Chapter Twenty-Four Rupi #2
I laugh. No one has ever accused me of being sweet in my life. “It wasn’t even a little mean. Just honest. And I know exactly what you mean.”
“I feel terrible. This was supposed to be a special day.”
“It is. It’s the best day. Please don’t feel bad. People have always judged me before knowing me.” I slide her a look. I remember her discomfort the first time she saw me. “They just don’t usually change their mind so easily. And they’re definitely not so lovely to me when they do.”
She throws her head back and laughs. “Thank you. Remember to tell my son that you think I’m lovely. And my other kids too.”
I lean toward her in my seat and say in a stage whisper, “I think they already think you’re the best thing since cotton candy.”
She takes my hand and drops a kiss on it. “I’m so glad my Prem found you. I think you might end up being the best kind of girl for him.”
How can I not laugh at that?
Which makes her frown. “You think I’m just being nice?”
“Aren’t you?”
“Rupi, beta, are you joking?” She takes a breath, because her voice chokes with emotion. “Pankaj fed himself the other day. That would not have ever happened without you.”
Baba had lifted a potato chip to his mouth by himself. It had taken him a full minute and herculean effort and focus, but he’d done it. “That’s all him, not me.”
“Of course. And Neel and Nathan, that’s not you either.”
“Oh, their cuteness is totally all me.” I roll my eyes, because my stupid voice is choking up too.
“If I’m being honest, I didn’t think my Prem would do something like this.
I mean he’s stubborn as heck. I’m not at all surprised that he didn’t care about your paperwork.
He’ll do anything for love. I’m sure he would have even followed you to India if things didn’t work out.
All my children have minds of their own.
It’s just that I always . . . never mind. ”
“Say it. I won’t take offense. I promise.”
“Well, I just always saw him with a much more conventional girl.”
Again, I can’t help but laugh.
“Go ahead, laugh at me. But I mean conventional only on the outside. I always knew he’d find someone strong as steel on the inside but also filled with so much love and generosity.”
God, she has no idea. That’s exactly the kind of girl her son is in love with. “It’s amazing how well you know your children.” The way our mother knew us was as “the tall one and the short one,” or maybe she knew more and she wished she didn’t.
“Which mother doesn’t?”
It’s a good thing she’s driving, because I don’t want her perceptive eyes on me.
“He surprised me, but not like Preeti. Did you know Preeti just showed up at a Diwali party with this boy with blond hair and blue eyes? Your baba and I considered leaving them there and running away from our own party. Can you imagine the gossip?”
She goes off into spot-on imitations of all the horrified reactions from their friends, and I can’t stop laughing.
“But look at them now,” I say. “They’re the it-couple of the community.”
“That they are,” she says with all the pride in the world.
“How did you make peace with it? With your daughter choosing someone so different from who you had in mind for her?”
“Have you seen my grandchildren? I would forgive John anything after giving me those girls.” She’s laughing, but she turns to me with an indecipherable expression. “Can I tell you the truth? Just for your ears. Only because no one has ever asked me such an impudent question so casually.”
I did indeed. What she doesn’t know is that no one has ever made me feel comfortable enough to ask such a question before. “I’m a vault,” I say, making a locked-lips gesture.
“Don’t I know that? My son hid your relationship from us because of how private you are, remember? Again, that’s an observation, not a criticism. Actually that’s not true, it’s a little bit of a criticism too.”
“I don’t mind. Honest criticism is so much better than dishonest politeness.”
She squeezes my hand again. “I’m not going to tell my friends how lucky I am that Prem met you. I don’t want their envy to cast an evil eye on our good luck.”
I press a hand into my chest, unable to respond to that. “You were telling me something,” I remind her.
“Ah, yes. I was answering your nosy question. Ever since Preeti was little, once she set her sights on something, she could never let it go. I used to try to deny her things every once in a while, just to teach her how to deal with disappointment, but it never worked. The only chance I ever had of deterring her from anything she’d set her sights on was by appealing to her power of reasoning and logic.
But hers is better than mine anyway, so I can’t remember ever succeeding.
“When she sat her father and me down and told us she had decided to marry John, I admit I could not imagine a worse fate for our family. This girl, who loves her ghaghras and jhumkas and who needs her chai to be just right and who I can’t even get to eat pizza unless it has Indian spices in it.
My girl, who grew up dancing kathak and having crushes on Shah Rukh Khan and Hrithik Roshan, I could not believe that she thought that a man who had no idea what dal was could ever understand her.
I mean, the boy is a looker and all. And a doctor.
But still, looks and money only take you into a relationship, they certainly don’t keep you there. ”
“What changed your mind?”
“It’s the oddest thing. When John met us, he seemed so nervous, almost terrified of us.
It reminded me of how terrified I was when I first came to this country as a new bride.
I was stressed about everything. Not being able to speak the language, not looking anything like the locals, not knowing how to dress, not understanding the rules and the culture.
I was so lonely and afraid of everything.
The first six months, I just walked around with my head hurting and my belly cramping.
“Then one day your baba took me to the beach, and there I saw all these people lying by the ocean half naked, eating ice cream and throwing balls, and I thought: They don’t care what I think of them.
They don’t even know I’m here. What if it didn’t matter where I had come from and how I got here.
What if all that mattered was what I did with what was happening right now.
That was it. I ran into the water in my jeans, and the strangest thing happened.
Joy filled me. I felt happy for the first time since I said goodbye to my family.
For the first time, I was inside myself and not inside everyone around me, and I stopped wondering what they saw and stopped worrying about what they thought.
“When I saw Preeti and John happy, I figured, whatever is going to happen in their relationship is going to happen. They’re happy today, and that’s the only thing that’s actually real. So, I ran into the water again. I gave myself up to that moment.”
By the time she’s done, we’re home.
I find myself squeezing my arms around myself. I only know tears are streaming down my cheeks because Mamma pulls up her dupatta and wipes them.
I can’t remember the last time I cried. I’m mortified.
“Arrey, what did I say to make you cry?” But her eyes are moist as well.
“No one has ever told me anything like that about themselves before.” The words slip out before I can stop them.
She’s been so open and honest with me, how can I not be the same? Except I’m not. My very presence here with her is a lie. Just as I’ve started to find myself, I’ve turned into a lie.