Chapter 9
Zach
Marina is kissing me…
This isn’t a dream. Is it?
Please don’t let it be a dream.
Her lips are so soft as they move under mine, her nails lightly scratching over my scalp as she holds me just where she wants me. I am completely okay giving her all the control. I’m lost in this kiss, and I never want to be found.
I gently put my hands on either side of her face, and a husky little moan escapes her lips. Her hands move from my hair, and she wraps her arms around my waist, pulling me closer. My pulse is racing like I’m running a marathon. I inhale her intoxicating coconut scent and move my fingers just slightly into her hair, so soft and silky. I can kiss her all night if she wants. She’s the boss. I never want this to end.
Marina’s kisses slow down, and when she pulls her mouth away slightly, I dip down and nip playfully at her bottom lip. She laughs softly and comes back for more, placing a soft, slow kiss on my mouth. I dig my hands into her beautiful hair as I deepen the kiss, and I’m rewarded with another little moan as she leans into me. I feel a little tipsy, but the only thing I’ve had to drink is Marina. Eventually, she pulls away again and looks up at me with eyes darkened by passion.
“Wow,” she says huskily, a very sexy smile spreading on her beautiful face.
I nod. “Wow.”
She’s still leaning on me, her hands splayed across my chest, but I see the exact moment reality starts to creep back into her thoughts. Her eyes dart around nervously, and I instinctively know she’s filing through her list of excuses to run away from me again. I know I need to do everything I can to stop her from back peddling right out of my life. As much as I don’t want to do it, I gently pull away from her and take both of her hands in mine.
“Talk to me, Siren,” I whisper. “I see you.”
Her eyes search my face. “You see me?”
“You’re looking for reasons to run again.” I give her hands a gentle squeeze.
To my surprise, she nods and squeezes back.
“I’m not very good at…casual…kissing,” she says as a blush creeps up her cheeks.
I squeeze again.
“There was nothing casual about that, Marina,” I reply with a husky laugh.
She can’t be more adorable right now, and she has no idea what she does to me. She heaves a sigh and pulls her hands away, and just like that, my heart drops to my stomach.
Don’t run, don’t run, don’t run .
She folds her arms across her middle and shakes her head .
“No, I mean,” she begins, then pauses as she searches for the right words. “I don’t just go around kissing men. I haven’t even been on a date in years. By choice. And you don’t even live here. Obviously, this isn’t going to go anywhere. So…I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have—”
I cautiously step into her space again, wrapping my hands around her elbows and running my hands up and down her arms. She relaxes a little.
“Marina,” I interrupt gently. “Can I get a word in before you put me through a break-up when we’ve only been on two non-dates?”
She laughs softly, rolling her eyes at me. She nods. Good. Progress.
“Okay, yes, you’re right,” I admit, leaning forward and planting a light kiss on her cheek. “I don’t live here. And you are on a dating hiatus for reasons you’ve yet to share. What if my geographical status wasn’t an issue?”
She blinks. Aha! Wasn’t expecting that.
“What?”
I kiss her other cheek. I’m going for broke here.
“Okay, let me put this another way,” I say with a hopeful air. “What if I was independently wealthy? What if I decided you’re worth all the extra travel it would take to keep coming back to San Francisco between gigs? What if things go really well between us? What if I decide to move here in the future because I simply can’t stand to be parted from you?”
She shakes her head disbelievingly. I step closer and reach up to cup her radiant face with my hands. I don’t miss how her eyes shutter closed just for an instant as she presses her cheek into my palm.
“Marina,” I say tenderly, “what you shared with me tonight…about your family was so brave. It’s helped me to understand you better.”
“It has? How?”
“Life has shown you that you can’t depend on anyone. You learned very early in life that the one thing you can count on is that most people are going to let you down,” I explain.
Even as I say the words, my heart breaks for her and what she’s been through.
Her lip quivers, and I’m barely holding back from crushing her in my arms and never letting go.
“What’s the actual truth?” I ask softly, grazing a thumb along her smooth cheekbone.
Those beautiful green eyes that’ll be the death of me glance up at me, seeking.
“You are an amazing woman, Marina. You have worked hard to build a good life for yourself. You got yourself through college, you’re going to be a lawyer. You’re driven, and brilliant, and funny, and disgustingly talented.”
A smile lights up her face, finally. I feel like I’ve won the lottery again.
“Your inner circle is fiercely protective of you,” I continue, raising one of her hands and placing a light kiss on the back of it. “Not to mention Merry’s grandfather. Any one of them would fillet me if I hurt you.”
