Chapter 19
Marina
I set Ashley up with her Chinese takeout, make the excuse of running to the bathroom, and duck in there with my cell phone. I hold it up and see a very concerned Zach looking at me.
“I know,” he says quietly. “You need to go be with Ashley.”
I nod. “I really do. I’m so sorry.”
He sighs heavily. “I miss you so much.”
My heart clenches at the resigned tone in his voice. “I do too. What time can we chat tomorrow?”
He thinks for a moment, shaking his head in frustration. “I’m not sure. Can we leave it open? I’ll just try when I can, and don’t answer me if it’s not a good time. Vice versa.”
I nod. “Okay, that sounds good. Let’s really try to meet up. I miss you.”
His eyes soften as he nods and waves.
End video call.
I text Merry and Scarlet to let them know what’s happened, then put my phone back on the charger and head back to the living room. I want to punch Greg for what I find when I get there. There is such heartbreak and defeat in her eyes as she sits with her carton of orange chicken, staring blankly at the carpet. Honestly, when I see her in this state, I can completely see the sense of my plan before I met Zach. No boys allowed. If they’re going to cause this kind of pain, they can all stay away from me. Thank goodness Zach is one of the good ones.
“All right, Ash,” I say softly as I take the spot next to her. “Merry and Scarlet are on the way. Tell me all about it.”
***
I wake up in a foul mood, which is really something because I am never in a bad mood. I’m just pissy at so many things right now. At Greg, for breaking Ashley’s heart. At Ms. Taft for being extra horrible this week. At her team for not having their work done. And at the universe for taking Zach away when I need him most. Ten minutes in his arms, and I’m sure everything would be rosy. But his arms are over three hundred miles away right now, and that makes me mad too.
I’m sure Ashley’s still in bed, but I’m quiet as I get ready. Just in case. We were up until after midnight talking. They’ve had their troubles in the past, but after the last time, he assured her that she was the one. He wanted her forever, and she was safe with him. But he’s such a control freak, things started unraveling. Nothing is ever good enough for him. So when Zach and I brought a media circus down on all our heads, Ashley thought her fiancé’s apartment would be a safe place to run. They’re getting married, anyway. Why wouldn’t she think that? Now he says she’s smothering him.
Jerk.
I slip into my high heels and check my reflection in the bathroom mirror before grabbing my purse and my work bag and heading out to the living room. Leaving my bags on the couch, I tip-toe over to Ashley’s open bedroom door to check on her. Yep, knocked out. Television is on, there’s an empty takeout container on the bed, and her phone is on the floor. What a mess, girl.
I step over to the bedside table and plug in her cell phone for her, then carefully reach over to pick up the empty takeout container.
“…c’mon now, let me play devil’s advocate for a minute,” the female newscaster says. “Does anyone really think Marina MacArthur is duchess material?”
I look up at the television in time to see her laugh cruelly and shake her head at the camera before it cuts to a commercial. I stand there in the darkened room for a moment, dumbfounded. Is that what’s being said out there? Is there a whole debate going on about me being a duchess?
“Marina?” Ashley mumbles from her stupor.
I turn to her and plaster a smile on my face.
“Good morning,” I whisper. “I was just checking on you before I go to work. Go back to sleep, okay?”
She turns over and pulls a pillow over her head, mumbling something. I walk out of the room in a sort of half-daze, grabbing my bags and heading downstairs to meet Dave. I’m just buckling my seatbelt when my phone vibrates.
Max: Morning, sis! Can’t wait for our first video chat tonight!! See you soon.
My spirit lightens a bit, even if the text doesn’t quite bring a smile to my face. At least I get to see Max today. It’ll make up for possibly missing a call with Zach if we’re both too busy. This week really sucks.
Marina: Hey, bro! Can’t wait to see you and start ten years of catching up. :-)
I settle back in my seat and heave a frustrated sigh. Intuition tells me I’m not going to spend much time with Zach tonight, and I already hate it. My phone vibrates in my hand, but it’s not Max. I toggle out of his messages and find one waiting from the Evil Queen.
