Chapter Four
Four
T he hot one you pretend not to notice. Was there a better way to describe her confused crush? Merle grinned at her, a hungry and amused look in his eyes sending tingles through her body.
He liked that she looked at him. And she liked him liking it.
“Nan, you okay?”
“Yes, sorry to have sent the entire place into a panic. I just had a vision.”
Nan hadn’t had a vision since they’d moved her to the care home. Maybe this meant that her symptoms were fading and that Nan was her Nan again.
Liberty moved farther into the room to sit next to Nan on her bed. Merle hesitated in the doorway, tipping his head toward the hallway, and Liberty shook hers. There was no reason for him to leave. Nan wasn’t going to reveal anything that Liberty hadn’t told Merle already.
Merle leaned casually against the wall, crossing his legs at the ankle.
Nan put her arm around Liberty and pulled her closer to her side. She smelled of Estée Lauder perfume and mints. Liberty closed her eyes and breathed in more deeply, trying to cement this moment in her memory. She felt the sting of tears in her eyes.
She’d missed this so much.
But she didn’t want to dwell. Her rational mind told her no matter how much she hoped that this would last, it wasn’t going to. “Nan, what was the vision?”
“We were on Cape Cod in that summer rental we took when you were twelve... Do you remember it?”
She did. Her mom had started making good money on the spells and potions she created for her clients and Nan had begun receiving her retirement money. For the first time, the Wakefield witches had some extra income and they had decided to have a summer vacation like rich people. It was perfect.
Then they’d come back home and gone back to their normal lives. “It was the best. Was your vision about us going back there?”
Nan shook her head. “We were there and Rupert, your grandfather, was there too. We were laughing and dancing under the moon while the waves washed up on the beachfront down the path from our cottage.”
Liberty took a deep breath. Why was her grandfather in a vision of the future?
Unless...her grandmother was starting to feel the pull to the other side. They were so close to Samhain when the barrier between the living and the afterworld was at its thinnest. That was probably why he’d visited her. “Nan?”
If Nan felt the pull of the other side, Liberty knew she should just accept that and be happy for her. But she was selfish. There were still things she wanted to learn from Nan and laughter she needed to share with her.
“I don’t know what it means, child. I just know that I saw him clear as day. And you and your mom were there with me.”
“Mom will know what it means,” Liberty said. Her mother always had an insight or thought that made everything make sense.
Which was why Liberty hesitated to talk to her mom about her father. Lourdes was going to make a valid and succinct comment and then...everything would change. This secret pursuit of finding her father felt more controllable as just that: a secret. With everything going on with Nan and their small, close-knit family falling apart, Liberty needed to feel like she was in control.
“She’s probably going to say what we are both thinking,” Nan said.
“That you’re in contact with the spirit realm and that Rupert is telling you to enjoy this time with your daughter and granddaughter?” Merle said from the other side of the room.
“Maybe,” Nan said. “Do you have any experience with visions?”
“Not really. I read a lot of mythology and your vision sort of reminded me of a liminal deity.”
“Tell me more about them,” Nan invited.
Merle moved into the room and took a seat on the chair next to the bed. “They preside over the thresholds. Kind of a crosser of boundaries. They are believed to oversee a state of transition.”
“Like life to death?”
“Not always. They show up during the changes from unconscious to conscious and use that time to send messages. They can even be gods and goddesses. I was thinking of Persephone coming back to earth in spring. I know that Samhain is a time of renewal for you Wakefields. When you mentioned seeing Rupert...well, I thought maybe he was trying to tell you something personal.”
Nan smiled over at Merle and said something, but Liberty couldn’t focus. She never realized he had any interest or knowledge in this sort of thing. This was something right out of her world.
But she was beginning to see that there was a lot Merle had hidden from her. Deliberately or not.
Why was he being so open now?
Regardless, she was glad for it. His suggestion lifted the pall that had fallen over her like a heavy gloom. He’d given a reason for her grandfather to visit in a vision that wasn’t about death.
She was grateful for that.
She didn’t even care if she was being unrealistic to think Merle’s suggestion could be right.
They chatted with her Nan for another hour or so before Liberty kissed her good-bye and they left. She wasn’t sure what she wanted to say to Merle, but she wasn’t going to let this go.
When they got to his car, he leaned against the side of it and shoved his hands through that untamed hair of his. “Sorry. I know my knowledge is about a game and not real life, but I thought it might help.”
“It did,” she said. Not stopping to think about it, she went and wrapped her arms around him, hugging him close to her.