She laughs softly and nods. “They would.”
I kiss her other hand. “All right then. If I say that whatever this is between us is special, are you going to argue with me?”
Her smile widens. “No?”
“How refreshing,” I tease, earning a poke in the ribs.
I laugh out loud and pull her against me once more. She wraps her arms around my waist and looks up at me with a gleam in her eyes.
“Will you let us have this chance?” I ask softly. “Can you push aside the worries over the mermaid story, my fame, and anything else that may get in the way? Because I don’t know if you feel the same, but that kiss changed my life, woman.”
She laughs in earnest, and it’s music to my ears. “That wasn’t one kiss. It was more like thirty-seven.”
I smile slowly, rubbing my nose against hers. “I detest odd numbers. Can we make it an even forty?”
“Yes, and yes,” she mutters, her darkening gaze lowering to my mouth.
I raise my eyebrows in question.
“Yes, let’s see where this thing goes,” she says in a near whisper. “And yes to forty.”
That’s all the permission I need to bury my hands in her hair and claim her mouth with my own.
***
Marina
I’ve read the same email three times and still can’t get my fingers to type out a simple response. I sit back in my chair and heave an exasperated sigh. I’ve come down with a bad case of Zach brain. I cannot get the man out of my head. How am I supposed to function like this?
Admittedly, I’m a bit of an amateur in the dating department. I was so bent on causing chaos during my teen years, including going out with all the wrong kinds of boys, that when I finally decided to stop the chaos, I also stopped the boys. That translated to men as well. When I was trying to get my life back on track, dating added another level of complications that I just didn’t need. So, I ruled it out, and I’ve been happy with my choice until now. Until I met a rock star, who makes me want to break my rules. No, not break them. Crush them into powder.
Rules? What rules?
I sit forward and put my hands on my keyboard, willing myself to concentrate. I type out a reply to our custodial team, explaining that the executive conference room will need detailed cleaning on the day before the Montclair meeting and that I’ve re-booked all the meetings scheduled in that room that week so they have plenty of time. Then I click over to the catering order form for the breakfast we’re hosting that morning. During my research on Ethan Montclair, I learned he’s a health nut who loves an organic, vegan cafe in the Fisherman’s Wharf area, so that’s where I’m ordering from.
My stomach growls, and I’m grateful I’m not in Ms. Taft’s office, or I’d have to hear a fifteen-minute lecture on gut cleansing and the dangers of gluten. She’d die if she knew about my fondness for pasta. It’s probably grounds for termination. I’ll have to check the employee handbook.
My phone vibrates on my desk, and I look down to see a message from Zach. I don’t even try to hide the ridiculous smile on my face when I see his name on my screen. If I’m a siren, I’m a siren caught in his net. Last night changed the whole dynamic of our relationship, and there’s no pretending that it didn’t. While most guys only ever managed to chip a little mortar from the brick wall of my defenses, Zach has the ability to reach out and remove entire bricks. That first kiss managed to knock the wall down, and it’s my fault entirely. Who kissed who?
Zach: What’s for lunch today, love?
I smile. Do I tell him the truth? Why lie about my not-so-awesome lunch situation.
Marina: I have an energy bar in my desk drawer that looks extremely tasty.
Okay, the tasty part was a lie.
Zach: I thought as much. Can I steal you away for a moment?
I laugh quietly, shaking my head.
Marina: Zach, no. I told you I only have about 15 minutes and even the cafeteria on the second floor takes longer than that .
Zach: Do you think I’m an amateur? I’ve come prepared.
What? Is he here?
Zach is typing…
Zach: Can you meet me in the garage?
My eyes dart to the calendar on my computer monitor. It’s 12:11, so Ms. Taft has started her daily web conference with her colleagues. She won’t need me for at least fifteen minutes, but probably more like forty-five. I lock my computer screen and grab my phone, setting an alarm in case I get distracted by the very handsome man downstairs. I text him as I walk to the elevators.
Marina: On my way. This better be good.
I school my expression into one of neutrality. Boredom, even. It’s a challenge, given how hard my pulse is racing because Zach is waiting for me. I take the elevator down to the garage level and step out, walking over to the area where I met Dave before. My pulse goes crazy when I see Dave standing outside the SUV and the rear passenger door open. He greets me with a nod. Behind him, Zach smiles at me from inside the car.
“Hello again, Dave,” I say as I get in.