Ms. Taft: Pick up Starbucks on your way in. Don’t be late again.
I roll my eyes. Now she’s actively throwing roadblocks in my way. This is one of her favorite things to do. As far as she knows, I’m still taking the bus to work. Making me go to Starbucks has always been a kind of punishment she likes to inflict when she’s mad at me, because she knows it’s impossible to carry it all with my work bag and purse. Lucky for me, I’ve used a workaround for months. I pull out my phone, open the Doorway Delivery app, and solve at least one of my problems this morning. It should arrive about the same time I do.
I look out the window at the waking city and feel…unsteady. I’m used to walking into work wearing my work persona like a suit of armor. It shielded me from anyone knowing much about me, but she’s gone now. Ripped away by a viral news story. Now I’m a singer. A mermaid. A rock star’s latest fling. I’m exposed, and now I’m afraid I may even be a joke. The American nobody who wants to be a duchess. I’m a topic of conversation, and I really don’t like not knowing what’s being said. Dread coils in my gut like a viper waiting to strike. I know I have to look at the news at some point. It’s been gnawing at me since I heard that reporter this morning. I just need to get through today.
Dave pulls into the parking garage at Trans United Tower and stops in the usual place, getting out of the car and opening my door. I get out with much less energy than usual, taking a minute to collect myself and get my bags together.
“Everything all right, Ms. MacArthur?” Dave asks.
I offer him a feeble smile. “Sure, Dave. Just looking forward to Friday.”
He gives me a look like he’s not quite buying it, but I start walking for the elevator. The memory of Zach walking me to this elevator the day he brought me all the takeout food in San Francisco floats to the front of my mind, and my heart skips a beat. I get in the elevator, press the button for the lobby, and close my eyes. I miss him so much it hurts. It’s been barely three weeks, and I hurt just being away from him for a few days. Is that love? I have no idea. I just know I’ve been unsettled since we met, and I can’t seem to get back in my own groove. I feel like I don’t know who I am anymore. Unless I’m with Zach, then I just feel safe and…priceless. But I can’t live my life only to be around Zach. I have to have my own space in this world.
The duchess thing is grating on me. I’m thinking all kinds of thoughts I don’t want to think. I want to go to law school so I can be a lawyer and fight for kids in the foster care system. Kids like me. I have a plan, and that plan does not include garden parties and hosting dinners for thirty. Ash is addicted to anything about the British royal family. I’ve seen plenty of documentaries about all the stately homes, gala balls and charity benefits. It’s laughable to put someone like me in that world. That’s not me. I have to talk to Zach about this.
You weren’t in my plan either, gorgeous, but here we are.
Zach’s words haunt me. He’s so good at just taking things as they come. He’s never unsettled. Maybe that’s what growing up in a functional, well-to-do family gets you. I, of course, would not know.
The elevator doors open, and I walk through our sterile, cold lobby to find the delivery guy with my Starbucks order, who is walking up to the security desk right on time. I collect the order, say thanks, and take the lobby elevators to my floor.
“You’re almost late!” Ms. Taft barks as I walk past her door to put my things down.
That’s called being on time.
I pull her coffee from the drink holder and walk into her office with a forced smile .
“Here you are, Ms. Taft,” I say as lightly as possible, setting the cup on her desk.
She looks up at me from behind her laptop, her eyes roving over my appearance. I’m wearing the Chanel suit she made fun of, and I don’t miss the smirk she gives me. If I waited for her to say thanks, I’d be standing here until I die, so I turn and head for the door.
“I need the draft of the proposal on my desk before you leave today so I can review it first thing tomorrow.”
I turn and give her another forced smile. “Of course.”
Great. So many departments are still dragging their feet. I don’t even have half the content I need to get it ready. Today’s going to be a long day. I’ll be here till at least 8 pm, probably longer.
I turn and walk back to my desk, fighting tears. There’s no way I’m getting to video chat with Max or Zach tonight. Not now.
