Chapter 11 Nina
NINA
“Did you eat a million chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast today?” I asked Noah. “Because you’re full of energy.”
It was our last full day of sailing, so all of the kids were amped up, but something was different about Noah this morning.
He’d walked into the Kids’ Club wearing his backpack on his chest, beaming.
He talked to everyone as we got ready to kick off the day, even the older kids who didn’t always have much patience with the littler ones.
After he’d made his rounds, he shadowed me, helping me hand out the construction paper, glitter, and glue for our morning project. It was like Noah was tethered to me.
Not that I minded.
The change in him suggested growth and confidence, two developments that meant Logan and I were on the right track in helping him heal. He was so different from the broken child he’d been when we set sail.
The part that nagged at me was how sudden his transition seemed. He’d been doing great, making steady progress each day, but what I was witnessing this morning was weeks’ worth of progress overnight. It suggested he’d experienced a major change for the better.
Now I just needed to figure out what it was. Maybe Logan had agreed to keep Ariel?
Noah was still standing right beside me as the rest of the kids got to work creating their sea creatures. He was still wearing his backpack, backward and hugging it to his chest. It made me wonder if he’d smuggled Ariel into the Club.
I gave his shoulder a squeeze, taking care to make sure none of the other kids noticed. I didn’t want to come across like I was playing favorites. I loved all of the kids on board.
I just happened to be super invested in the little one beside me.
“Don’t you want to make something?” I asked him. “I know you have a wonderful imagination.”
He grinned up at me. “Okay.”
He didn’t move, so I knelt down to look him in the eyes.
“Noey, you seem very happy today. Is something good happening in your world?”
He nodded, eyes wide and grin even wider.
“Want to tell me about it? Is there something fun in your backpack?”
He shuffled his feet and looked around. “Did you know that my Daddy can drive this boat all by himself?”
Well, okay then. A non sequitur typical of a six-year-old. I rolled with it despite the fact that I wasn’t sure I believed him.
“Wow, I didn’t know that! Very cool.”
He nodded. “And last night he made up a bedtime story for me that was so funny. It was about a bunny who is best friends with a wolf. They had adventures together in the woods.”
Adorable, and very un-Logan. I wouldn’t have thought the man had the capacity for make-believe. But then again, he kept surprising me.
Noah kept up his chatter. “Did you know my Daddy is very, very tall?”
I chuckled. “Yes, I have noticed that. I bet you’re going to grow as tall as he is. Maybe taller!”
Noah beamed at me. “That’s what he says!”
I noticed that some of the other kids were now watching us.
“Bud, do you want to get started on your project?” I asked. “Because we have lots of other stuff we’re going to do today. We have a full schedule of fun!”
He nodded but kept talking. “Did I tell you that Ariel likes to sleep next to my Daddy on the couch now?”
Okay, that was big news. I assumed Logan would have zero tolerance for small furry things with claws.
This was one update that needed a follow-up question. “Does he like it?”
Noah nodded. “Yup! He said that Ariel is the best kitten on the boat.”
I refrained from saying that she was the only kitten on the boat.
“You like kitties too, right?” he asked.
“Oh yes. Very much,” I replied.
Noah nodded. “Just like my Daddy.”
Noah shifted the backpack.
“Hey, why don’t we put that heavy thing in your cubby? Then it won’t get in the way while you work on your sea creature.”
I reached for it and he sidestepped, eyeing me.
“It’s my work case, like my Daddy’s,” he insisted.
Okay, something was definitely weird. He never talked this much. And why was every word of it about Logan?
I lowered my voice because the kids sitting closest to where we were chatting were locked into our conversation.
“Noah, you’re telling me a lot of interesting stuff about your dad this morning, and I love hearing all of these updates.
But can you tell me why you think I need to know all of this information? ”
Instead of answering, he finally lowered the backpack to the ground and unzipped it, then pulled out a crumpled piece of paper.
He leaned close to me. “Because I want you to stay married to my Daddy!” he whispered. “I’m keeping your driver’s license safe!”
I didn’t have to unfold the document because I knew exactly what he was talking about now. My eyes darted around the room. Just as I’d feared, the eavesdropping kids nearest to us were all open mouthed and locked in.
“Noah, how did you get this?” I asked quietly as I took the certificate from him. I clutched it to my chest.
He shrugged, guilty.
“Did you take something that you weren’t supposed to?”
“I didn’t take it,” he insisted. “I wanted to show it to you!”
Oh, I’d already seen way more than I needed. I grasped his hand and moved with him to a quiet corner of the room, away from little eyes and ears.
“Noah, sweetheart, I’m so happy that you’re so excited about what happened between me and your father. But it’s not something we should discuss with other people around, okay? It’s a family conversation.”
“Wow!” His expression brightened. “You’re my family now?”
Damn it. Bad word choice. I couldn’t feed into the delusion, or it was just going to hurt the sweet boy in the end, especially since he seemed so determined to make it work for us.
In all of my training I’d never encountered a scenario quite like this.
I didn’t have the tools to work through an explaining-a-drunken-accidental-marriage-to-a-child-in-trauma situation.
“I care about you very, very much, Noah,” I responded, hoping that it was enough for him. “But your father and I—”
“I know, I know, he said it’s private, and we can only talk about it in our cabin,” Noah interrupted, all business. “You’re doing a test, to see if you like being married to each other. And when you figure it out, then you get to have a big party. Right?”
