Chapter Thirteen Simi
Thirteen
Simi
Iknew ring shopping for my sister’s engagement to my boyfriend wasn’t going to be easy, but the stab of pain I feel is still shockingly intense.
It doesn’t help that Prem is refusing to meet my eyes, and Rupi is in full nonchalance mode. It’s always been her best defense.
“Are they completely out of their minds?” Rupi says, not bothering to lower her voice so as not to ruin the moment for the other customers. “Do people actually walk around with a year’s rent on their finger? Why? For what possible reason?”
The salesperson clears his throat. “It’s a celebration of your love,” he says, forcing a smile. “Because you’re worth it, ma’am.” It’s a sentiment his face fights hard to commiserate with.
Rupi is unimpressed with his effort. “I’m worth a colorless stone that looks like broken glass?”
He looks at Prem, half sympathy, half cry for help.
Another wasted effort. Prem looks like he isn’t even here.
Saj waits a beat for Prem to say something, then jumps to his rescue.
“It’s a stone Prem wants to get you because he wants people to know how much he loves you.
” Saj is here because he needs pictures of the engagement.
Yesterday, after Rupi gave us her story and issued Saj a challenge, Saj left with a promise to come back with a plan.
Today, he came back with ring shopping as the first order of business.
Rupi balks. “Do people in this town have vision issues? Can they not see a smaller stone?” This is the hill she’s choosing to die on right now?
Saj looks confused. “No, but a bigger diamond makes a bigger statement. I think Prem wants to make a big statement. Right, Prem?”
“Right,” Prem says, and if Saj hears the despondency in it, he doesn’t react.
“It’s the way they do it here,” I say, because Rupi is looking at me like she’s lost her ability to understand the world. “It will strengthen our case,” I add in a whisper.
“Fine, then why don’t you pick out one you like,” she says so casually that it’s obvious she doesn’t have any idea how much I’m hurting.
Prem looks like someone just stuck a knife in his chest. “Simi will not be the one picking out this ring,” he says, looking at me like the sight of me in pain is destroying him.
I want to go to him, but I stay by my sister’s side. “I don’t mind,” I say. I need to get this over with. I point at a simple band setting with a pea-size diamond.
Rupi looks at the price tag and turns a few shades paler. “There is no way. Why can’t we buy a fake one? Don’t they have those cubic zirconia?”
Once again Saj waits for Prem to say something. He doesn’t. So, Saj says it himself. “Prem’s mom and my sister will know it’s a fake in a second.”
“Do they have magic eyes?” Rupi says.
“Just buy the damn thing,” Prem says.
“Why, thank you, honey,” Rupi snaps.
The salesperson looks from Rupi to Prem.
“It’s been a long few days,” I say apologetically. “We’ll take this one.”
The one-and-a-half carat lab-made diamond is big enough to make sure everyone believes in the authenticity of this fake relationship.
Rupi is not wrong. The price tag is preposterous. I can’t let Prem pay for this. He’s going to fight me on it, but I have to pay him back. Not in the store, of course. Here, I stand by and let him do the honors. That receipt is going to be evidence for the USCIS.
“Congratulations.” The salesperson shakes Prem’s hand, and we leave the man to enjoy his relief at getting rid of us.
“Let’s get a picture,” Saj says.
Prem slides the ring on Rupi’s finger right there outside the store as Saj captures the moment.
I feel like someone is stripping the skin off my body.
Prem refuses to look at me. There are tears in his eyes. He looks shaken by the moment, and Saj’s pictures take that fact and feed it perfectly into the fiction we’re creating.
Saj squeezes his shoulder. “No need to be shy, Prem. Some PDA will only help your case.”
Rupi and Prem hug. Saj takes another picture.
That’s when it strikes me that Saj doesn’t know about Prem and me. He thinks Prem really is with Rupi.
It stings. I have no right to feel this way.
I’m the one who chose to keep our relationship secret.
Prem was respecting my wishes when he didn’t tell anyone about us.
Not even his best friend. And now I’ve all but forced Prem into this arrangement with Rupi.
I know the love isn’t in the ring, it’s in what Prem is doing for me, but my brain refuses to process any of that.
Rupi stands there, performing for the camera. My clothes hang on her body, and the food poisoning has painted shadows under her eyes. I can barely recognize her eyes anymore. All the warmth is gone, burned away by an angry fire.