***
Zach
If spidey-sense was a real thing, I think I’d have it when it comes to Marina. Or maybe I’m just paranoid. Something’s off. I feel it stretching from San Francisco all the way to Los Angeles and into the recording booth at the radio station where we’re finishing an interview. I fidget through the last fifteen minutes of our chat with one of the country’s most popular DJs, getting the side-eye from Rick a few times. Finally, we finish and stand there for a few minutes making small talk with him and his staff before we step out into the hallway.
As usual, radio station employees are milling about just outside the recording booth, waiting to say hello…which also further delays our departure. I feel a hand come down on my shoulder and look over to find Rick giving me a look like he knows exactly what’s going on.
“Why don’t Sam, Jimmy and I go chat with these guys while you step into that hallway and see if you can get Marina on the phone for a few?”
I don’t even try to act like she’s not on my mind, so I give him a guy hug, pull out my phone and stride far enough down the hall that no one can see me. Rick heads the other way with Sam and Jimmy. It’s just after lunch hour, but I’m hoping to catch her at a good time. I dial her number and my heart gets jumpy just hearing it ring.
“Zach?” her honey-sweet voice sounds in my ear. I breathe a sigh of relief.
“Hey, gorgeous,” I say with a stupid smile on my face that she can’t even see. “How’s your day going?”
I hear a heavy sigh and what sounds like a stack of papers being slammed down.
“Not awesome,” she says in almost a whisper. “It’s like the whole office got a memo to put me through the wringer this week.”
“I’m sorry. I wish I could make it better.”
Another sigh. “Well, you’re making it a little better. Just hearing your voice is a nice surprise.”
“What’s going on?” I ask pensively. “Talking about it might make you feel better.”
“I wish I could,” she says. “I’m at my desk and the Evil Queen is in her office, so no details. She’s being a real terror today and I probably won’t get out of here until late. I’m going to have to reschedule my first video call with Max.”
My eyes nearly bulge out of their sockets.
“You’re going to be that late?” I gasp. Her video call was supposed to be well after dinner.
“She wants to review the proposal draft first thing in the morning, which means I have to have it on her desk tonight. And that means I have to harass five different teams into giving me their content before I can put it together. A few of them have already told me they won’t have their parts done until at least 7 pm. I’ll be lucky to crawl into bed by 10 pm.”
I’m not a violent man, but I’m thinking all kinds of bad thoughts about the Evil Queen right now.
“Marina,” I tread cautiously. “Are you sure this job is worth it?”
I wish I could take it back as soon as I say it. Even over the phone, I feel her hackles rising.
“What?” she says quietly. “Do you know how hard I had to try just to get this job? Do you know how many people would kill to work here?”
I cringe. “I didn’t mean it exactly like that.”
“It’s easy for someone with a huge amount of wealth to have the luxury of asking those questions,” she begins tersely, making me mentally curse myself with every syllable. “Not so easy for people like me. Or did you forget about where I came from?”
“Of course I haven’t forgotten,” I say gently. “I’m so proud of you for all you’ve accomplished, love. I just…I could help you, if you’d let me. So you don’t have to struggle so much. So you don’t have to worry so much, or put up with people like this.”
I feel like I dug the hole deeper when I hear her exasperated sigh on the other end.
“This is my fight,” she says determinedly. “I’ve gotten this far without help.”
My gut clenches. “I wish we could have this conversation in person,” I mutter. “What you’ve done is amazing, my darling. But you’re in a relationship now. You don’t have to fight alone. You have a dragon slayer on Team Mermaid, and he’s crazy about you.”
She hesitates, and I swear I hear her relax a little on the other end of the line .
“Zach,” she whispers, a little need laced through her voice.
“Yes, Marina?” I coo back to her.
Come back to me…don’t shut me out.
“I’m sorry,” she sighs. “I’m just tired and frustrated. And I wish you were here.”
My heart wrenches at her desperate tone. “Me too, baby. Just a couple more days.”
“It’s been terrible here,” she says in a low voice. “The Evil Queen is determined to throw roadblocks in my way, giving me stupid errands and extra things to do. And the media’s getting really out of hand.”
My pulse hammers rapidly. “What do you mean?”