I wish Logan had spoken to me about the explanation he’d given his son. But then again, neither of us ever intended for him to find out. Logan probably assumed that telling Noah to keep it quiet would work, but I knew better.
Sweet Noah was looking for any sort of stability, and right now I was his port in the storm. It was natural for him to grab onto someone in a maternal role. That drive for safety and security overrode everything else, even directives from his father.
My hands were getting sweaty. Noah had discovered our sham marriage and was now campaigning to make it real.
I needed to find a lifetime redirect, because there was no way he was going to be able to hold onto the secret.
But we were in the final hours of the cruise. Maybe we could squeak by with no one finding out?
“Your dad is right that we need to keep this to ourselves. Okay? It is private, just between the three of us. Does that make sense?”
Even though I was reiterating what Logan had already told him, I hoped hearing it from me would be enough to make it real for him. We couldn’t have him telling the world his billionaire father was hooking up with the hired help.
After all, we both knew how impossible it would be for Logan and me to stay together.
“Yes, I understand,” Noah answered. “I won’t say it to anyone else. I promise!”
He was almost vibrating with excitement. I doubted he’d be able to stick to his resolution.
Fuck. Logan was going to be pissed when he found out.
“Okay, that’s good. Why don’t you get to work and catch up to everyone else?”
I stood up and started to lead him back to the group.
“I’m a good secret keeper,” Noah insisted. “You’ll see.”
I paused. No, that wasn’t the lesson I wanted him to take away from our conversation. Unfortunately, I knew how dangerous it could be when adults asked children to keep secrets.
I stopped to kneel in front of him again.
“Noey, this isn’t a secret, okay? It’s just something we’re keeping between the three of us until we figure everything out. Does that make sense?”
“Yup!” He skipped in place. “It’s private, like bathroom stuff.”
I cracked a smile. Whatever worked. “Okay, sort of. Yeah.”
He held his hand out. “Can I have the driver’s license back?”
I smiled at him. “Sorry, bud. I’m going to hang onto it and give it back to your dad.”
It was enough to get him to skip over to his chair, which unfortunately was right next to the kids who’d been eavesdropping on us.
“Is Miss Nina your new mommy?” Sienna asked him.
Damn it. I racked my brain to come up with a redirect, but thankfully, Ashley clapped her hands to get everyone’s attention.
“Hey everyone, remember, when you’re finished with your creatures, bring them to me and I’ll help you put popsicle sticks on the back. Because we’re going to do a puppet show at the farewell dinner tonight!”
The room went wild. Thank you for the redirect, Ashley.
It was enough to get the kids refocused on creating their sea creatures, even Noah, so I pulled out my phone and retreated to a quiet corner of the room to text an update to Logan. I noticed that Noah kept his eye on me in between working on his creature.
Noah brought the marriage license to the Club to show me. He’s very excited about it.
The response bubbles popped up immediately.
Fuck. He already found it once and I took it away from him. I guess I didn’t hide it well enough the second time.
I told him that it’s private. Not sure it’s enough to keep him from slipping though.
The bubbles popped up, then disappeared, then began again.
Now that you weighed in I think we’ll be okay. He listens to everything you tell him.
Aw.
We’ve got a busy day today. I replied. I’m hoping he’ll forget about it. I have the license, I can give it to you at the end of the day.
That works. I’ll need it to get the annulment processed once we get back.
Even though it was exactly what needed to happen, a tiny door in my heart slammed shut. I’d always assumed that when I got married, it would be once and forever.
Now, thanks to a drunken night on the town, I was headed to my first failed marriage.
An hour later, we’d finished with our sea creatures, and we began the clean-up process. Ashley and I took care to make sure that each child carried their weight and helped alongside us.
Not that having them “help” made the process go faster.
Sienna knocked over a bottle of green glitter, and I rushed over as quickly as I could, hoping to keep the mess from affecting too many of the other kids.
I knew firsthand just how perniciously glitter could spread.
I’d occasionally find glitter in my uniform pockets even after two times through the washer.
“Sorry,” she pouted and pointed at the mess. “It was an accident.”
“Oh, I know, sweetheart! It’s okay, I’ll take care of it.”
She watched me grab a piece of cardboard to sweep the sparkles off the table.
“Where’s your ring?” She pointed to my hand. “When Barbie gets married, she always gets a pretty ring.”
I let out a long sigh as I continued cleaning. Our not-so-little lie was going to break out of containment if I didn’t come up with the perfect response. I paused to focus on Sienna.
“You’re right, people do get a ring when they get married. But look.” I held up my bare hands. “Do you see any rings?”
Sienna squinted at my fingers, then shook her head.
“I guess I’m not as lucky as Barbie,” I sighed. “But maybe someday!”
It was a lame sidestep, but it didn’t force me to lie to a child.
“But Noah said something about being a mommy?”
I forced myself to laugh. “I accidentally called my teacher mom once. It was so funny. Has that ever happened to you?”
She shook her head. Damn it, why was I being forced to gaslight a six-year-old?
“We need to hurry and finish cleaning this up,” I reminded her as I pointed to the rest of the mess. “Everyone else is beating us.”
Being last was a grave sin with this crew, so Sienna dropped her inquisition and got back to work.
I breathed a sigh of relief and hoped we’d make it through the day without another mention of weddings, rings, or marriage licenses.
But when I saw Noah watching me from across the room with a dreamy smile, I knew we were in for trouble.