Zach sits in the back with a huge grin on his handsome face. Does he know how gorgeous he is? His rich, dark brown hair is just tousled enough to be sexy, and the stubble on his jaw…how does it always look perfect? I want to lean in for a kiss, but I can’t. He’s set up a small collapsible table and it’s covered with various takeout bags from local eateries. The inside of the car smells like a food court. I laugh out loud as Dave shuts the door behind me.
“What is all this?”
Zach points to the first bag. “I wasn’t sure what you’d be hungry for, so I picked up a few things. This is a chicken Caesar salad.”
He points to each bag. “Orange chicken from some Chinese place I can’t remember the name of, boneless buffalo wings, a double cheeseburger and fries, or a burrito bowl with carne asada.”
I just stare at him, wide-eyed. He drove all over the city. For me. I am in crazy danger of seriously falling for this man.
“I don’t know your favorites yet, so I wanted you to have choices,” he says, looking sheepish.
I shake my head in disbelief. “This is the nicest thing any man has ever done for me.”
His eyes rake over my face. “Yeah?”
I lean over as far as I can and crook my finger at him. His eyes darken as he gets my meaning and leans over to kiss me. His lips are soft and warm and make me want to forget all about work today. As if he knows my thoughts, he pulls away and gestures at all the food.
“All right, Siren, I know you don’t have long. What’s your choice?”
I don’t even have to think about it as I grab the burrito bowl. I sweep my hand at the rest of it.
“And what’s your choice?”
He grins and grabs the burger, then yells, “Dave!”
Dave opens the door, and Zach offers him his choice of what’s left. Dave accepts the orange chicken with a gleam in his eye and shuts the door, eating as he waits outside the car.
I carefully peel the foil cover off the burrito bowl and dig in.
“How’s the project going?” he asks as he bites into the burger.
I nod and swallow. “I feel good about it, as long as there are no surprises. I’ve done a lot of the busy work that needed to get out of the way. Ordered breakfast from his favorite place, and today I ordered the supplies the supporting staff will need to put together the proposal materials.”
“It’s going to be brilliant,” he says with such confidence. “And the Evil Queen shall grovel at your feet.”
I let out a laugh. “That will literally never happen,” I say as I scoop up another forkful. “But I appreciate your faith in me. ”
He bobs his head and takes another bite, covering his mouth as he mutters, “You’ll see I’m right.”
“So, what are you doing today besides buying all the food in the city?”
“Rick and I are getting together at the hotel to work on a couple new songs,” he says. “And then I have to get some things ready for our date tomorrow night before I head to the television studio.”
I smile. “Still not telling me what we’re doing on our date?”
He shakes his head. “It’s a surprise. But I am feeding you, so don’t eat dinner, and the dress code is casual.”
I like the sound of this already. “How casual?”
“Jeans and trainers are perfectly acceptable,” he replies.
“Trainers?” I ask with a frown.
“Sneakers,” he clarifies. “You might want a jumper. Uh…a sweater, as Americans say. Could get chilly.”
He points to my burrito bowl.
“Eat,” he commands playfully. “You need calories so you can go back in there and slay the day away.”
I laugh and shake my head. “What?”
He grins like a Cheshire cat and takes a bite out of his burger, making me laugh even more. I load up another forkful and sit back, just enjoying this little bit of time with him and trying my best to ignore the occasional panic attack that tries to rise up over the personal rules I’m breaking. But they’re my rules, so I get to decide when they no longer serve me. It’s just going to take some time to adjust, that’s all.
“Is it hard to write songs?” I ask as he takes the last bite of his burger.
He immediately shakes his head. “They just come out. I can’t explain it.”
“That’s amazing. I’m not very creative, so I can’t imagine what that’s like.”
He crumples up his burger wrapper, pulls a container of fries out of another bag, and throws the burger wrapper inside.
“Well, I don’t mean they come out fully finished,” he clarifies. “I have to work at it. So does Rick. But it usually starts with a feeling or an idea of a feeling.”
I finish off my bowl and throw the trash in the bag with Zach’s, then give him a perplexed look. “A feeling?”
Zach rolls his head and shoulders and pops a fry in his mouth. “How do I explain this…”
I say nothing, content to watch his face as he thinks through how to explain creativity to a law student who wouldn’t know what to do with a box of crayons. His eyes are bright as he thinks, showing how passionate he is about music. And the way he’s lounging with his back against the car door gives me a great view of his broad chest, muscled arms, and…I wonder what his abs look like. I fight the urge to reach out and feel for the answer.