“There was a reporter talking about me on the news this morning. She wasn’t very nice about it. And three people in the office have jokingly called me ‘Duchess’ as they’ve dropped work off on my desk today.”
I close my eyes and pinch the bridge of my nose for a minute. I swear, I want to cancel everything and race back up there to be at her side. But I know I can’t do that, and she wouldn’t want me to.
“Ignore them, Marina,” I say gently. “Your colleagues are just jealous, and reporters can be real jerks. They don’t know who we really are, and they never will.”
She’s quiet for a moment as she considers my words.
“Just do me a favor, please?” I beg softly. “Stay away from the news until I come home. Let’s deal with it together.”
“I would love to promise you that, but with the proposal happening this week, I need to have my A-game ready, Zach,” she says as dread pools in my gut. “I need to know what’s being said about me.”
I bow my head. “Siren, please don’t.”
“I’ll watch it with Ash, how’s that? I won’t watch it alone.”
I shake my head. “That still doesn’t make me feel any better.”
“That’s the best I can do for now,” she says with finality .
“Tell me you miss me, Siren.”
She laughs softly on the other end. “Of course I miss you.”
“The next time someone makes a joke or you feel stressed about anything, just think about all the kisses that are going to happen the second you’re back in my arms.”
“Oh?”
I growl a little. “Up your jawline. Down your neck. On your nose. And your mouth…”
She sighs. “What about my mouth?”
“I’m going to worship that mouth, Marina.”
It’s barely audible, but I hear a little whimper.
“Just get back here soon, okay?”
“I will, love,” I say heavily. “I promise. And we’ll talk about everything.”
“After the kissing, please.”
I laugh out loud, feeling a little relieved at that. “After the kissing. I’ll check on you later, all right?”
“Okay,” she says with a much-needed lightness returning to her voice. “Bye for now.”
“Bye for now, baby.”
I disconnect the call and lean against the wall for a moment, unsure of where things are between us right now, and absolutely dreading the idea of her watching the news without me there. But at least I left her thinking about the kissing…so there’s that.
***
Marina
Dave pulls the car up to the front of the Fairmont just before 10 pm. I feel ready to drop. If Zach was here, I’d let him carry me upstairs. I’m that tired. But the proposal draft is on Ms. Taft’s desk, as ordered, so all is well. My stomach growls as I walk across the lobby, but I’m so stressed out right now I don’t even want to think about food. I actually would have skipped lunch, but Merry miraculously appeared at my desk with an order from Nonno’s again. My girls, they take good care of me.
Luckily, Max was very understanding when I told him I had to postpone our video chat. We’ll try again tomorrow night, but I am utterly disappointed that we had to put it off. I swipe my key and enter the suite, hearing Ashley gasp from the living room.
“Finally!” she trots over to me in her pajamas and gives me a worried look. “They’re working you to the bone, Marina. What happened?”
I drop my bags in the entry and purse my lips.
“I believe the word you’re looking for is retaliation, my friend.”
Ash frowns. “Well, that’s ridiculous. Retaliation for what?”
She follows me as I walk into my bedroom, taking my suit off as I go, needing to be in comfy clothes and out of this ridiculous corporate costume as soon as possible. I put the suit in the pile for dry cleaning and grab my yoga pants and Zach’s t-shirt.
I never get tired of this t-shirt. It makes me happy just by looking at it, and I need a little happiness right now.
“For being a viral media sensation that she can’t get rid of?” I answer in a tone much lighter than I feel.
She follows me back to the living room, and we sit on the couch.
“For making it worse by being photographed in the dark with a rock star? And then getting on stage with said rock star and performing at a charity concert? Name it.”
“You can’t let them get away with this,” she says firmly, and I’m glad to see some of the fire back in her eyes. She was so torn up last night.
“They just did,” I say with resignation heavy in my voice. “Tomorrow will be more of the same. ”
She shakes her head at me, her expression incredulous. “I don’t understand.”
I open my mouth to explain, but she holds a hand up. “Do not even bother if you’re going to tell me about the five thousand dollar bonus you might get unless she finds a way to make you fail, which is exactly what she’s trying to do.”
