Chapter 29
TWENTY-NINE
‘Hi, there.’ Kate was just unlocking the door to the function room when Gracie pitched up.
It was a bright April morning and for the first time in ages Gracie was in a buoyant mood. As she followed Kate in, Gracie thought they must be about the same age. Kate had a perfect, tiny figure, long straight dark hair and an elfin-shaped face. But she looked as tired and strained this morning as she had the day before. When Kate reached up to open a window, Gracie noticed her wince.
‘Let me help. Are you OK?’ These simple kind words were too much for Kate. She swiftly brushed tears away with the back of her hand.
‘It’s nothing, really.’
‘You sit down.’ Gracie ushered Kate to a couple of chairs that were not stacked up with the others in the corner of the wooden function room. ‘I’ll go and get us a coffee. And none of this skinny latte rubbish, I think you need some nourishment.’
Kate was looking at her phone when Gracie came back with the hot drinks in hand.
‘Right, down to business.’ Kate was all official now. ‘I’m Kate Johnson by the way, and it’s Gracie Davies , isn’t it?’
‘Yes, that’s right. And are you sure you don’t want a chat? I’m a good listener, you know.’ Gracie smiled warmly.
‘Like I said, it’s nothing really.’ She took a noisy intake of breath. ‘I had a miscarriage two weeks ago. I was only ten weeks pregnant, so I know it doesn’t really count.’
Tears rushed to both of their eyes.
‘Stop right there, lady. Doesn’t count? Of course it counts. Ten whole weeks is a quarter of a pregnancy.’ Gracie tutted and gave Kate a sad smile. ‘I’m so sorry.’
‘Oh, Gracie, not everyone understands that! My husband thinks I should just get on with it. I’m finding it hard. We had been trying for six months, too. I only have Alice and I’m thirty-nine, so have to be realistic. Time is not on my side.’ Tears started to run down her cheeks.
Gracie reached for a pack of tissues in her bag and handed one over. ‘Bless you. I do totally understand.’
‘Do you have children, Gracie?’ Kate sniffed.
‘The million-dollar and completely heartbreaking question for me. And my standard answer: no, sadly, I don’t.’ Gracie reached for a tissue and blew her nose.
‘You don’t have to tell me anything if you don’t want to.’ Kate took a tentative sip of her coffee through the lid.
‘I need to tell you.’ Gracie took a deep breath. ‘It may help us both. I lost twins, you see, seven months ago now. I was five months pregnant.’ Gracie looked up to keep her own tears from falling.
Kate began to cry again. ‘Oh, you poor girl.’
‘It gets worse. I then had to have a hysterectomy. It’s shit. I’m sad. I miss what could have been. Last month, my boyfriend cheated on me. That’s it in a nutshell, I’m afraid.’
‘I am so, so sorry, Gracie. How the hell do you ever get over that?’
‘I just keep putting one foot in front of the other, I guess.’ Gracie sighed.
‘I think you’re amazingly strong. My little miscarriage is not even worth fretting over.’
‘Don’t let me ever hear you saying that again, Kate Johnson. You’ve still suffered a loss; you are grieving. Five weeks, five months, it makes no difference. You have still lost that life you were going to bring into the world. It’s a huge thing for a woman to go through physically and mentally – heartbreaking, in fact.’
‘I wish everyone understood like you do. It’s like it’s a taboo subject. Stiff upper lip and all that. And then when you do start talking about it, so many women come out of the woodwork, having had miscarriages too.’
‘One in four pregnancies ends in miscarriage. I bet you didn’t know that?’ Gracie felt back in control.
‘No, I didn’t. That’s incredible.’ Kate sniffed then took another sip of coffee.
‘I’m the guru on losing-baby facts,’ Gracie added. ‘I wallowed in misery and self-pity while I was recovering from the hysterectomy.’
‘I can’t even imagine. You poor thing.’
Gracie had held it together for once. She definitely did feel stronger and, at last, that she had a real purpose. She took a slurp of her milky coffee, and put her hand on Kate’s. ‘You, my new friend, have just given me a great idea.’
‘Really?’
‘Yes. I know we need to talk business, but this room already has its first club booked.’
‘It has?’ Kate looked sceptical.
‘I am going to set up a support group. We owe it to our lost babies, at least. Their little energies are still flying around causing mischief, I’m sure. We need to acknowledge that.’
Gracie was excited now.
‘We can have tea and coffee – or vodka and gin, if required. Eat cake and chat about losing babies and how we’re all feeling. It may sound macabre but it’s very necessary, I think. A women’s group with a difference. If it’s OK with you, we could keep it under the SW19 Club banner. We could combine it with exercise classes, too? They’re so important for mental health. I wanted to cling on to my baby weight but it’s not the way forward.’
Kate looked animated. ‘Yes, and we can still do other stuff, like bring small companies in to sell nice gifts, maybe offer talks from experts or people who’ve been through similar experiences.’
‘Yes, yes, yes!’ Gracie was on a roll; she could really see this working. ‘We can charge a token amount for the tea and coffee and then, if people want to come in – my sister, for example, makes and sells amazing handbags – they can pay a fee for renting a table.’
‘It sounds bloody perfect, Gracie. It’s a brilliant idea.’ Kate’s eyes were shining.
‘We can run it weekly. Maybe alternate an afternoon with an early evening, then we are catering for working mums, too.’
‘You’re so thoughtful, Gracie.’
‘It’s not all about ladies who lunch, you know, Kate.’ Gracie gave her a wry smile.
‘I know. I’ve been very blessed not having to work, but blessed and bored to be honest. Can I help you set this up?’
‘Of course you can!’ Gracie enthused. ‘Hopefully, it will help you get through this dark time. And I know it’s a cliché, and you are still feeling raw, but time is a healer.’
Kate smiled. ‘Gracie, you are a complete star.’
Gracie grinned, then said, ‘Do you know, I thought you were uptight and unapproachable when I first met you.’
‘I probably am. I need someone like you to get my feet back on the ground. Let’s talk turkey, so to speak. I would love to make this whole project work for us both.’ Kate lifted her coffee cup and put it next to Gracie’s. ‘Cheers to the new and reformed SW19 Club.’
Gracie smiled widely. ‘Cheers, partner.’