“Tell me about a happy memory,” he says quietly. “Something that still pops in your head once in a while.”
I think for a minute. “One summer, my mom was waiting tables, and this couple sat in her section,” I begin. “They just hit it off with her, and it turned out they owned this big theme park that was really popular. They asked if she’d ever taken us, and she said no, so they gave her passes to the park for two days, vouchers for food, and an overnight stay at the park’s hotel.”
Zach raises his eyebrows. “Wow! That was really nice of them.”
I nod. “It was. She was so excited when she got home. I still remember the look on her face when she told us. We had the best time, just the three of us. We rode every ride at least twice. We didn’t have to worry about money at all. We just had fun together. They sold this red licorice that came in huge, long ropes. My brother and I thought that was the best thing ever. Even now, I think of that day every time I see red licorice. It makes my heart happy. ”
I don’t realize until it’s too late that I have a tear in my eye. I swipe it away as soon as I feel it fall down my cheek, smiling as the happy memory hits me in full force. I wonder about my brother. About where he is. If he’s okay. If he forgives me. Or does he hate me? Does he still love red licorice as much as me?
A low growl escapes Zach’s throat as he sits up, making quick work of moving the remaining to-go bags out of the way. He folds the small table up and tosses it over the divider into the front passenger seat, scooting next to me. He pulls me close and cradles my head against his chest. My body fully relaxes against his, and I sigh heavily, content to just let him hold me.
“Thank you for sharing that with me,” he says gently, his lips moving against my hair.
“Are you going to write a song about red licorice now?” I ask quietly, smiling against his chest. He laughs, and I love the sound of it reverberating against my ear.
“No, but it’s a great example of what I meant,” he says, wrapping his arms tighter around me. “I take a memory like that, and the music comes from that feeling. If it makes me feel happy, the music comes out that way. If I’m angry or hurt, that’s what it sounds like. For lyrics, it just depends. Both Rick and I have written several songs just on our own if it’s something we have to get out, or sometimes we get an idea and work on it together.”
“Mmm,” I mutter into Zach’s t-shirt.
I feel completely and utterly at peace. Protected. Treasured.
“Are you all right?” he whispers, moving his hand up and down my back in comforting circles.
I nod, slowly sitting up and nestling against his side.
“Despite everything, I like thinking about my mom,” I explain. “Especially since I’ve lost track of Max. It feels like I’m the only one who remembers her. And I don’t want her to be forgotten. ”
“About that,” he begins, planting a light kiss on my temple. “I’ve had an idea.”
I turn to look at him. His expression is pensive as he reaches down to take my hand.
“I want to ask you something, but I don’t want you to give me an answer right away,” he says cautiously. “I want you to have time to think about it.”
I nod slowly. “Okay.”
He considers for a moment, licking his lips. “I would like to help you find your brother.”
My eyebrows knit together in confusion. “What?”
“If you are agreeable to the idea, I was thinking a private investigator would be a good place to start,” he explains. “It would likely be a quick and easy case, especially if the adoption records weren’t sealed.”
I blink back my surprise. I always hoped I would find Max after I lost track of him, but I knew I had to get my life together first. At first, my time was completely taken up with therapy and college. I had to get off of financial aid and slowly worked my way to being independent. My search for Max has always been limited to what I can do myself on social media, and it always comes up empty.
I look down at my hands. “I can’t accept that, Zach. It’s too much.”
Zach pulls me closer against his side. “Please don’t make a decision yet. The offer stands if you would like me to help, but I don’t want you to feel rushed in giving me an answer.”
The alarm on my phone goes off, signaling me that Ms. Taft will be done with her meeting soon. I silence it with a frustrated sigh and look at Zach.
“I know, I know,” he grumbles as he releases me. “Time’s up.”
I give him a sad look. “I don’t like it either. I’m sorry.”
I pull on the handle to open the door, and Dave is there in an instant, pulling the door the rest of the way so I can scoot out. Zach follows. Dave gets in the driver’s seat and closes the door to give us some privacy. Zach takes my hand and walks with me to the elevator doors. He steps in front of me and pulls me close as I wrap my arms around his neck.
“Have a wonderful rest of your day, love,” he purrs, eyes dropping to my mouth. My toes curl, and I smile up at him.
“Thank you so much for lunch,” I say softly, smiling up at him. “This was the best surprise ever.”
There’s a twinkle in his eye as he moves closer and brushes a soft kiss on the corner of my mouth.
“You deserve all the surprises,” he says with a grin.