I shrug tiredly. “What am I supposed to do?”
Her eyes go wide. “QUIT! Lean on the people who love you, girl. I can float you on rent. I’ve got a feeling your boyfriend would help if you let him. Has he offered to help you?”
I don’t have to answer. She can see it on my face.
“Marina,” she pleads. “You don’t need these people. Why can’t you let us help you?”
I shake my head. “I’m okay, Ash. I don’t really want to talk about work anymore. How are you feeling?”
She swallows hard, narrowing her eyes at the attempt to shut down the conversation. I know she’s not done, but I just need a little break from it.
“I’m okay,” she says. “I pretty much cried through breakfast, then I got in the shower crying and came out mad.”
I raise my eyebrows. “Mad?”
She nods emphatically. “Mad at myself , for falling for him again. I mean, c’mon, the writing was on the wall the first time he felt smothered. I just didn’t see it. Mad at him for being a poster child for commitment issues. Just mad .”
I reach over and grab her hand.
“I’m sorry he hurt you,” I say softly. “You deserve better.”
Her lower lip trembles for a minute, then she reels in her emotions.
“I do deserve better,” she says. “I think I’m going to spend some time figuring myself out before I jump back in the dating pool, though.”
“That sounds like a smart plan. ”
“I’ve become a meme,” she rants. “You know that one where the person says, ‘Didn’t you see all the red flags?’ and the woman says, ‘I thought it was a parade’? Yep. That’s me. I was at the Greg Parade watching all the red flags go by.”
I reach over and give her a long hug. We stay like this for a while, then she lets me go and pats my knee.
“I’m going to bed,” she says as she stands. “There’s a sandwich platter in the dining room if you’re hungry. I asked Dave to text me when you were leaving the office. It’s fresh.”
I blink back my surprise. “That’s so sweet, Ash. Thank you.”
She pauses at her bedroom door and gives me a long, pointed look.
“You deserve better, too, Marina,” she says softly. “You have a whole bunch of people in your corner, ready to back you up when you need us. That includes Zach, and now your brother, too. It’s okay to need help once in a while.”
I give her a feeble smile and wave goodnight. I turn toward the dining room to grab some food, hoping I can get something down before I pass out. My heart swells at the thoughtfulness of my friend as I see the sandwich platter and a small basket of various bagged chips. There are bottled waters and soft drinks as well. I choose a turkey sandwich, skip the chips, grab a bottle of water and make a beeline for bed. I put everything down on the bedside table, then pad into the bathroom to take off my makeup and scrub my face.
On the way back into the bedroom, I duck into the closet and pull out the pillow I hid from housekeeping. It’s the one Zach slept on the last night we were together. I didn’t want the maids to take it away and leave me with nothing that smelled like him. Kind of pathetic. I feel like it makes me needy, and I hate that feeling. I don’t hate it enough to leave the pillow for the maids to take away, though. I toss it on the bed and land on it like an amoebe, wrapping myself around it and inhaling his familiar scent with wild abandon. My heart squeezes painfully because he isn’t here. I miss him so much. I hate that I miss him so much. And I’m not sure where that leaves us.
After a while, I get up and take a bite of my sandwich. I plug my phone in and close my eyes, trying to mentally run through the events of tomorrow. More edits of documents I’ve already printed and added to the proposal folios, but will need insignificant changes for no reason. More deadlines her teams will miss, causing me to chase after them. More unreasonable demands from the Evil Queen. I’m hoping to get back at a decent hour so I can video chat with Max and then Zach.
Zach.
Only now do I realize I never answered his last text message, which came through as I was just putting the proposal on Ms. Taft’s desk so she could read it first thing in the morning. I pick up my phone and unlock it.
Marina: Sorry, I got sidetracked. I’m back at the hotel. Exhausted and going to bed. I miss you so much. Chat tomorrow. xo
I stretch out beneath the cool, crisp sheets and wrap my arms around my Zach pillow, inhaling one more time. I let that beautiful, beachy scent wash over my frayed nerves as I wonder what on earth I’m even doing with my life…and drift off to a fitful sleep.