He smelled of the outdoors and the autumn breeze. The emotions that she’d been trying to keep inside since she’d gotten the call stirred inside of her, and she knew she was going to cry unless she distracted herself.
There was something in the air around her that was making her rethink everything. Wild and reckless. Like her magic and the autumn season.
Tilting her head up, she put her hand on the back of Merle’s neck and went on tiptoe, brushing her lips over his.
Liberty tasted of sunshine and bubblegum. He’d felt the sadness between her and her grandmother and could feel that she was struggling right now. Liberty had shifted as soon as they stepped outside. Like she’d shed the hurt and gone into a completely different mode. When she hugged him, his body had gone on red alert. Holding Liberty pressed against his entire fucking body was something he’d been fantasizing about for years.
She didn’t disappoint. She wasn’t shy or tentative, but he hadn’t expected her to be. Her kiss was strong, womanly, taking what she wanted and needed from him.
His dick hardened and he shifted his hips so that she didn’t feel it. She needed something from him and he wasn’t entirely sure it was physical. A better man would push her away and not let himself get entangled while she had so much going on, but he craved her. He couldn’t seem to stop his hands from sliding down her back and cupping her ass. Then he groaned as his hips seemed to move of their own volition, and she thrust hers forward in response until the ridge of his cock rubbed against the center of her body.
God. That felt good. He couldn’t help squeezing her ass in his hands. Then she pushed one of her legs between his, making their bodies touch more intimately.
Damn.
He needed to stop. They were in the parking lot of a care home. He pulled away and gazed down at Liberty, her lips wet and swollen from his kiss.
Maybe stopping was what she needed after all.
But then her eyes opened, and for a minute she looked like her old self. Like the Liberty who asked if he had handcuffs in his dungeon while she leaned in close and whispered, I don’t mind being tied up . The woman who’d been tempting him for longer than he could remember. This wasn’t the nervous Liberty who’d come to him in the tavern and asked him to help her find her biological father. This was Liberty in her full confidence and strength.
“Yeah, so that was unexpected,” she said. “Almost as much as you knowing about spells to walk between the living and spirit world.”
His blood was still pounding in his dick so it was hard to think. She intoxicated him. He should push her away before they went too far.
Merle tipped his head back up to the sky. Clouds were moving in. Maybe they’d finally get that first winter storm of the season as the news had been predicting for the last few days.
“No response?” she asked, lowering her hands and stroking his shaft through his pants.
He had a response for her. No more thinking or holding himself back. No more lying. He pinned her against the car, her hand trapped between them. “I have a response, but I’m not sure it’s appropriate for the parking lot.”
“Ah...is being appropriate important?”
He groaned, because it was. He was a rule follower, but Liberty wasn’t. She was deliberately pushing him to see how much he would take from her. He brought his mouth down hard on hers, claiming the kind of searing kiss he’d wanted but been too hesitant to demand.
She tipped her head back, playfully biting his lip as she wrapped one thigh around his hips and lifted herself until his hard-on was rubbing against her clit. She held him with surprising strength, her arms wrapped around his shoulders. Nothing felt better than exploring her body.
God, she had a fine ass. He’d admired it many times, but holding her, feeling her thrusting against him, filled his mind with images of her in his dungeon—where he sat on the throne he’d had specially built for his role as dungeon master, with her naked on his lap, treating her to the full, sexy nerd fantasy.
Dammit. He had to step away or he was going to come in his jeans as if he was in high school and not an adult who could take this woman to his house, or even drive up the road to that quiet place near the woods she liked, and make love to her.
He didn’t have to do this in the parking lot.
But they wanted to. Despite the risk, Liberty didn’t let go. She wanted this. She needed an escape from her reality and he understood that all too well. He wanted to be the man to give it to her.
That was a slippery slope to start down. What if she equated him with fantasy and not reality?
She tore her mouth from his, taking his hand and pushing it up under her blouse toward her breast. There was a frantic energy to her motions.
As if she was afraid to stop and let herself think.
As much as he wanted her, this wasn’t how he wanted her. When she came in his arms it was going to be because she was so turned on by him—not because she needed a distraction.
He started to pull away. Their eyes met, her bright grays full of longing and need. He cursed under his breath.
“Please don’t stop.”
He shook his head; he couldn’t deny her. Would never be able to. He didn’t know if she’d put a spell on him or if it was because she was coming into her full power during the time leading up to Samhain.
But he brought his mouth back down on hers. Kissing her until neither of them could breathe. He felt her moving more urgently in his arms so he shifted his hips, rubbing his cock against her clit, his fingers moving over her nipples as she thrust against him until she came.
Her grip on him tightened and he held her, trying to forget they were still in a public parking lot.