He brings his mouth down to mine in a soft, slow kiss. Something low in my belly stirs, and I gently pull away before I’m tempted to stay longer. He reluctantly lets me go and presses the elevator call button.
“Knock ‘em dead, Siren,” he growls as the elevator doors open.
I step inside, hit the button, and blow him a kiss. The grin that lights up his whole face is the last thing I see before the doors close between us.
***
The afternoon breezes by in a flurry of ad-hoc tasks thrown at me by Ms. Taft’s staff, all in a frantic rush to get their parts of the presentation ready for the Montclair meeting. I handled it all with the efficiency and thoroughness they’ve come to expect from me, and in the few quiet moments I had to myself, my brain always looped back to Zach’s offer.
I would like to help you find your brother.
I gather my belongings and head down to the lobby, stopping in the ladies room to change into my disguise for the day. I slip off my skirt and jacket and pull a pair of yoga pants, a sweatshirt, and sneakers out of my tote bag. Once dressed, I carefully fold my work clothes and tuck them into my tote bag with my heels. I leave my hair up, shove a baseball cap on my head, and head for the door.
As I step back into the lobby, I notice a group of people at the reception desk, which is odd because this building is full of corporations, and it’s after five o’clock. The afternoon guard seems to have it all under control as he speaks firmly to the group. They’re too far away for me to hear, and I have a ton of laundry to do before Ashley and I make dinner and get ready to watch trash TV all night so I don’t slow down to investigate. The bus is pulling up at the corner as I step outside. I easily jog the distance and bound onto the bus. Thank goodness I decided to wear sneakers, or that would have been harder to do.
For once, I leave my phone in my bag and lean my head against the glass as the bus pulls away from the curb. Zach’s offer rolls over and over in my mind, and my pulse quickens with excitement at the mere idea of actually finding Max. I could have my brother back in my life. Soon.
Would he still be angry at me? Or has he missed me? Would he want to see me? What if he doesn’t want to be found? What if he doesn’t want anything to do with me? Every imaginable scenario plays out in my head until I’m mentally exhausted and no closer to a decision than I was before, so it’s no surprise when the bus rolls up to my stop, and I almost miss it. I bolt up from my seat.
“Wait!” I yell out as I grab my bags and head up the aisle. I mutter an apology to the bus driver as I step onto the pavement outside my building just in time to see Scarlet and Merry hurrying up the street towards me.
“Ladies!” I cry out, happy to see them, as I adjust my tote bag on my shoulder. “What’s up?”
My smile falters when I see that they’re each carrying huge takeout bags from our favorite Chinese food dive. Oh, no. Something’s happened. Whenever any of us is going through a tough time, our standard operating procedure is to grab Chinese takeout and call an emergency conclave of the girls. Since neither Merry nor Scarlet appears to be in tears, that leaves Ash. Oh, no.
“What’s happened?” I ask as they meet up with me. “Is it Ash? Did she fight with Greg again?”
That can’t be. They’re not just regular happy, they’re Hallmark movie happy. Well, at least she is. There’s something about him that I don’t quite like. Scarlet loops her arm through mine and starts pulling me while Merry runs ahead of us to get the door.
“Let’s get upstairs and we can all talk about it,” Scarlet mutters, pulling so hard my bag slides off my shoulder.
“Hey!” I cry out as she drags me into the building and pushes me towards the stairs.
“Sorry,” Merry says tensely as we climb to the second floor. “I’m just really hungry.”
“You work in a restaurant,” I remind her, giving her the side-eye.
As soon as we hit the second-floor landing, Ashley opens our apartment door. She looks completely fine. No tears, no drama. She’s fine, Merry’s fine, Scarlet’s…fine.
This is about me .
I stop in my tracks. My heart is instantly pounding.
“What’s happened?” I ask again, my voice shaking.
Scarlet hands her bag to Merry, who takes it inside the apartment and then wraps an arm around me.
“Let’s get inside, and we can all talk, okay?” she says in a voice that’s meant to be soothing but makes me panic more. She gently coaxes me towards the door.
Ashley watches me with a worried expression. “It’s gonna be okay, Marina,” she assures me .
What is? What’s happened? Scarlet pulls me through the door as I look over at Ash with pleading eyes.
Just tell me.
And that’s when I hear it, coming from the television in the living room.
“Well, you heard it here first, folks,” the news anchor says. “The mystery of the mermaid is solved! Apparently, this sexy siren’s name is Marina MacArthur, and she’s one of San Francisco’s own!”