbidi-boo. You just make it up.” He rests his palm on his stomach and sighs.
“Ghosts come from something.” I hear it in his voice, that boy who lost his mom too young.
Who desperately wants to believe she’s out there.
When I turn my head to glance at him, I see he’s rolled on his side so he’s facing me.
I do the same.
For a moment, we stare quietly at each other, the only sound in the room our breaths and the soft murmur of the TV in the background.
Then Theo leans up on his arm, reaches out, and gently grips the edge of my glasses between his fingers.
He guides them up into my hair and his hand brushes a few of the shorter strands behind my ear.
When he leans down to kiss me, I thread my arms around the back of his neck. The first touch of his lips is so soft it’s barely there, but then the pressure deepens. One of his arms slips under me, anchoring us together, and our legs tangle in one another.
For once, I’m not thinking about where my hands should be or what my mouth should be doing or if I am bad at this. There’s only the sensation of Theo everywhere around me, his clean scent, his warm touch, his solidness.
His mouth parts, and our tongues touch, and all I can feel is my pulse everywhere in my body, singing and sparking and dancing.
Maybe I am ready for more, I think. Not sex, but something beyond kissing.
Then Theo’s other hand slides down my side. Over my waist and hips and under my shirt. Cold air clashes with the warmth of his palm on my skin. One of his fingers brushes across the outside of my bra.
I seize up. One second my body was loose and thrumming with electricity, and now I am a tightly wound fishing wire.
Seconds from snapping.
Clearly, I was wrong. So wrong. I’m not ready for anything.
Turning my face away from Theo’s to break our kiss, I press my hands to his chest. I can’t breathe. For a second, he’s studying me with a dreamy gaze, but then understanding snaps him into focus.
In the blink of an eye, he rolls off me and the bed.
My brain feels like a car alarm blaring. I can’t make sense of any of my thoughts.
He’s holding his hands out, panic everywhere on his face. “Amity, I’m—I’m sorry. I should have checked first.”
I know I should stay. I should talk to him. If I calm down for a second, I can order my thoughts. Understand what I’m reacting to and then explain it to him.
But I’m pulling myself off the bed.
“I—” I shake my head at him. My arms and legs are trembling. “I have to go.”
My feet drag me through the door of his room.
My thoughts chase me down the stairs and out the front door.
I can feel Theo not far behind me. I can hear him calling my name.
But all I can do is push forward. Will my heart not to burst out of my chest. Force my brain to slow down so I can get in the car.
I’d been sure I was ready to let things go a little further. Kissing Theo had become fun and exciting without that edge of panic I’d experienced at first. Didn’t that mean I was ready? But when his hand found a part of me no one else had touched, the fear was like an explosion, tearing through me.
And all he’d touched was my stomach. My bra. It shouldn’t be this serious, right?
What if I’m never ready for this sex stuff? Would that make me the weird girl forever? And what would that mean for me and Theo? Would this all be over before it truly starts? I manage to hold back my tears until I get home.
Then I lean my forehead against the steering wheel and sob until I’m afraid I am going to be sick.