Chapter 31 Eva
The days blur together.
I fell asleep on the couch again, only to wake up in the dark.
My sleep cycle is beyond screwed. I’ve lost count of what day it is, blinded by the persistent headache that refuses to leave me.
My mouth is dry, unable to swallow normally.
I reluctantly pull out my phone and purposely ignore all the missed calls and messages from the last few days.
Not a single one is from Aston, even though I texted him to let him know I was here if he needed me.
The loneliness is palpable.
So I call the one person in the world who never lets me down: my brother. It’s daytime in France, I think, but I am too tired to even check. Family is exactly what I need right now.
“Elliot,” I cry softly over the phone as he answers. “Are you awake?”
“It’s nine in the morning, Eva. Of course I’m awake,” he answers in a rush, with noise surrounding him. “What’s wrong?”
“Everything! Everything’s gone wrong. Billie lost her mom, Maddy pulled out of her wedding, and I…” I trail off, holding back what happened with Aston.
“Eva…” He raises his voice. “Hold on, let me go into my office.”
There’s the sound of shuffling and people yelling in the background. I assume he’s at work in the kitchen. It suddenly becomes quiet, and then Elliot breathes, “I’m back.”
“Elliot,” I whisper as another fat tear falls down my cheek. “I don’t know what to do. It hurts. Life hurts right now.”
“It’s fine to be upset, Eva.”
“Is it?”
“You’re always the strong one. The first one there if anyone needs help or if anyone needs saving,” he says with conviction. “But sometimes, you need help. You need saving.”
“I’m just… I’m so tired.”
“And that’s your red flag.”
“My red flag?”
“Yes, your red flag. Eva, you have to put yourself first so you can help others. Your battery is depleted, and until you can recharge, you can’t be everything to everyone.”
Elliot is right. I’m forever trying to help everyone, and sometimes, I don’t take a moment for what I want.
Like Aston.
I was too far in my head, so worried about Maddy’s wedding that I lost my patience and pushed him away. He tried to explain, but I was too upset to even listen to him. My guard was up, and I didn’t know how to pull it down for the man I love.
And my other red flag… pushing people away because I’m scared to get hurt.
“How do I start to take care of myself?” My shoulders curl as I touch my temple, only to close my eyes, overwhelmed. “Billie will need time off, but I’m not sure how long that will be. Everyone in town is badgering me on what happened, like I’m some sort of news outlet.”
“I’m coming back home,” he states adamantly.
“Elliot, you can’t come back home.”
“You need help with the café.”
“Yes,” I barely admit in a whisper.
“Then consider this a nonnegotiable.”
“But you have your Michelin-star restaurant,” I remind him. “And what about Nicole?”
“Eva, you’re my little sister. Family first, okay?”
My hand instinctively covers my mouth. I’m relieved to know I’m not alone and my brother is here for me. “Thank you, Elliot. I miss you.”
“Miss you too, sis.” He chuckles softly. “Listen, I have to go, but can we talk more later tonight?”
“Deal,” I say before hanging up.
My arms hug the cushion as I continue to sit in the dark. Outside, the rain gently taps on the window, but the sound is somewhat comforting.
I think about what Elliot said.
The words finally ingrained into me.
I need to take a moment and think about myself. Otherwise, I’m no good to anyone else.
Later in the day, Elliot calls to check in on me. He told the restaurant he was coming back to the States for at least the summer. I will be glad to have him back, even if it sounds selfish. More than ever, I miss my family.
Although I promised him I would take care of myself, I find little to no time for self-care. Billie needs help with the funeral preparations. I never realized how much was involved, but nevertheless, it had to be done.
I closed the store for a week, which got everyone in town talking. Not that I cared since I didn’t have the mental bandwidth to deal with them anyway.
Maddy texted to check in, letting me know she is not too far away and is staying at an Airbnb until the funeral. I know it’s important for her to attend and be there for Billie, even if it means traveling back to Cinnamon Springs.
I’d heard Myles and his family had taken off to Ireland, but like all the rumors in town, I took it with a grain of salt.
Today is the day of the funeral, and I stand behind Billie in case she needs me. Her family grieves at the front, comforting each other as Seraphina is laid to rest.
When “Amazing Grace” plays, and the coffin is lowered into the ground, I stand next to Maddy and bow my head, allowing myself to mourn a woman who deserved a better life.
Her legacy, a young woman named Billie Mae Reynolds, will live on, and I silently pray for Seraphina to protect her daughter from heaven above.
At the wake, family and friends stop by to pay their respects. Billie insisted all the guests wear bright colors to honor her mom, so this is nothing like a regular funeral gathering where everyone is dressed in black.
Billie joins us after a few guests have said goodbye and conveniently taken some food home. Everyone brought a dish so there are plenty of leftovers.
I rub her lower back, knowing it’s been a long day. “How are you holding up?”
She sits beside me on the chestnut leather sofa, resting her head on my shoulder. “I’m okay. Mom would have been so happy to see everyone.”
I smile back at her. “You’re strong, and I’m proud of you.”
On my other side is Maddy. She drove in early this morning and is flying out tonight to some retreat her mother recommended in Switzerland.
Billie leans over, catching Maddy’s attention. “So, how long do I wait to set you up?”
“Me?” Maddy points her finger at herself. “I’m done.”
“For now.” I roll my eyes, then knock into her shoulder playfully. “You’re not done forever.”
“Why not? Men are too complicated.”
“ Right…” Billie grins, then says, “I’m glad you said that. Because it’s not a man asking.”
My head tilts with curiosity. “Have you thought about playing in the same field?”
“You mean, have I thought about chewing the cooch?”
I scowl, then bury my head in my hands. “Maddy, it’s a wake, for God’s sake.”
Billie laughs, snorting unexpectedly. “Oh, sorry, but Mom would have laughed, too.”
“You know what? Life is too short. Give her my number.”
Billie motions for Maddy to glance out the window where the young woman is standing. She’s pretty, with long ginger hair tied into a bun. A man is conversing with her, and he looks remarkably similar, so I assume it’s her brother.
“Oh, you didn’t tell me she had bangs,” Maddy says in a disapproving tone.
I throw my hands up in the air, then smack them on my thighs. “Okay, now that’s taking it too far.”
“What about you?” Billie questions with a smirk.
“What about me?”
“The reverend’s son asked about you.”
I scratch the back of my neck. “Um… isn’t that frowned upon? You know, dating someone holy. Besides, I’m really not interested.”
Maddy crosses her arms. “She’s not interested because she and my brother can’t seem to get their shit together.”
“Maddy, I have my shit together… kind of,” I answer defensively.
“Then why are you so miserable?” Maddy questions with annoyance. “Why is he so miserable?”
“It’s complicated.”
“Well, by the time I get back from this wellness retreat, you better be married and giving me nieces and nephews.”
I turn and gaze into my best friend’s eyes. Maddy’s expression softens as she reaches out to squeeze my hand. “My forever might have fallen apart, but yours doesn’t have to.”
We may have been walking in the opposite direction in life, but I know Maddy will always remain by my side.
Because that’s what best friends do.
And I count myself the luckiest girl in the world to have a best friend in Madelina Eleanor Beaumont.