For years I’ve felt like I’m hiking up a mountain without rest. My nursing program in Mumbai involved attending school and working long hours at the hospital for three years, then studying for my licensing exams while working and applying for jobs in the US, then taking the NCLEX and going through my pediatric fellowship, all while moving across the world, and then working three jobs to pay off the loans I took to get here.
But when I heard what Rupi has been through, every bit of the sense of achievement I felt disappeared. All I feel is shame.
Prem and Saj haven’t asked me why I didn’t bother to help my sister or how I didn’t figure out something was wrong for two years.
I can’t stop asking myself that question.
How could I have failed her so badly? Granted, Rupi never let me know she needed help, but in my heart I knew.
I never pushed because I was too afraid of the truth.
I feel as small as a dust mite and far more harmful.
I don’t know who I’m more angry with: me or her.
Rupi and Prem smile into each other’s faces as they pose. I try not to be sick. Not that anyone will notice if I am.
I’m still in shock that she poured out her entire story in front of Saj and Prem.
Saj is really good at his job if she trusted him so easily.
He has one of those larger-than-life presences.
I’m almost afraid of him. Maybe that’s it.
Rupi hates being intimidated. Maybe she was trying to intimidate him with her truth.
Saj finishes taking pictures and congratulates Prem and Rupi. I want to do it, too, but the words won’t come out.
Prem’s gaze finally slides to me, and I want to crumple to the floor. There’s so much pain there but also a challenge.
When we left my apartment this morning, I took him aside and asked if he was sure he wanted to do this.
I’m absolutely sure I don’t want to do this. But I also can’t think of another way to help you help your sister. I’m doing this for you, Simi. You have to promise to remember that. This will only ever be a marriage on paper.
God, I hope he meant that. I love my sister, but I also know how superior she is to me in every way, and the idea of Prem seeing that and then choosing her makes my heart feel like it’s being ripped down the middle.
If we were in a rom-com, that’s what would happen. Prem and Rupi would fall in love.
What if that happens? a voice inside me keeps asking. Am I tempting fate? Am I taking my relationship for granted? The answer to both those questions is yes, but the question I don’t have an answer to yet is, Will this push things too far to ever recover what Prem and I had?
They’re going to get married. Legally married. Every movie I’ve ever watched with this plot insists that there is sanctity, magic to that bond. It develops into love even when it doesn’t start out as such.
Then again there’s my mother, who refuted that theory over and over. Marriage was just something you could do with as many people as you wished, for whatever reason you wished.
The way Prem looks at me, I know he can see the storm churning inside me. It’s churning inside him too.
My sister watches him watching me and rolls her eyes. Despite what Prem is doing for her, Rupi can’t seem to stand him. I just don’t understand it.
I feel an intense surge of anger, and I can’t bear it. I turn away from them and walk to Saj’s car and get into the back seat. I need a moment. In under a minute, Prem gets in next to me. I can’t look at him right now.
Rupi and Saj get in the front. Saj turns to Prem, but before he can say anything, Prem says, “Just drive, please.”
The moment Saj starts driving, Prem grabs my face and kisses the heck out of me.
For a moment no one else exists in the car. Nothing else exists in the world. I love this man so much, all of me hurts.
I’m doing this for you. It’s like his hands on my face, his tongue in my mouth, are screaming the words. I can’t lose you over this.
Saj clears his throat.
I break our kiss and lean my forehead against Prem’s. He’s still holding my face. His face is wet.
“Okay, then,” Saj says. “I did not see that coming.”
Well, he knows about Prem and me now.
“As your lawyer I feel obliged to warn you that you should never do that in public again,” Saj says. “I think you left something out.”
No one responds.
“This is fucked up, Prem,” Saj says finally.
“Did you not know they’re in luurve?” Rupi says with the most heartless callousness.
Prem’s eyes are squeezed shut. He’s refusing to let go of me. I guess Rupi’s dislike for him is not one sided.
“All he told me yesterday is that he needs to marry you to make sure you stay in the country,” Saj says, piecing the mess together. “And there was some urgency because you were hospitalized and there were cops involved.”
“And you assumed he was in love with me.”
“We haven’t exactly had the time to sort through everything. You okay back there, Prem?”
A laugh that sounds more like a sob escapes Prem.
“Just great,” Rupi says. “He’s not going to be able to follow through. I should have known.”
“Rupi!” I say. “Can you give him a break, please.”
“Whatever is going on, we have to figure it out fast, because once I file those papers with the USCIS, there’s no going back,” Saj says.