Chapter 49
FORTY-NINE
Another Wednesday, another successful Miscarriage Matters. Gracie was just clearing away the empty tea and coffee cups when she heard a knock at the hut door.
‘Oh, sorry, I didn’t realise you would have finished up this early.’ It was the young girl she had met on the launch day.
‘Hello. Lana, isn’t it? Come on in, it’s fine. I’m just clearing up.’
‘I had a miscarriage,’ the girl said, devoid of all emotion. Her ponytailed hair and knee-length floral dress made her look even younger than her seventeen years.
‘Oh, darling. Sit down.’ Gracie ushered her to one of the round tables and chairs. ‘Tea?’
‘No, no. I don’t want to keep you.’
‘It’s fine. Let me put the kettle on.’
Gracie left her for a moment then came back and put the hot steaming tea in front of her.
‘Sugar?’
‘I’d like to say I’m sweet enough but that’s obviously not the case.’ The young girl weakly smiled. ‘I’ve been drinking, smoking, praying I’d lose this baby. I couldn’t tell my mum, even though you suggested it. And then last week, there were spots of blood and then the most terrible pain I’ve ever experienced. It made me scream. I’ve never seen so much blood. It was awful.’
Gracie knew that pain all too well. ‘You poor thing.’
‘No, I don’t need sympathy. I’m not even sure what I feel. I was so adamant I didn’t want this baby and now I know I’m not having it… well…’ She began to cry. ‘I feel kind of empty. It was almost as if my body knew that I wanted to get rid of it. Do you think a body is that clever?’
‘No. I think if a baby wants to hang on in there then it will regardless of what you throw at it. But don’t feel guilty, Lana.’ Gracie put her hand gently on the girl’s hand.
‘I feel more guilty that you went through the same thing, but you wanted to have them, and I’m talking to you about it.’
‘That’s why I’m here.’ Gracie handed her a tissue. ‘And I’m very flattered that you came back to me.’
‘I feel like I can tell you anything. More than I can tell my mum.’ Gracie realised that at thirty-eight she was old enough to be this girl’s mother. ‘You were so kind to me before. You really made me sit up and think. To be honest, I had arranged to have an abortion. My friend was taking me next week actually. I also feel guilty that I had such terrible thoughts.’
‘Lana, you were justified to. You have your whole life ahead of you now. It’s just a lesson in life. From now on, protect yourself until you’re ready. OK?’
Lana nodded. ‘And getting my education is so important to me. I want to be with someone I love when I have children, too, in the right situation.’
‘Go to university, have the time of your life.’ Gracie smiled. ‘The memory of this will fade. Did you go to the doctor after it had happened?’
‘Yes, he checked me over and everything appears to be back to normal.’
‘Good, that’s a relief.’ Gracie smiled warmly.
‘I’d better go.’ Lana stood up. ‘But thank you. Thank you so much for listening. You really did help me before and now. You’d have made a great mum, you know.’
As Gracie waved her off she felt a bolt of sadness. People telling her she’d make a great mum burnt like a red hot poker straight into her heart. She then thought of Lana saying that she found her easier to talk to than her mum. Maybe, just maybe she had found her calling, just in a different way than she had ever planned.