Merle was quiet on the drive back to his place and Liberty wasn’t sure what to say. She hated that she was in this place right now. Words were something that flowed easily from her.
“I’m not going to apologize for that,” she said at last.
“God, I hope not. I’m still thinking about what it would be like to see you naked and coming.”
“Merle.”
He slowed the car as he turned into his neighborhood and looked over at her. “Yes?”
A shiver went through her. As nice as the orgasm next to the car had been, she wanted all of Merle. Not just some fondling. Something solid to hold on to while the world around her was crumbling into pieces.
A part of her had always looked to Samhain as a time of renewal, a time to lean into her strengths and discover new ones. But this year everything seemed to be tied up with Merle. In what she wanted from him, personally and intimately.
She’d never really allowed herself to need or rely on any man. But here she was, which frightened the bejesus out of her.
“I...”
He shook his head. “Liberty Wakefield at a loss for words, no one is going to believe it.”
“Don’t be a dick.”
“I thought you liked my dick,” he said, a sexy grin on his face.
She melted.
“I do. Feel like getting it out when we get back to your place?” She winked at him.
Falling back on things she knew worked. Teasing and flirting, pushing until he retreated into himself. But something was different about him, and she really had no idea what to do next. Now that her body was starting to calm down from the orgasm, her mind was whirring and she couldn’t control the thoughts spinning around it.
She was a hot mess. For the first time in her life she had no solid idea of who she was. Lying to her mom, having sex in a parking lot, denying the truth about her grandmother and thinking about pushing Merle to practically ravish her in his house didn’t seem like her.
Ugh.
Sex and the chaos that was her life right now were entwined in some kind of misshapen braid. Her life wasn’t going to follow any path if she didn’t figure out what she wanted.
Was this thing with Merle only an escape from what was going on around her? Merle deserved better than that from her. She couldn’t use him for a sexy distraction. It wasn’t fair, and she liked him too much to do that.
This thing between them had always felt fun and light. At its most basic, it was self-protection. She didn’t want to be hurt or to hurt him. She was self-reliant, always had been. Until now when uncertainty seemed to be ruling her like the moon in Virgo when Jupiter was in retrograde. Clarity covered in a cloud of chaos.
“I’m sorry.”
“For what?”
“For pushing you into that. I know you were being, well, you when you suggested we wait. I hate that I’m like this. I can’t promise you I won’t try to convince you to have sex with me again.”
He pulled into his driveway, and a few moments later they were inside his garage. He turned the car off and faced her. “You didn’t force me to do anything. I just wanted the first time we were together to be...well not in the parking lot.”
“So why did you?”
“You needed me. I get it because I have family and there are times when it’s all too much, so I understand exactly where you’re coming from.”
“Was it pity?” she asked.
“Never. For the first time you asked me for something—”
“But I asked you to look for my...for John Jones.”
“You did, but this was physical. This was you needing someone to help you stop thinking and just feel. And I’m glad it was me you wanted.”
His words made her think about how she always kept the scales tipped in her favor. How she was careful to keep her attachments to men and the world around her on her terms. But today she’d allowed them to tip. Revealed a vulnerability to Merle. That hadn’t been her intent.
She wanted to find one of his to restore their balance. Even things up between them. And she’d be lying to herself if she denied the urge to feel him in her palm, to make him feel the way she did earlier. She reached for his zipper, but he put his hand over hers.
“What are you doing?”
“Keeping things even.”
“They are even.”
“How? Because I don’t feel like they are.”
“You see this T-shirt I’m wearing?”
“Yeah, another one of your obscure comic tees, right?” she asked. But she knew Lying Cat because she’d read the comic when he’d left it in the break room.
Where was he going with this?
“I wore this intentionally today. I wanted to stop...this game we’ve been playing. I’m unsure if you mean it or are just trying to get a rise—”
“I think I proved I want more than a rise,” she said teasingly.
He smiled at her which made her heart pound and just confused the issue. This wasn’t the time for her to let her emotions start ruling her. Virgo moon with Jupiter in retrograde. Remember that!
Glancing down at Lying Cat, she had to admit that she owed him truth.
“You’d have to be vulnerable to me.”
“Why aren’t I? You tease me and whisper sexy come-ons in my ear when we’re working in the shop all the time. You must know I’m always a hairbreadth from coming when you’re around me. And it’s only the fact that we had decided not to do this,” he said, gesturing to the two of them, “that kept me feeling like I had any control. But that was an illusion. I’ve been obsessed with you since the first time you told me you could rock my dungeon.”
“Can I?”
“You already have.”